How to Add Rituals to Your Life

Every morning, I get up (eventually) and begin a series of subtle behaviors that I describe as a morning ritual.

As I set each foot on the floor, I give thanks and say a short prayer. I do some neck and shoulder and back stretches, then, I set an intention for the day and do a short visualization, imagining the feelings I want to experience (not the events, but how I want to feel about the events) as I go through the day. Then, I get moving.

This morning ritual can take five minutes or less than one if my daughter is stirring (Read: Yelling at me from the back bedroom). But I do them every morning. It is a way to give thanks for the day I have and to set the tone for the way I want to experience the moments to come.

It also makes me feel good, calm, and clear. And, according to research, those good feelings may come in part because of the sense of control the ritual provides in my life.

Benefits of Creating a Ritual

Research shows rituals enhance our experience. They can help you savor your food, become more aware. My little rituals and routines also remind me to slow down and take notice. To connect to the moments of my life. Often that yields gratitude and peace.

Though churches are known for their centuries-old rituals, families often have rituals in their own household, like sitting down together to dinner every night, or following a set bedtime routine, or a particular way of celebrating birthdays and other occasions. Even singing Happy Birthday, making a wish, and blowing out candles on a cake is a ritual that can help us savor the sweet more.

A ritual can be any set of actions and procedures, usually more than one — usually three to five — often repeated steps, that are performed in a meaningful or ceremonial way. I perform my morning, ritual, for example, in the same, quiet manner each day.

Rituals, like those that are part of graduation ceremonies, marriages, or funerals, provide an opportunity for emotional expression and even contemplation.

When it comes to grief and our experience of loss, research by Michael Norton and Francesca Gino, indicates that even a short ritual can diffuse our feelings of upset, anger and grief by providing a greater sense of control.

In one of the three experiments by Norton and Gino, participants were asked to write about a loss they’d experienced when a relationship ended. After recalling that event, they were asked to write about a coping ritual they’d used after the loss. Those who recalled the ritual felt less grief than those who simply wrote about the end.

Establishing Your Own Ritual

Ready to add some ritual to the routines of your life? Here are four tips to help you do it.

1. Look for rituals in celebration. What do you do on special occasions? How do you acknowledge a job well done? These are natural times to install rituals and traditions into our experience that like blowing out candles on the birthday cake will help us savor the good times in life. Look at how you mark the special times and add in three to five small actions you will take to mark those special times. Then do them. For example, in my family at Thanksgiving and other special meal times we always begin with grace, a toast and then we go around the table and share a memory or gratitude. It makes for a meaningful meal together.

2. Begin and end your day with a ritual. How do you start your morning? Are you rushing to get ready, or is there time to mindfully make a bowl of oatmeal and savor a cup of coffee while watching the sunrise? Are you so exhausted by the end of the day that you drop into bed, or do you take a moment to give thanks for specific things in your day? Look at the beginnings and endings in your life – the days, months, years and develop personal and distinct actions around them. This will help you to pause and become present to the moments of your life.

3. Become mindful at mealtimes. Mealtime rituals help us enjoy our food more, according to new research, (read Monday’s post — the one right before this — for more on these studies) and they also help us connect with each other. Choose a few deliberate actions before eating sitting down to dinner. Say grace, give a toast, light a candle. Whatever you decide to do, be deliberate before the evening meal and the ritual will make it more enjoyable. At our table, once everyone is seated, we begin eating and then we share our goodnesses. We each tell a story or offer an example of something that went well, something we are grateful for, or something that left us feeling good. This is also a great way to hear what your kids are thinking and to connect with all that is going well in your life.

 4. Always give thanks. Gratitude can be a powerful aspect of any ritual. After, sitting up and shaking off the sleep – which some days is a major accomplishment – I sit on the edge of my bed and think of three things I’m grateful for. You can say this out loud in the form of a prayer, or a simple sentence. You can do this silently. But it will change your day when you start by noticing how good the coffee smells, or how grateful you are that your baby slept through the night. It will change your day to give thanks to the sun for coming up again. Pause for gratitude at various times throughout your day. Structure a gratitude ritual this way: Stop and sit quietly. Take three deep breaths, close your eyes and then give thanks aloud for three items.

It’s the series of short, detailed, and deliberate actions that add to the power of ritual and will enhance your life.