Getting quiet and feeling re-energized

It is so quiet in my house that I can hear the hum of the computer and the fridge in the kitchen around the corner.

For a minute I don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone is gone. I take a breath. Pour a cup of coffee and think about the basket full of bills, and the article deadline. I’ve got a carton of geraniums that need to be planted into pots. Instead, I sit down in my big kitchen chair and look out the window and the birds tripping around the feeder. I think about how cool it was that my husband, Mr. J, fixed my flip-flops (seriously, the man can do anything with a hot glue gun). And then I’m in love with him again, even though just an hour ago I wanted to rip his face off.  I appreciate the sun slipping through the skylights and dancing onto the walls. I breathe deep and feel grateful for this time to myself.

What’s the big deal?

Solitude is my time to reboot. In fact this kind of alone, quiet time is such a deal for me that I contemplated buying a duplex when I got married so that I could have a door that locked against outside noise, a quiet space to be alone. It’s not that I don’t love people or energy or ideas or activity. Many of the things I love most on the planet are, after all, people. But, my ability to be well in this world is dependent on a certain amount of solitude. It’s where I find my balance.

In the quiet I settle into myself, find some perspective. Remember what’s right in the world. In the solitude I reconnect to the essence of who I am – the part that doesn’t freak out when the cat gets out or the whites aren’t folded. I reconnect to the part that can have a simple cup of coffee and enjoy every single sip.

“Solitude is such a potential thing. We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry and turmoil of life; we receive counsels and comforts, we get under no other condition . . .”

Amelia E. Barr, journalist and author

That about sums in up. In solitude your creativity will explode. You’ll feel more relaxed, less stressed and re-energized. You’ll be more patient, a little kinder to yourself and others. You’ll gain perspective, awareness, your heart will open. And those feel-good feelings will last awhile.

But at first, getting quiet may be a little tough. It might even feel confining – like you’re wasting time doing nothing – I promise you, it is one of the most expansive practices you can experience. It will put you in back in touch with yourself, and your God and from there the possibilities are unlimited.

So, why do most of us avoid being alone?

Why we don’t do it

We all have our own answers to this question but I betcha they follow this line of thought: I just don’t have time. We are busy, right? People need us. We’ve got work and chores to do. All those things are true. They are also excuses. I think the bottom-line is that we’re afraid. We associate solitude with laziness or loneliness. It is neither. In fact, solitude is the road to deeper connection with ourselves and others.

But, if it feels weird at first, it’s because we’re out of practice. We can be connected to anything in the world through and Internet instant. We live in an external world that is speeding up. As people, then, we have to learn again how to slow down. How to be, without being busy.

Solitude is truly a practice. And like ballet, or t-ball or cooking or writing or eating with chopsticks, you’ll get better the more you do it.

So give it a try, here’s how to start

There’s nothing woo-woo about it. You don’t have to pray or chant or dance around a bonfire during your sessions of solitude. Though you can. Do what you want. Don’t make it hard. There are only two-and-a-half rules: Be alone. Be quiet. And here’s the half – be still at least part of the time.

Then plan for it. Ask for it. My husband is always willing to help me find time because he knows now that most times, an hour or two to myself each week, keeps me from becoming a raging, crazy woman.

Find out what works for you — and do it. Just sit quietly, there are not demands, no expectations, just enjoy your aloneness. In the end you’ll feel better and more productive and more productive during the rest of your day.

In Wednesday’s post I’ll offer some other ways to carve out some alone time during your week. In the meantime, tell me about your practice. What do you discover in those quiet moments?

 

 

Portions of this post originally ran in 2010.