Polly Campbell's Blog, page 33

How to Add Rituals to Your Life

Every morning, I get up (eventually) and begin a series of subtle behaviors that I describe as a morning ritual.

As I set each foot on the floor, I give thanks and say a short prayer. I do some neck and shoulder and back stretches, then, I set an intention for the day and do a short visualization, imagining the feelings I want to experience (not the events, but how I want to feel about the events) as I go through the day. Then, I get moving.

This morning ritual can take five minutes or less than one if my daughter is stirring (Read: Yelling at me from the back bedroom). But I do them every morning. It is a way to give thanks for the day I have and to set the tone for the way I want to experience the moments to come.

It also makes me feel good, calm, and clear. And, according to research, those good feelings may come in part because of the sense of control the ritual provides in my life.

Benefits of Creating a Ritual

Research shows rituals enhance our experience. They can help you savor your food, become more aware. My little rituals and routines also remind me to slow down and take notice. To connect to the moments of my life. Often that yields gratitude and peace.

Though churches are known for their centuries-old rituals, families often have rituals in their own household, like sitting down together to dinner every night, or following a set bedtime routine, or a particular way of celebrating birthdays and other occasions. Even singing Happy Birthday, making a wish, and blowing out candles on a cake is a ritual that can help us savor the sweet more.

A ritual can be any set of actions and procedures, usually more than one — usually three to five — often repeated steps, that are performed in a meaningful or ceremonial way. I perform my morning, ritual, for example, in the same, quiet manner each day.

Rituals, like those that are part of graduation ceremonies, marriages, or funerals, provide an opportunity for emotional expression and even contemplation.

When it comes to grief and our experience of loss, research by Michael Norton and Francesca Gino, indicates that even a short ritual can diffuse our feelings of upset, anger and grief by providing a greater sense of control.

In one of the three experiments by Norton and Gino, participants were asked to write about a loss they’d experienced when a relationship ended. After recalling that event, they were asked to write about a coping ritual they’d used after the loss. Those who recalled the ritual felt less grief than those who simply wrote about the end.

Establishing Your Own Ritual

Ready to add some ritual to the routines of your life? Here are four tips to help you do it.

1. Look for rituals in celebration. What do you do on special occasions? How do you acknowledge a job well done? These are natural times to install rituals and traditions into our experience that like blowing out candles on the birthday cake will help us savor the good times in life. Look at how you mark the special times and add in three to five small actions you will take to mark those special times. Then do them. For example, in my family at Thanksgiving and other special meal times we always begin with grace, a toast and then we go around the table and share a memory or gratitude. It makes for a meaningful meal together.

2. Begin and end your day with a ritual. How do you start your morning? Are you rushing to get ready, or is there time to mindfully make a bowl of oatmeal and savor a cup of coffee while watching the sunrise? Are you so exhausted by the end of the day that you drop into bed, or do you take a moment to give thanks for specific things in your day? Look at the beginnings and endings in your life – the days, months, years and develop personal and distinct actions around them. This will help you to pause and become present to the moments of your life.

3. Become mindful at mealtimes. Mealtime rituals help us enjoy our food more, according to new research, (read Monday’s post — the one right before this — for more on these studies) and they also help us connect with each other. Choose a few deliberate actions before eating sitting down to dinner. Say grace, give a toast, light a candle. Whatever you decide to do, be deliberate before the evening meal and the ritual will make it more enjoyable. At our table, once everyone is seated, we begin eating and then we share our goodnesses. We each tell a story or offer an example of something that went well, something we are grateful for, or something that left us feeling good. This is also a great way to hear what your kids are thinking and to connect with all that is going well in your life.

 4. Always give thanks. Gratitude can be a powerful aspect of any ritual. After, sitting up and shaking off the sleep – which some days is a major accomplishment – I sit on the edge of my bed and think of three things I’m grateful for. You can say this out loud in the form of a prayer, or a simple sentence. You can do this silently. But it will change your day when you start by noticing how good the coffee smells, or how grateful you are that your baby slept through the night. It will change your day to give thanks to the sun for coming up again. Pause for gratitude at various times throughout your day. Structure a gratitude ritual this way: Stop and sit quietly. Take three deep breaths, close your eyes and then give thanks aloud for three items.

It’s the series of short, detailed, and deliberate actions that add to the power of ritual and will enhance your life.

How Rituals Help You Savor Life

The other day I woke up late. I lurched out of bed, pulled on my sweats and started my day without any of my usual ritual or pause. I felt off balance all day. Seems the little things I do throughout my day help me to be mindful, connected, grounded. They help me feel better.

Now psychologists also believe those short rituals can also enhance the flavor of our food and help us savor our life experience.

In a study that started when psychological scientist Kathleen Vohs started contemplating her own ritual of putting sugar in her espresso, psychologists began testing how little routines influence our experiences.

The first experiment involved a piece of chocolate – who wouldn’t mind volunteering for that kind of research?

The participants were given a chocolate bar. One group was asked to relax and then eat the bar at any time. The other was given a set of detailed instructions to follow before eating the candy.

That group that went through the specific chocolate-eating routine actually enjoyed eating the candy more than the other group. The key, according to researchers, is in the deliberate participation of the task. Random movements didn’t add to the joy and spectators didn’t benefit by watching the ritual.

But people who participated in a simple ritual before eating – particularly after a delay between the ritual and consumption – enjoyed the food more. Even worked with carrots – which as a mother immediately got me thinking about pre-vegetable eating rituals I could impose on my family.

What researchers found is that when we participate in short and deliberate behaviors – rituals – we tend to savor our experiences more. Those rituals help us connect to our experience “they draw us in” according to Vohs in the study published in the journal Psychological Science.

The data was so clear after four different experiments, that researchers may now begin looking at how rituals could help us heal faster after surgery, ease our pain, and amp up our life experience in other ways.

The Power of Rituals

Rituals draw people into what they are doing, Vohs says. And when we are engaged in life, when we are a part of the moment we are living, we almost always have a more positive experience.

I’ve got plenty of rituals in my own. Some are little and silly – dressing a certain way before a Big Duck Game. Others like my ritual of morning gratitude and the prayer at the end of the day are quiet and personal. But they all do the same things – they slow me down, ease my stress (mostly because I’m so present I’m not worrying about the future) allow me to pause and connect, to become present and to be mindful of the moment. Each of them do help me savor my life and that often yields to gratitude and appreciation.

These little routines and rituals aren’t of a religious nature nor are they complicated, but they are absolutely worth doing. On Wednesday, I’ll let you in on the rituals I use to jump-start my day and offer a few tips you can use to create your own.

How to Add Spiritual Practice into Your Routine

Like anything, spiritual practices become easier with, well, practice. The more you meditate the easier it gets to do. The more you practice gratitude, the more natural it becomes. Just like a muscle, the more you use it, the more it grows. If you establish the habits, then, these practices will be easy to access when times get tough.

Yet, one of the biggest barriers to spiritual growth is that we forget to do it. I get that it’s tough to find the time, but I also know from my own experience that it’s worth doing and many practices can fit neatly into your regular routine.

You  can be mindful during a shower or while washing dishes. You can give gratitude during the commute and take on a meditation practice during your lunch break. And, when you do these things, something else happens; life feels a whole lot less crazy. The busyness becomes more manageable. The stress less stifling. The craziness of life seems not so crazy. The joy more vivid. So remember to practice, people, you’ll feel better.

Here are some tips you can use to integrate any spiritual practice into your day:

Make it part of your morning routine. Build a practice into your regular schedule. Make a mindfulness practice out of brushing your teeth. Your exercise routine can be a moving meditation; a shower is a great time for a visualization or contemplation exercise. Instead of zoning out and taking on these tasks mindlessly, use them to inspire your practice.

Adopt triggers to remind you. Triggers are objects, songs, repeating number patterns — or any sign or symbol you choose that reminds you to practice. Every time I see the number 111, for example, I am reminded to become mindful of my thoughts and do a brief gratitude practice.

Choose a couple of triggers to use in your own life — an object like a rock, or crystal, the scent of fresh cut grass, or the color pink.  Then, next time you see the item or hear the song or experience your trigger let it remind you to do a two-minute practice of your choosing.

Create quiet spaces. Quiet moments allow us to connect with our highest self and it is an aspect of dozens of spiritual practices. In the quiet we often gain insight we need to grow spiritually and diffuse the stress in our day.

Create the quiet in your life, by consciously choosing silence over everything else. Next time you hop in the car, keep the radio off and drive quietly and mindfully. Wake up 15 minutes before everyone else, to soak up the pre-dawn quiet.  Exercise without the iPod and make your walk a moving meditation. Keep the television off while cooking dinner. These little pockets of quiet can make it easier to connect with your essential spirit.

By taking these small steps, you can begin to integrate the behaviors I wrote about Monday and other practices into your day to deepen the connection to your spiritual self and feel better. Then, the practice becomes a habit, which becomes a lifestyle that serves up deeper joy and even a little peace during the icky times.

 

Portions of this post originally ran on Imperfect Spirituality last year.

 

 

Five Things that Will Help You Feel Better Right Now

Life is going to throw us some challenges, no doubt about it. My Mom used to call them character building experiences. Apparently, I don’t have enough character because this stuff keeps coming my way. But, now I have a kind of a first-aid kit, a spiritual salve that I can lather on every day that makes it easier to cope with the difficult times. It also amps up the good times.

Best thing is, this salve is easy to apply and can be used right smack-dab in the middle of your day.

Five Ingredients to Make a Better Day

1. Gratitude. This spiritual practice is a fan favorite. Why? Because it is so easy to do and it is transformative. Research by Robert Emmons and other psychologists also indicates that a regular gratitude practice helps us manage stress, make good on our goals and feel better.

To begin your gratitude practice, set a time (I like to do this first thing in the a.m., at lunch time and before bed) to name five things you are grateful for. I do it aloud in the morning and then make a list on paper before I go to bed.

After saying or writing each item, take a deep breath, allow the feelings of gratitude to well up, then then say “Thank You.”

That’s it. Another way to fire up your gratitude during the day is to stop and notice those who help you – the teller at the bank, the bus driver, school secretary, hair stylist, kids, partner, whoever. Pause, look in their eyes and offer a sincere “Thank You.” Not only will you feel good, but you will change their day too.

2. Cultivate grounded optimism. Even if you are prone toward more pessimistic thinking you can behave optimistically. Grounded optimists are willing to adapt and change their goals as needed to overcome challenges and cope with adversity. This helps them to bounce back and persist even after setbacks. The belief that they can make a positive difference in the situation and their willingness to work hard to do so is motivating and often leads to creative solutions, innovation and even positive moods. So, next time you’re feeling down, take one teeny-tiny optimistic action and see if it doesn’t inspire some movement through the muck.

3. Move it. Exercise has long been shown to ease stress and leave you feeling better, but posture and physiological shifts can also change your bio-chemistry and improve your mood.

So, smile, even if you have to fake it. Several studies, including one by Robert Zajonc from 1989 and another published in the journal Psychological Science last year proves that a smile – even a fake, contrived one – can actually induce happiness and reduce stress. Give yourself a grin or simply repeat the long “e” sound, which will move your facial muscles into smile formation, and you’ll feel better.

Or adopt a “power pose.” Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy has shown that how we hold our body influences how we feel. Stand tall, lean in, or put your feet on your desk and hands behind your head and hold for a couple of minutes to boost confidence and shift you biochemistry in a way that will support you.

4. Become a creator not a complainer. When we fuss and whine and complain, we get more of what we complain about because that is what we are focused on. This isn’t just the Law of Attraction working here, it’s common sense. If you are complaining, you are not working toward change, therefore you stay stuck in the bad feelings. But, if in those moments of frustration or worry, you can get curious about the situation or your emotions instead of dwelling on them, you begin to create a new experience.

5. Find meaning in the experience. Psychologist Michael Steger and others say that people who find meaning in their experiences and lives tend to feel less anxiety and depression and more satisfaction in life.

If you believe that every moment is here to teach and guide you and you go looking for the meaning behind those moments, you’ll feel better. It’s up to you to find the meaning in your life, but when you do you’ll transcend the difficulty.

Each of these five things can help you shift your daily experience in profound ways, as they have mine. The trick though, is to add them into your regular daily routine. To establish a practice. In Wednesday’s post, I’ll offer up some ways you can do that.

This piece originally appeared in the Huffington Post

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Three Ways to Live a More Hopeful Life

Most of us think of hope as a swell of emotions that helps us keep going even when we don’t feel like it. It allows us to cling to some better possibility than the one we are coping with and it keeps us from completely falling apart.

Thing is hope is a little quirkier than that. Researcher C.R. Snyder says hope is more of a mindset, a way of thinking that will helps us cope with adversity.

And, as author and researcher Brene’ Brown writes, hope can also yield to power. Not the oppressing, blowhard kind of power but the personal kind that has us believing we can make a difference, handle change, thrive no matter.

Brown and Snyder say that hope is a combination of several practices and skills that includes goal setting, and the belief that you can prevail and persist no matter which obstacles show up. Because, you know they are going to show up.

The more you think and act hopefully, the more hopeful you become, according to the bigwigs.  Simply put: Hope adds to our resiliency, helping us to move through the crap to get to where we want to go or at least someplace that feels a bit better.  We can all learn to cultivate hope in our own lives and help others do it too. Here’s how.

Seek inspiration and awe. Awe is one of my new favorite things. Research by psychologist Dacher Keltner, PhD., shows that when we are so moved by something that we can hardly find the words to talk about it we are experiencing awe and that infuses us with the warm fuzzies, adds meaning to our lives and boosts our oxytocin levels so that we want to connect with others.

Awe is also good for our hope levels. When we see the amazing happening right there before our eyes, we are reminded of our own marvelousness. We know that we too are connected to all of this awesomeness and that our lives have meaning and power and purpose. Those feelings inspire us to keep on toward our goals.

Re-identify your goals. Know what you are after and more importantly, why. What is it you want to be as a parent? What kind of positive change do you want to make in the world? What is your purpose? When you are reminded of your big goals, the things that drive you to get up in the morning, you reconnect with your deeper values. Then, you’re more likely to persist because the process – the lifestyle that comes from living close to your values – helps you prevail despite obstacles.

Appreciate the setbacks and move through them. Hope is strengthened exponentially when you hit a setback and you persist despite it.  Next time you run up against one, pay attention to what it offers you – a growth opportunity, a chance to learn something you need to know to accomplish your goals — then move through that challenge.

We all know tough times are going to come. Moments that we wouldn’t have welcomed, episodes that we don’t know how to manage, but hope reminds us that we can continue and despite challenge, pursue greater possibilities.

 

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How Hope Helps Us

Years ago, the first year I was self-employed, I experienced what I refer to in my personal lore as Black November.

This was the month that a major client failed to pay his bill, assignments were slow in coming. My health suffered, my cat got sick, I didn’t know how I was going to make my house payment and I felt stressed and worn out.

But, even in those constricted, scary moments, I also felt hopeful and optimistic. I had a plan. Knew what I was willing to sacrifice and what I would do if I had to bail myself out. Turns out I needed all of that hope and optimism to get through that month and the next. But I did get through them and hope and optimism are still the qualities I use to carry me through the tough spots today.

Hope Comes With A Plan

In my life hope and optimism are closely connected and sometimes even feel the same, but psychologists say hope is distinct. It  arises when we have a goal firmly in mind and we have a plan to get us there despite uncertain or even dire circumstances. Hope implies that there is the possibility of a better future, according to hope researcher C.R. Snyder.

Optimism is more of the expectation and attitude that things will turn out okay.

I’m a fan of grounded optimism which allows you to make the best of a difficult situation by adapting your goals or working like a dog to manage the obstacles that come your way. Grounded optimism isn’t the delusional attitude that all is well even when it’s clearly not. It is real in that it recognizes tough stuff is going to come down, but it reminds you that you can adapt, change, grow through the uncertainty. It helps you to persist. Hope gives you a reason to do so.

Hope usually arises when things are really, really bad. When in those difficult moments we are able to discover the possibilities still present, hope appears. When we are able to move beyond the fear and the pain hope “opens us up,” says Barbara Fredrickson, positive psychology researcher.

From the place of hope  other positive emotions such as courage and confidence (self efficacy) and happiness emerge. They become our coping strategy, the emotions crucial in helping us survive. They allow us to take a wider view, become more creative in our approach and problem solving and retain our optimism.

It worked for me in that Black November – I did make the house payment, I’m still self-employed — and dozens of times in the 17 years since. A hope for something better has often kept me rooted and working passionately in the present.

That’s a powerful feeling. One that keeps us moving instead of staying stuck in the despair. For that and many other reasons, hope is a quality worth cultivating. On Wednesday, I’ll tell you how.

 

 

The Benefits of Solitude

The television was running in the background while I grated the cheese and reminded my daughter to pack her homework folder and get her snack. In between, my husband was also telling me of his schedule the next day.  Then, I heard the chirp of my phone announcing an incoming text.

Enough. Too much. Too much noise. Too many fragmented thoughts. I needed a time-out, a moment of quiet before I totally lost it and started snapping at those around me.

The quiet moments are restorative. It’s a chance to become present to your thoughts and feelings, ease the stress and reenergize your body. Studies show that quiet time even lowers inflammation in the body and promotes well-being.

But in the noisy busyness of life quiet can be hard to come by – unless you fit it in to the nooks and crannies of your day. These tips can help.

Making the Moment Quiet

1. Make it a priority. Like brushing your teeth or taking a shower, 10 minutes of quiet time a day packs health benefits that will contribute to your peace and well-being. This is not a luxury. It is part of taking care of your body and cultivating your spirit and it’s just as important as eating vegetables and working out.

2. Teach the people you live with about quiet time. We’ve coached our daughter that each day includes quiet time. This is special time you get to yourself. No television or computer or music. This is the time to read or play or create art — alone. It is possible to be with people in the same space and still have quality quiet time. One of my favorite things is when my husband, daughter and I are scattered around the house reading our own books – alone but together. By telling those you live with that this is important to you, and leading by example, they’ll begin to support it and enjoy it as well.

3. Use the spaces in between. I rarely have the radio on in the car when I’m driving alone. When I’m waiting for an appointment, I’m seldom texting or talking. And chore time  can be mindful and quiet. I often work without music or television or noise. I don’t always get alone time, but the spaces in between the rest of my responsibilities allow time without noise.

4. Create at least one daily ritual that promotes quiet. Say a prayer. Meditate a few minutes each day. Go for a run without headphones. Take a long bath, or sneak in a shower before bed. I schedule quiet time. When I know I’ve got a particularly cluttered day ahead, I’ll get up 15 minutes early just to drink coffee in the quiet, still-sleeping house and center myself.

Creating pockets of solitude is a powerful way to refuel and energize our lives. Make it a priority. Build it in. You’ll feel better and more equipped to manage the challenges of your day.

 

This post first appeared on Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit

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Getting quiet and feeling re-energized

It is so quiet in my house that I can hear the hum of the computer and the fridge in the kitchen around the corner.

For a minute I don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone is gone. I take a breath. Pour a cup of coffee and think about the basket full of bills, and the article deadline. I’ve got a carton of geraniums that need to be planted into pots. Instead, I sit down in my big kitchen chair and look out the window and the birds tripping around the feeder. I think about how cool it was that my husband, Mr. J, fixed my flip-flops (seriously, the man can do anything with a hot glue gun). And then I’m in love with him again, even though just an hour ago I wanted to rip his face off.  I appreciate the sun slipping through the skylights and dancing onto the walls. I breathe deep and feel grateful for this time to myself.

What’s the big deal?

Solitude is my time to reboot. In fact this kind of alone, quiet time is such a deal for me that I contemplated buying a duplex when I got married so that I could have a door that locked against outside noise, a quiet space to be alone. It’s not that I don’t love people or energy or ideas or activity. Many of the things I love most on the planet are, after all, people. But, my ability to be well in this world is dependent on a certain amount of solitude. It’s where I find my balance.

In the quiet I settle into myself, find some perspective. Remember what’s right in the world. In the solitude I reconnect to the essence of who I am – the part that doesn’t freak out when the cat gets out or the whites aren’t folded. I reconnect to the part that can have a simple cup of coffee and enjoy every single sip.

“Solitude is such a potential thing. We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry and turmoil of life; we receive counsels and comforts, we get under no other condition . . .”

Amelia E. Barr, journalist and author

That about sums in up. In solitude your creativity will explode. You’ll feel more relaxed, less stressed and re-energized. You’ll be more patient, a little kinder to yourself and others. You’ll gain perspective, awareness, your heart will open. And those feel-good feelings will last awhile.

But at first, getting quiet may be a little tough. It might even feel confining – like you’re wasting time doing nothing – I promise you, it is one of the most expansive practices you can experience. It will put you in back in touch with yourself, and your God and from there the possibilities are unlimited.

So, why do most of us avoid being alone?

Why we don’t do it

We all have our own answers to this question but I betcha they follow this line of thought: I just don’t have time. We are busy, right? People need us. We’ve got work and chores to do. All those things are true. They are also excuses. I think the bottom-line is that we’re afraid. We associate solitude with laziness or loneliness. It is neither. In fact, solitude is the road to deeper connection with ourselves and others.

But, if it feels weird at first, it’s because we’re out of practice. We can be connected to anything in the world through and Internet instant. We live in an external world that is speeding up. As people, then, we have to learn again how to slow down. How to be, without being busy.

Solitude is truly a practice. And like ballet, or t-ball or cooking or writing or eating with chopsticks, you’ll get better the more you do it.

So give it a try, here’s how to start

There’s nothing woo-woo about it. You don’t have to pray or chant or dance around a bonfire during your sessions of solitude. Though you can. Do what you want. Don’t make it hard. There are only two-and-a-half rules: Be alone. Be quiet. And here’s the half – be still at least part of the time.

Then plan for it. Ask for it. My husband is always willing to help me find time because he knows now that most times, an hour or two to myself each week, keeps me from becoming a raging, crazy woman.

Find out what works for you — and do it. Just sit quietly, there are not demands, no expectations, just enjoy your aloneness. In the end you’ll feel better and more productive and more productive during the rest of your day.

In Wednesday’s post I’ll offer some other ways to carve out some alone time during your week. In the meantime, tell me about your practice. What do you discover in those quiet moments?

 

 

Portions of this post originally ran in 2010.

The New To-Do List – How to Design a Day You Will Love

So, you’re looking at the list. Come on, I know you have one, that lonnnggg to-do list that helps you stay organized, keeps you going, reminds you of your goals and stresses you out.

I put everything on the list. I mean everything. I stack it up until it’s impossible to get it done.

But, today I’m interested in the things you are leaving off your list. Often, the things that make us happy, fill our days with wonder and peace are the last things we do during our day – that is if we have time.

Today, rewrite your To-Do List. Pare down the must-dos and add on a few of the things that make for a better life. Instead of being wiped out at the end of the day you’ll feel revitalized and raring to go.

Here are five of the things that I now put on my to-do list each day. It just makes me happier.

1. Exercise. If I put it down I get it done. Sometimes this means an hour at the gym, sometimes it’s a 20 minute stroll around the neighborhood, but when I move my body I get a physical and mental boost.

2. Gratitude. Put it down so you don’t forget. Pause at least once a day to rattle off five items (new ones each time) that you are grateful for, things you appreciate. The pause is calming and by connecting to the goodness in life we are actually more motivated and inspired and more likely to make good on our goals.

3. Eat something. I get so stuck in my work routine that I put off lunch. “I’ll eat just after I finish last e-mail,” I’ll think. But, I try to fit in one more thing or it takes longer that I expect. Finally I’m slurping something down at the kitchen counter at 2 p.m. when my body and brain are lagging. Not good. Stop, eat something, drink lots of water, and fill up on fruit and vegies or a handful of nuts. You’ll think clearly and have enough energy to sustain you the rest of the day.

4. Notice the awesome. I saw a hummingbird sucking nectar from the geraniums today, its wings glittered green in the sunlight. Mouth-dropping amazing. When my daughter hopped out of the tub, wrapped in her towel and smelling soapy clean, and hugged me close I felt the warmth move through my body in a way that’s tough to describe. In short, my day is filled with awesome moments like these and so is yours. All you have to do is notice. When we notice the awesome in our lives we feel good and our lives take on greater meaning. That leads to a more satisfying life, according to researchers like Michael Steger and Dacher Keltner, PhD., a psychology professor at the University of California. As Keltner explains in his research, awe makes us feel as though we are a part of something bigger, connected. Those feelings also increase oxytocin levels and that inspires us to connect and care for others, which banishes feelings of overwhelm and isolation and infuses us with good feeling.

So, put a little awe on your to-do list. Take a minute at lunchtime to stop and notice something awesome and your day will be filled with the goodness. Creativity and inspiration also emerge out of awe, so when you connect to the awesome you also will be more innovative.

5. Do something you love. We mark out our days by the things we see as “essential.” The essentials are often chores and deadlines and bill paying and obligations imposed by others. Make sure that each day you also do something you love, something that fires you up. Don’t wait until the sun is down to do it either. Build it in during prime time, the good feelings generated will help you be more productive through the rest of the day.

Add these things to your to-do list and you will feel exhilarated rather than exhausted at the end of the day.

 

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Why You Must Rewrite Your To Do List

I’m taking an hour off today to slip and slide with my daughter in our front yard. I didn’t plan on it. It’s not on my To-Do List.

I’ve got plenty of other stuff I should do like finish a blog post, prepare a workshop, clean out a cupboard, fold laundry. But, I’ll slip and slide instead.

It’s easy to get caught up in the should-dos. There are so many things that must be done to maintain a household and keep a job and care for a family that every moment can be filled in doing until we forget about being. We forget about the things that build relationship and create joy and demonstrate love.

We buy into this idea that it’s more important to do what we “should” rather than doing the things that make us feel good, the things we are passionate about.

But, when we take a few of those should-dos off the list and replace them with the things that we can’t wait to do, life becomes bolder, more interesting, more fun. Instead of being drained at the end of the day by all we had to do, we are elevated and rejuvenated by all we were able to do, by everything we experienced.

The nuances of this kind of life are subtle, but powerful. It’s the difference between be stressed about all you have to get done and be grateful for all that you did.

When we create. When we spend quality time with the people who matter; when we pause long enough to help others, care for ourselves, laugh really hard and play just because it’s fun, we are energized. And with all that energy we have plenty left to pay the bills and fold the clothes and finish should-do or two.

Sounds good in theory, right? But it does require a little management. It requires you to lead with your heart, trust yourself, open up to life, and rewrite your To-Do List just a bit. It requires you to commit to the experience.

Start today by writing down three essentials on your To-Do List. Just three. Be specific. Be brief.

Then, add three things you can’t wait to do. Things that make you feel good just thinking about ‘em. Perhaps you want to curl up with a book, paint the landscape, go for a run, eat pizza. Put it down. That’s where you start.

In Wednesday’s post we’ll add a few things to the list, but these are all things that will enhance your experience, add to the fun, make life easier and more productive. But now I’ve got to get going. The slip and slide is calling and so is my daughter.

 

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