Pat Hatt's Blog, page 129

The Tunnel Of Ummm..My Bum?

The cat has tunnel love today. It can sure be seen on display. There is no denying it at our sea. I am in the tunnel and not the cat tree. Cassie wants it though. I'll let her eat crow.


The tunnel and me.All mine at our sea.I have to give it a sniff. So I gave it a whiff.

A whiff on each side. A regular whiff ride.Then I heard it.She came to sit.

Cassie wanted in. I can't let her win.I planked myself inside.I liked my tunnel ride.

She sniffed my butt.Is she trying to be a mutt? Does she think that will work?It just made me smirk.

 Now I'm napping.She is just lapping.Around and around she goes.Then she strikes a pose.

She whapped me.How rude of she.She made me turn too.The tunnel shrank at our zoo.

So she grabbed a toy.It really brought her joy.I can't have that.I'm a greedy cat.

 I gave one last sniff.I took a big whiff.Then darted out.Had to see what the fuss was about.

She still had the toy.This was some ploy.I went to grab it. But she stopped her fit.

She darted in.Now she got the win. She even gave me attitude.Stealing my tunnel is just rude.
Ever get your tunnel stolen at your sea? It was not fun to me. I then went and grabbed the toy. She didn't fall for the same ploy. Hmph, cat house it is. I'm done with the tunnel biz. I'll leave that to Cass. I'm a sore losing little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Round Forty Four Takes Another Tour!

The search engine nuts keep on finding me. But blog fodder works for my sea. Although they are still dropping off a bit. Maybe the nuts are gone and done with it? Doubt it at my sea, probably Google screwing with me.

nursery rhyme about spotted dick

It hits the spot,
And goes down some slick.
Things may go pokadot,
With some spotted dick. 

cats in buckets

Hey, it can work. Can be a curled up perk.

my rhyming toe

Big or small? Did a piggy eat them all?

haveacatcatscat

Cats on the brain. Flush you down the drain.

how did yo win me

Are you worth much? If not, I'll pass and not touch.

rusian girls gone wild

The Russians aren't here. They just come and peer.

xxx in the bath tub

Sorry, no splish splashing about. When it comes to water, Cassie's out.

graduating mice

Mice with a degree? Now that I want to see.

milk from a bird

Umm, good luck with that. Maybe next try a bat.

bottomless asses

Isn't that a bit umm messed up? An ass has a bottom, just ask a pup.

gripping ass

Big ones are easy to grip. But sorry, no ass clip.

ear worms

No thank you. Keep the worms at your zoo.

new lucky bears

Bears are lucky? Isn't that just ducky.

my laundry's talking to me 

They make pills for that. May need a few where you're at.

And the winner of this round must have escaped from the pound. That or they are really dumb. It sure must suck to have an itchy bum.

fleas in my ass and ball hair
And you are telling me why? Got no fleas from this guy. I think they call those crabs though. Have to watch where you stick things you know. And so another has come to pass as a few nuts still find my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Come And Play The Facebook Way!

Maritime Bloggers and blog stalkers near and far, VOTE FOR ME at my sand bar!!!!!!!!!! 
If there are any out there that follow/stalk my sand bar. Only martimers are allowed to vote so that screws me a bit with using all near and far. Now back to it with another hit.
If anyone takes the title of today and wants to go to Facebook and play, stay away from the cat. I am being a wise ass where I am at. But that you probably knew. So on with it at our zoo.

I don't see.
No Facebook for thee.
I don't see.
I want to see thee.

You should be on.
Don't be a pawn.
Join in the fun.
Facebook must be done.

You were on there before.
Why not join once more?
You will like it.
I know it will be a hit.

Come on back.
It won't lack.
I'll send you a friend request.
Facebook is just the best.

Who needs a blog.
That is a time hog.
Twitter is too much.
People say stupid things and such.

Linkedin is more career stuff.
But Facebook can't get enough.
Come and show me your life.
Do you have a wife?

Are your cats on there?
Farmville is great, I swear.
You should join in on a game.
It is anything but lame.

People want to see.
By people, I mean me.
Why aren't you back?
Facebook doesn't lack.

Come and join up.
You can see my pup.
You can see what I ate.
Maybe even my last date.

Isn't that exciting?
It's just like writing.
You can say whatever you want.
Facebook is one great haunt.

Sadly, most of this is true, except maybe the rhyme that came due. Pat ran into a nut he knew years ago. She wanted him to have a Facebook show. Pfffft to any of that crap. Facebook can be blown off the map. Do you use it at your sea? Do you use it as much as this crazy? Facebook thumpers are after me now. I think I'll get over that somehow. Maybe I'll gas the nosey parker lass. That will keep her away from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Too Barren For Me At My Crazy Sea!

The cat was asked the other day to try something new at his bay. I could even make a little pay. But my answer after looking at it was a big no way. Have to pay me more than that to chew off that tough fat.

You are a writer.
This should be an over nighter.
It will be easy as can be.
Just write away at your sea.

Plus you did accounting too.
Double the pleasure at your zoo.
Can get it done in double the time.
Not to would be a crime.

Here it is.
About a biz.
Has to be as technical as can be.
Can't miss a thing at your sea.

Step by step.
Without any pep.
No pep at all.
Keep it dry at your hall.

And that is it.
Your style can fit.
Won't you do it?
No need to use wit.

Pffft says the cat.
I don't need that.
Boring writing is not for me.
On that I'd let a dog take a pee.

Is that an answer for you?
I'd let it take a big shit too.
Whoops, was that too vivid of me?
Damn, ruined my chances with thee.

I'm not PC and a bit crass.
I may even say ass.
I could go worse some days too.
Can't you tell by my zoo?

Could I do it?
Yep, could do the shit.
Will I do it?
Rather suck on dog spit.

A paint by numbers writing,
Is not at all exciting.
The cat needs to cut loose,
Not get sucked dry by a noose.

A fan of technical writing are you? Do you write instruction manuals at your zoo? Damn, that would just bore. More fun working at a Wal-Mart store. The cat will never sink that low, unless offered a ton of dough. We can be bought with money in mass. But I'm not a cheap little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It's Tons Of Buns!

The cat has another kids book ready to go. Out they sure do flow. This one may get a little bit of hate if some crazy nut takes the bait. But the cat had to give it a go, as it makes fun of a family member at our show.

A new superhero is on the block.
She may make people gawk.
But she can give bad guys the runs.
No one can stop Tons of Buns.

Not even Tarsier Man has an extendable butt.
Zombie Man can yank his off at his hut.
Catality has no butt play.
Gung and Ho give it a no way.

Tons of Buns stands above them all.
She can heed every call.
Stopping bad guys in their tracks.
She can stop them by the packs.

Just has to extend her butt,
And hit them in the gut.
The bad guys go down,
And she saves another town.

So are you ready?
She'll stop crime steady.
She has no need for guns,
She just uses her tons of buns.









Click Here For A Peer!
Oh where the cat's mind will go. You just never know. Like the new superhero at our sea? Tons of Buns can make bad guys flee. Hey, the cat's aunt whined she wasn't in a book. Now she is at our nook. Be careful what you wish for with the cat. You may regret it where you're at. And now another has come to pass and I'm just glad I have a normal little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It Was A Botch So Not Going To Watch!

The cat hates the whiners that show up. You humans are more whiny than a pup. Then you all get together and whine like its cats and dogs weather. Who wants it to rain those anyway? Uggg to whiners I say.

A little bit of whine,
Can annoy the feline.
That we surely know.
Been there, done that at my show.

But then there is another.
Not whining about mother.
Nope, it's whining about a show.
For what the show did umm show.

Or how it did go.
Whether high or low.
Pathetic as can be.
What they say from sea to sea.

Oh, murder, beheadings and such is okay.
I'll watch such a display.
But giving the middle finger was so bad.
Can't have that at any pad.

Nope, that's just wrong.
Come all, play along.
Join my whiny crusade.
We can't let this fade.

Well we're at it,
Let's up this shit.
Blame the actor for it all.
They wrote the script at their hall.

Everything is as real as can be.
Yep, it's all just like Reality TV.
Don't admit that it is not.
That would spoil the plot.

So come join in.
Give whining a spin.
Whine along with me.
Can even protest from sea to sea.

Whoops, the cat went there.
Let's not ruffle his hair.
Let's just start a group on Facebook.
Whiners everywhere can take a look.

And in the end, what do we say?
After the whining is done at the end of the day.
We say, we aren't going to watch this show ever again.
Whoopsy, the next night we watch it in our den.

Pffft whiny show watchers are nuts. They must have sniffed one too many butts. Looking for attention at their sea. Oh no, a scene offended thee. Whoopdi friggin doo. No one cares if it offended you. Go on with life and forget the strife. For it is all fake. Maybe go watch Barney for your sake. Enjoy the "I'm never gonna watch again" whiner class? Pffft to them says my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Shake Your Head And Raise The Dead!

The cat hears this a time or two. Then he actually hears it at his zoo. It can be rather loud. May also leave a cloud. Yeah, a bit juvenile at my bay. But that works for me any other day.

Women don't fart.
They take that to heart.
No passing of gas.
Nope, not for a lass.

So what are they?
What should we say?
Aliens they are?
Illegals by far?

Some machine?
Clearly unclean.
A backfiring one.
Skynet having fun.

Maybe it's Banner and The Hulk.
They change over with umm bulk.
When the fart is to come,
They turn into something else with a bum.

A well kept secret from me?
Not very secretive at their sea.
For some let it rip.
Even lift their hip.

Profanity Granny proved that.
She can do it so loud she scares the cat.
Maybe old age doesn't count?
No matter the noise or amount.

Beats being up shit creek,
Following through as out they sneak.
Oh what an image there.
It's okay to sit and swear.

The cat has caught on,
To the never ever con.
A sneak changing thing.
With Jekyll and Hyde women had a fling.

Now they can change on a whim.
Can't always stay proper and prim.
They switch to this or that,
And let it go where they are at.

Makes perfect sense to me.
They need to let them fly free.
The cat solved the case,
Sharing all with the human race.

Are you insistent that you don't fart? Do you really take that to heart? Not saying anything is fine and dandy. The cat just finds it funny when some women keep that handy. Adamant they do not at all, scrunchy face and all at their hall. They look like they are holding in the gas. Holding it in isn't good for any lad or lass. I guess I just have no class. The cat lets it fly out his little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Don't Stammer With The Hammer!

The cat heard some nut the other day that was spouting "be the hammer, not the nail" to all that came his way. A hammer may hurt a ton, but nails too can have fun.

Be the hammer, not the nail.
Hit the hammer time trail.
Should I use that?
Indulge the cat.

A hammer is large.
A hammer is in charge.
A hammer can smack.
Knock you out on the first whack.

A hammer can kill.
A hammer can bill.
A hammer can swing.
A hammer gets the major cha-ching.

Who doesn't want to be a hammer?
Even if you have a stammer.
Or risk going to the slammer,
Because you are a killer hammer.

But the hammer can break.
The hammer can take.
The hammer can get its due,
From turning all black and blue.

The hammer gets nailed.
The hammer has failed.
The hammer will die,
A miserable old guy.

Unless a female hammer.
Then she can ram her.
Ram her right up your arse.
That hammer sure isn't sparse.

The nail can poke.
Poke that hammer bloke.
Give it a slow bleed.
Many can spring up like a weed.

The hammer gets nailed.
The hammer gets tailed.
The hammer gets screwed.
Hey, both are pointy, dude.

Nails have control.
Nails have a role.
And without the nail,
The hammer does fail.

The cat would rather be a tool in a non handy man's house. It will stay shiny and never used even to kill a mouse. Would you rather be the hammer or the nail? I'd take the hammer and not fail. I wouldn't want to get nailed. That ship has sure sailed. Hey, I am snip snip. Whoops, that was a gutter trip. Without nails hammers are no good for much. Unless you are a hammer of one and such. Nails sure come in mass. I don't want any poking my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Boney Head Put To Bed!

Boney is back and he sure does lack. I am not sure what went on with him. Hmm, maybe I made him grim. I did knock him over the other day. But I swear I never made heads or tails of his head dismay.


Heads up. There's been a hiccup.The body went poof.Quite the goof.

 Boney looked.Cassie was booked.Two heads better than one. Ahead is lots of fun.

Have to cool down.Cooler heads prevail in every town.So he is in the freezer.Brain freeze for the old geezer. 

Then he needed to sit,Just for a little bit.Didn't want him to bite your head off.Whoops, bad choice of words, he may scoff.

He stole my condo spot.That wasn't hot to trot. He needed a price on his head.Maybe make him good and dead.

He tried to run away. Got a head start at our bay.I thought he was ahead of the game.Really though, he was just lame.

And he couldn't fit. Not one little bit.Can't curl like that cat.An airhead if he thought that.

He got a bright idea this time.He gave a little chime.It was full steam ahead.At least that's what he said.

He rolled to my mat.Stealing everything from the cat.I can't have any of that.Things came to a head where we are at.

I grabbed Boney's head,And then put him to bed.Soon he'll head for the hills,Maybe even give head for thrills.
Ever have your head pop off? That would make you scoff. Or not. Then you'd start to rot. Boney can get away with it at my sea. That means no murder was done by me. I guess Boney gets to be the head of the class. Although I could finish him off with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

An Important Plot...Or Not!

The cat heard this a time or two. Most of the time a person just wants you to shoo. Other times it can be true. Has it ever been used at your zoo? The answer is probably yes. It is okay to confess.

Here we are.
In a car.
In a plane.
On a train.

Aren't we in the train?
Why does on pull the chain?
In, in and on.
Is that a con?

Bah, ignore the cat.
It's easy where you're at.
Or maybe not.
I could be hot to trot.

But you've got more important things to do.
My, that is a mouthful from you.
What is so important at your sea?
Do you need to break someone free?

Maybe stop a bomb,
That you hold in your palm.
That would be a true skill.
Unless you go Lethal Weapon and get a big bill.

Hunker down in the snow?
That is important you know.
If you are buried in it,
You need to do something with the white shit.

Maybe stop an alien invasion.
That's of the important persuasion.
Don't want probing going on.
Don't want to be an alien pawn.

Stop a serial killer.
Just like in some thriller.
Do you shoot him dead?
Maybe just wing his head.

Could be a her as well.
Women can be psycho as hell.
Wait, don't react to that.
You have more important things to do where you are at.

What is your important thing?
In the shower you have to sing?
Maybe some spring fling?
Whoops, you just have to take out the trash like a dingaling.

Taking out the trash is important though. You have to feed the raccoon population, you know. Plus keep the trash man in work. See? trash has a perk. It can be as important as can be. Are you an "I've got more important things to do" user at your sea? I have very important gas. It comes out my very important little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.