Pat Hatt's Blog, page 132

I'll Be A Dick And Make You Pick!

I'm going to channel my inner Google today. That might be tough to do though at my bay. I have to dumb myself down quite a bit. I also have to be more annoying than shit. What would be more annoying than that? Being peed on the head by a cat?


Pick the dog from above.The butt sniffer needs love.Pick it or you can't comment. If you can't pick, get bent.

Whoops, you picked wrong.Come on and play along.Please solve more.  I'll give you an encore.

Pick the worms.Read them terms.You have to pick.Yeah, I'm a dick.

You missed once more?How hard is it at my shore?Did you fail at the memory game?That is so really lame.

Pick the flowers.Don't take hours.I haven't got all day.Pick and then have your say.

You got it right.Damn, too slow taking flight.Now pick the dog once more. Enjoy your encore.

Sigh, wrong again.Are you a hen?Just pecking at the keys? This should be a breeze.

Pick the cat.Easy where you are at.Pick the furry one. There are a ton.

That was so easy. No, cats aren't cheesy.You are so bad at this.Did I hear you hiss?

Pick the flowers.Don't take hours.I said that before.But you needed the encore.
Finally, you got it on time. Now you can leave a comment with or without rhyme. Damn, you took forever though. Don't you love giving this new captcha a go? At least you aren't a robot. Didn't I harness my inner Google with this plot? Now all I need as an Error 503. I made that, did you see? Do they make you sass? They sure are hated by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Get An Umbrella, Fella!

Do you use one of those things when rain flings? Pat does not. The cat doesn't mind water a lot. Cassie would just run under the bed. Water she can dread. But that is not the case. Pat got a funny face.

You're in the rain.
That has to be a pain.
Aren't you cold?
I must be old.

Don't you have an umbrella?
Go and buy one, fella.
It is good for you.
It keeps you from turning blue.

You don't need one?
You walk fast and can run?
Sorta, anyway?
Bad back you say?

That is why you need it.
Then you can stand or sit.
No rain will hurt you.
Maybe you should get two.

One for the car,
In case you drive far.
One for home,
In case you roam.

Aren't I wise?
Boy, time flies.
I need to get home.
Must feed my lawn gnome.

Yeah, I'm a nut.
Stuck in an umbrella rut.
But I have three,
So you should trust me.

They are cheap.
Take the leap.
You'll be better off.
When it rains you won't scoff.

Let it rain.
No pain no gain.
Bring the down pour.
I can still take a tour.

Off I go.
Remember to be in the know.
Get an umbrella,
And be a happy fella.

Got an umbrella now? I know you must want one after that wow. Waiting at a crosswalk a nut actually went on and on and on about how I needed an umbrella to dawn. I could understand a bit if she was selling the shit, but nope, she just said an umbrella and I needed to elope. I don't want to carry around that with each pass. The rain won't melt my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Not So Rhyme For Another Time!

The cat is back with another book from Pat. Geez, I have to pimp him out where we are at. That is just rude. He doesn't even rhyme so he deserves my attitude. But now book 7 is done and it does have a nut that goes on a rhyming run. He is on the cover. Think he is an Oompa Loompa lover?

Click here for a peer
A Not So Realistic World, book 7 in the series, brings the focus back to Jack, Emily and Mason as they continue to strive to find a way back to Earth's time fraction. After Olympus, Hell and all form of battles that they have had to face, they thought they had seen it all. But as they experience more of the Time Junction, its rainbow road and its caretaker, Tripit, a rhyming nut with a crush on Emily, they realize they have only scratched the surface of what is out there.
New enemies arise, old friends come back to join the fight, gods get in the way and everything seems to revolve around Jack and his movie quote obsession. From musicals to cartoons to cop shows, the trio cycle through them all and have no idea why. 
Follow along as Jack, Emily and Mason learn the secrets of the Time Junction, search for the way out and take their final journey over that mountain to try and make it home for good.
There is no real super powered me in this one.
That is just no fun.
I am there fake though.
That is kinda low.


Book 4, 5 and 6 starred me.
I guess book 8 will be my return spree.
Confused yet?
Ahh, many stories weave in and out you can bet.

Now the cat is through. Book 7 sound good to you? Think the nut on the cover is good or bad? He is a pervert more than a tad. But that could just mean he likes to have fun. And so book 7 is done. 5 more to go and my series is complete. Won't that be neat? This has been another book pass from my little rhyming ass.
  
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Wabatat Is Where It's At!

Here we are once more. We are back to that day when Hallmark becomes an attention whore. Lovey dovey this and lovey dovey that. Pffffft is all that is said by the cat.

One whole day.
Wow, go play.
It will make everything great.
Pfffft and I'm a talking plate.

But that you know,
Because given a go.
Also cupid is stupid,
But again, we've done cupid.

This year there is more.
Lucky you came to my shore.
A new love machine is here.
He doesn't wear a diaper over his rear.

That is a big plus.
No PTA nuts will fuss.
It is the Wabatat.
Spreading love no matter where you are at.

How does the Wabatat please?
Why it is a breeze.
It's not hard at all.
He keeps up with this day at every hall.

The Wabatat is hairy.
He is rather scary.
A nose redder than a cherry.
And I mean everything is hairy.

Wears a toga.
Is good at yoga.
Can bend and scoop.
I'd love if he'd clean my poop.

But he has a power.
He can create a love shower.
You just have to be ready,
Then love will come steady.

Are you ready for it?
Don't throw a fit.
He'll be on time.
No mountains to climb.

The Wabatat just spit on you.
Yep, that wasn't rain at your zoo.
You were covered in love's spit.
Now for the next 23 hours, 26 minutes and 45 seconds you will have a love fit.

Wow, love by spit. Now that will be a hit. I better patent that for next year. The Wabatat may take on diaper covered rear. Don't you love the magic of the day? Even a Wabatat can come out to play. Care for some Wabatat spit? I know you'll love it. Hmm, maybe you're better off finding love by eating grass? Sure beats, not really, my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Take A Stand And All Will Be Grand!

There are nuts near and far. They even drive a car. That isn't a good thing. Don't find a nut and have a fling. You will just add to the dumbness of the human race. Nope, that's not today's case.

Come and stand.
Take my hand.
Just come and stand.
It is so grand.

Stand all day.
Sitting is outlawed at your bay.
Never ever sit.
Who needs it?

Stand when you eat,
Meal or treat.
Stand when you crap.
Be one talented chap.

Stand when you pee.
Be one talented she.
Stand when you fall.
Can you stand it all?

Yep, sitting is bad.
Don't do it at your pad.
You can never ever sit.
Not one little bit.

Humans weren't built that way.
So stand all through the day.
Only lay when you are in bed.
Otherwise, stand, even on your head.

What? You can sit?
Bah, don't believe it.
Humans aren't built for that.
Don't be like a lazy cat.

Stand at work.
That is a perk.
Stand like me.
It's the way to be.

Stand very tall.
Stand on a ball.
Stand in your spot.
Standing is hot to trot.

Remember to stand.
Remember to take my hand.
Stand on cement or sand.
Standing is so grand.

Pfffffft says the cat. Not built to sit where we are at? Hmmm, then how come we can sit? If we weren't built for it then we couldn't do that shit. Sitting too much is as dumb as can be. But never sitting? Yeah, take your standing and bite me. Standing all day is sure hard on the body too. Trust me at my zoo. Now I am through with my sass. Time to stand down with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A New Valentine To Wine And Dine!

The cat is always helping you out. I don't want anyone to pout. So I have more prospects for all of you. They were there six months ago anyway to view.

Can't get right
Should an "it" be in sight?
Can u be the 1
Sorry, don't want my IQ to equal none.

I'm ur gaal baby
Nope, not even a maybe.
Let's give it a ripper
Umm errr, hands off the zipper?

May you always shine
Is this some church of the divine?
My 5 year old niece told me to do this
Take advice from children on bliss?

You me and three
Seems you can't count to me.
All flonder in this sea
Yep, and it's thee.

Red my prfile 1st
Can't, my head may burst.
Why can't I get a date.
Too whiny to mate?

Where are all the guys in?
Umm, care for a re-spin?
Are you my savior and lord?
Sorry, go hump a Ford.

Need you in my life.
Just what I need, a needy wife.
Cats got my tongue.
Looks like it also got your lung.

Must take care of yourself and not be fat.
Do as I say not as I do where you are at?
Carring is sharing.
Playing in traffic is daring.

Can we try again?
Did we try once at my den?
Grumpy young female.
That just makes all want to set sail.

Working on me and my tears.
Water eyes bring fears.
You've never been around these parts.
And somehow I think I'd rather take cat farts.

There you are at your sea. A good bunch for you to have a date spree. Just in time for Valentine's day. Don't say I never did anything for you, okay? Enjoy getting a crazy, nut job of a lass when this dumb day comes to pass and, yeah, I'll give the day sass. I won't let you down with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Can't Sleep At Your Keep?

Can you sleep like a cat and nap wherever you are at? Is that a no? Geez, maybe you need to eat a crow? Yeah, that would not work. But you are screwed up by a certain perk.

Can't sleep,
Not light or deep.
Poor you,
At your zoo.

Blame me.
Blame each sea.
Blame your reading.
Am I misleading?

Nope, it's your screen.
It is just mean.
It won't let you sleep.
The screen is a creep.

Those energy saving light bulbs too.
Maybe the TV you view.
Even a table lamp,
One with a stupid light bulb cramp.

Why is that?
Follow the cat.
It is because of blue light.
It shines through the night.

It makes your body think it is day.
So you get energy at your bay.
Energy and sleep don't mix.
Yep, can even get it from watching flicks.

Blue light can also increase stuff.
Like cancer, diabetes and make depression rough.
All because you use your computer at night.
Phones, tablets, etc. also have it take flight.

So you are screwed.
Unless you find the computer rude.
Then you are fine.
Sleep will align.

Blue light is a pain.
Can screw with any sleep train.
The cat just wanted you to know.
And yep, 100% scientific fact on the go.

f.lux is an app,
That can cut the trap.
I just started giving it a go,
Can't hurt at my show.

Ever hear of blue light and it screwing with you at night? Just another thing "advancements" have done. Aren't our bodies fun? Can get glasses that block it too. So I'm told at my zoo. So if you can't sleep and don't know why, you may have just been told why by this rhyming guy. At least blue light won't give you gas, I have enough of that in my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Save Time In Your Prime!

The cat has been down the whole time saving road. We don't want to go into repeat mode. But the cat has found a new way. It could save you so much time each day. You will be more than whelmed when I am through. Yep, it is true.

Need time?
Such a crime.
Can make it.
But who needs that shit?

Rather whine.
Rather dine.
Rather whine more.
A whine encore.

But that isn't it.
Forget that shit.
There is a better way.
Move your litter tray.

Yep, pack up and move away.
To where you say?
To movie land.
Life would be grand.

Teeth are always white.
No brushing in sight.
Hair is always done.
Even when you wake up to the sun.

Can spend all you want.
No bank account will taunt.
Get everything you need.
Well won't run dry at your feed.

Always have a ton.
Never need a food run.
Can leave food out and take one sip.
You'll still never need a grocery trip.

Never even have to change clothes.
Screw those type of woes.
They stay nice and clean.
Isn't that just serene?

Who needs to date?
Pffft and mate.
Then all will be right.
Love will instantly take flight.

Can quit your job and live.
Everyone will forgive.
You'll still somehow get money.
All will be sunny.

There you are. Now whether you are near or far, you can save time every single day. You can do whatever the hell you want and get pay. Just move to movie land. Everything is scripted and life is grand. Moving there today? Be sure and take the litter tray. Now I have helped every working class. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Topic For You In Which To Stew!

So it has been a bit since I had a blog topic fit. The cat figures he can help all of you who have "nothing to say" yet say a lot anyway at your zoo. It had to be said. Sorry, not really, for any dread.

Blog topics are in.
Easy to spin.
I web and I weave,
Then I leave.

Are you whelmed with me?
That is a good way to be.
Look, whelmed is a post.
Whoops, did that at my coast.

So new ones for you.
Heck, I'll give a few.
Maybe more than three.
No need to thank me.

Mommy issues.
Break out the tissues.
Daddy issues.
Another box of tissues.

Wowee, you just got three.
Isn't that nice of me?
Mommy, Daddy and how you keep the tissue business turning.
Damn, that fire is sure now burning.

How to make a fire.
Fourth one just grew higher.
What rhymes with fire?
How to change a tire.

Now you have five.
Will you get out alive?
Places you almost died.
Away the ideas glide.

Still stuck in a rut?
Don't wiggle your butt.
Or maybe do.
Butt pics in view.

Hey, works for people of Wal-Mart.
But you may need a cart.
Still stuck works as well.
Like times you got stuck and damned all to hell.

Woweee, lots for thee.
Need one more from me?
Okay, here is another.
Things never to say to your mother.

Poof! Topics galore. Took 5 minutes at my shore. Don't you like a helpful cat? Are you the "I've got nothing to say type" where you are at? Well now you have no excuse at all. Just following the bouncing ball. I guess that would be bouncing rhyme. I am all over the place with my chime. Now I'll go eat some grass and wiggle my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Hooked On A Feeling With This Dealing!

The cat heard some woman the other day as he walked by a lottery ticket booth at the grocery store bay, wow, I got wordy there. But you don't care. Anyway, heard her say I've got a feeling I will win. Pffft and I have a golden chin.

I've got a feeling.
A feeling where?
Is it like peeling?
I hope it's not down there.

Let that sink in.
Damn, that would suck.
Be more than a sin.
Even for a snip snip duck.

But luckily it's about a buck.
The good old winning.
Yeah, about as dumb as luck,
This thing that left her grinning.

I've got a feeling.
It's in my bones.
Standing or kneeling,
It sure groans.

Hmm, gutter there?
Don't sit and stare.
Or maybe glare.
Excuse me while I lick my cat hair.

Okay, I'm done.
I took care of that feeling.
My tongue won.
And there was no peeling.

But the feeling is ready.
It is coming to me.
I can feel it steady,
I'm going to win $1,000,000,000, yippeeee!

Oh wait.
That was back pain.
Damn, my fate.
No pain no gain?

Hook me to that feeling,
And I'll kick you in the head.
You may have to be kneeling,
But I promise you won't get dead.

So you hooked on a feeling?
The cat must know.
Ready for some poker dealing?
Is it in your head, tongue or toe?

And just a little fyi for all of you. I looked the next day at my zoo and the winner was out in BC. That's on the other side of the country from me. Whoopsy, I guess her feeling was wrong. Maybe she just had one too many a hit from the bong? Got any feelings like that lass? I have a feeling you'd never tell my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.