Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 61

Book Review: The Dom with a Safeword-The Badass Brats

I was introduced to the wonderful world of the Badass Brats thanks to my friend and reading buddy Shannon. She stumbled across a great series on Amazon and after she read the first book-The Dom with a Safeword, she quickly shared it with me and told me to read. Not when I get the chance, or finish whatever book I was reading, but NOW. So, I did and I am SO HAPPY that I did! Co-authors Sorcha Black, Leia Shaw, and Cari Silverwood created a wonderful place with a great story, great characters, and a lot of great kink!

The Dom with a Safeword opens up with roommates and good friends Sabrina and Q as they are checking out what they think is an abandoned and haunted property. Sabrina is big on ghost hunting and Q is there because well, she has the hots for her very straight roommate. While searching the property, they stumble across Jude, a dominant, who’s renting the property for the summer before having to start med school at his father’s request.

After the little run-in between the three on Jude’s property, he runs into the two girls again at a heavy metal concert in the mosh pit, after Q hits the floor. As Jude is checking Q over, making sure she doesn’t have a concussion, he realizes just how attractive he finds both Sabrina and Q. As a way to keep Q from returning to the mosh pit area, he promises to allow Sabrina to come back to his house and check for paranormal activity. Of course Sabrina jumps at this opportunity and says yes.

When Sabrina and Q find themselves back at Jude’s house for the second time, this is when things start getting interesting. The three of them get to know each other better and while Sabrina and Q are wandering around the upstairs of the house looking for paranormal activity, they stumble across Jude’s toys. Sabrina is a little more freaked out by this discovery than Q is then Jude finds the two girls. He has Sabrina bring him a pair of cuffs and puts them on her. Once that happens, she quickly slips into subspace and while Q watches on, she tells Jude he has to share Sabrina with her and this piques Jude interest, but refuses to do anything until Sabrina consents. After Sabrina says yes, Jude hands her over to Q.

After this brief scene, the three of them discuss the idea of being together during the summer. Jude would be dominant to both Sabrina and Q, and Q dominating Sabrina. Since Jude and Q both already have knowledge of the lifestyle and Sabrina not really knowing much of anything, so the three of them do a lot of talking and also fill out checklists to make sure everything is

Despite this being a summer only thing, the platonic feelings that all three had for each other begin to turn into something more, something a lot more. Jude is regretting the promise he made to his father about attending medical school and both Sabrina and Q are questioning their feelings towards each other and wondering what’s going to happen to their relationship when the summer ends.

As Jude packs up the farmhouse, everyone is miserable. All three of them see their lives, loves, and happiness ending. Each one does what they think is the best way to cope, whether it’s the safe way to do so or not. Will Jude, Q, and Sabrina find their happiness once again or will their lives always be empty of love and joy being all together brought them?

There are several reasons why I love this story. One is the characters. All three, Jude, Sabrina, and Q are all so relatable. They all have their insecurities and fears and quirks, something that readers can relate to and they’re all so diverse. Two, the authors make sure to talk about checklists being done and limits being discussed, which sometimes gets brushed over in other books. The third reason, they’re writing about a poly relationship. This is something that just isn’t really written about and I love how they show the struggles of making a poly relationship work and how beneficial it can be if all parties involved are willing. Of course, there’s some freaking hot scenes going on while Jude shows Q and Sabrina just who’s boss and Sabrina and Q make sure Jude know he’s bit out numbered.

You can find Sorcha Black, Leia Shaw, , and Cari Silverwood all on Facebook as well as the Badass Brats to keep up with all their shenanigans(and I promise you, there are a lot!) You can buy The Dom with a Safeword on Amazon and on Barnes and Noble in both physical and ebook forms.

Tequila R’s Rating: 10/10
Paperback: 294 Pages
Publisher: WC Press; 1 edition (October 25, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1483983730

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Published on February 27, 2015 07:00

Ask lunaKM – Detailed Definitions to Save a Relationship

Dear lunaKM,

I am married to my Dom and I live him with ask my heart and always to the best of my ability do what he asks of me. I introduced him to this lifestyle and have tried many times to explain the roles we both have that keeps us both wanting to be our best and performing to the best of our abilities. We are falling apart and I’m so broken by the possible end of our relationship. The thing is I do my part 100 and all I ask for is that he respect me and treat me good, I deserve earn and need it. Is there any way you could post an in-depth definition/description of each role. I’ve tried to find it online but can’t and I’m hanging by the very last shredded thread of life trying to keep us together. Please help me my heart is shattered and I’m completely broken and not in a good way.

Celest

Celest,

I can understand the heartache you have in your letter asking for my advice. You feel lost and desperate for something to answer your crumbling relationship. Unfortunately I don’t think all the definitions in the world can help you. No matter what I could give you for definitions of the roles in D/s that most important thing for anyone is to make their own definitions.

I don’t say this to be cruel, but if he’s not a Dominant then you can’t make him be one. Just telling him what a Dom is and what a sub is isn’t going to miraculously turn him into one. He has to want to do the work involved. You could talk until you are blue in the face and if he’s not into being a Dominant then you can’t change him.

You mention that he’s not respecting you or treating you well and that to me has nothing to do with D/s. Your relationship has to start with trust and respect before D/s can be added on top of it. I think you need to start with the trust and respect issues before you worry about definitions.

I suggest you sit him down when nothing else is going to distract you and talk about your issues. Leave the D/s out of it and really talk about the basis of the relationship and what is failing. You need trust, you need respect you need to be treated a certain way. Ask him how you can both work towards getting what you need. Listen to him when he also lists what he needs from you. This is a two-way street. And if you can’t talk about it now, what makes you think you can add D/s and get open discussion then?

If you are struggling as much as you say, maybe it’s time to get some couple’s counseling. A third party working for the betterment of both of you could help you open up and talk about the issues at hand. Once your marriage is solid perhaps you can add the D/s elements back in that make you both happy.

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 25, 2015 07:00

M/s in Black and White

It’s not uncommon for a black person entering the Lifestyle to wonder, is it acceptable for me as a black woman (or man) to have or serve a white Master? The short answer to this question is – yeah! We all can pursue the dynamics that we desire with whom we desire. But there’s obviously far more to unpack regarding the root of the question; this post will address that baggage. Of course, these are simply my thoughts, as a woman who’s black and identifies as slave.

History hurts; peer intimidation sucks…

Let’s address the huge pink elephant in the room – historical slavery in America and all the atrocities associated with it. For many black men and women coming to the Master/slave lifestyle historical slavery in the Americas and the resulting racial tension and injustices is something that can’t be overlooked. Add to that the concerns one may experience while considering serving a white Master, and it becomes a pretty anxious mix. Nowadays, the Trans-Atlantic slave trade and African-American enslavement is thought to be something that is far removed from our more recent history. Not so. Though the Emancipation Proclamation was issued in January of 1863, the enslavement of African-Americans in the United States wasn’t officially abolished until December 6, 1865 via the 13th Amendment. To help put this in prospective in terms of generations, allow me to use my maternal line as an example:

blyss → Mama 1940 → Grandpa 1907 → Great-grandpa 1882 → Great-great grands – freed slaves

In the late 1800s, Jim Crow Laws (laws that enforced segregation and the continued dehumanization of African-Americans) were created and enforced until 1965. I’m a part of the first generation of my family that hasn’t experienced slavery and/or the effects of Jim Crow Laws directly.

And there was still more work to be done…

Interracial marriage in the United States was deemed a violation of the law until a decision was made on the Loving v Virginia case on June 12, 1967 (June 12 came to be known as Loving Day). The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Virginia’s anti-miscegenation laws were unconstitutional, thereby overturning earlier rulings in other cases across the country that upheld such laws and so interracial marriage finally became legal… in 1967… less than 50 years ago, at the time of this writing. Did you know anti-miscegenation laws had been in effect since colonial times? So, if for no other reason, America’s history alone can cause one to experience some level of trepidation when considering an interracial Master/slave dynamic.

There is another reason that causes concern and that is peer intimidation and/or social pressure. This is something that actually touches on not only choosing an interracial relationship, but also choosing the M/s path. Make no mistakes about it peer intimidation exists in every culture in some form around the world and in some way has touched each of our lives. There were two conversations I remember having with two different friends who were not only pro-black but quite the feminists. In one of the conversations I was accused of doing ‘white people’ stuff as far as my involvement in (and enjoyment of) BDSM. In the other conversation my then friend was ranting about women submitting to men, and how black women need to have a back bone and so on… And there I was wondering, what would she say if she knew I wanted to submit to a man and serve him with everything in me? Would she go off on me? And in that moment, I felt a touch of shame in having the desire to serve and submit. And that secret shame would nag at me from time to time early on in my slave walk.

While these examples seem innocuous, they left an imprint. In my mind, blood relatives aren’t the people I chose, but my friends are; I want my friends to accept me – slave and desire to serve and all. There were stereotypes and incorrect premises that had to be confronted – ‘white people stuff’ and submission = weak and spineless. For many black people in America there’s a stigma against doing ‘white people stuff’ and being slavish in any way. After all, the term that is used for a Total Power Exchange (TPE) in the Lifestyle is Master and slave, not something delectably palatable like Milk and cookies. We’ve appropriated the terms ‘Master’ and ‘slave’ to best identify the consensual relationship style/dynamic between two people.

Reframing and creating a paradigm shift

The baggage that I carried with me the first several years of being involved in the Lifestyle community was managed through compartmentalizing internally and waffling. The very first play session I had was with a white couple that allowed me to visit some weekends, and I’d be chained to the bed at night and during the day there were some tasks. But when I wasn’t there, I simply wasn’t there. I had a ‘black life’ with a bunch of pro-black causes, Afrocentric clothes, and natural hair. And I scoffed at the idea of ever being a slave, period. It wasn’t until after understanding that what was really in my heart was to be and live as a slave did I realize I had some learning to do.

It was important for me to get a larger view of slavery beyond America. Historically, what were other styles of slavery? Were they all so brutal and dehumanizing? Where slaves ever valued relationally? What other forms of service existed? This was important for me so that the terminology (and S&M experienced with whites), though appropriated, wouldn’t be so loaded with racial stigmas in my mind. And you know what? For me this worked. Firstly, it allowed me to simply be and live as a consensual slave. Secondly, it allowed me to comfortably form relationships in the M/s community with whites. Instead of always seeing the past, I can plumb the depths of TPE with like minds – which is a unifying mission because we all want our relationships to be successful and fulfilling! Yes, the history is very clear in my head, however, it’s not a history that dictates my relationships. If it did, that would only perpetuate the negatives.

What really matters: Compatibility!

Choosing to serve a Master because he’s white (and vice versa) isn’t something that will sustain a relationship – it may sustain a fetish, but not a relationship. There was a Master (white) who once said to me that he wanted to have a black slave and an Asian slave… That was so flaky to me because the desire was based solely on race/culture, not compatibility and the quality of service a slave could provide him. Choosing a compatible Master is what’s relevant, regardless of race/ethnicity, that’s really the bottom line. Yes, there may be issues to work through, cultural and otherwise, but that’s a part of life and having relationships – we work through the issues, misunderstandings, and miscommunications in order to keep the relationship thriving.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 24, 2015 07:00

Submissive Frenzies

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

Submissive Frenzies are a state or condition that many if not all submissives will experience at one time or another. Many aspects of BDSM are similar to addictions in how they play out in the mind. From that perspective the Frenzies can be considered to be the ‘withdrawal’ stage. The peculiar thing about this is that a submissive need not ever have engaged in a real life D/s BDSM experience to actually go into this state of need. Generally the very first experience a submissive will have will be prior to ever engaging in a real life D/s event. Many submissives can chronicle a ‘longing’ or unspecified ‘need’ which may have begun when they were quite little. This sensation was always present though generally unacknowledged or openly reviewed. In many cases the submissive was not able to identify the source of this sensation. It simply made them restless and on occasion subject to frustrated outbursts.

With the ‘finding’ of the D/s BDSM community many submissives feel a corresponding ‘surge’ of excitement. Suddenly they sense or feel that this is the source. The realization or identification of this can be both positive and negative. For many there is a period of denial, anger, repugnance, fear, hesitation, temerity and hope. All of these emotions seem to occur simultaneously leaving behind confusion and anxiety. All at once they begin to ‘sort’ the events and motivations that have occurred over their entire lives. Seeing the patterns, the hints, the presence of their desires in so many different ways. It explains previous unexplainable actions they may have taken and views the actions of themselves and others from an entirely different standpoint. As they begin to process all of this new information they become fully aware that the source of all those suppressed needs and desires is attainable. Not only that but in a fairly accessible in a timely manner.

What occurs next is a mad dash or race toward ‘finding’ that special person who can attend to those so long unattended needs coupled to a desperate desire to gather more and more information. This often triggers or propels the initiation of a state of frenzy. This is an increasing and progressive sensation of ‘need’. Fairly quickly the submissive may discover that ‘getting their fix’, becomes supremely important in their lives. It can leave them irrational, willing to make poor decisions, rash, impulsive and generally stupid. A submissive in a frenzied state is at their most vulnerable to succumbing to the ploys of those less than admirable. They may become easily enthralled, believe themselves ‘in love’, willing to give over anything (almost literally) in order to fill that enormous void in their life.

Contact with a Dominant, almost any kind will tend to rivet their attention. The very first gift that the submissive gives away here is their common sense. The sensations piggyback, by this I mean that the submissive upon discovering the community and all the excitement and feelings surrounding ‘finding their home’, may easily pile on their ‘desire’ for completion and pounce on the first candidate that comes along as being ‘the one’. They invest everything, believe everything and leap at the opportunity. Too often they discover they have grabbed at a tin ring instead of a brass one, they have some sort of nasty or unpleasant experience and step back trying to discover what is wrong in their new world.

In addition, a submissive who has detached from their Dominant will slowly but surely go into a state of need. This is in my opinion a naturally occurring state by which the submissive projects their availability and desire for a new mate. I should also mention that the experiences within the relationship are in many ways addictive. The state of natural euphoria that a submissive may experience during a scene can set off a hunger to experience that again. This is identical to the introduction of any addictive drug chemistries into the body, the same symptomatology in many ways.

A submissive in a pre-frenzy need state will often become very alluring, flattering, flexible. They will mirror the apparent ‘needs’ of the Dominant they are talking to in order to appear to be the perfect candidate for a future alliance. Though the submissives in general do not tend to lie here, many only present partial truth’s. One said to me, “you have to ask me the right question”. This leads to multiple problems including a submissive attaching to a Dominant that is completely unsuitable for them.

As I noted earlier this state of frenzy can occur at any point in a submissive’s life and is not limited to the new submissive. In fact, it occurs sometimes even stronger in more seasoned submissives. They have a need that they recognize as perhaps to ‘have their edges taken off’, and they know exactly how that can be done through their own experience. The difference is that the older submissive can then ‘evaluate’ what part of their need is pressing upon them. Many then learn to go to a Dominant they are not bonded to and ask this person they trust (often as a good friend) to relieve their physical need (play). Many Dominant’s (experienced ones) will be willing to assist or aide their friend knowing that keeping the submissives edges down will allow that submissive to retain the majority of their rational functions while they are seeking their next mate. This action ‘reduces’ the submissives vulnerability.

From a Dominant’s standpoint it is preferable to discourse with a submissive who is in their best condition. It is very important for the Dominant to learn to recognize the symptoms of frenzy and allow for the premise that the submissive’s judgment may be impaired when speaking with them. This allowance should propel detailed questions. Also the Dominant should give ‘few’ hints as to what they may be looking for. In this way the submissive is more likely to reveal themselves as they do not have a guide to go on. By this I mean that the Dominant should take control and ask what the submissive is looking for instead of offering or directing the submissives attention as to what the Dominant is seeking. In this way the Dominant can generally get a clearer picture of where that submissive is in truth. In addition I believe that the Dominant should not allow the submissive to thrust their ‘submissiveness’ at them, instead they should require the submissive to respond to them in neutral or top space as an equal from one human to another. This means that allowing a submissive to use an honorific title when addressing the Dominant should be something that submissive should earn the right to do after a period of time. In example . . . I am not every submissive’s Mistress. The right to call me Mistress is something in my real life that I grant seldom and means that this submissive is special to me.

By taking this action the Dominant forces the submissive into a less vulnerable state when conversing with them. Somewhat like drinking coffee to wake someone up. It is also saying that submission is something I (as the Dominant) may allow you to present to me. It is not something I will allow you (as the submissive) to force upon me.

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 23, 2015 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

I’ve had some bad luck with gluten contamination this week. I’ve glutened myself twice. So I’ve been pretty sick most of the week with the all over body flu that I get from eating just the tiniest, microscopic amount. I’ve had almost migraine strength headaches for 3 days and I’m still icky today from Friday’s ingestion so it’s likely I’ll have to take a day off tomorrow.

We had an amazing week here on the site with the debut of Blyss’ ebook “Single in the Scene“. I hope you’ve rushed off and purchased your copy!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the Servers

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Identifying as Monogamous in a Poly Dynamic
Feeling down after a play session? by moonlight
Live Singlehood Vibrantly with Blyss’ New Book – Single In the Scene
A Day in the Life: cyberkittenXLS

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Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – A Beginner’s Guide to D/s

Is there a beginner’s guide I can read to tell me what I am supposed to d and what to expect with this? I met a Daddy Dom and he wants me to be his Daddy’s Girl. But I would like to know more about this life before I move to be with him, Any help is greatly appreciated. I have tried researching it and some stories are horrifying , I just want to make sure I know the real deal before I turn ver my ownership papers to him. — new little girl

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: Book Review: Natural Law: 2 (Nature of Desire) by Switchy
In 2013: Are They In Your Head Yet? – Listening to Your Internal Dom
In 2012: I Don’t Want to Complain Too Much
In 2011: DIY: How to Make a Duct Tape Flogger
In 2010: When it is Okay to Top From the Bottom

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: February 24th, 2015

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

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Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Do you make BDSM toys? What are your favorites thus far?
What was the last lesson you took to heart? How did you learn it? What makes it memorable?
Does your owner allow and encourage you to pursue your own dreams/goals?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The Fearless Submissive

TFS- Episode 55

22 Feb 2015, 1:46am GMT

→ The Fearless Submissive

julie_R, SirRedemption and serviceslut talk about consentual nonconsent, power exchange and obedience. This is part 1 of 2 part episode.

MP3 audio (48MB, 52min)

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Published on February 22, 2015 10:00

A Day in the Life: cyberkittenXLS

This is a guest post by cyberkittenXLS for the A Day in the Life Series.

I will preface this by saying there is not really a “typical” day for me as I work 2 part-time retail jobs. That being said let’s assume I work afternoon to evening for this…

I wake up to our toddler’s voice over the monitor. (Usually “Ok mommy, I’m done. Get up!”) I undo the single leg restraint Master has me wear at night (as attaching it to my collar could be dangerous) and throw on some sort of clothing. After getting her up and her getting Daddy up I retrieve clothes for Master and had to the kitchen. I prepare breakfast for our ravenous daughter and Master if he getting up right away. Mine is eaten standing up usually as I square things away in the kitchen.

The rest of the morning is spent between light cleaning, child care and family time. I am not yet in full-on kitty mode, you see, since our kid is up.

I make lunch for all three of us and eat with the family before rushing to get ready for work (dress, food for my meal break etc.) Kiss everyone goodbye and… that’s it until I get home, really. I work in a deli at our local grocery store and at the hardware store next to it as a cashier/ stock girl while Master stays home and watches our daughter. It may be an unusual arrangement… stay at home dad/Dom however it works for us. Only other note is both jobs don’t care if I wear my collar which I now only take off to bathe. It is a thin nylon dog collar (as in Master got it in a pet store) with a Celtic-ish design on it and a few jingle bells hanging from the conveniently large O-ring.

When I get home I usually put Bug to bed and then my service truly begins. I usually am ordered to Master’s feet at once to remove shoes/socks and massage, then to please him orally for a bit. Usually at this point he tells me what state of (un)dress kitty should be in. I do a good clean of the living and dining rooms, stopping for any of Master’s needs.

Then I might get some “dot time” (chasing a laser pointer about, a good way for me to get in kitty mindset) or some little time coloring. The evening will vary from watching a movie cuddled up to playing video games usually. A lot does depend on my mindset… if I am feeling “little” things may go more childlike. If I’m feeling catlike then I might just want to amuse myself with my cat toys. Usually I’m a mixture , as likely to express myself in mews as words, varying amounts of lovey. I am a very cat-like girl, y’know.

The only thing that ever gets in the way is if I’m having a bad Arthur (arthritis) day. Yes I’m 27, however genetics dealt me a bad hand and I’ve lived with osteoarthritis for 12 years now. If my knees are bad Master doesn’t have me do so much “on the floor” things and I’m likely to be sitting on the couch with him.

I always end up making Master an egg sandwich before bed, just right. I guess this is my version of coffee service Luna talks about (Master doesn’t like coffee very much.)

At bed-time bed time things occur (sometimes but not always involving a bit of S&M, always a bit of D/s), then I fasten my leg restraint and curl up next to Master with him scratching behind my ears, warm and safe.

cyberkittenXLS is a 27 (yikes) year old mother of one with Asperger’s, Borderline and a wonderful personality. She has been pet to her fiance/lover/best friend of over a decade for a year now. She classifies herself as a little neko slave . She can be reached by email at cyberkitttenonline@gmail.com, or her brand-spanking new blog at cyberkittenxls.sensual-service.com

Would you like to tell us what a typical day is like in your submissive life?
This series will present to you another submissive's typical day of service to their Dominant so you can walk in their shoes for awhile. It's fun to learn and grow and understand where others are coming from. Do you have a story to share? This series is an ongoing one - so please feel free to send me your Day in the Life stories. Check out this post for requirements and how to send them to me!

If you'd like to see who else has participated, this post has the current list.
Related Posts:
A Day in the Life: WKslittleone
A Day in the Life: Tlbsab
A Day in the Life: Pam
A Day in the Life: fuzzyP
What’s a Day in Your Life as a Submissive Like?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 20, 2015 07:00

Live Singlehood Vibrantly with Blyss’ New Book – Single In the Scene

Take your submission to the next level while embracing the single life

As a single submissive you don’t have to spend every day trying to find a partner and lamenting your single status, you can learn to embrace your single life from someone who has done it all before and can show you how to use every strength to make your submission powerful.

In this 50 page eBook, slave blyss guides you through understanding single submission and creating a powerful, fulfilling experience in your submissive journey.

Explore Submission and Prepare for a Relationship

Single in the Scene helps you embrace submission and it’s perfect for you if you are:

newly submissive: you don’t know what you are looking for yet but you know you need confidence to learn and grow in submission.
fresh out of a relationship: you are healing and moving forward and not ready to partner up again.
committed to explore while single: you love being single and want to embrace submission as an adventure to understanding yourself.
feeling lost: you see a wide world ahead of you and need help organizing your thoughts and desires.
Address the Issues Unowned Slaves Face as You Navigate Lifestyle Waters
Establish boundaries for self-preservation.
Work through the deep yearning period of singlehood to reap the benefits.
Learn what services you can potentially offer that you never realized.
Understand how a slave resume can give you an edge in finding a potential partner.
Transform your submission and make positive change!
Write formal and informal petitions for potential partners.
Open your heart and be vulnerable again.
Attending events while single.
Seek contentment.
What’s in this eBook?

Over the course of 10 essays, slave blyss shares her experience and understanding about being a single submissive and how to find joy in the moments as you prepare for a potential relationship.

Boundaries: Self-Preservation is your Responsibility
Service
The Slave Resume
Petitioning
The Truth about Singlehood
Transformation Happens
Vulnerability
The Unaccompanied Slave
Being Content Where You Are

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Published on February 19, 2015 10:00

Submissive Chat Night – Free Chat

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday night for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be free chat. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 02/24/15 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Free chat

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 19, 2015 07:00

Ask lunaKM – A Beginner’s Guide to D/s

Dear lunaKM,

Is there a beginner’s guide I can read to tell me what I am supposed to d and what to expect with this? I met a Daddy Dom and he wants me to be his Daddy’s Girl. But I would like to know more about this life before I move to be with him, Any help is greatly appreciated. I have tried researching it and some stories are horrifying , I just want to make sure I know the real deal before I turn ver my ownership papers to him. — new little girl

Dear new little girl,

There are a lot of books on BDSM that can help you learn more about BDSM and D/s relationships, however what you and your Dom can expect from this is unique to your relationship. In general terms you can expect him to be in charge and you to submit. Check out my recommended reading list and all the reviews on the site of books that might interest you and help you learn more about D/s.

Beyond that it requires a lot of talking about your wants and needs and negotiating what you want the relationship to look like. If you don’t know your wants and needs I suggest you head over to the ebooks section of the site and pick up my Wants and Needs guide. It is set to pay what you like so if you are tight on funds that one is free.

Also, the free ecourses I have on this site are helpful for novices as well. You can find them on the ecourses page. I’ve had a lot of positive praise on the Beginning BDSM and Starting Out courses.

There will always be horror stories, but there are a lot of good endings too. The only way you know you have the real deal is if you take the time to learn who they are as a person, learn about who you want to serve and who you are going to be in the relationship. Take your time and don’t move forward until you are ready and comfortable with how things are progressing. It’s your life and your relationship, make sure you help make it what you want of it.

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 18, 2015 07:00

Feeling down after a play session?

One weekend, my Dominant and I had a number of really great scenes. No matter what we were doing, we were deeply connected to each other and it was blissful. I can’t even remember what we did but I remember the high I felt I was soaring on no matter what else we were doing that weekend.

Then came Monday (as Monday’s do).

He went back to the office and worked some long, busy hours. I was at home, doing all the usually cleaning and cooking tasks. As the day progressed, I felt more and more sad. I had trouble focusing on what I needed to do and confusion because we just shared some really great time together – what did I have to be sad about.

This was my first experience with sub drop. We can get really good at being in those wonderful feelings that sometimes, when we come back down to our “normal” even emotional state, we go a little further down than intended resulting in sadness, confusion, loss of focus, or even anger, disconnection, and frustration.

It took me almost a day and a half of these feelings before I stopped and even reflected on my own feelings. I opened up my journal and just started to write… “I have no idea why I am sad again today. We had this great time together on the weekend and…” then it hit me like the proverbial brick wall. Subdrop! I had read about you earlier, maybe that is what I am experiencing here.

Our Dominants are amazing at caring for us. When they aren’t around, we can forget to keep up that level of care (you know that is what they would want for us). And that is what would help reduce the experience of sub drop. During that first episode, this is what helped me get through it.

1) Free writing. Like I said, I opened that journal and I wrote my heart out. Even if it makes no sense in the moment, let yourself get out everything that needs to be said. Sometimes when it is out of our head and in front of our eyes, we can understand what is happening with a little clarity.

2) Chat with another submissive friend. A dear friend and I were at a class together and I just let it slip that my Dominant and I had some great play earlier that weekend and I was feeling some serious sub drop and working my way back out of it. Knowing I had someone to talk to who understood the confusion was incredibly helpful. If you don’t have a friend in real life, the internet can create that avenue to meet like-minded people. You may want to try the chat forum here on SubmissiveGuide.com or maybe head on over to the FetLife group.

3) Add in the self-care. To get my head in the game again, I had to treat myself the way my Dominant would. I took extra care in picking good foods (and even a little bit of chocolate), I went to bed at a decent hour, made sure I got outside for a walk, took a shower and didn’t mind if it was a little longer than usual. I even lit some candles that make the house smell wonderful. Once that started to happen, the urge to clean and cook came back. I wanted my outside to reflect the goodness I was starting to feel again inside.

4) Talked to my Dominant. This was a big one because we were new but He needed to know. He started to make sure he would call or message more often after play sessions to make sure I was feeling loved and supported, even if He couldn’t physically be home. He has added some more aftercare and I am more aware of when I need a few more cuddles or some quiet time to find my equilibrium.

If you are feeling down after a play session, I want you to know that you are not the only one. You are not crazy. And more importantly, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It is part of what we need to do in order to serve our Dominants. We have to look at ourselves through their eyes and help them care for their treasures.

Have you ever experienced sub drop? What are your tell-tale signs that you need a little more TLC?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 17, 2015 07:00