Pat Hatt's Blog, page 103

It's Now A Fable With The Cable!

The cat got caught going out the other day as the cable company came around to each apt. bay. Yeah, I usually don't go to the door. Even if they hear me at my shore.

Who are you with, Sir?
Sir? Damn, I'm old.
Maybe it's my grey fur.
Or I just look bold.

Not with you.
I'm with the other guy.
You have no clue,
So away you can fly.

But I'll knock $50 off.
That has to be great.
For 3 months you won't scoff,
And get a great rate.

Yeah, then comes the hassle.
Then comes the strife.
Go back to your company castle,
If I wanted aggravation I'd get a wife.

Could get a great cable package as well.
All in one bundle for you.
All those channels sure are swell.
You'll stick to the TV like glue.

Pffft cable is a rip off in every way.
I'll take Netflix at my sea.
Bury cable in the litter tray.
Stick your bundled fee.

But you could try,
See if you're wrong.
I don't tell a lie.
Plus $50 off won't last long.

Got that right.
$50 will go to plus $100 overnight.
3 months later it'll be a plight.
Bill to a new height.

It won't go up much.
That isn't our way.
And you can keep in touch.
Listen to what we say.

Stick you bundle crap.
Stick your cable shit.
Go bother some sap,
Who actually believes it.

And there were my words for cable bundle selling nuts. Can go and sniff mutt butts. Still have cable at your sea? One big rip off to me. 80% of the crap you'll never watch or want to watch. Better off spending money on scotch. Hmm, that too may be a bad pass. So don't get drunk on cable near my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

For Your Pleasure Here's Some Treasure!

The cat has a treasure trove of things to give away today. You can have them and get some pay. You just have to be as creative as can be. With what? You'll see!

I've got bottle caps galore.
I have so many at my shore.
Here they are for you.
Some are gold but most are blue.

You can make Blue a shoe.
A bottle cap shoe, who knew?
Or make a bottle cap fish.
Did I just grant your wish?

Got a few spare boots.
That will get you loads of loots.
Should it just be loot?
Hey, there is more than one boot.

Boots to plant holders.
Beats boot folders.
You can grow in a boot.
Use it as home for a newt.

Got plenty of TP.
I'll share some with thee.
Wait! It's just the empty roll.
Hey, could impress a troll.

Take them and make art.
Don't have to be smart.
Can make a body part.
Now that is true TP roll art.

Don't walk too fast.
May end up in a cast.
Or just with sore feet.
Either way, not neat.

Walking on egg shells now?
Good, I've got so many they will wow.
You can make art from the shells.
Could even make giant bells.

This may leave you bitter.
But no need to scoop the litter.
You can make litter art galore.
The tabbies do it at their trout town shore.

I could go on forever,
But this last one is quite the endeavor.
Make used condom wall art.
Doesn't that just scream from the heart?

Sadly all of this is true. Hey, I'm not judging at my zoo. If you want to make art out of this and that, go for it says the cat. Just expect me to curl my nose if the last one shows. Ever make art out of trash? You may get a bad rash. Especially if that last one comes to pass. Pat is too OCD to show litter art from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Screwy Change With The Same Range!

Did you see what the cat did there? You soon will at my lair. Change and the same. Wow, today I lit the flame. You sure got that fast. Slowly catching on to my cast. Fast and slow? Wowee, two in a row.

Today we see,
Or tomorrow for thee.
Or maybe yesterday.
Beats me anyway.

Today we missed.
Damn, yesterday got pissed.
Maybe tomorrow will be nice.
Then again it could bring lice.

That advice is grand.
What advice at hand?
Can't you read between the lines?
Don't go cursing felines.

The answer is on sale.
It's 50% off by the pail.
It is off and on.
Damn, is that a con?

I'm hot while cold,
And you are sold.
Sold on it.
Isn't this confusing shit?

I went over Oxy.
It may no longer be foxy.
Who needs that random order?
Ship that across the walking dead border.

Can't walk when dead,
Unless zombie type dread.
But can be hot and cold.
Hot on a task while freezing temps take hold.

The cat beat Oxy today.
It's right here on display.
I think I'll dub the conundrum too.
Orlismart has now come due.

Get my Orlismart?
Can have a sale at Wal-Mart.
It can be 50% off as well.
Oxy and its act naturally damned me to Hell.

Oxymoron may be after me.
I'm messing with its chi.
Whelmed it may never be.
Bet its saying a big fluck me.

Ready to spread the word of the Orlismart? You don't need a snip snipped body part. Did you know you can be off and on at the same time? To some that may be a crime. I never knew Oxymoron was so crass. I guess it didn't like the Orlismart of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Take A Pass And Get Blessed In Mass!

The cat has one thing for you to do today. You must pass this post on to all at your bay. Don't just sit and stare. There is a time limit, so beware. You may miss out if you don't. Get blessed you won't.

Send it to all.
Heed the call.
This is great news.
It sure can't lose.

The cat can rhyme.
Woweee, news at prime time.
No one knew that.
Except for the cat.

You didn't know?
Admit it at my show.
How could you though?
I kept it on the down low.

Now go and share.
You have minutes to spare.
15 minutes that is.
Share and in things will whiz.

You'll be blessed.
God will bless you no matter how you dress.
Yep, just from sharing.
It so shows you are caring.

But wait, there's more.
Share it by 12 minutes at your shore.
You will be blessed and get a wish.
Yep, in a wish will swish.

Anything at all you want.
No, I don't sit and taunt.
But what, there is still more.
Let's make it a triple encore.

If you send it within 8 minutes at your sea,
You will get a worldwide travel spree.
Did I mention there is more?
Yeah, this won't be a travel chore.

Your tour will be on a UFO.
Now you really have to go.
All around the planet.
You don't even have to man it.

So share it now.
Your friends will wow.
You'll get blessed, a wish and a world jaunt.
Warning, those alien probes may haunt.

Did you believe me? Did you share with glee? Pfffft the cat hopes not. Don't you love those emails with their ridiculous share plot? Like God gives a shit whether you share. But hey, if you believe it I got a bridge to sell you around here somewhere. Are you a sender to your friend mass? If you want I won't stop you from sharing my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Many A Season For A Reason?

The cat is into season 6 now. That is plenty of rhymes to meow. Or would that be type? I guess we can go with either for hype. Hype from that? Yeah, roll your eyes at the cat.

On a roll,
Out for a stroll.
Time ticks away.
Seasons at play.

Did hey diddle diddle,
Seasons in the middle.
Remember that?
Not a repeat cat.

That's not poppycock.
Nonsense isn't a shock.
That is here every season.
There is rhyme with no reason.

But seasons change.
That's not strange?
I heard you say it.
Could be a strange bit.

Seasons can go by 1.
Maybe 10 can be done.
They can go on and on.
20 seasons may even dawn.

Seasons can be televised.
They can be prized.
A prized fight of the season.
No rhyme but there's reason.

Seasons have a field and court.
Can even give a report.
Seasons have sport.
Care to give that a retort?

Seasons may start dropping.
Some seasons may be flopping.
If down goes the shopping,
Such a season may end up stopping.

A season for mating?
Who needs the dating?
Just have a fling.
That season can spring.

A new season today.
New season at play.
A new season for something new?
Whoops, same old season came due.

Seasons really are more than just seasons. Maybe seasons have reasons? Does that make sense? Are you on the fence? My poppcock has no season. It can always commit treason. There is a season for more than weather. Are you going to enjoy the seasons together? Which season is your favorite in mass? Weather, sports, TV and shopping all come to pass. Some may cause gas. There is no season for when that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Lore Of The High Score!

The cat got the high score. Yep, high score for blog posts ahead at my shore. Up to 370 or so as of now. Tomorrow I may beat that and wow. What does that say? Hmm, maybe too much time at my bay.

Look at me.
A high score to see.
I'm the Farmville champ.
Take that you low score tramp.

I got achievements galore.
I don't know how to use a door,
But my achievement count is really high.
That may not make me very spry.

Although I'm the winner.
You are a sinner.
You didn't get them all.
Just look at my achievement wall.

I'm the champ of Angry Birds.
That is so great beyond words.
Whoops, I got beat last night.
Time to up the fight.

Look at my Tetris win.
I did all others in.
Do people even play that any more?
Beats me at my shore.

I've scored a ton.
Yep, in the way many find fun.
I've got the diseases to prove it.
Also I have more offspring than a bit.

Hmm, maybe Tetris should come back in style,
After that one was added to the pile.
Or condoms should be cheaper,
For such a scoring creeper.

I've got the fattest cat.
Wowweee, look at that.
I've got the most rats.
50,000 to scare away dingbats.

That's a lot of rat poop.
Must own one big coop.
I'm going for the record you see.
Guinness is going to love me.

Wait! I need to get that extra one.
It may takes 10 hours to get done,
But I need that achievement now,
Then the world I can truly wow.

Aren't you impressed today? There are so many achievements on display. They could "win a fight against the PC player." How can that make you a nay sayer? And the Farmville champ? Better than a genie in a magic lamp. Hmmm, maybe the cat doesn't appreciate such class. I'll blame being a snip snipped little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Label Caught In A Fable!

Did you know labels are caught? It sure seems like one dirty plot. A plot that is all around yet is never found. Or would that be seen? I guess we shall see what I mean.

A label for this,
A label for that.
Some cause bliss,
Others fall flat.

Some sure lie.
Others pretend.
Some gets a why,
Some may offend.

Like Gluten Free.
It can be a lie.
Below a certain percentage spree,
And they can lie from upon high.

Labels on clothes,
To know they will fit.
Labels on backhoes,
So you don't mess with that shit.

Labels on food,
They can omit and lie.
I know that is rude,
But told you that on the fly.

Labels for you.
Labels for me.
Those come due,
And can screw thee.

Labels for age.
Labels for race.
Can't turn the page,
They are stuck in place.

Can't change it.
Nope, no way.
Society says so.
Like political idiots on display.

Need that label.
Need to hate the other.
Some consideration is a fable.
Hate even if your brother.

Love the label?
Have one on the table?
Notice how they seem stable?
Letting them change is a fable.

Labels seem to come every which way. You humans sure like them at your bay. Do you label all upon view? Labels sure aren't new. I do have a good label to come to pass. I labeled myself a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Don't Get Bent As We Invent!

The cat is going to help all humans today. Yeah, let's bring change to every bay. The cat will give you the way to invent great things. No longer will such ideas hide away in the Area 51 wings.

Teleportation is tops.
Can get away from the cops.
Can go anywhere at any time.
It can even be done by a mime.

Think of a place you want to go.
Think really hard at your show.
Then poof! You just went there.
You are in another's body and not aware.

What? It's the truth.
I saw it at the Area 51 booth.
They had it on display.
Teleportation is here to stay.

Flying cars I've got down.
You can get all over town.
There are big elevators here and there,
Find one that is near your lair.

Now take your car up to the top,
Hit the gas and don't stop.
Woweee, you flew for a few seconds anyway.
Then you smudged on the ground like clay.

But for a second you flew.
It is oh so true.
I helped you once more.
Watch out for flying cars galore.

Unlimited power is near.
You don't even need gear.
It's as simple as can be.
You just have to be like me.

Eat some gassy food.
No one will find you rude.
Then hook it up to some mass,
Letting the gas flow from your ass.

Presto is the word.
Just don't pass a turd.
Cheap energy is now had.
You can save lots of money at your pad.

And as an extra one,
I can give you sun.
Just expose where it don't shine,
And forever the shine will align.

So get out there and follow my tips. Let the gas flow from those hips. Sun them too and a shine will always come due. Did you know such inventions were at hand? Isn't the cat grand? I should teach a science class. I'm sure they'd get smarter thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I'll Get To It....In A Bit!

The cat will get to this post some time soon. I guess it was got to at my sand dune. But when and where? Pffft beats me at my lair. That was long ago. Expect me to remember that at my show?

I'll get to it.
It's quite the hit.
The best around,
Sound so profound.

They say and go.
To where? I don't know.
But we'll get to that.
If not, don't blame the cat.

Maybe nod and agree.
Then off on a spree.
Shoved that aside.
Could hurt the pride.

In the end they ignore the that.
Now life is filled with scat.
Hey, literally if you didn't take out the trash.
You may get more than a bad rash.

Don't want to go there.
No "thats" to spare.
That is my right.
That says no hoarders in sight.

Oh, my arm hurts a bit.
It can take the hit.
I'll get to resting it.
Whoops, broke it where you sit.

I'll get to kids.
Now I'll play with squids.
20 years go by.
Whoops, not so spry.

I'll get to exercise.
That would be wise.
Whoops, heart attack came due.
All I did was strained my eyes to look at you.

I'll make a budget.
I won't fudge it.
Whoops, debt up the ass.
But I enjoyed living high class.

I'll take that trip.
I'll let it rip.
Instead I'm a fart.
Lazy and stinky at the nearest Wal-Mart.

That last one just popped in. Are you an I'll get to that at your bin? Some things it can work for but others you may find get missed out on at your shore. Everything could get missed out on if you drop dead. Or the "I'll get to that" could bring about your death bed. I guess a conundrum has come to pass. Don't expect it to be solved by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sign And Date There Mate!

The cat has a task for you today. You better have your pen on display. Get ready to sign your name. If you can't, an X isn't so lame. Just make it big. Then you can go dance a jig.

An agreement is had.
It's pages are more than a tad.
But just sign in three places,
Then we'll all have smiley faces.

You'll get the pleasure of signing your name.
You know that may even bring fame.
I'll get the pleasure of owning it all,
With 55.67% interest at my hall.

Hey, you just signed.
Don't pay and you'll be fined.
You didn't see that claim?
Pffft no matter, you signed your name.

It was there to read.
You signed the deed.
Don't blame me.
It was there to see.

Read and see.
A yipppee for me.
You said no to it.
I can't help that shit.

Now pay up.
No hiccup.
You fill my cup.
I even own your pup.

You got a bargain.
You didn't worry about the jargon.
You just signed away.
Now I get all your pay.

Them are the terms,
Even if you catch worms.
I'll own those too.
But I'll let that slide at my zoo.

You'll never get away.
You signed to play.
Now you work to pay.
Damn, I'm good at my bay.

That was a flipperoo.
You screwed you.
You didn't read it.
There was no bamboozled shit.

Geez, now you work to pay a rhyming cat. You never should have signed that. Do you read the fine print or treat it like lint? Best to go with the former at your sea. You don't want to pay everything to me. But hey, I do need a new singing bass. So pay up to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.