Pat Hatt's Blog, page 78

A Flip Flop Hate Drop!

The cat does it too. But you humans sure have more than a few. Each day there is probably 100 from each one. I'm not counting so we'll go with that under our sun.

I hate traffic.
I hate walking.
My, what a graphic.
Sure don't hate talking.

I hate heat.
I hate cold.
Aren't you sweet,
Like a growing mold.

I hate cities.
I hate towns.
Tell the committees,
They enjoy clowns.

I hate rain.
I hate drought.
Ain't that a pain,
As they cancel each other out.

I hate being alone.
I hate people living with me.
Good thing there's a phone.
Must rack up quite the sex line fee.

I hate science.
I hate religion.
So your alliance,
Is to a pigeon?

I hate sand.
I hate stone.
I guess life is grand,
On your plastic phone.

I hate working.
I hate not shopping.
Maybe try street corner twerking,
With a little pants dropping?

I hate age.
I hate the young.
Turn the page,
Your bell is rung.

I hate travel.
I hate staying in.
Life must unravel.
Isn't that a sin?

Do humans hear themselves some days? Like they are lost in a maze. Can't get out if only one is on the case. Need both to gain a middle embrace. Some are just hateful nuts I suppose, as they whine about the lows. The cat will just stick with the singing bass, even if I hate the repeat tune he sings to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Time For An Essay...Umm...Yeah...Okay!

The cat is going to get you to write today. Yep, a ton is what I'm going to do at my bay. You will sure be tuckered out when we're through. Won't be jumping like and kangaroo.

Here we are.
You've come far.
You've come near.
Lend me your ear.

This is your test.
Try your best.
Double check it.
Do every bit.

Show your work.
That is a point perk.
Even for 4x6.
Show the tricks.

No, not lame.
Play the game.
Put dots of a graph,
If you want to join the staff.

Kill brain cells too.
You only need a few.
Less is certainly more,
When you walk through our door.

Now comes the hardest part.
This you must take to heart.
Spelling and punctuation is key.
Capitalization is also needed from thee.

You got that down?
Come now, don't frown.
It's just a little grammar.
I'm sure you won't stammer.

So remember what I said.
Get it clear in your head.
Now look at the pic on display.
Write us a "what's wrong" essay.

Yep, an essay is needed.
It must be seeded.
Come and write it out.
An extra sheet of paper is about.

What was that?
You fell flat?
Our 50 word approximation was too much?
Damn, we must be so out of touch.

Pffffft since when is an essay 50 words? More words in the droppings of birds. That is like five sentences or so. A whole paragraph maybe, oh no! Is an essay really 50 words? There were even some that whined like lazy turds. If you can't write 50 words you kinda suck. Must have the brain cells of a duck. So give me an essay blog land mass. It only has to be approximately 50 words to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

What Was That You Spat?

 
What was that?You fell flat?Things are bad?No fun is had?
What was that?You curse the cat?Why do that?Are you a gnat?
What was that?Chew that fat.You're not great?Can't beat fate?

What was that?You fell flat?Didn't we do this?Don't give me a hiss.

What was that?Bad's where it is at?Now you're just twisting words.Are you repeat tweety birds?

What was that?It's under your hat?Like in your brain?Is this a thought train?

What was that?Whoops, it's scat.Thoughts fell flat.How about that?

How about that?0 = the stat.No more doubt.Twist and shout.

How about that?Dusted the mat.They flew away.Have a nice day.

What was that?Questions annoy like a gnat?Treat them like a brat.Ground them and that is that.

(Psssst...look at Pat stealing glory from the cat)
The awesome co-hosts for the July 5 posting of the IWSG will be Tamara Narayan, Pat Hatt, Patricia Lynne, Juneta Key, and Doreen McGettigan!
Are you grounded now? See, no need to raise any eyebrow. The cat gets to it in the end with my grounding trend. Grounded and wise and away the insecurity flies. Or crazy and wise. Take your pick after a few tries. Questions you give yourself the most. Let the mind sail them to the coast. Then just get back to writing in mass. You can trust my crazy not so grounded little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Whoopdi Cheer Of Holiday Beer!

Robbie Raisin is back on the case. I need a show for holiday nuts to embrace. So I've come to see what you all have for me. I'm sure it's something Whoopdi Friggin Doo viewers will want to see.

Take it away, Hank. How do you fill your holiday tank?

#1

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What? You tried double speak? Beer Guys, are you up the holiday creek?

Why wouldn't we want to move to North Korea? Kim Jong Un has made it abundantly clear that everyone there is super happy, and that they have the strongest military in the world. You can even choose between TEN government mandated hairstyles. That's double digits. Tell me that isn't awesome.

This is supposed to bring cheer to viewers. Theresa, are you at the brewers?

Most of the population are amazing, kindhearted people. It's just those assholes that do something stupid and the media sensationalizes it, making us all look like racist, mean, gun toting cows. 

Is that a reflection on our show? Robyn, care to give it a go?

Lots of deodorant I shall buy
To Australia I will fly.

Is it a holiday there? Caitlin, celebrating at your lair?

And I would love to visit North Korea! I think it'd be so fascinating.

Umm, well there would be fireworks coming at you. Jaclyn, are you ready to join the crew?

I'd rather have pee on my knee than a flea!

Enjoy that at your hall. Alex, ready to have a holiday ball?

Float off and die. Everything would. Crap, it would be like a real live Sharknado!

Aren't you a downer. Brian, going to be an out of towner?

That could really be what floats your boat!

Isn't it supposed to float yours? Fundy Blue, off taking tours?

I think it would be such fun to bounce around on the moon. Vomit comet

Your new nickname for fame? Betsy, ready to make a holiday claim?

My boys believe in death by dental work!
Not going would certainly be a perk! haha.

Who wants to think of the dentist today? Birgit, ready to have your say?

I think the only person who wants to fly high
Is that gravity waiver, pot smoking guy

Pot smokers may come after you. Blue, anything new?

Sniffing dog butts, you say?
Like every day?
Yikes!

Wow, now there is a fetish for you. Adam, care to tell us something true?

I more often bark than purr. I might meow though 

Fetishes are lining up. Redneck, are you filling your beer cup?

I bet Eve never had a problem knowing somebody from Adam.

And thinking of the first porn. Truedessa, are you torn?

feeling bad to the moan
or bad to the groan..haha

I guess you like ancient porn. Belva, is something born?

Well titch, titch, titch
Holy smokes ain't that a bitch

Damn, really stuck on the porn, aren't we? Snowcatcher, can something new come from thee?

Always seems to make me groan

I guess not. Silver Fox, has the porn fetish been caught?

Sounds like we're all falling apart.

That you all are. Betty, can you get us on par?

Bit confused today with now and then
trying to figure it all out when
might have to back to sleep and try again
and maybe more answers it will lend

Nope, back to the drawing board. Joanne, what do you have stored?

then, now, tomorrow, yesterday
now and then or both here to stay
up or down, then and now
turn around and take a bow

Is it any wonder why Betty was confused? Bijoux, are you amused?

Lighting a fire under my butt, so to speak, gets the job done!

A little butt play. Beverly, going to join the fray?

I hope all the fireworks are handled with care.
We don't want to lose any fingers there.

Thanks for the public service announcement today. Tabbies o trout towne, going to end this foray?

orlin N cassie...happee canada day two ewe all furst off; N thurd...we think bugz R grate; raw, semi chewed, cooked, eaten then hurled....we canna get enuff oh em... tho de food serviss gurl willna let uz mess with moe skeet toez coz oh heart werm ore bugz that haza stinger like hornetz ~~~~~ 

What was that you said? Mary, did it cause you dread?

I am not a fan of bugs
hidden in the rugs
or lurking in dirty mugs
nor the kind one fights with drugs!
 
Another who is confused. Mary Kirkland, do you feel abused?

Ants are what kills me I had a problem with them a while back until I used a tube of caulk to plug every hole in my bathroom. lol 

Ruining holidays for ants everywhere. Rosey, are you a bug killer at your lair?

I hate them. I cooked up a batch of rigatoni the other day and when I drained it a beetle was in it. Dead and cooked. Not my idea of protein. I pitched it and ordered in. Nasty old bugs.

So you cook them in food? Damn, so ends this brood with bug and ancient porn attitude. Whoopdi Friggin Doo will sign off for today. I hope you all have a bug killing, porn thrilling holiday.

**********************************
Look at you all go. Quite the holiday show. I never knew you were all so kinky. I guess it's more fun than playing with a slinky. I'll join in and go eat some bugs though. I'm sure there is a few at our show. Even if they give me a little gas, unlike Rosey, they are fine protein for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

It's A Breeze So Don't Up And Freeze!

The cat gets asked once in a while how he adds to his rhyming post pile. Some just can't rhyme at their sea. Or so they say to me. Ninja Wannabe proved that wrong as a while back he played along. But can do it with ease. Like a mouse to cheese.

If you have time,
Anyone can rhyme.
Even lazy turds,
Knowing few words.

The myth you'll debunk,
Just act like a drunk.
And give it a go.
What do you know.

Flippitty flopperty.
Bippitty bobberty.
Yippitty yappity.
Zippitty zappity.

You're a rhymer,
And not a mimer.
Yippee, zippee doo.
Here's a pat on the back for you.

Lossety Loossity.
Hossety Hoossity.
Jittery Jillissy.
Pittery Pillissy.

You've done it twice.
Spreading like lice.
Rolls off the tongue,
And tickles a lung.

Lumper Lipper.
Humper Hipper.
Grumper Gripper.
Wrumper Wripper.

That makes three.
Easy and free.
Yippeee, zippee, doo.
We're so proud of you.

Niffity, Nuffity.
Riffity, Ruffity.
Piffity, Puffity.
Miffity, Muffity.

You've done four.
Now you're on tour.
Proving in no time,
That anyone can rhyme.

See? It's not that hard at all. All you need to do is make up a word at your hall. Or just act like a crazy drunk. Both work when in a rhyming funk. Did you know it was that easy at your sea? It just rolls off the tongue of thee. Of course Grammar Nazi's may give you sass. But that never bothers my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Contemplate On This Date!

The cat was contemplating posting today. I guess I won as I posted at my bay. Or I just let the schedule do its thing. But I contemplated it at my wing. Don't believe me? Yeah, can't blame thee.

Today I may aggravate,
As you do when you contemplate.
Or I may cooperate.
At least I won't constipate.

Will you contemplate on constipate?
If you do you may need to medicate.
Hey, I'm just saying there, mate.
There are many ways to penetrate.

That may not resonate.
But maybe it will stimulate.
Can stimulation come as you contemplate?
Or is it more of a procrastinate?

That question I did facilitate.
You don't have to evacuate.
Why not do a double contemplate.
That will be a mighty fine lazy fate.

Maybe this I should abbreviate?
That may just exhilarate.
Okay, maybe I exaggerate.
But where did that thought originate?

Are you still trying to contemplate?
Is it hard to negotiate?
You have to contemplate to rejuvenate.
Need me to reiterate?

Why not just participate?
That too you have to contemplate?
You are doing a lot of that of late.
Maybe you're trying to circumnavigate?

Or did you overestimate?
Maybe you need to rehabilitate.
That brain needs to meet its maturity date.
Unless you go and inactivate.

Far better to initiate.
No brain can humiliate.
Some may need to authenticate.
For they are trying to assimilate.

Maybe even associate.
I just am throwing out an approximate.
Time for you to coordinate.
Shit or get off the pot as you contemplate.

Are you contemplating what to say? That could be a thing at my bay. The cat is crazy as can be. Are you a contemplater at your sea? Or is that a form of procrastination for you? Are you a word flip flopper at your zoo? Use one to cover up the other with class. You can't fool my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Can Be Smart With A Kick Start!

Today many humans can be smarter than ever before. One can easily get info now at any shore. Well most, as some don't have internet at their coast. But is that the case? Nope. Look at that dumb face.

Stupefied they are.
Just not in the know.
Acting dumb at the bar,
Putting on a show.

The info is there.
It is plain to see.
Nothing is that rare.
And much of it is free.

But content is it.
Content to be dumb.
Here we sit,
Growing our bum.

Ignorance is bliss.
Until it is not.
Then we hiss,
All from brain rot.

Instead of looking.
Maybe even learning.
Take in a double booking,
To watch paint churning.

That we can do.
No help at all.
Right in our view,
There on the wall.

Fall deeper in.
And deeper still.
Learning is a sin.
Are you ill?

Follow what's told.
Follow what's written.
Just go along with the old,
That will leave you smitten.

Learn only what's taught.
That is the way to higher learning.
Even if some of it's not so hot,
And will never be usual in returning.

There's always some one that knows.
Why bother with it yourself?
Even if right in front of your nose,
Just leave it on the shelf.

Humans are rather lazy as can be. Even lazier than me. And the cat sleeps a lot of the day. Are you content with nothing new at your bay? Or believing what has been said without using your own head? That is about as wise as the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Light Show All Aglow!

So those fireworks are about to blast. They scare many of the cast. The mutts run and hide. I think they have no pride. One slips out some pee. Such a weenie he is to me. But us? Meh, why fuss.


They are back.Flashy lights on the attack.A loud boom comes due.Whoopdi friggin doo.

Humans suck.They'll burn with any luck. Maybe just singe a finger.I do hope it will linger.
 
It's still here.A complaining rhyming rear.Cassie doesn't like that.Saying I'm a whiny cat.
 
She stole my spot.Actually away I did trot.But still mine when I'm not there.I don't want to mix cat hair.

Ugg, they are still going.How long is this showing?Can't they shoot them off in the day? I need my nap before night play.

I'll try this pose.There she still blows.Not even covering my ears work.Stupid firework shooting jerk.

 Quit my whining?Why don't you go dining?You are fatter than me.Go eat a tree.

Now you're lying here?I have gas in my rear.Did you hear me?I'm going to let it free.

Knocked her out. There's never a drought.Always have some gas.Take that, Cass.

 She may be dead.I better cover my head.My gas is lethal stuff.Finally, the humans have had enough.
That is basically what we do when fireworks come into view. Are you scared of the boom? Do you watch to chase away gloom? Hopefully you don't piddle on the floor like the wiener mutt. That would not go over well at any hut. Now set a fire alarm off and we'll run under the bed. Those things we dread. Fireworks just annoy me and Cass. Especially when I'm a sleepy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Always One More To The Lore!

The cat has one more rhyme. Is lying a crime? I'm not so sure on that. But it may get you in scat. Not like you believe me anyway. For I rhyme every single day.

Just one more.
One more to the lore.
The lore of one,
Haunts all under the sun.

A haunting we go.
No ghosts though.
Unless that's your thing.
One more you sing.

One more ghost.
So you can boast.
Be a buster.
A remake of lack luster.

One more win.
Do the other in.
Already the best.
One more to be a pest.

One more raise.
Already a millionaire gaze.
But one more I need.
I have a family to feed.

One more kid.
Out the others slid.
What's one more?
Six will cover every chore.

One more wife.
Complicate life.
Divorce on the way,
One more at play.

One more sale.
Already have them by the pail.
But one more is needed.
One more needs to be deeded.

One more cookie.
Can't get umm nookie.
No one wants to give you a lookie,
After that one more never ending cookie.

One more whine,
Then things will align.
After one more whine.
Pffft says the feline.

Always after one more? Some things it works for at your shore. With many it is just greed though, but that you probably know. Or just brain dead nuts in one more ruts. They count too, sadly, with the one more coming due. And now one more rhyme has come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Talking Comes A Walking!

Wow, the cat didn't know so much was being talked about. Actually I did as humans swim like a trout. But some of this surprises indeed. Did you know such talks were taking seed?

The cat is in talks.
In talks at the docks.
Maybe near some trees.
In talks is a breeze.

I'm in talks to talk.
Talks with a sock.
Socking talking in talks.
My, socks school of hard knocks.

Pat's in talks with me.
I ignore him at my sea.
I just do as I wish.
In talks only when need to fill my dish.

Ninjas are in talks to return.
I guess ninja status they must earn.
In talks to get status.
I hear they do it gratis.

Blue people in talks to turn green.
Wouldn't that be a scene?
I'm sure in talks they'll stay.
They can talk in talks come what may.

Betsy's in talks with Raid.
Something about getting paid.
New warnings need to be had.
In talks about talks at her pad.

Rednecks are in talks with sheep.
They are talking to little Bo Peep.
Yeah, she's another sheep.
I think they skip the talks and just bleep.

Dogs are in talks about walks.
I guess they want to buy stocks.
Stocks in walks in talks.
Dogs sure have heads full of rocks.

Whelmed is in talks.
Wants to forgo the locks.
Under and over get all the credit.
Whelmed is in talks, here you read it.

In talks we are.
In talks on par.
In talks to rhyme.
In talks to leave a chime.

Are you in talks? Even when no talks are taking walks? Walks on talks or in talks or with talks. Bah, throw them all off the docks. Can you be in talks? Is it like jumping in some box? That I can actually get in. Can talks be given such a spin? Am I confusing you with this pass? Feel free to comment and be in talks with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.