Pat Hatt's Blog, page 244

Think They Are Slick With Each Trick!

Have to wait and see who this could be!
So the cat was looking through the email the other day and there was BIG SAVINGS on display. If you upgrade to this you will be in pure bliss. Is basically what it said, along with you would have less money dread. Well let's see if it truly would be worth it to me.

You have a saving so big,
It could snap your arm like a twig.
You would save umpteen dollars a year,
So why not kick it into gear?

But then they go on to say,
After their huge writing display,
Some of the fine print to the save.
Retracting on the path they just gave.

It is savings if you use this and this and this.
Then it is surely something you can't miss.
And the this and this and this I see,
Is not used one bit by me.

So all of that,
Just to waste the time of the cat.
My you are grand,
Must sell a ton in your land.

But then they aren't the only ones,
As many bug tons.
Add this to this and you will save,
Is what we all hear to the grave.

Oh you get points for using this card.
Meanwhile charged 50% interest at your yard.
But you don't need to think about that,
Think of all the free you can get at your mat.

With 50,000 points you can get a brand new TV!
That has to cause all glee.
Did we mention each point is one for every dollar spent.
So that will be a $50,000 TV we just sent.

Hmm some how I don't see that as a buy.
But it was a nice try.
Of course you can swing it back,
Using it to buy what you need and letting the points rack.

As long as it is paid off,
The joke is on them and they can scoff.
But other than that,
These so called savings are avoided by the cat.

Unless HUGE gets sent to me.
Then I would have to see.
I may get a free cat tree,
After $100,000 is spent with glee.

And there was my rant for the day. I know all have had such things at their bay. But after such an email display, I figured I would have my say. Now I must go save on bass as that is enjoyed by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Ever Wonder Where At Your Lair?

 Have to wait and see who this could be!

Yesterday at my bay I passed 500,000 views, and away we cruise.
So the cat was sitting at his lair when some kid got into my hair. She was asking those other big humans around where babies were found. I am sure I don't need to explain that. But it was rather amusing to the cat. That got the cat going and so comes a where things went showing.

Where did the dinosaurs go?
The aliens came and whisked them away don't you know.
They wanted humans to survive,
So the dinosaurs were moved to another planets hive.

Where did the Dodo bird go?
Sadly, that is an easy one at my show.
Cats came into play,
And the Dodo did not have a very nice day.

Where did your other sock go?
It is the scary sock monster that can glow.
It has to keep its glow all shiny.
So it steals socks, yeah it's tiny.

Where did the gods of myth go?
They were time travelers or aliens also.
Then when man wised up,
The so called gods suffered a hiccup.

Where did your day go?
Umm out the window.
You see when you leave it open at your sea,
The breeze just steals your day away from thee.

Where did your spouse go?
Now that is a loaded flow.
I guess they went out to lunch.
At least that is my hunch.

Where did the Spice Girls go?
For asking that I should bite your toe.
Who really gives a damn?
Maybe some stalker with a helmet cam.

Where did your money go?
What? A money tree doesn't grow?
First you have to have some too.
Otherwise I think you have a clue.

Where did R go?
That is the million dollar question high and low.
I guess no more "nice post."
Is had at any coast.

Where did your last ten minutes go?
Why they were spent at my show.
As you tried to rhyme below,
Some pull it off while others may eat crow.

Now you are up to date on the where things went fate. All from the mind of a cat who has tons of voices telling him the issues at his mat. So trust the voices or not? Either way they speak a whole lot. I hope I have helped class and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Just Got A Call For Mirror Mirror On The Wall!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
For once I didn't get hate mail and they actually asked for a tale. Whoever ectoplasm is asked for this. I'm not sure such a thing will cause bliss. I mean didn't the Ghostbusters get all slimed from that stuff? It would surely make your love life rough. But he/she asked for Mirror Mirror On The Wall and I decided to use it at my stall. Emailing back was just too easy. Plus how could I pass up a chance to be cheesy.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
I wish things weren't so small.
Let it grow to such a height.
That I can go through the night.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
What will happen come fall?
Let me know before the winter.
If I'll have to smash my printer.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
I am only four feet tall.
Show me one as small as me.
So I can be a busy bee.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Let me walk before I crawl.
Bring me fame above all other.
Don't show when my diaper is changed by mother.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Tell me who has the best cat call.
For I must learn to mock,
Using my puppet Holy Sock.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Show me the nearest mall.
There I will buy another mirror,
So I can see my scary self clearer.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
What is it you scrawl?
Diputs, I do not understand.
I must be stupid at my land.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Can you bounce like a ball?
Will you bring me seven years bad luck?
At giving answers you truly suck.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Why do you hang out in a bathroom stall?
Is it to see my full moon?
Or so I don't soil the seat like a baboon?

Mirror mirror on the wall,
The cat does help one and all.
Is there a way to stop his gas?
He lets it out in mass.

There you go, now you have plenty a mirror mirror on the wall rhymes to show. Don't ever say the cat never did anything for you and your ectoplasm nasty view. No wonder you had to ask me as looking in the mirror must make you flee. All that green goo isn't good for your health and will bring you no wealth. That is just a little advice lad or lass and there is plenty more that could be bestowed by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Bring On Some Facts Of Some Weird Acts!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
So the cat will just give some info today. I have to smarten you up a bit at your bay. I know that is tough for some humans though. I won't make fun of you, too much, if you IQ goes that much more low.

A cockroach can live 9 days without its head.
Imagine that crawling in your bed.
An ant can lift 50 times its own weight.
Bet he'd carry away his date.

Elephants are the only mammals who can't jump.
But they can take a big dump.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Toe jam probably isn't neat.

Starfish don't have brains.
Many humans are in such lanes.
A cow can go up stairs but not down.
Maybe they need a pretty gown?

Banging your head against the wall.
Burns 150 calories an hour at your hall.
Go ahead and give it a try,
Let some more brain cells fry.

A duck's quack won't echo one bit.
Maybe they are too full of shit?
Porcupines float in water I guess.
Never tried, I will confess.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Bet it wants to be a great dane.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
So cool it had to be done.

If you spell out numbers from one,
You wouldn't find an "a" until one thousand was given a run.
Stewardessess' is the longest word only typed with the left hand.
Unless your right is screwed lie in my land.

Kangaroos can't walk backwards at all.
Must drive them up the wall.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
Must be a different tint?

The voice of Bugs Bunny was allergic to carrots.
Who knows about ferrets.
But I guess with what's up doc,
He got a hand somewhere that caused a shock.

The expression "to get fired" came from long ago.
When clans wanted people to go.
Yet they didn't want to kill.
So they burned their houses down for a thrill.

If you belittle the dot over the i
You will be hurting the title and make it cry.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Next it will be rat tails.

Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine they claim.
Wonder if Heinz was to blame?
The phrase rule of thumb comes from an old English law sure to cause strife,
It stated nothing bigger than your thumb could be used to beat your wife.

And there we go. I know now the facts start to flow. That brain of yours must be filled to the brim. Go get drunk before things turn grim. Or maybe just pop a pill, that could dull the brain fill. But now you are wiser, hopefully, class thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

You Truly Are dVerse And A Whole Lot Worse!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
So for some fun I thought I would give this a run. A nut I saw today under my sun and he was so dVerse, he really did make the clerk curse. I was swearing in my head too. I mean WTF had to come due.

Do you have any of those?
Pause to strike a thinking pose.
You know, thingys?
His hands flutter showing his ringys.

I am here to help you today,
Just look at our display.
I'm sure you will find what you want.
Just give it a quick jaunt.

Throws the paper back.
You know, I want a thingy for my shack.
That do flicky that was on sale.
This guy's brain must have hit the third rail.

Can you be more descriptive mister?
His eyes got in a big twister.
Actually both of them were,
With their hairy eyebrow fur.

Do I look like a mister, sonny?
The exchange was getting rather funny.
I just came to shop for that thingy magiggy you advertised the other day.
By other day, I bet he means all the way back to last May.

Sir, if you tell me the product's name,
I will gladly get you one of the same.
Eyebrows scrunch up again,
He becomes madder than an old wet hen.

Do I look like a sir to you?
I need a clerk who has a clue,
Where is your manager anyway?
You are wasting away my day.

Manager trots up a few minutes later,
Clerk pulls a see you later alligator.
He has a big smile,
That could run a mile.

And how can I help you?
I will apologize for my crew,
And be sure to get you what you need.
Of course he's all about the greed.

I need that thingy magigy you had on sale.
Manager looks like he just hit the third rail.
You mean this or this?
Pointing to the flyer one can't miss.

No, the do hicky you had the other day.
It was right here on display.
That is what I want, now.
Manager also curls up an eye brow.

Sir, if you would say the name of the product to me,
I could have you on your way for afternoon tea.
Do I look like a sir to you?
You people have no clue.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.
And so ends the do hicky thingy magiggy romp.
Some laughter burst out after he was gone,
Which I can say I could not help but join in on.

Of course the conversation did not rhyme, that is my interpretation of such a fun time. But that is the words he used to describe his want. How can one not go out and taunt? Maybe he wants some bass? I would have gave him some gas from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Part Eleven Is Due With More Crazies To View!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
They really seemed to seek me out this month for some reason. I guess the crazy search engine crew thought I committed some kind of treason. But nowhere near as bad as the crazy who won this time. I just saw that nuts search just before I started this chime. I think you will agree, the nut wins hands down at my sea.

"how many aircrafts air canada"

Like I am supposed to know? Does this look like the Air Canada show?

"how big do rats get"

Do I really care? I just chow down on them at my lair.

"excited about boobies"

Thanks for sharing with Google such a thing. Now all know your excitement at my wing.

"fifty shades of gret, christian s pat"

See what that smut can do? It makes people so dumb they can't even spell right at their zoo.

"botero painting of two fat people dancing"

And I bet you want this for your wall? Maybe put it over the table in the dining hall?

"fred rutherford" powerball

WOW, Fred is holding out on us here in blogland. He won fifty bazillion grand. Care to share at my lair?

"short cool bad-boy peoms that rhyme"

Short, cool and bad,
Are you an elf at your pad?
If you want to grow,
Eat some great crow.
Then you'll be tall, warm and fat.
No need to thank the cat.

"picture ugly cow"

I don't need to know your fetish at my show. But downgrade to sheep, you may be less of a creep.

"snowman butt crack"

And what are you going to do with a butt crack that stares back at you? Wait! Don't tell me such a fate.

"don't stare or i'm gonna poke your eye"

Thanks for the warning at my sea. But who's not going to stare after you typed that in Google at your tree?

"movie rip-offs"

Don't get me started there. Did a whole week of rip offs at my lair.

"rhyme time stampers"

The next great thing. I should sell them at my wing. Stamp happy. Would make me happy if it would stamp the lips shut of Flappy.

"nocturnal spider head"

There is a difference between day and night? I just find a spider and then bite.

"bug eyed frog looking nocturnal animal"

Poor Tarsier Man, no one is a fan.

"pat hatt"

Pffft, searching for Pat and not the cat. That is rude at my mat.

"when people stare at you funny picture"

What is it with staring today? Better watch out or the above nut will poke you in the eye for such a display.

"hilarious boobie"

Hmmm do they have a mind of their own? It would be hilarious if one could use the telephone.

"ugly spider bite"

So there is an ugly spider bite and a cute spider bite? I guess you can stop and pick between the two the next time you and a spider get in a fight.

"smallest eyed person"

Guinness is looking at my sea. Sorry, I'm a cat not a person so flee.

"ass ohhh"

So you type out a moan for your snowman crack? My, what a great class of nuts end up at my shack.

And now the moment you have all been wating for. It is time for the winner at my shore. This one takes the cake and your head is surely going to shake.

is it a sin for men to use a hairbrush.in there bum
Do I even need to bother with that? So disturbing to the cat. First the nut can't even spell, they must have read that fifty shades of smut at their cell. That might explain the hairbrush and bum. But if the nut sticks it up there too far, they are surely going to hum. Now another group of search engines crazies has come to pass. No hairbrush is ever going near my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Could Not Pass It Up, Once Upon A Cup!

So the cat was sitting in the car with Pat, outside waiting for nanny to get done shopping at some huge store mat. Yeah, the human is grand. He does not leave us alone in the hot car land. But he still puts us in that cage, which brings out my rage. Cassie just meows away the whole friggin way. Anyway, on to the topic of the day.

It's fun to watch humans go,
Trying to stick with the flow,
But sometimes in the end,
They go right around the bend.

Such was the case,
As I suffered a gawker embrace.
Yeah, Brian once more,
Here at my shore.

A lady all dolled up,
Walks slowly, sipping from her coffee cup.
Tim Horton's to be precise.
I would rather have mice.

There is a honk from afar.
It comes from an angry car.
More likely a human though,
Who had to give it a blow.

She turns with a sway,
Clearly showing she's having a good day.
Her brown hair flops in the breeze,
Some smoker beside us begins to wheeze.

Not sure what people get from that,
But he was growled at by the cat.
She turns back around,
To be barked at by a hound.

A grey and white husky, like from Due South.
Her cheery smile adds some growth.
I guess she likes butt sniffing mutts,
Even if I thought the dog was a bit nuts.

She strolls along in her heels,
Some nearby kids squirm about like eels,
Fighting over a toy,
I guess it brings both joy.

Another honk is heard.
I hear a curse word.
My poor virgin ears.
That guy has two rears.

Oh wait, just each ass cheek.
Must be tough to play hide and seek.
She turns to look,
Her hair whisps across her face, covering it like a book.

Then as she turns back,
The honker goes on the attack.
Coming straight at her,
Just noticing as she brushes away her human fur.

She hops out of the way,
One shoe now on display.
And a dress once rosey,
That looked rather cozy,

Now drenched in brown,
Displaying the aftermath of coffee town.
And the guy just shouts a curse,
As she picks up her purse.

Off he goes.
She massages her toes.
Then puts on her shoe,
And strolls along not feelling blue.

I guess nothing could ruin her day. The cat though that was an interesting human display. And all of the above is true. She surely invokes whoopdi friggin doo. How the little things add up all around. But I guess it's how we react that makes a good or bad day be found. She was sure one forgiving lass. I'm not sure it would have went down that way from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

To Annoy Brings The Cat Joy!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
So you know the cat likes to pester and can be a patience tester. It is so fun to annoy and it brings the cat joy. You humans are so fun to take on, falling for all my tricks at your lawn. But the cat will never give those away. Instead he will show off your petty ways to annoy today.

So you want to annoy?
Here is a ploy,
Or maybe ten,
To make it happen at your den.

Simply ask all to prove it.
Should be fun for a bit.
My name is Pat,
Prove it, is what you shout at your mat.

When getting out of an elevator next time,
Commit a terrible crime.
Hit all the buttons and run.
That would be such fun.

Need to use the laundry mat?
Here is a tip from the cat.
Use a seperate dryer for each of your socks.
That will get some gawks.

Pretend you are at a loss,
To every person you come across.
Ask them what gender they are.
That will annoy by far.

End everything you say,
Each time at your bay,
With whoopdi friggin doo.
Or just go achoo.

Whenever anyone says hi,
Look to the sky.
Bark like a mutt,
Just don't sniff their butt.

Call your family collect.
That is something they won't expect.
They don't pick up, oh well.
Save money on your cell.

Pick a song,
That will make all sing along.
Such as the one below,
That I just have to show.

This is the song that never ends,
It goes on and on my friends.
Some people, now it's stuck in your head.
I love causing such dread.

Or the wheels on the bus for round and round,
Round and round, round and round.
I think I have proved once more my case.
Have fun singing that all over the place.

Develop an unnatural fear,
And even throw in a tear,
Or a big scary pen.
Although you might end up in the loony den.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
That can do no wrong.
You'll get told to shut up,
Or hit with a coffee cup.

Go to a poetry affair,
At some far off lair,
And ask why they all don't rhyme.
Warning, you may get struck down in your prime.

And last but not least,
Inform all you meet from west to east,
That they only exist in your mind.
Then at least you wouldn't have to be kind.

There are a ton more but I'd go on forever at my shore. Of course I could also annoy that way. Oh such fun I have at my bay. Maybe I'll have to do an annoying part two here at my zoo. Of course there is also that annoying singing wall bass. I just want to strike that down with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Positive Day In A Negative Way!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
It is a meeting at work where they say today all will be given a perk. For an hour a guest speaker will come and give her two cents worth hum. To the cat two cents is paying too much at my mat. All of this strat is common sense. Even Pat is not that dense.

We're here today,
To scare the negative away.
With exercises galore.
Excuse me while I try not to snore.

But look what happened already,
As the blithering comes on steady.
I've become more positive than ever.
My, you really are clever.

I'm positive this will bore,
I'm positive I have more interest in the door.
I'm positive I've heard all of this,
I'm positive this is something I can miss.

But just to be sure about that,
I will do a checklist at my mat.
I mean I want to be positive, right?
Can't put it into a negative light.

Know you are thinking negative and change it!
Check! The negative dripped out in my spit.
Write when something bothers you,
Pfft you really have no clue.

But now you and Flappy,
With you all happy,
Have something in common at my place.
That must positively put a smile on your face.

And here we go,
With the typcial flow.
People are categorized in this, this and that.
Right! And I'm simply a cat.

Lumping people as one is dumb!
All don't even have the same bum.
So all can fit under a certain field you say?
Right! The cat will never join such a fray.

So I'm positive I was right.
I'm positive I'll sleep the same tonight.
I'm positive you sound like a fortune cookie.
I'm positive The Little Mermaid has a thing for that wookie.

I am now grateful you are gone.
I'm grateful I don't have to mow a lawn.
I'm grateful I did not have to pay,
For your positively postive display.

What? I just did what she said at my hut. I was told to write things out. So I am positive I had to give it a shout. I am also positive Pat learned more in his Life in the Universe university class. Now away I go with my oh so positive little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

25% Extra Under My Tent!

 Have to wait and see who this could be!
So the cat has to make up for that extra 25% that gets lost along the way and he will do a little extra today at his bay. You know you should too. So then when the next leap year comes due, you simply have to do 25% the whole day. So you have 75% of it to do nothing at your bay. Might get boring I suppose. You could always work on your superhero pose?

What to do with 25%?
I guess I can vent.
How are you today?
Fine...now go away.

50km/h is all you can go,
Now it's 75km/h at my show.
I know I may suffer RCMP wrath,
But I like my math.

Work a full day,
And make 25% more at your work bay.
Not sure they would agree.
But if not I'll send them a flea.

Go for a walk,
But don't talk.
Just go 25 more steps than before.
Don't run in your door.

It can be a perk,
But for some things it would not work.
Such as the above,
The door would not feel any love.

For opening it 25% more,
Would knock it to the floor.
Those poor hinges would cry,
You just made your door die.

But some air conditioning came due,
Although now everyone can see you.
Maybe even 25% more.
Hmm what sights could be in store.

Or say today you buy a car,
And you want to be on par.
They give you 25% of another one.
I guess parts do go for a ton.

And since you took those extra steps today,
You can eat 25% more at your bay.
Meaning your grocery bill will be more,
The next time you hit the grocery store.

This 25% thing can backfire,
It could make things dire.
But if you want to be a 25% crier,
You have to dive into such a deep fryer.

Now was that not fun? Think of what could be done, if you were to get 25% more at your shore. Think of what you might not want to be done too. Some things could make you blue but others may not. Damn, you must be now suffering from brain rot. So 25% more rat burger and bass to all of you from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.