Polly Campbell's Blog, page 29

Five (Plus a Bonus) Actions Guaranteed to Make You Happier

It really is the simple stuff that can make us the happiest. A child’s laugh. A stunning sunset. The bite of the perfect doughnut. But, we can’t sit and wait for those moments to hit. We’ve got to engage in life. Cultivate good moments. And notice the goodness when it shows up.

In Monday’s post, I list five ways to feel happier. Here are five more. Add them to your To-Do List and do what it takes to boost your mood.

1. Work hard. Do something every day that requires some effort from you. Clean out that closet that’s stacked full. Finish the tough work assignment, paint a picture, though you’ve never painted before. Take piano lessons. We glean the most satisfaction when we are challenged. Passion starts there too.

2. Give to others. Good deeds will benefit both you and the recipient of your kindness. This is powerful stuff when you are struggling yourself. By doing something to help another, you help yourself and it’s a sure way out of a funk.

3. Stand big and tall. Our posture influences our feelings. When we are in a blue mood, we tend to slump down and sit in a closed position. When we stand big and wide and open, our bodies react by creating feelings of confidence and power. We feel more capable and when we do, we also feel happier. So which posture are you going to pick?

4. Move it. Get off the couch. Go for a walk around the block. Do stretches on the floor. Go for a swim or a jog. Move your body. There is plenty of science that shows movement and regular exercise ward of depression and a lot of other icky things. But, if you are in a funk, even a 20-minute session can be uplifting.

5. Grab the M&Ms. Alright don’t go all jumbo-bag crazy on me, but there is evidence that indicates comfort foods are really, er, comforting. During stressful times our serotonin levels can drop – that’s the natural chemical our bodies use to create feelings of calm and comfort. So, next time you’re wigging out enjoy a square of chocolate or a couple of crackers and you’ll feel happier.

Bonus Tip

Look for perspective. All of these tips will help you take a wider view of your own experience. It is not all woe-is-me – it’s not even all about you. Once you remember that, it’s easier to see that the world is probably not going to end because you have PMS or someone cut you off on the freeway. A little perspective is a good way to remember that this too shall pass, and happiness is possible.

Five Ways to Be Happier

There’s a lot of science behind health and well-being and I write about it in this spot.

But it’s not enough to know the stuff, you’ve got to act on it. The science of happiness really comes down to doing the things that make you feel good. It’s not all that complicated, but it does require us to make a bit of an effort. Want to be happy, take action, get involved, open up to what life offers – the good and the bad. It’s there, waiting for you to step into it.

Here are five happy-making behaviors that you can do every day.

Five Things to Get You Out of a Funk

Hug. Touch quickly alters our bio-chemistry filling our bodies with feel-good chemicals that help us calm down, connect to others and feel better.

Laugh. Talk with a hilarious friend. Watch a funny clip on You-Tube, read a comical article. Find the trigger that makes you laugh and let er’ rip.

Give thanks. Simple. Still, you must make a habit of gratitude or it’s one of those little things you’ll forget to do. Start and end the day with thanks and spend the day looking for things to appreciate.

Go outside. Once a day – at least. Then breathe in the air. Notice the sounds or watch the winter chickadees squirt from the bush as you walk by. See the clouds. Be a part of your natural environment in at least one little way. This planet is amazing. You are part of it. That pretty much makes you amazing too. When we see our connection to all, we feel happier.

Eat dinner at the table. Sit down. Look at the people in your life. Listen to them. Chew your food slowly. Use good table manners. Give thanks for the food. Create an experience around your evening meal. A reverence. It’s a pick-me-up.

On Wednesday I’ll give you five more.  Then you’ll have 10 — see writers can do math.

Five Ways to Savor the Moment

Note from Polly: I wrote and published this post about three months ago and the topic has stuck with me.  Savoring is the difference between living boldly in color, or fading to black and white. It’s a way of being in the world. A simple little thing that makes it better. When I think about moving into the New Year, I think about wanting to savor my moments more. To really experience them. This piece might help you do the same.

Happy New Year.

–pc

 

Want to feel better? Then savor the moment.

Learning to appreciate the good things in life not only causes the good feelings to linger, but it also builds resilience that will help buffer you against the bad, according to research by Fred Bryant, social psychologist at Loyola University, Chicago, and others.

Savoring isn’t all that tough to do, but it does require us to slow down a bit and notice the moment at hand. Here are five ways to do it.

1. Stop and enjoy. Next time you take a sip of water, savor the experience of the liquid rolling down your throat. Become mindful when you open a piece of chocolate or watch your child dance or give someone a hug. Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson suggests you take a good 15 seconds to enjoy the moment. That way you absorb the positive energy and hang on to the good feelings a bit longer. Next time you experience a good feeling, stop and let it settle in.

2. Use all your senses. It is so easy to go through life relying on our vision or hearing. Instead, challenge yourself to experience life with all five senses – or even six if you’re willing to pay attention to your intuitive feelings. When you eat, feel the texture of the food, smell its aroma, see it, hear the sound as it cooks or you move it around your plate, and by all means taste it. When you head to the gym for a workout, experience it with your eyes, ears, nose, touch, and taste (Cool water at the gym, salty perspiration on your lips?). When you tap into your senses you find more moments to savor.

3. Go with gratitude. This can really boost any moment and it’s a way into savoring the good stuff. When you recall the things you are grateful for before bed at night, or say a short grace before a meal or even share gratitude with others by saying aloud what you appreciate about them you will connect to the good things in life. Then, remember to pause a bit and let them settle in.

4. Do one thing each day that you love to do. Our schedules get so busy with things we think we ought to do, that we forget to do the things we are passionate about. Take 15 minutes each day to enjoy your passion. Sit in the quiet. Cook a recipe you love. Read a good book. Go for a hike on a wooded path. Do something that inspires and moves you into flow, where you become so engaged you lose all track of time. Then, when you are present in that moment, allow yourself to fully enjoy it. Engage those good feelings, savor them, and each day do something that ignites them.

5. Look for the positive. When you consciously look for uplifting, inspiring, beautiful things in life two things happen: you’re bound to see more of them and you’ll feel a swell of positive emotion. When we get curious, and we become seekers of positive experience you’ll have more positive experiences to savor and this breeds happiness.

When you become practiced at savoring life, your brain actually begins to adapt in a way that helps you find more positive in amid negative events. In this way negative circumstances become diffused — they don’t weigh as heavy – and you are able to find some meaning and possibility within the difficulties. This builds resilience. And it’s just a plain easier way to live. Savoring allows you to amp up the goodness in the moment and within all those to come.

 

Photo by Stock.xchng

How to Live Happier in 2014

I learned a lot in 2013. Had a lot of fun and plenty of moments I don’t want to repeat. Challenge. Discomfort. Stress. It was there. So was the Joy. Passion. Wonder. Awe. Gratitude.

Life is all of it – often within the same moment. When we are in the thick of the struggle we often wish it away. Yet those are the moments that also allow us to see the light. To experience the joy. To love more deeply. It’s the contrast that makes a difference.

My friend, a former monk, once told me that challenges are just those things we are less skilled in dealing with. The things we haven’t encountered before so we don’t know how to handle them. That causes us to feel uncomfortable. We aren’t sure of ourselves, don’t know what to do. But we muddle through and learn and get better at it. In the working through of these things we become stronger, more experienced, better and that makes it easier the next time we face a setback.

I hung on to that thought this year when I felt afraid or uncertainty snuck in.

I also went looking for the goodnesses, as my daughter calls them. The joy, love and appreciation that showed itself daily.

You have to do that. To live your best life you have to be willing to engage, to live with whatever shows up, to find gratitude in every moment. I was reminded again and again of the power of those practices this year. I’ve made a habit of them.

Three Things that will help You Feel Better in 2014

I’ve been asked many times, this year, what we can do to feel more connected, less stressed, happier in our lives. I’ve been asked what we can do to make a positive difference. There are a lot of things. Gratitude is certainly one of them.

Here are three other difference-makers.

1. Live with compassion for yourself and others. This is not conditional. Nobody has to earn it. You are simply connecting with another through empathy and understanding. You don’t have to judge or criticize, nor is compassion an endorsement or support of another’s behavior. It is simply letting the moment be filled with kindness for another. The great thing about compassion is the one offering it feels just as good as the one receiving it. Want to be happier? Live with compassion for self and others.

2. Allow the moment to be as it is. This is a tricky thing. I like to manage, predict, plan. Manage some more. But, my practice is now accepting what is and letting go. I’m learning to allow and let the moment be. Instead of worrying about getting it all done, I’m focused on what it is I am doing. This keeps me from getting wrapped in what-ifs and wishful thinking. It also takes the drama out. And surprisingly, I’m more productive. Because, I’m more focused on what I’m doing, rather than multi-tasking, I’m also making fewer mistakes.  When you are living with what is happening there is no time or need to worry about what might happen. The present is all we have and by allowing and letting it be, you get to live with it fully.

3. Look for the meaning. Every opportunity allows us a shot at growth and gratitude. There is something to learn from every experience. When I’m rocking through a difficult time, I go looking for the meaning in the moment. I trust that there is one. And this process alone, takes my attention from what isn’t working, to what is. It reminds me that we hold a higher purpose here.

Nothing is wasted. Even our greatest struggles our deepest pain can serve us and help us to live our potential. I don’t always know what the meaning is in the moment. Sometimes it takes awhile to see, but I always know there is one. This doesn’t mean I feel happier or more sane when facing adversity. Plenty of times I’m freaked out and scared. But, I’ll tell you what, understanding that there is a deeper purpose to my experience helps me trust that I will learn what I need to know to transcend the trouble. I like that.

 

Image from Free Digital Photos

Learn to Give and Receive

This week, while you finish your last minute shopping and wrapping and cussing over the guy who cut you off in the Target parking lot — keep this in mind: Getting is as important as giving.

Tis the season of giving, for sure, but there can’t be any giving without someone there willing to accept the gift. This is important and yet most of us aren’t too good at receiving. We nod off the compliment, or urge people not to bring presents, or downplay the significance of our efforts when all anyone wanted to do — needed to do — was to  say “Thank You.”

“In Western society, unfortunately, there is this tendency to be too hard on oneself,” says James Doty, Director of The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford, and compassion Bigwig. “It’s O.K. to receive an unexpected gift (such as receiving compassion) and why not relish the experience of it instead of questioning it.”

While it feels good to help others, it also feels good to let others help you. You are worthy of all that. You deserve to be loved and supported. I know this simply because you are here. You don’t have to earn self worth. You have to claim it.

It’s also O.K. to ask for help when you need it. I’m not so good at this one – but I’m working on it. I like to pretend that I have it all taken care of, until I am so exhausted from taking care of it all, that I have a mini-melt down and begin sniping about super important things like, er uh, how the towels are folded. Really. Not worth the energy.

We all need help. And, part of giving to others is allowing them to give to you. Accepting compassion and support does not weaken you or make you more vulnerable. Instead, it strengthens all of us.

Early on, my sweet husband Mr. J helped me think of it this way: “I want you to tell me what you need, he said. “I want to know so that I can help you,  because it makes me feel good to be able to help you.”

When a friend asked me to care for her children during the hour she endured radiation as part of her cancer treatment I was so grateful. I wanted to help. Needed to help. And, I felt better because she let me.

When you accept compassion, kindness, gifts, or support from others you are ALSO giving them a gift. You are giving them the opportunity to experience profound feelings of compassion. To share their love. To connect with you in a meaningful way. By doing this, you keep the cycle of compassion and generosity alive.

We are suspicious these days, of people who offer to give us something for nothing. We question basic kindnesses. We shrug off compliments and feel undeserving  or indebted when someone gives us something unexpected.

You can change that now. You can foster a global sense of kindness and compassion simply by saying “Thank You” to the next person who touches you with their generosity.

Accepting and fully receiving a gift is an essential aspect of giving and kindness. Be open and kind when you’re on the receiving end. Embrace and enjoy the experience. And know, that by doing that you have done us all a favor by raising the level of compassion that we can all experience.

Bring good energy and everyone feels better

I had several errands to run Friday and I was deeply embedded in the I’ve-got-so-much-to-do –get-out-of-my-way frantic kind of holiday mood. I wasn’t upset, just focused and abrupt and herky-jerky. I was moving fast, with my head down, not tuning into anything around me. So, it’s a surprise actually that I noticed the bell ringers at all. Truly, I think it’s their energy I felt first.

One, sat in a chair, a hand jammed in a pocket the other clenched tight into a fist around the little bell, ringing it sporadically. He sat with his chin on his chest, never raising his eyes to the people passing by. Occasionally, he’d murmur a Thank You when coins fell into the pot, though he never looked up.

The second bell ringer, stationed in front of a grocery store, walked around helping people unload their groceries. She held the bell loose between her fingers and shook it with such enthusiasm it that the cheap little bell sounded like a choir voice – alive and gleeful. This bell ringer wished everyone a Happy Holiday in a sing-song voice. When she caught my eye, she smiled so big that it spread to me and left me smiling too, while I shopped.

I didn’t give either of them money. But the second bell ringer gave me a gift. She made me think. And feel. She reminded me of the power of the energy we bring. I wasn’t bringing much positive energy before I ran into her. I was unconsciously constricting the flow of my own good vibes and that left little good topass around.

Energy, by its nature, flows and spreads. No matter what we are feeling, we are giving out energy. If I’m going to be passing it around anyhow, I sure want it to make a positive contribution.

The bell ringers reminded me what a difference that can make. One was passing around joy, the other despair. I don’t know their personal situations and there is no reason to judge. But I do know this: we all have hardship and challenge. And right in the middle of that we all have a choice to be grateful, kind, loving — anyhow. We can all decide to pass around good energy, no matter our circumstance.

A Facebook friend wrote last week that there are some people who bring so much of the negative that they seem to suck the good feelings right out of others. You know these people – we’ve all been around those who leave us feeling exhausted and low. Then, there are the others that bring light –no matter their circumstance. Not only do the light-givers brighten up the room with their positive brand of energy, they improve their own situation.

In a very real way, when you spread joy, you feel more joy. When you love well, you are well loved. When you are grateful, you see more to be grateful for. When you share your positive energy you are infused with even more.

We have a choice as to which energy we’ll bring. No matter our circumstances, we can make a positive contribution simply by giving a big smile. Simply by saying thank you and pausing just long enough to meet the eyes of another. You can make a choice to bring your best energy and that alone can make a difference in your world and mine.

Both bell ringers changed my day and reminded me of how powerful we are. How we are all connected, tethered by the energy between us. But, only one bell ringer infused me with her good spirit,  and inspired me to be better in that moment and to pass those good feelings on. That’s powerful stuff.

So, what kind of energy are you bringing? It could be a difference-maker for you and the rest of us.

 

Post originally ran on this site in 2011.

 

Photo by Stock.xchng

Implementation Intention Sets Clear Path to Goal

The power of an implementation intention is that is offers a clear path toward your goal. It’s a plan that ties your response or action item to a set circumstance.

So, for example, if your goal is to lose weight, then when in a market you will only shop in the produce aisles.

In other words you create what goal and motivation researchers call an “if/then statement.”

If a particular situation shows up then you will respond in this particular way.

 

If my daughter is arriving home from school, then I will be done working for the day.

If I am feeling lonely, then I will call a friend for support.

If I receive a paycheck, then I will transfer 10 percent to my savings account.

If there is cake in the conference room, then I will grab and apple from my desk.

These if/then statements put us in pre-decision mode and that helps us stay on track by showing us a clear path toward our goal. The intentions also reinforce our self-control at times when it might otherwise be easy to deviate.

For example, in keeping with a goal for better health, you could set an implementation intention that says: If it is a weeknight, then I will eat fish and a salad for dinner.

Then when you are headed home from work on Tuesday, you’ll be less likely to swing by the fast food drive-thru because you’ve already got a meal plan in place.

To create your own implementation intention, follow these steps:

Set a strong goal. Check out the last post for details on how to choose a goal that will inspire you.

Create an “If” statement. This is the cue, the circumstance, situation that triggers action. When and if this situation appears your intention will kick in.

Create the “then” statement. This is the action. Your response.  It could involve a behavior or movement, a thought strategy.

When creating the intentions be sure to get very specific. Identify the circumstances, the time, the action. Write it down and look at it frequently. This also helps build your awareness about the situations that serve your goals and those that detract from your efforts. Then you can streamline your intentions so that they support your desires.

When you are clear about what you aim to accomplish, you’ve got a greater likelihood of doing so. This year, when I’m creating my resolutions, I intend to give it a try.

 

 

A Strategy to Make Good on Your Goal

Losing weight and working out are always near the top of the Most Popular Resolutions list. Resolutions to quit smoking, make more money, have a better relationships are always up there too. It seems year after year resolutions focus on the same themes of love and health and success – but that doesn’t make our outcomes any better. Research shows that 50 percent of us will abandon our goals by April.

Turns out we are good at setting goals but not so good at getting after them. But, you can change that right now with some simple strategies that will double your chances at achieving your greatest desires.

The Surest Route to Success

There are three integral steps to achieving a goal:

1. Pick a strong goal.The best goals, the ones that are both obtainable and satisfying to pursue, are those that in some way help us feel connected, competent and authentic. When we feel that our efforts tie us to others, align with our values, desires, skill set and talents, we are more likely to persist despite obstacles.

 2. Prepare for the obstacles. There are bound to be setbacks so plan for them. If your goal is to lose weight but you work in an office where someone is always leaving sweets or unhealthy snacks in the kitchen, develop a plan right now to deal with the temptation. Often we can identify the obstacles to our achievement ahead of time. With a plan in place, you’re more likely to stay the course.

 3. Establish an Implementation Intention. This is the missing link for many of us goal-minded people. We know what we want, we choose obtainable, meaningful,  challenging, make-a-difference goals, we anticipate the obstacles and develop a plan for coping, but we rarely set an intention for how to carry out all the steps.

Research by psychologist Peter Gollwitzer at New York University shows that when people do take that extra step and put an implementation intention in place, they are twice as likely to make good on their goals.

Through if/then statements, an implementation intention sets out an advance plan for how you are going to respond to set circumstances and move toward the goal.

For example you might set the intention this way: If I am hungry at 8 p.m. then I will eat a fruit snack. This way, when it’s time to eat at eight, you’ll know just what to do to support your goal of better health. This approach is key, say success researchers, to keeping us on track toward our resolutions.

Alrighty then, how can we set our own intentions? I’ll tell you in Wednesday’s post.

 

How to Be Grateful When When Gratitude is Hard to Find

One way to cope with the challenge and adversity that we all encounter is to be appreciative – grateful – for the goodness that surrounds us too. It’s always there, but it can be tough to see during the bleak moments and that’s when we need it most.

Used during times of trouble, gratitude becomes a powerful coping strategy that builds the resilience, creativity and optimism and helps even schleps like me move through the darkness.

But how do we remember to practice gratitude on the days when just getting out of bed is a victory? You’ve got to go looking for it, to call it out, to sit with the emotion of appreciation, and then go forward.

Here are five ways to do it:

1. Start with any little thing. When you are knocked back by life, find any little thing that is working and cling to it. The breath in your body. A place to sleep. A bite of food. Eyes to see with. A friend to call. When you think of it, these so-called little things are not really little at all. They are life giving. Yet these are the very things we overlook because they are innate and familiar. Pause and notice these things now. Give thanks for them. Just a minute will be enough to shift you to a place where you can better deal with the challenges before you.

2. Get up and help someone else. You got troubles? Chances are your neighbor or friend or hair stylist does too so instead of focusing solely on your bad news, reach out to help someone cope with their stuff. Take a casserole over to the woman just diagnosed, string the holiday lights for the neighbor recovering from surgery, let someone cut ahead of you in line. We’ve all got stress and troubles. When we reach out to one another not only do you help them survive, but the generous act will give you a boost too.  And, you’ll be reminded that there is goodness in the world, even with the pain.

3. Do one thing today that you are good at. Are you good at organizing cupboards? Well then, when everything is falling apart, go organize the cupboards. Or paint, or garden, or make some soup, or bake cookies, or hug your child, or fix the faucet. Often when we are surrounded by doom we feel incapable of coping with anything. Darkness pushes in and soon we figure we can’t do anything right. Baloney. Remind yourself of all that you are capable of by moving toward your talents. And, when you are done, you have another thing to be grateful for.

4. Allow all the emotions. Gratitude isn’t a cure for sadness, or frustration, or grief. And, you don’t need a cure. Emotions remind us that we are engaged and participating in this life. In fact, you can actually be grateful for any emotion you experience, even if it’s a difficult one. Our emotions also offer insight, guidance (often our anger or discomfort prompts us to take positive action) and even help us to see opportunity. Pay attention to whatever emotion comes. Instead of acting badly from it, notice what it is you are actually feeling. Pay attention. Get curious about it. Recognize how it shows up for you and in you. Often just the noticing what it is we are experiencing diffuses our anxiety or sadness and allows us to move forward instead of being trapped by hard feelings. You can be grateful for this process. You can be grateful for having loved enough to feel grief at the loss, or for having pursued your dream with such passion that you feel disappointment when it’s over. To experience deep feelings mean you are here in the world, participating, engaging and that is something to be grateful for.

5. Get started when things are good. Gratitude gets easier with practice and it is easier to come by during the good times. So when you’re in the flow of life, establish a gratitude practice. Each day list five things you are grateful for. Say them aloud, then soak up the emotions they generate. Then, when the challenges do kick up, you will be in the habit of appreciation and it will be a natural way to deal with adversity.

I’m not saying the practice of gratitude will return you instantly to a state of bliss and joy. I’m not even saying there are rainbows in every storm. Some storms are just big and sloppy and whip you around. But, the bottom line is this: when trouble comes and you are looking for help to get through, try gratitude. It is a coping strategy and it  helps us survive when we aren’t sure if we can.

 

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How Gratitude Helps During the Hard Times

For most of the summer, it felt like my right leg was on fire. The rheumatoid arthritis that I’d had since the age of three flared so intensely with lightning bolt heat radiating through my ankle and into my knee that sleep was impossible. Elevating the leg didn’t help. My medication had no effect. Treatment options? Too invasive to try. So, when I could no longer grit it out, I would get up and begin walking. Stretching that joint was excruciating but over time, it loosened as I walked and that helped ease the pain slightly. Until, I laid down and it all started again.

The good news, each night during this three month period, I got my 10,000 steps in for the day. Bad news? Most of those steps came between 12:30 and 4 a.m.

I was uncomfortable, scared that I would somehow get stuck this way, and utterly, exhausted. I felt broken and angry and was having a hard time tuning in to anything but the pain. Still, I knew that in order to get through it, in order to move myself into a better, more creative, resilient place where I could deal with this circumstance more proactively, I need to cling to the good stuff. I needed to practice gratitude and notice all the things that were working in my life, instead of being consumed by what wasn’t.

There are always many things to be grateful for, but when we are in the shadows of life, sometimes we forget to notice them.

Gratitude in Good and Bad Times

Gratitude is easy when life is easy, right? When you are in love it’s easy to be grateful for the guy who shows up with flowers. Can you also be grateful when he’s late getting home on the one night you are supposed to go out with the girls?

Gratitude is easy when the baby is sleeping quietly through the night. What about when the baby hasn’t slept through a night in four months and spends most of the day crying?

It’s all good and easy to give thanks for when the food is on the table, the boss compliments you at work, the car is humming. But can you also give thanks when the recipe is ruined and the boss is a jerk and car repairs are going to run $1,200?

Can you be grateful then?

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude matters – all the time. It is a game changer. According to researcher Robert Emmons and others,  a regular gratitude practice aids our immune system, lowers heart rate, increases our sense of well-being and happiness. It also builds resilience and optimism – which means we need it more than ever when life is hard. When the cancer comes back or the job is lost or the marriage is ending.

Gratitude can make our best days brighter, and it is the one thing that can help us make it through the tough times. It is not frivolous. Not a luxury. It is a coping strategy. And it works.

Shout Out the Good Stuff

When the arthritis flared so violently this summer, it chipped away at my sanity. The months of pain and lack of sleep pain conspired to undermine my marriage (I was so grouchy), my job (so hard to focus) and my relationship with my daughter (so tired, no energy to play), and I knew I had to make a dramatic shift before all of the dominoes started to fall.

I’d always had a gratitude practice, but to get through this big-time stuff, I knew I needed to amp it up a bit. To make it boisterous and intense and bigger than the physical struggle I was in.

Each morning, instead of complaining and lamenting about the pain and how many hours I’d been up – as I had done —  I decided not even to mention it. I began giving thanks for the hours I had slept. Of course I was still awake most of the night, but I stopped focusing on that. I shifted my energy to what was working.

Each morning I’d text a friend with the good news: “I slept two hours last night.” Or, “I got in a full four.”

I wrote the number in my calendar to remind myself during the day that I’d gotten some good sleep and I made other notes: “When I was up last night, the house was so peaceful, I love the quiet.” Another note: “The moon was so beautiful tonight, it lit up the house.”

And, each morning after Sweet P left for school, I’d sit quietly and think about the hours I’d slept and the other good things I’d discovered. Then I’d give a big ol’ shout out to the Universe. “Thank You.”  And I do mean I shouted it out. After all, I needed to kick it up a notch. Then, I let myself experience the emotions of those positive things. Gratitude gains power when we allow the good feelings to flow in.

I begin doing this several times a day. Once, as I was driving my daughter and her friend to soccer, I turned the music off and ordered everyone to give thanks for 30 seconds. We noticed the changing leaves and the sunset and the safety of the seatbelts. My daughter was mortified. But, I felt myself coming alive again.

And, after a couple of weeks of this boisterous practice, an amazing thing happened; I began to relax a bit. I wasn’t so tight. I began to sleep a bit more – at first one or two days a week.  Though I still felt flooded by the pain and fatigue, my clarity returned and I felt more hopeful. And creative.

That’s when I knew, I could find my way through. Because, when we are creative, we are better problem solvers. We see possibility. We are proactive and more open and inspired.  I began to think differently about my care. Considered different options. Became more aggressive in my treatment. By the time my physical condition improved, I was already feeling better. Gratitude got me through.

Gratitude is the emotional supplement that supports us no matter what we face and it’s there for you even during your  darkest nights.

In Wednesday’s post, I’ll share some practical tips to help you practice gratitude even when it’s hard and you don’t feel like it.