Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 56

A Personal Story About Discovering and Testing Limits

This is a guest post by MermaidHooked.

The scene is built upon personal limitations and the ability to be self-aware in the midst of dangerous situations we willingly put ourselves in for the goal of receiving and giving pleasure. Finding and voicing limits can often times be the most daunting part of the BDSM lifestyle. It can be intimidating at first, when you are new to the scene. I can recall my early days when my response to “what are your limits?” sounded something like “no kids, no animals, otherwise I’m good.” The recollections that I have about my early negotiations came across as minimal, uneducated, and insincere due to the fact that I had no idea what my limits were. In those days I was more concerned with being liked and getting play than being honest with myself about what I really wanted. Discovering limits is almost as innocuous and confusing as exploring the kinks and fetishes we do want to play with.

Some limits may be obvious to an individual. Some are not so obvious. My personal mantra when it comes to limits or certain aspects of play I’m not initially thrilled with is “try it three times.” When I realized I didn’t like something I owed it to myself to know why I didn’t like it instead of discarding it in an instant. I have a methodically brain, and when I am met with an element of play I’m not in love with I need to know why in order to process, and learn more about my reactions and feelings.

One example of this phenomenon would be my first experience with the violet wand. At first, I had a curiosity to know what it felt like, and when I finally experienced it I found the feeling annoying. It got under my skin and reminded me of the tickling I received as a child that I so much hated. Even though my first encounter wasn’t heaven, I was still open to the idea of trying it again in another setting, with another person. Sometimes the use of a toy, idea, roleplay, etc. can be unsatisfactory not because of the implement but because of the person, the environment, or the energy of the scene.

Taking my advice I tried the violet wand again in a completely new setting, with new purpose, and with new energy for an electric branding. The branding had a completely new feeling than the harsh electrical prickling of the violent wand in its original form. Instead of a direct contact buzz, the violet want was used to transfer electricity through my body, and the man who branded me used a metal tool to etch stars into my flesh. It was such a transcendental experience. I couldn’t imagine loving the violet wand before this experience, but it was used in a mind altering way that utterly changed my perspective on it entirely.

Recalling the last time I came into contact with a violet wand, my third try, had more of a lighthearted mood. It tickled! It tickled mercilessly, but instead of resisting, I gave into the ridiculous feeling of electricity striking my skin. I giggled, laughed, and howled from the pulsing electric tickles! It may have appeared to those outside of the scene that I was severely harmed by the touch of the violet wand, but by the end of our play I was panting, and sighing like a child after a tickle fight.

This last experience was so unlike the others. My first contact with the violet wand was triggering, and rather close-minded. My second experience was mood altering and beautiful. Thirdly I decided to let go completely and give into the terrible tickling sensation that I have grown to both hate and love! My personal experience with finding and expressing limits has been eye-opening and illuminating. I have come to terms with so many ways to embrace and reject experiences I’ve encountered by doing so with an open mind and heart. I believe that is most important when I can be honest with myself about what I want in a scene and what I absolutely do not want. By knowing with certainty what is a limit I am more comfortable to discuss them with potential partners.

Limits can manifest themselves in many different ways. I truly believe that we grow from our experiences in the lifestyle by how we are able to experience and process them with an open mind. I tend to be more open-minded than I was 5 years ago when I entered the scene. I believe that my kinks have varied all through those 5 years. Many experiences that I had pegged as limits my first year are what I enjoy most about my BDSM scenes today.

-MermaidHooked is a writer, poet, burlesque performer, and adventurer. Michigan kinkster, submissive sadomasochist.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on May 04, 2015 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

May is a busy month for KnyghtMare and I. I mentioned to him this week that every single weekend is full of travel or visits to places or kinky conventions. I’m ready, but always dreading the recovery time once we get a moment’s peace. How is May for everyone else?

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Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

BDSM Basics – What Your First Date Might Look Like
When Play is No Longer Play by andyiccee
Book Review: 50 Shades of Curious by Bo Blaze by tequilarose
Cyber Realities by Mistress Steel

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – Should I contact my deceased partner’s secret submissive?

I was in an intense, committed relationship for four years. This relationship had bdsm elements and I am realizing while reading articles on your SubGuide site that it was indeed a bdsm relationship. In addition to our romantic relationship we also worked together however we lived separately. During our relationship there were power struggles resulting in my withdrawal from the relationship usually around the same topic: his secrecy/evasiveness. Our love was quite strong despite these issues and we both “blossomed” while together; there was a pretty constant field of positive energy between us.

He recently passed away and when he was ill I helped to take care of him. During that time I had access to his telephone and his computer and discovered voice messages, numerous late-night calls, and text messages from a woman. They ended their communications with “I love you infinity much”.

I don’t know the nature of this relationship and all kinds of thoughts are churning in my head. After reading many posts on your site about “secret submissives”, I believe this was indeed the nature of their relationship however I am tempted to contact her to find out for sure.

Question: shall I contact her? She also may not be aware of his passing.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: Exploring Hormone Junkies: Part 2 – Oxytocin by erika mcclean
In 2013: Tips on How to Attend a BDSM Convention on a Budget
In 2012:
In 2011: Establishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk
In 2010: The Newness of It: Understanding a Relationship

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Does your owner assign you writing tasks? How have they helped your submission?
How important are manners to your owner? Are there any you’ve had to learn or relearn since being owned?
If a slave is released and then the Master wants her back should she go back? Would it depend on the reason for release?
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Featured Podcast of the Week – People of Kink

MistressLA

3 May 2015, 5:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

This is a look at a kinkster who has not been shaped by FetLife or by the local community. She made her own way thru relationships and figuring it our by herself. It just goes to show that people can be kinky in any way the want to be. There are so many paths to being kinky. None is the one true way.

MP3 audio (71MB, 62min)

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Published on May 03, 2015 10:00

Cyber Realities

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

In many ways this seems like a contradiction in terms. However, it cannot be overlooked that the advent of the Internet has opened the access into the BDSM community in ways completely incomprehensible just a few years ago. Along with this new technology has come new issues, dangers and problems. In many ways the community itself was completely unprepared for this onslaught. People resist change and push away from things they don’t understand. There are generational traditions and elitist attitudes that separate the ‘seasoned or experienced members’ from these ‘upstart newbies with their upstart ways, ideas and formula’s’. Within this formerly unified community we have created a sub-community. One which many people speak of in disdain or contempt.

As with all things the cyber realm has two faces. One positive and one negative. We, as a community cannot ignore this new child among us. Nor can we impose upon it rules and standards that no longer work with the efficacy of the past. We have to accept that we too must change, adapt and overcome the problems. Seek new answers and find ways to welcome the newness instead of isolating them from the assistance and information they too need.

With many people access to the Internet is the only fantasy outlet they have. They can step inside its pixel dust and plastic walls and be anyone. They can shift gender, orientation, size, appearance all in the ‘wink of an eye’. That puff of magic slides through them to release all their dreams and passions of the past. Their fear and shyness fade away, they can be that Knight, swagger as a Queen or cower as a slave. Everything is possible. They are invisible and visible both. It is like entering a giant interactive play where your true identity is never known. For the first time they can write their own life story, their own personal fairy tale, and it is innocent and fun and the fulfillment of lifelong dreams. In its purest form there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Yet for many the fantasy takes on form and shape and color, and at some unnoticed moment the pixel dust fades away and people who were illusive whispers at your fingertips take on names, shapes and forms within the spaces of your life.

For those that forever remain within the bondage of the medium, antics, rules and concepts of fantasy role play are as they wish to construct them. However, enough people transition into the real life BDSM world from the Internet that it becomes increasingly important to step forward into the fantasy role play and indicate that much if not all that they do here does not translate well into real life. To expect it to is irrational. One does not ‘train’ online. Interaction between a Dominant and a submissive can occur and does but the level of reality is limited by the medium. One can, may and should educate themselves. One should meet people, explore topics and see how they feel about things. One should be ‘wary’ of falling in love. Friendship and interest are fair game. Respect should be given to the office of love, commitment and relationships. Distance, space and contact can make the entering into such a relationship easy to do but one should never underestimate that upon conversion into reality physical chemistry, and all of the things which exist in the real world have to be factored in. Many people believe it is a way to have a relationship without all of the costs of one in reality. One should understand that a cyber collar is not worth the fabric that constructs it. It is rather like creating a ‘make believe’ wedding ring to wear. It lacks substance and in many ways belittles the real thing. Which is real, exists in physical form and is exchanged from one human hand to one human neck.

Many people long to separate from alignment with the cyber community because of its reputation for promoting inaccurate behaviors, injuring innocent people who are too eager to believe in those who profess expertise and for portraying relationships in functionally impossible ways. Labels are hastily thrown upon anyone whose opinion varies from theirs. A wannabe or a cyber this or that. This is ignorant and dangerous. Among the cyber population is a growing number of predators. Those who seek to find the vulnerable, exploit their dreams and pervert those dreams into ugly episodes of brutality and cruelty. And there are those who have discovered a way to find ‘free’ people to use for sex or servant. They have landed amidst the herd of the unsuspecting. The only way to combat these people who are not ‘of’ our community but ‘using’ it for ugly purposes is education. The more a person learns the easier it becomes to spot those who have suspect motives. It is certain we will find other and better ways as we become more adept at using the medium to work for the community instead of against it.

We must accept that a significant percentage of those people online who are actively exploring the BDSM cyber community will at some point take the steps necessary to experience some aspect of this in real life. Therefore they cannot be considered fake or illusions or ‘cyber’. They are merely people who have not get experienced a real life exchange or D/s relationship. The inaccuracies of the ‘fantasy role play’ have to be addressed or faced where they are flagrant.

It is not our business to evaluate cyber kink. It should be considered merely another kink or fetish much like rubber, shoes or bondage. It is our business to offer real life, functional information to anyone who asks. To direct people toward real life organizations and resources which they can use to educate themselves if they find their interest is moving toward reality. For those who can only ever explore themselves in the cyber realm we can and should ask you to indicate your fetish so that those who are interested have correct information to use when considering interacting with you.

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on May 01, 2015 07:00

Book Review: 50 Shades of Curious by Bo Blaze

Fifty Shades of Curious is by Bo Blaze, a PCC-certified alternative life coach who specializes in alternative sexual relationships and non-traditional lifestyles. He is also well-known nationally as an expert in the BDSM lifestyle who has spoken at numerous events all over the country. With the popularity of the series “Fifty Shades of Grey”, Blaze put together “50 Shades of Curious” to teach those new into the lifestyle how to practice BDSM in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

Blaze opens up the book by talking about what BDSM is and isn’t, a short glossary of terms that those new to the lifestyle may not be familiar with, how to get involved with local groups, and answering that age-old question on whether you’re a bad person or not for having these kinds of thoughts.

From there, he hits on a lot of major points when it comes to the BDSM lifestyle: communication, consent, identity, pain and punishment, mental aspect, and safety. At the end of the book he also includes a reading list that contains both fiction and nonfiction books.

While for the most part, I full heartedly agree with everything that Blaze has written about and several points that he’s made as well. A few times throughout the book, he has used an example from the Fifty Shades of Grey, which while others may not like this, I do because it shows the right and wrong way of things that were done in the scene. There are also several points in this book that he did cover that didn’t exactly set too well for me.

For starters, when he talks about negotiation, he talks about the importance of doing your homework after a scene, checking in with your partner to see how the scene went, which is fantastic, but not once does he talk about doing homework before a scene, such as safe places to hit, researching whatever activity is going to take place, ect. Considering that this is a book for beginners, to not mention that homework needs to be done before the scene even takes place seems like a huge oversight by the author.

Another point in this book that really rubbed me the wrong way is what he says about BDSM: “You see, BDSM, is really just playing ‘pretend’ in a very adult way.”

I don’t consider my role as a slave to be pretend. I’m willing to guess that there are others out there who don’t consider what they do pretend. I understand that he maybe saying this as a way to simplify things, but I found this particular line to be rather insulting to how I live my life. Another point similar to this one is he calls 24/7 full-time power exchange relationships are just ‘a fantasy and usually abusive if it’s attempted in real life’. I feel that a 24/7 full-time power exchange relationship can be achieved without being considered abusive.

My last issue that I have with this book comes towards the end where he talks about different levels of play. While talking about high risk activities, he talks about face slapping. He says One way to see if a partner has any interest in being slapped in the face would be to lightly put your hand on their cheek and just tap a little bit and watch for the reaction. Of course, the best way would be to have read their negotiation form or simply ask your partner how they feel about being slapped in the face. I don’t like that he mentions asking your partner how they feel about-face slapping as an afterthought and first suggesting lightly tapping to gauge their reaction. Considering how much he talks about the importance of consent, going about it the first way I know for myself that if a dom were to do that with me rather than talking to me about it, I would have second thoughts about scening with that particular dom.

There is a lot of good information in this book, but I feel there are other books geared towards beginners that are much better than this one and contain the same information.

You can buy a copy of 50 Shades of Curious on Amazon in both paperback and ebook version and in paperback on Barnes and Noble.

Tequila R’s Rating: 3/10
Paperback: 204 Pages
Publisher: 50 Shades of Curious (November 2, 2002)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0988500906
ISBN-13: 978-0988500907

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 30, 2015 07:00

Ask lunaKM – Should I contact my deceased partner’s secret submissive?

Dear lunaKM,

I was in an intense, committed relationship for four years. This relationship had bdsm elements and I am realizing while reading articles on your SubGuide site that it was indeed a bdsm relationship. In addition to our romantic relationship we also worked together however we lived separately. During our relationship there were power struggles resulting in my withdrawal from the relationship usually around the same topic: his secrecy/evasiveness. Our love was quite strong despite these issues and we both “blossomed” while together; there was a pretty constant field of positive energy between us.

He recently passed away and when he was ill I helped to take care of him. During that time I had access to his telephone and his computer and discovered voice messages, numerous late-night calls, and text messages from a woman. They ended their communications with “I love you infinity much”.

I don’t know the nature of this relationship and all kinds of thoughts are churning in my head. After reading many posts on your site about “secret submissives”, I believe this was indeed the nature of their relationship however I am tempted to contact her to find out for sure.

Question: shall I contact her? She also may not be aware of his passing.

Thanks so much!

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

I do have mixed feelings as far as the secret woman you found through his phone. Is this need to know the nature of the relationship going to help you grieve at all or is it to find out if he continued with his secretive ways while you were together? How would that really help you? I think it might feed a painful ache, you could resent him and the love that you had and are remembering might become tainted. There just can’t be any healing to be done by digging into his secretive past – something that you had issues with while he was alive.

I think if you do decide to contact her don’t mention that you’ve read her intimate messages with the deceased. It will feel very intrusive. Perhaps just state that you are going through his phone numbers on his phone and wanted to let everyone know that he has passed on. Answer any questions from her about how he passed if she asks them and then let her go.

Anyone else have advice for this submissive? Leave your thoughts in the comments please.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 29, 2015 07:00

When Play is No Longer Play

There seems to be this very misguided idea that it is entirely acceptable for the dominant partner in a relationship to participate in aggressive play when they are angry, so long as it is referred to as a scene or as being kinky. I am going to tell you on no uncertain terms that if your dominant is hurting you out of anger this is abusive.

Many submissives and slaves seem to think that this type of behavior is permissive, so long as they feel that they have done something wrong. If one of your vanilla friends came to you and said that they had been rude to their partner and were subsequently beaten or otherwise physically punished, would you be concerned? Of course you would, because you would become immediately aware that your friend is dating an abuser. So why is it different when you look at BDSM?

Yes, there are “punishments” which can be physical in the lifestyle. A slap in the face to remind you of your place within a scene, or in the cases of 24/7 elsewhere in the home, not being allowed to shave your legs for a week, a forced essay. But if your partner is actually angry at you, for any reason, they should not lay a hand on you. There is no instance in which this is okay because suddenly you are not following SSC.

Anger clouds judgment which eliminates the sane element, just as alcohol or drugs do. When the sanity is gone, there is a lack of safety occurring and your life becomes in jeopardy because they are not trying to train you, they are simply beating you. And no matter how much of a painslut or masochist you are, beatings when you have messed up are not consensual – they may ease your guilt if you come from an abusive background because you may feel that you have served your penance, but know that this is not a healthy response.

I felt compelled to write this article because in a BDSM facebook group which I am a part of someone recently posted that they should have known better than to be mouthy to their dom because last time she did that she had a massive beer bottle shoved inside her rectum.

Let’s look at this scenario: She was mouthy – which she shouldn’t have been but, the punishment that was being administered puts her life in danger. The anal cavity forms a vortex with things going into them (which is why nothing without a base should ever be inserted into the rectum). Pressure of the sphincter contracting can cause the bottle to shatter and tear the inside walls of the rectum which are very close to a lot of important veins and arteries. Her dominant is risking her life because she was mouthy – does that sound reasonable?

If you are now trying to justify beatings or something that is less obviously dangerous than this woman’s case then you are looking at this the wrong way. Even if the beating is administered in exactly the same way which it is administered during play, thus it is physically safe, this is priming your mind and putting you in an abusive mindset. Establishing physically abusive routines is mental abuse as well as it changes the ways in which you interact with your Dom.

You should not be walking on proverbial eggshells around your partner. You should be striving to follow the rules established in your contract, and if physical punishments for misbehavior are what you have established in your contract, that is fine, but these cannot happen in the heat of the moment when your partner is angry.

80% of women are emotionally abused in their life, 30-50% of women are physically abused, and 15-33% are sexually abused. Take precautions and if you feel that you are in an abusive relationship, remember that you can always leave (Branch, Dretsch, and Richards, 2013). There are resources out there to help you.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 28, 2015 07:00

BDSM Basics – What Your First Date Might Look Like

Welcome back to the next part in the BDSM Basics series. In earlier episodes we figured out if we were kinky, what role we are, how to stay safe and how to find a partner. In this article we’ll talk about what your first date might look like. I’ll cover two different situations for a first date. The first being a non-play first date and the other being playing on the first date.

What you should always consider is what kind of relationship you wish to establish. I have found through experience and talking with others, that most “play on the first date” sort of relationships often don’t develop into long-term D/s relationships. But they can lead to some amazing play partner friendships. Depending on what style of relationship you are looking for at the time will likely govern what you are looking for in a first date. As with everything I tell you, things don’t always happen this way so don’t assume that the only way a play relationship can develop is through a play on the first date or that a D/s relationship only forms when you don’t play on the first date. Just make sure you listen to your gut in this. It’s usually right.

In any first date situation you should have a few safety measures in place. Let someone know that you trust that you’ll be going on a first date. Set up a safe call. If you don’t know the place you will be meeting very well you could go there a day or so ahead and have a drink to feel out the atmosphere. Depending on how nervous you are, you could find out what manager is working the night of the date and talk with them before hand to ask if it’s possible to keep an eye out for you. Just letting others know of a first date situation can relieve some of your nerves. If you are driving yourself, park under a light and in view of the front door of the establishment. If the date is ending poorly or you feel unsafe around them, ask the host or manager to walk you to your car. Many will do that for you. The date could be the best person in the world, but a pinch of personal safety is worth it.

The Non-Play First Date

If your first date is not going to include play, what will it be like? Well, if you’ve done any dating at all, then don’t be surprised if this feels very much like all the rest. You’ll dress nice, with butterflies in your stomach and nerves on your sleeve. When you park at the restaurant or café you may cautiously look around hoping to see the person you are meeting before you go indoors. Once inside, those nerves increase as you meet eyes for the (maybe) first time.

Storytelling aside, the first date is always filled with nerves. You’ll have some good conversation and hopefully good food too. Maybe you’ll feel some sexual attraction and maybe you won’t. But a good first date you should be ready for. Dress nicely. If you are driving to pick them up or to meet them, clean your car too. Be prepared to talk about yourself and ask questions about your date. Smile, flirt if you desire. Show interest in them. It’s okay to admit you are nervous. Try to relax and enjoy meeting someone new.

D/s or BDSM conversation may come up. You can decide how much you are willing to share on a first date. For many people who are looking for a power exchange relationship that extends outside the bedroom that can be an important compatibility just as much as what faith you are or if you dream of having children/house/dog.

Don’t feel pressured to change your date from a non-play to a play one. Even if the chemistry is through the roof, you had a reason you wanted to meet without sex or play being on the table. Stick up for that decision. You can always make a date for the near future for play. That way you will have had time to negotiate what is going to happen, discuss limits and safe sex practices.

Other Articles about First Dates

How to Impress Someone on a First Date
4 Ways to Make it a Great First Date
8 Things You Should Feel After and Amazing First Date
First Date Don’ts and Dos
The “Play on the First Date” Date

I have in the past spoken to the dangers of playing in the first date. I know them first hand. But with the progression of time I now know that there will always be people who feel that playing on the first date is perfectly okay. So, besides all the dangers I could talk to you about I’m going to try to shed some light on a positive first date experience that includes play.

Before the date you should make sure you negotiate what is expected to happen at the play date so that you can be aware of what might happen. Never go to a first play date blind. Agree to everything before it happens or don’t play. Discuss safe sex practices and your limits for the first session. Keep things light and don’t try pushing limits the first meeting. And try to avoid sub space if possible. You are most vulnerable in that place and can be taken advantage of (or worse). I’d advice that you avoid bondage the first time so that you can maintain some level of physical control if things turn ugly. (Be prepared is a good mantra.) Of course, in this scenario things will go according to plan but you still show protect yourself.

You’ll be nervous and timid if you’ve never played before and probably less so if you are an experienced player. Don’t let that stop you from having a good time! When you first meet your partner for the evening take some time to chat before jumping right into play. This will help you relax and have less sense of fear or anxiety. It also gives the person a real face and humanity rather than the face on the screen or the voice over the phone you’ve had previously. Let the attraction build a bit. And if there is no attraction then don’t feel obligated to play. Just kindly tell the person you don’t see it working out and leave. It’s hard but playing with someone who you do not have an attraction to just because you are there and there was effort involved is silly.

Examine the toys and tools that have been brought. Say yes to the ones you are interested in and no to the ones you are not. If any look like they should be a one person only toy remove them (insertables especially unless you brought your own). Then, once all seems prepared and you’ve got your safety all set up you can play. I can’t tell you exactly what will happen in ever session, but make sure that whatever you agreed to before playing is the only thing that happens.

In all things, my advice might help you relax a bit, but know that a first date is always going to be full of nerves. Having as much information before the meet will definitely help you relax a bit. Safety in mind with safe calls and safewords will add a bit more. And lastly, enjoy meeting new and interesting people. One of them might be the start of the relationship you’ve been looking for.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 27, 2015 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

Another week has passed and I’m up to my eyeballs in work. Isn’t that always the case. A bit more than normal, but the current pressure from above (KnyghtMare) is that I make a part time wage from this site as soon as I can. Which means I have to produce things that are worthwhile to you to purchase or support monetarily. That’s not always easy when readers want everything for free and feel entitled to free content. Of course that means more ebooks, I’m working on ecourses that are more in-depth and goodness knows what else is up my sleeve. But if you want to help me now, please consider becoming my patron. It’s a monthly donation for as little as $3. And if a one off donation via Paypal is more your style. I can do that too.

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the Servers

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Sub Drop Madness – Submissive Meditation Monday
Empowerment, Not Exploitation by pinksubgeek
DIY: Knife & Blood Play by andyiccee
[Free Download] Submissive Starter Kit from Submissive Playground

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – Is it okay that the submissive is the bread-winner?

My question to you is it ok to be submissive and still make money for the family? My local social norm is the man makes the money and the female is the house wife. However my Master hates ‘cookie cutter salary jobs’ as he calls them. So at the moment i am the one with the job and its hard to explain to family and friends. Is it ok to see this as a way to service my master since it is something he hates? Also if you have advice on explaining this to family and friends it be nice.

Thank you!

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: When Kids Find Your Sex Toys by kaya
In 2013: How to Safely Manage Sub Frenzy
In 2012: Submissive Speech 10: Speaking with Service Persons
In 2011: You Tattooed What on Your Ass? – Rational Thinking about Relationship Tattoos by bgtreasure
In 2010: Well, what’re ya gonna do when he wants to chop your finger off? by Rayne Millaray

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Does your owner assign you writing tasks? How have they helped your submission?
How important are manners to your owner? Are there any you’ve had to learn or relearn since being owned?
If a slave is released and then the Master wants her back should she go back? Would it depend on the reason for release?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Erotic Awakening

EA359 – L is for Leather

22 Apr 2015, 11:12pm GMT

→ Erotic Awakening Podcast

This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, Dan & dawn have a quick talk about Leather! Don’t miss an episode! Click here to subscribe via iTunes or here for any other method Part of the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network Click the banner above for other great shows spanning the realm of BDSM, Sacred Sexuality, Tantra, and simply fun kink! Need canes? Get 10% with the discount code dananddawn15

MP3 audio (19MB, 20min)

Podcast RSS

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on April 26, 2015 10:00

[Free Download] Submissive Starter Kit from Submissive Playground

Sinclair Sexsmith of the Submissive Playground is offering their Submissive Starter Kit free to Submissive Guide readers.

If you’re asking yourself:

How do I get more kinky play?
What kind of skills do I need to have or bring as a bottom?
How do I flirt with tops?
What are my next steps as a submissive?
… and more.
This starter kit will help you answer some of these questions and delve into your submissive thought process.

Head on over to Submissive Playground and pick up you Submissive Starter Kit!

Thanks Sinclair!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 24, 2015 07:00

DIY: Knife & Blood Play

Trigger Warning: Blood play, cutting, blood and knives

When I first filled out my BDSM checklist, I felt entirely insufficient. For every one activity that I really wanted to try, there were two that I said I never wanted to try. There seemed to be infinitely more zeros (which indicated hard limits) than threes (which indicated things that I definitely needed). My partner and I looked at our lists in despair and wondered if our bondage, spanking play, and other such tame yet kinky activities were far too vanilla to be considered part of the lifestyle. We shrugged our shoulders, tucked our checklists away, and decided we could call ourselves kinky if we wanted to, and moved on assuming that we would never even consider any of those zeros ever again.

I did not seek out any of my zeros intentionally when I read blogs or perused people’s online kink profiles, but some of them seemed to find their way onto my computer screen. I opened my mind to new things. The people who participated in these activities and publicly discussed them online, seemed like normal people. This helped to dispel some of my initial trepidation.

My trust for Chief grew as we attempted more of the twos and threes on my list and suddenly we found ourselves suddenly being drawn to things that we never thought we would be interested in. Our most recent, and most dangerous addition to our kink is a combination of knife and blood play.

These activities take many forms, so I can only tell you of the ways in which Chief and I play and the safety precautions that are required.

Knife and Blood play, as you can probably guess, comes with a lot of intrinsic danger – so before embarking in this type of play, you need to make sure that you have an adequate safety kit ready, though you should really have a safety kit nearby whenever you are participating in kinky play. For this style of play, you should make sure that you have antiseptic, band aids, gauze, ice packs, and anything that you need to prevent sub drop (a stuffed animal, a blanket, a book, a pillow, etc). Make sure these things are within reach and that you have a phone nearby to call for help in case things get out of hand.

Please note: If you are on blood thinners, have a clotting disorder, are squeamish with blood, or see cutting as a trigger then this activity is NOT for you! You should also never participate in any form of kink activity when you are angry as it then falls under the category of abuse, not BDSM. Remember that your SAFETY comes first.

The above picture indicates safer zones for spanking and cutting. Purple circles are critical zones, where a knife should never go for risk of causing fatal harm! Red zones are DANGER ZONES. Here veins are close to the skin increasing the risk of cutting a major vein or artery or a tendon. Yellow zones require caution and green areas are totally fair game. That being said, you are playing with a knife, and you still need to be incredibly careful of everything that you are doing. Knife play should never be mixed with sex or other types of play simultaneously because of the safety risk that the knife could slip and cut a dangerous zone.

Now, there is a difference between knife play and blood play according to general internet consensus. (Please note that some blogs indicate that knife play involves being stabbed in the gut with a knife and this is not what I am talking about.) From what I have found online blood play involves cutting the skin deep enough to draw blood from the cut. Knife play involves the cutting of the top layers of skin, but not deep enough to draw blood, because there are seven layers of skin before you bleed.

I am never bound tightly when we are participating in knife play because it can impact balance, circulation, and if I needed to go to the hospital for any reason, that would be one more step impeding the process of heading there. We always lay down a towel to prevent blood droplets from falling on the sheets, and we keep our safety kit within an arms reach.

My favorite part of knife play is the exhilaration because I do not know exactly what Chief is going to do to me when I am lying there and he is holding the knife. He usually alternates between three forms of play:

(1) Drawing the dull back of the blade over my skin. The steel is cold and it leaves a mark upon my skin, and in the heat of the moment you cannot always ascertain if you are being gently cut, or simply scratched – thus you still get the excitement without the risk. It also is safe to gently draw the dull side of the blade over the red zones of the body (you should not draw the dull blade over the purple circles however because the risk is too high).

(2) Gently cutting into the top few layers of skin with the sharp side of the blade, but not drawing blood.

(3) Gently cutting the skin in order to draw a line of blood.

I enjoy both knife and blood play because of the potential danger that it presents and my deep trust for Chief. My fear and my trust are both so strong that these activities overwhelm me and I am incredibly euphoric.

As with all other BDSM activities – this should be following SCC standards and there must be constant communication between you and your partner. If you are at all uncomfortable with this form of play, then you should not participate. If you become uncomfortable during play, then you need to be able to communicate this with your partner. Remember that even as a submissive you have a major say in the activities within which you participate. Do not put yourself in danger just to please your partner.

Have fun and I would love to hear about your personal opinions on knife and blood play below!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on April 23, 2015 07:00