Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 50

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

Big changes in my submission started this week. I’m now going to explore total authority exchange with KnyghtMare. He’s that sort of Dominant anyway and I’ve been very hesitant, for years, to explore that but now is the time! I’m really nervous about the changes and I hope that I can achieve the shift in my submission. My evolution keeps me thinking and learning more about myself and about how far I can go. If you want to follow along you can check out my personal blog.

Are you a total authority exchange slave? What does that look like to you? Any tips for embracing the surrender of all decisions and complete obedience?

Raising Money for My Mom

My mom broke her wrist and can not work for 3 months. She had surgery this week to have a Titanium plate put in because her Ulna bone shifted too far. Her recovery is just starting. She’s always worked paycheck to paycheck so this is a huge financial crisis for her. I’m trying my best to help her survive during this recovery period through a fundraising campaign. If you feel you can help, please check out my GoFundMe campaign. If you want to send gift cards or just a get well card, please check the link for more information.

This Weekend’s Giveaway – A $50US Gift Card to BDSMGeek (1 Winner)!

Have you heard the news yet? The Summer of Weekend Giveaways has started! This weekend’s giveaway is a $50US Gift Card to BDSMGeek. Enter to win by midnight CST tonight! Don’t miss it. Subscribe to the site if you haven’t already so that you can get the notices every Thursday of the new giveaway.

As with all of Submissive’ Guide’s giveaways, you only need to enter your email address to win. Winners must be 18+ to win. Some giveaways are restricted to US or US/Canada only and will be marked if there are limitations.

Giveaways run from Thursday through Sunday every week this summer until we run out of prizes!

Join the growing list of supporters and fans!
Next Goal: Monthly Webinars – I’m so close to this goal!!
I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. Supporting the site is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation.Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Learning About Long Distance Relationships
We Do Not Out Each Other by Kayla Lords
Weekend Giveaway: $50 Gift Card to BDSMGeek.com (1 Winner)
Jealousy and Mono/Poly Relationships by Mina Buttons

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Get Less Bruising from Caning?

Hi, I just experienced my first caning, it’s a thin rounded, but oh did it sting, it left welts which is fine, but next morning it is really bruised, bad. Haven’t been able to sit for the last four days… I like pain, but caning isn’t what I thought, is there anything I can do beforehand to make it a better experience? For next time? Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Painslut

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: Ask lunaKM – My Dominant Breaks Down When Punishing Me
In 2013: When Owner’s Home Grows by Malak Briar-rose
In 2012: [Video Post] Too Young for BDSM – Responding to the Questions I Get from Underage Persons
In 2011: Submission is Not All Sunshine and Puppies
In 2010: Serving after Abuse by SehAnru

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Are you open about your lifestyle choices with any family members or friends? How did they react when you told them?
“To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past.” – Charles J. Givens
Are you a quiet obedient submissive or is there an element of playful brattiness in your dynamic? How does your owner encourage or enhance who you are?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Erotic Awakening

EA367 – Subs mentoring tops and big mashup

14 Jul 2015, 10:46pm GMT

→ Erotic Awakening Podcast

This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, we are talking about subs that are mentoring doms! THEN we had a lot of great content that went with a missing interview, so we give you some content from that! AND a lost episode as well, from 45 shows back that was never published! Tags? Oh yea we got tags #bdsm #kink #whatthecluck #bloopers Don’t miss an episode! Click here to subscribe via iTunes or here for any other method Part of the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network

MP3 audio (56MB, 61min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

Related Posts:
Book Review: The Ethical Slut
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections
A Day in the Life Series – Post Requests

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 19, 2015 10:00

Jealousy and Mono/Poly Relationships

This is a guest post by Mina Button. She has written for Submissive Guide previously and you can find her writing here.

When I first heard about the idea of mono/poly, a relationship in which one partner is monogamous and the other partner isn’t, I thought it could never possibly work. Well, maybe it could work for other people (though I was pretty skeptical about that, to be honest), but definitely not for me. After all, I’ve always been such a jealous person.

When my Sir and I first sat down and talked out the possibility of being in a relationship together, one of the first things they said was that they were polyamorous. They wanted to lay that on the table from the very beginning, so that it didn’t cause problems later. I had less experience with poly, but we worked out what we were each comfortable with and how it would work with the various aspects of our relationship, including D/s.

It’s been four years since we had that initial conversation, and in that time it has gradually become clear that I am a pretty monogamous person, relationship-wise. I am very fond of group sex, but I could easily be happy with just one romantic relationship with just one partner. But my Sir and I have a stronger relationship than ever, and I actually feel way more secure with our arrangement than I have in previous monogamous relationships. I am still learning how to navigate these things, but here’s what has helped so far.

Envy vs. Jealousy

One thing that has been really useful to me is sorting out the difference between envy and jealousy. Both can be intense and even toxic, but figuring out which is which makes them easier to deal with. Envy is basically wanting something someone else has. For example, I am envious that my Sir is going to the movies with one of their other partners, but I have to be up early and therefore can’t go. Jealousy is when you feel threatened, like someone is trying to take away what you have. When my Sir first mentioned the possibility of their having another submissive partner, I felt jealous.

I have found it really helpful to sort out and accurately name these two different feelings, as it helps me articulate what I need. It’s the difference between “I would like to spend more time together, Sir,” and “I am feeling insecure and need reassurance, please, Sir.”

Speak Up!

It does no one any favors to scrunch your feelings down and try to ignore them. I know it can be hard, especially within a D/s relationship. It’s something I still struggle with. But when I actually say what’s going on, it gives me a chance to talk through my feelings and figure out what’s at the root of them and how to manage it. It is far preferable to “just putting up with it” until you can’t contain the feelings anymore and you explode. My relationship is generally pretty low protocol, but I have learned that even in a higher protocol situation it’s good to ask for permission to speak freely when feeling jealous or freaked out in the moment.

It’s Not A Competition

This has become my mantra for navigating poly, and it’s true! One night I was getting really upset about one of my Sir’s other partners. I was 100% convinced that he was better than I am at everything, and much better suited to my Sir’s needs. I actually said “How can I compete with that?”

And then it hit me that it’s not a competition. It doesn’t matter what someone else has or does or looks like, my Sir is still with me, and I’m their submissive. If they didn’t want to be with me, they wouldn’t be. I’m not competing with their other partners in some sort of winner-takes-all contest where one person gets to be their “one true love” in the end, we’re all just different people that they have feelings for. I don’t necessarily have to be besties with their other partners, but we’re not competing for a title…it’s like we have different roles in the same play.

Security

I said in the beginning of this post that I feel more secure in this relationship than I have in previous monogamous ones, and it’s true. I’ve had two relationships end in part because of cheating, and in both cases the fact that my partner chose someone else was a huge blow to my self-esteem. ”What does she have that I don’t?” was a question I asked over and over, both out loud and in my head. And even in relationships where there wasn’t cheating, I spent so much time being terrified that someone better would come along, or worse, that someone better had already come along and I just didn’t know it yet. Like I said, I’ve always been a jealous person.

Part of what my Sir and I negotiated at the beginning of our relationship is that they would always let me know what’s going on. If they go to an event and play with someone else, they let me know when they get back. If they’re interested in dating someone else, they check in. I’ve had a few times where I’ve been irrationally worried that something might happen, but it’s become pretty clear at this point that they’ll at least give me a heads up if they’re interested in someone.

And the neat thing about the possibility of multiple relationships is that I don’t really have to worry about being replaced. If the situation is that everybody only gets one partner (for whatever reason), and your partner meets someone that they decide is a “better fit,” they either have to end a relationship or let that better fit person go. If that’s not an issue, then it kind of doesn’t matter who’s “better.” In fact, there isn’t really a “better.” People are just different, and if your partner meets a shiny new awesome person that they want to date/play with/sex up, they can do that and still enjoy the established relationship they have with you. And that’s kind of awesome, isn’t it?

In Conclusion…

The ideas in this post have really helped me navigate polyamory as a not-naturally-polyamorous person, and I hope it is helpful to you, too. One thing that gets said a lot in poly circles is that love is infinite, there’s more than enough to go around. Of course, time and attention are not infinite, and probably the next trickiest thing after jealousy is sorting out schedules…but that’s for another post. Good luck!

Helpful Links:

The Theory of Jealousy Management
Un-Masking the Green Eyed Monster: Managing Jealousy in Open Relationships
Poly/Mono Relationships

Mina Button is a queer submissive femme who has been active in the BDSM community since 2009, and serving her current Dominant since 2011. Her day job is as a sex educator for a small toy boutique. Mina blogs at minabutton.kinky-blogging.com

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 17, 2015 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: $50 Gift Card to BDSMGeek.com (1 Winner)

This week, Submissive Guide has a $50 gift card from the website BDSM Geek to give away to one lucky reader! BDSMGeek.com is a small online retailer out of Toronto Canada and is run by a lover of all things kinky and geeky!

This giveaway is open Internationally!

The shop is full of beautiful, cute, colorful, kinky items. Hand dyed shibari rope is their specialty.

Make sure to stop by the website, BDSMGeek.com and check out all fun toys and bondage equipment that’s offered. Also follow them on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook!

An independent store dedicated to bringing the best and cutest kink to you! Specializing in hand dyed cotton shibari rope, amongst other awesome things.

Would you like to win a $50 Gift Card to BDSM Geek? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday, July 19th at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on this post on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 16, 2015 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Get Less Bruising from Caning?

Hi, I just experienced my first caning, it’s a thin rounded, but oh did it sting, it left welts which is fine, but next morning it is really bruised, bad. Haven’t been able to sit for the last four days… I like pain, but caning isn’t what I thought, is there anything I can do beforehand to make it a better experience? For next time? Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Painslut

I wrote about caning and my perspectives of it just last week so I’m going to point you there first. Go read it. I’ll wait.

Are you back? Great. Now on to the questions. I did cover a bit of what I’m going to say here in the post I just linked to, so if I am repeating myself it’s at the benefit of the people who chose not to click through and read my post about canes.

When you strike the skin, your body goes through a few responses to prepare for potential further trauma. As part of this, the capillaries in the skin shrink up and recede further into the tissues. When we warm up your bodies through “warm up”, we are preparing our body to take more trauma in the form of impact or intense sensation. In this case we are warming up the body for caning. If we neglect to do a decent amount of warm up, then bruising will occur at the surface level because the capillaries haven’t had time to shrink.

Canes impact not only the surface of the skin but go deep into the tissues, into areas that the body doesn’t prepare for trauma in the same way. So damage can easily be done to the tissues resulting in bruising. No matter how much warm up, if you strike the area hard enough it will bruise.

Now, from your question I can only assume you want to be able to not bruise, or bruise as badly and perhaps mitigate some of the pain from playing with canes. There are a couple things you can do, but now that you know about how canes work you may see that some of these just won’t work for you.

Take an anti-inflammatory before play such as IBprofen. It can help keep the swelling down and the immediate tenderness.
Warm-up a lot. Use your hand, paddle, crop. Any tools that redden the skin and cover the entire area to be caned. Don’t cane until the area is quite red and hot to the touch.
Use lighter strokes with the cane. You don’t have to have full swings to get the full effect.
Select a variety of sizes and materials for your canes and try them all. Some can be easier to tolerate, others might not cause any bruises (with proper warm up) and still others are personal taste.
Cold compresses and ice the area afterwards. Treat it like you would any other injury. Continue to take anti-inflammatory OTC meds.
Massage the area every couple of hours to distribute and break up potential bruises. If you believe Arnica gel/cream helps, then use that.
Avoid sitting or use pillows for comfort until the area is healed.

I hope you find your next cane scene to be just as enjoyable!

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 15, 2015 07:00

We Do Not Out Each Other

One of the biggest concerns anyone who’s a Dominant or a submissive in the BDSM lifestyle has is privacy. Although living in a D/s relationship or enjoying kinky fun may be an inherent part of who we are as individuals, what we do and what we enjoy is on the fringe of what’s considered “socially acceptable.” Which is why protecting each others privacy is so important.

We don’t out each other. We just don’t.

So a few weeks ago, when I saw a headline about a “whistleblower” who publicly named a medical doctor for participating in a BDSM blood play/medical scene in a New York dungeon, I was mad. Beyond mad. Pissed off is more accurate.

When I looked into the story and the person’s accusations, I was baffled. And even angrier.

This person violated the sanctity of a local dungeon by not only taking pictures but naming names. For those who might not know, most of us who visit a local dungeon or club usually give our Fetlife name or maybe a preferred title we go by. My name isn’t really Kayla nor is my Daddy really “Southern Sir” but until we become comfortable with other lifestylers, that’s the name we use.

This whistleblower took a picture of a medical doctor in what looks to my eyes to be the throws of some great Dominant energy, publicized the image, his handle, and his real name (link to source below).

Her reason for releasing the information shows a complete lack of understanding of the BDSM community. She claimed that because he took the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm, he should be prevented from these kinds of activities. Here’s why she’s wrong on so many levels.

1. In that scene, he’s a Dominant, not a doctor.

The person he’s playing with isn’t his patient. This isn’t a medical procedure, this is a form of fetish and kink. Quite frankly, whether you follow Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), the person you should most want involved in blood play is a medical doctor. They have the experience needed to know what they can and can’t do and when someone is in danger.

2. Privacy is the one thing we’re all supposed to honor.

We don’t have to agree with how someone else plays. Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK) is very real. Just because you’re not into what someone else likes, doesn’t mean we judge that. And it certainly doesn’t mean we out one another. (I may have mentioned it before.) Any one of us could lose a job, lose custody of our children, or the love of family and friends if we’re outed as kinky. We don’t do this to one another.

3. There were other options.

Every dungeon has dungeon monitors, even if they don’t go by that name. There are people who’s only job is to make sure that no one is being unsafe, crossing another person’s boundaries, or violating consent. If this person had a real concern, talking to the dungeon monitor should have been their number one priority.

The ironic part about this whole story is she didn’t identify herself because she didn’t want to be judged for being into BDSM, but she had no problem sharing the doctor’s name and picture. (She was later identified, proving that the world is a small place, indeed.)

Thankfully, situations like this are extremely rare. Most kinksters can’t imagine violating someone else’s privacy in such a way. If you’re new to the lifestyle, remember, the best way to protect your own privacy is to respect the privacy of others. We don’t out each other, and we certainly don’t do it on the local news.

Source: Manhattan Bloodletting Fetish Party Criticized Over Health Concerns

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 14, 2015 07:00

Learning About Long Distance Relationships

from the 3/14/15 Submissive Guide Newsletter

I admit that it’s been over a decade since I was in a long distance relationship, but I know that even with that thought, the complexities of a long distance relationship are still a common part of what I deal with on a daily basis in responding to emails from you. I can never forget my time as an LD submissive because, luckily for me, it was the start of my life as KnyghtMare’s slave and wife. It is often a very difficult time for relationships because of the inherent struggles with lack of physical contact, the need for constant reassurance that the relationship is important and the lack of understanding by those around you that the relationship is real.

When KnyghtMare first meet froggyKM, their relationship was long distance. Even now that we live in the same city he still employs a lot of what he used at the beginning to stay in contact and in control of the relationship. KnyghtMare has a new girlfriend that lives 2 hours away. His skills at maintaining a long distance relationship and my watching it from a distance have really given me some moments of reflection for what we consider a relationship and what things we can do that will keep a relationship strong, even if physical contact is infrequent or non-existent. So even though our relationship is no longer long distance, I am exposed to a lot things that are in use for long distance relationships on a daily basis these days.

Where am I getting with all this? Long distance relationships are still relationships that require a different approach to develop the same connection and intimacy. Sure, the physical contact is far less than a face to face relationship but for some people, a long distance relationship is a smart first step or only step if you are unable to explore BDSM in any other way. I’d like to feature some of the amazing articles from the site about Long Distance Relationships. Even if you aren’t interested in long distance for yourself, please take some time today to read about this relationship style so that perhaps you can see why some people choose them for their own lives.

Let’s start with a five part series by kallista.

Submitting in a Long Distance Relationship – In her introduction she talks about how every nuance and issue is compounded because you can’t physically reach out and touch the person and she shares what her series is going to cover.
Developing Effective Communication in Long Distance Relationships – Staying in touch can require a bit of creativity. kallista details 3 common communication styles in D/s relationships; companionate, elucidation and disclosure.
Submitting in a Long Distance Relationship: The Big Meet – Not all long distance relationships are no contact. Here’s an excellent article about how to prepare and nerves that can come from the big first meeting.
The Role of a Collar in a Long Distance Relationship -Sometimes a collar is that tangible link between you and your partner and is especially important in long distance relationships for that reason.
Long Distance: Playtime – How do you play when you can’t physically touch one another? You might just be surprised with the innovative ways to connect.

Making Long Distance Relationships Work for You by Sephani – How to deal with the lack of physical contact in a relationship through communication, sharing and trust.

7 Ways to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship – There is an art to maintaining a long distance relationship. Pick up some tips on how to keep it fresh and strong while going about your day and your life.

Going the Distance – How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship by thisgirl – She gives some wonderful tips on how she survived her 6 year, long distance relationship with her now Husband. She’s an excellent source of information on a lot of things.

Handling Absence in a Long Distance Relationship - This was a newsletter article from 2011 but still has a lot of wonderful information on the topic of absence, or when you or your partner can’t get together because of what’s going on in either of your lives.

Playing and Punishment from a Distance by pinksubgeek – Creative ideas on how to interact through text, chat and more.

And finally here’s my video post about submitting in a long distance relationship.

https://youtu.be/ANXsdCn5fYQ

Recommended Books

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 13, 2015 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

This week I spent a couple days with Mom where she found out she has to have surgery because her bone shifted. It was hard to hear for her but I know that this while painful and scary will help her recover, maybe even faster to some use of her dominant hand. Work-wise I’m feeling so far behind it’s not funny. I’m working on the weekends to catch up where I want to be as well. And then, the hardest thing for me… I asked KnyghtMare to step it up with our dynamic and see how much total authority exchange I can handle. I’ve been very scared of this and completely fought against it years ago, but I think I’m ready to embrace some of it (if not all of it) now. We’ll see!

Raising Money for My Mom

My mom broke her wrist and can not work for 3 months. She’s scheduled for surgery to have a plate put in on Tuesday. She’s always worked paycheck to paycheck so this is a huge financial crisis for her. I’m trying my best to help her survive during this recovery period through a fundraising campaign. If you feel you can help, please check out my GoFundMe campaign.

This Weekend’s Giveaway – A copy of “Rough Surrender” by Cari Silverwood (1 Winner)!

Have you heard the news yet? The Summer of Weekend Giveaways has started! This weekend’s giveaway is a copy of Rough Surrender by Cari Silverwood. Enter to win by midnight CST tonight! Don’t miss it. Subscribe to the site if you haven’t already so that you can get the notices every Thursday of the new giveaway.

As with all of Submissive’ Guide’s giveaways, you only need to enter your email address to win. Winners must be 18+ to win. Some giveaways are restricted to US or US/Canada only and will be marked if there are limitations.

Giveaways run from Thursday through Sunday every week this summer until we run out of prizes!

Join the growing list of supporters and fans!
Servers Upgraded! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Monthly Webinars – I’m so close to this goal!!
I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. Supporting the site is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation.Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Perspectives: Canes
Overcoming a Limit (A Reflection) by kallista
Weekend Giveaway: Rough Surrender by Cari Silverwood (1 Winner)
How to Keep Yourself From Being Overwhelmed in a Service Dynamic by Tilari

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – Mending Old Scars to Open Up to New Things

My husband and I have a great marriage but both of us recently opened up about our desires to explore D/s lifestyle. He wants me to be a more attentive partner, take care of His needs and explore my sexuality. I have been submissive to just about everyone my entire life, most of those situations were very unhealthy and have left me with heavy scars and a need to buck to authority. On the other hand I want very much to please my Husband and do what He asks of me, but I’m having difficulty with a defensive instinctual urge to put walls up. How can I get past the barrier of old scars to let my Husband who wants to become a dominant train me to be His submissive?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: Exploring Hormone Junkies: Part 3 – Testosterone by Erika McClean
In 2013: Submitting in a Long Distance Relationship: Introduction by kallista
In 2012: Ask SehAnru | Is Age an Issue?
In 2011: Talking About BDSM to Vanilla Folk: What to Say and What to Avoid
In 2010: Getting to Know the Local and Not so Local Community

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Have you ever been given a task that you just couldn’t do?
Do you find pleasure in common tasks and see them as a part of your submission? What chores do you perform and take extra pride in making sure your partner is pleased?
Being shared/given to another would make me feel…
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Kinky and Curious – BS’ing with Barak and Sheba

KaC049 – BS’ing with OhioDom69

10 Jul 2015, 5:49pm GMT

→ Kinky and Curious – BS’ing with Barak & Sheba

Well, with all the planning, pontificating and property stuff that is going on with the Space ? and the national opening of COPE (https://fetlife.com/events/283352) – it?s been a really busy month! But we were still able to grab a fun-loving community member and bring em to the studio for this month?s episode of the Kinky & Curious Podcast ? BSing with Barak & Sheba! We talked about Consent, Being New, Our first experience at playing and so much more. What did we get to? Well? ·Can Consent be withdrawn after the act? ·Ethics in Topping ·Sheba wanting a good Yiffing ·And how did OhioDom69 get his Fet Handle? Plus ? we talk about Spin Art and unethical Domination; is it a 69 or a 7…

MP3 audio (39MB, 42min)

Podcast RSS

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Related Posts:
Book Review: The Ethical Slut
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections
A Day in the Life Series – Post Requests

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on July 12, 2015 10:00

How to Keep Yourself From Being Overwhelmed in a Service Dynamic

This is a guest post by Tilari of ServiceSubmissive.com written for the Submissive Guide Newsletter 4/11/15

Service in a power exchange dynamic can be a very intense and involved experience, especially when you’re in a 24/7 dynamic and “always on.” You have a to-do list that is starting to hit triple digits, you’re pretty sure you hung the floggers up on the clothesline instead of the fancy sheets, and you put out forks for the soup course. Let’s face it, you’re overwhelmed.

Life Happens

Changing life situations, whether that’s the addition of a new member of the family, a job change, demanding school schedules, or a shifting health situation affect your ability to serve in the same way you were previously. It’s easy to become overwhelmed if you try to push yourself at a service level that doesn’t mesh with your current life situation.

The first part of stopping yourself from being overwhelmed in a service dynamic is accepting that life happens. Sometimes things hit the fan and you need to batten down the hatches and get through the choppy waters.

Communicate Expectations

Communication with your dominant or master in this situation helps to cut down on any frustration and miscommunication on fluctuating levels of service. Without communication, it’s easy to fall into a trap where you push yourself to stay at the previous level of service and handles the increased time commitments of work or other life situations. Resentment, burn-out, and fighting are all problems that can come from this situation.

Establishing time and energy appropriate service during the life change helps to keep the dynamic strong and introduce a united front between yourself and your dominant partner. You don’t have to feel like you aren’t living up to expectations, because you are mutually re-establishing the expectations of service.

Some forms this can take include:

Limiting the amount of services that are provided.
Limiting the amount of time you allocate to service.
Temporarily shelf the service aspect of your dynamic until life calms down.

Establish a Service Check-in

One tool I personally like using in my service dynamic, especially when life gets hectic and I don’t have time to really breathe, is a service check-in. This is a set time of power neutral discussion where my Captain and I talk about things affecting service, feedback on service tasks and duties, our emotional states, and whether there are any outstanding issues that need addressed before little problems turn into big problems.

The schedule for your service check-in depends on your life responsibilities and when you and your dominant partner can focus on the conversation. Ideally, you have access to a time

Come to Terms with Accepting Service

Depending on the time availability of yourself and your dominant, you may need to accept that the dominant is going to take on some of the load you previously handled as service tasks. This shift can be somewhat distressing, especially if you have operated as the full-time service person for a significant period of time. The main goal of many dominants is to make sure that your health and well-being is preserved so that you’re capable of serving in the long-term. One way to ensure that is to take actions to stop you from getting overwhelmed and burnt out by life and service. The dynamic should be a mutually beneficial relationship.

Consider Outside Help and Alternative Arrangements

Sometimes the most submissive thing to do in an untenable service situation is getting outside help with problematic tasks. House cleaning is one of those tasks that often gets neglected or falls by the wayside, and it’s also one of the easiest to outsource.

A cleaning service stopping by on a weekly or a bi-weekly basis can make a big difference in the overall service load in the household. It’s also much less stressful to have the major cleaning load handled instead of the house getting more and more messy. You still need to figure out a way to handle cleaning on a day-to-day basis, but generally that’s easier to schedule around than a full-blown house cleaning.

Alternative arrangements sets your service up in a different form from before, while still fulfilling the basic premise of the service task. For example, instead of cooking 3 meals from scratch every day, you spend a day setting up freezer meals for the upcoming week or month. This allows you to use the extra time you have available to prepare for future service, and works around your time commitments during other days of the week.

Life has a habit of changing when you least expect it, but being able to adjust to varying circumstances is an essential skill in a long-term service submission dynamic. The amount of service you can provide ebbs and flows, and as long as there’s realistic expectations and frequent communication, in most cases you’re able to adjust to life and keep your dynamic happy and healthy.

Tilari has been involved in the BDSM scene for 3 years, after a chance message on OKCupid introduced her to Fetlife. She has walked a pathway that was far beyond her wildest dreams, filled with loyal friends, incredible partners, and a dedication to lifestyle submission, particularly of the service variety. She enjoys helping others learn about service, running her service site at ServiceSubmissive.com, poking her sadist Captain on a regular basis, and plotting all manner of food in their kitchen. In her vanilla life, she’s an avid gamer, animal activist, and business owner.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 10, 2015 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Rough Surrender by Cari Silverwood (1 Winner)

This week, Submissive Guide is giving away to one lucky reader an ebook copy of Cari Silverwood’s BDSM historical erotica novel Rough Surrender. I have read this book and totally fell head over heels in love with the characters and the entire story. If you enjoy reading historical fiction as well as BDSM erotica, you can not find a better mix of the two.

Book Description:

At a time when airplanes are as new-fangled and sensational as the telephone, Faith dares to fly. The one territory she has not explored is her own sexuality. In Leonhardt she discovers the man who can teach her how a woman surrenders her body and her mind. However, Leonhardt has a shadowed past and his own learning to do. He doesn’t have the right to keep Faith from flying, even if he thinks airplanes are flimsy death-traps made of canvas, timber and their inventor’s prayers.

Faith has her limits, Leonhardt has his flaws, and sometimes the nicest people get murdered by unscrupulous bastards. Even if Leonhardt can save the woman he loves, the battle for Faith’s heart will be the hardest one of all.

You can read an excerpt from Rough Surrender here on Cari Silverwood’s website and follow the author on Twitter.

Would you like to win “Rough Surrender” by Cari Silverwood? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday, July 12th at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on this post on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 09, 2015 07:03

Ask lunaKM – Mending Old Scars to Open Up to New Things

My husband and I have a great marriage but both of us recently opened up about our desires to explore D/s lifestyle. He wants me to be a more attentive partner, take care of His needs and explore my sexuality. I have been submissive to just about everyone my entire life, most of those situations were very unhealthy and have left me with heavy scars and a need to buck to authority. On the other hand I want very much to please my Husband and do what He asks of me, but I’m having difficulty with a defensive instinctual urge to put walls up. How can I get past the barrier of old scars to let my Husband who wants to become a dominant train me to be His submissive?

Dear Scars,

It can be so hard to get beyond your past and embrace your future. You say you have a great marriage so I ‘m going to assume you trust your husband with things you likely didn’t trust your past relationships with? Trust will be the basis for learning how to submit to your husband. If you’ve not worked through your past with a therapist you might want to consider doing so to help your current relationship thrive and grow.

You need to become vulnerable again. Your husband has the relationship in mind and he likely isn’t out to destroy what he has with you. So, those walls are hindering your being open and embracing the joy you could have. I know you’ve already figured this out or you wouldn’t be contacting me asking for help. The problem I have is that I don’t know you or your past baggage that has left the scars on your heart. The only thing I can think of is breaking down those scars so that you don’t need armor. The only way I can suggest you do this is through therapy or a lot of personal introspection and healing.

Perhaps you’ll get some insight in my video post about being vulnerable again.

Good luck. I really do hope you figure it out with professional help.

–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 08, 2015 07:00