Marlene Chism's Blog, page 9

Did you take the bait?

Have you noticed how often people get worked up on social media arguing with people they don’t even know?

Here’s what happened. Someone offered the bait, and others took the bite.

We all participate in some form of taking the bait.

Then ask yourself, do you spend unnecessary time defending your point of view, or arguing over irrelevant issues?

How much energy do you devote talking about what’s not working or listening to someone else complain? How much productivity is lost worrying, griping, blaming, or arguing?

I know I’m guilty! Are you?

You aren’t at the mercy of your programming and addictions!

There are literally thousands of choices. You can remain quiet. You can turn off the device. You can set a boundary. You can take a positive action.

Make no mistake the bait is tempting. When you’re the carp and they’re fisherman, you bite every time only to regret it.

Until…you figure it out.

You don’t have to take the bait! You can’t wait until next time when the line is cast. You will see the bait in advance and decide to swim on by.

Beware: You might successfully swim past the worm only to realize there’s now a different kind of bait. You didn’t expect cheese cake!

You couldn’t resist. You got hooked again!

Let’s face it, it’s easy to get triggered.

But you have choices. You don’t have to bite.

It’s more responsible and empowered to decide if and when you bite.

Best,

Marlene Chism

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Does Your Culture Support Your Strategy?

I often receive invitations to “do a workshop” in hopes that the workshop will magically change behavior, produce better managers and eventually create a drama-free and accountable culture.

However, a one-time event with no real mental and financial investment rarely makes a dent. It’s like expecting a bath to last a lifetime.

Culture work is not a one-time workshop, nor is real behavioral change.

Many top executives struggle with real cultural change because it involves some type of conflict with people who won’t or can’t change.

My friend, colleague and fellow consultant Martyn Drake from the United Kingdom says the following:

“Keeping employees who don’t fit the new culture will be seen by everyone as an example of your insincerity. Whenever culture proves a fatal barrier to strategic change, it’s because leaders don’t get rid of the wrong people fast enough.”

If you’re tired of wasting time on strategies that simply didn’t work, it’s probably because the culture didn’t support the strategy or initiative.

Let’s Talk! 
If you would like a no-cost exploratory conversation about some of your cultural issues, to see how I might help, contact me to set up a time.

Marlene Chism

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Strategy #4 Dealing with Anxiety and Overwhelm

Over the last few weeks I’ve offered bite-sized strategies to help you (and to coach your employees) when you sense anxiety or overwhelm. This strategy is in my book, From Conflict to Courage, and it’s a favorite concept for many of my clients. This strategy tests for resistance; yours and other people’s.

Strategy #4 | The magic phrase 

Often the help and support we need from others never gets realized because of our own resistance to asking. Often we assume we know what the other person will say, so we avoid the risk of rejection by not asking. You can test for resistance by using the magic phrase “Would you be willing …?” Start by asking yourself, “Am I willing to ask even if I already know what they will say?”

Application

The magic phrase “would you be willing …” allows you to test for someone else’s agreement or resistance to your request. The goal isn’t to always get your way, manipulate or win. Instead, the goal is to strengthen your ability to ask and to see where the movement might happen.

This method also reduces your anxiety by strengthening your sense of self to accept when others say no, rather than assuming a no. If you ask someone if they are willing to do XYZ and they offer excuses and reasons, it means they are in a state of resistance, and the real barrier is three layers deep. Often , if you use the phrase, “Would you be willing … ,” the other person finds some way to meet you halfway. And since there’s no pressure, they can say no without risk. No matter what skills the future of work requires of you, the one skill that will always benefit you personally and professionally is to protect and enhance your well-being.

To your peace and prosperity

Marlene Chism

Pick up a copy of From Conflict to Courage here.

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Strategy #3 For Dealing With Overwhelm

Let’s face it, sometimes we get in our own way and create way more frustration than necessary. Specifically when we need people or situations to be anything other than what they are, and strive to control things out of our control.

This is strategy #3 for managing anxiety and overwhelm.

Strategy #3 | Cancel the need

Whether it’s politics, trying to change others or the advancement of artificial intelligence, most of us get worked up and overwhelmed when we try to control things we can’t control. Complaining about the rain never makes the sun come out; it only stresses other people. Conversations about how it shouldn’t be creates internal strain that affects your productivity and well-being.

What if you didn’t need things to be any different than they are today — right now? Simply cancel the need to change anything.

Application

When you find yourself trying to control the uncontrollable, simply say, “I cancel the need to … ,” and then fill in the blank. For example, “I cancel the need to control the speed of change.” Or “I cancel the need for them to understand the decision I’m making.”

When you let go of the burden of trying to change that which cannot be changed, you free your energy to focus on what you can control.

To your mental fitness,

Marlene Chism

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Strategy #2 for dealing with overwhelm

I don’t like to focus on the negative, but I do like to speak the truth. The truth for many is that we feel anxious and overwhelmed. You can try to hide it, but your silent thoughts leak out in your nervous behaviors. Here’s my second strategy (continued from last week) for managing overwhelm and anxiety.

Strategy #2 | Thank you for sharing 

When you’re feeling that you can’t get anything right, it’s likely due to negative self-talk, also known as the monkey mind. Most of us beat ourselves up on a daily basis. The monkey mind is a mismanaged narrative that has you believing you don’t have the smarts to keep up with technology, and that you’re going to get behind, and that you’re going to face some big failure.

What I learned through narrative coaching is that your story is the source of your suffering. The reality of new technology and artificial intelligence is here to stay. The monkey mind can take hold, and if you aren’t aware that it’s just a bundle of thoughts, you can become overly anxious, anti-social or negative.

Application

When the worries come to the surface, notice, and say to yourself, “Thanks for sharing.” Pay attention to your actual conversations with others, and you’ll hear other people’s concerns as well as your own. When you notice the quiet voice that’s always in your mind, you can shift the direction by acknowledging the narrative without giving in to the anxiety.

To your mental fitness,
Marlene Chism

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Self Management in a Culture of Overwhelm

Do you know anyone who isn’t a little anxious these days. The moment I think I have it all figured out, something like ChatGPT happens then I feel anxious. What about you? Over the next few weeks I’m going to share some strategies that have helped me and my clients deal with overwhelm and anxiety.

Strategy #1 | The Number Line

Consider the possibility that if you feel anxious, you may be way too far in the future mentally, and when you feel regret, you’re living in the past. How do you take control of the negativity that wants to live in regret and consternation? By using The Number Line technique.

Visualize a number line starting at negative 10 and going to positive 10. The middle is zero, which represents the present moment. The farther to the left you go, the more you are living in the past. The farther to the right, the more you’re in the worry of the future. Far left and far right create anxiety.

Application

Track your feelings of anxiety, fear or regret. Once you notice the feeling, determine where you are on the number line. For example, positive 8 means you’re way in the future. Bring yourself (your thought processes) back to zero, the present moment. Aim to stay between negative 2 and positive 2.

Stay tuned and next week I’ll offer up another useful strategy.

Best,
Marlene Chism

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Leadership Trustbusters

As a leader, trust is your best tool for getting results through others. Trust takes time to build but can be lost in a moment of reactivity.

Building trust in the workplace requires leaders to be aware of behaviors that unintentionally diminish trust.

Yesterday I went live on LinkedIn in my monthly Office Hours.  I talked about unintentional trustbusters and how to identify behaviors that might be limiting your effectiveness.

Check out my office hours replay. You’ll learn four behaviors that if practiced consistently helps you rebuild or increase trust with your employees, peers, and executives.

Watch the replay here.

There’s also a learning guide with this one that can be downloaded at www.marlenechism.com/officehours

Best,
Marlene Chism

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Retention problem?

Attracting and retaining talent is one of the top issues facing organizations today. The cost of replacing an employee can be as high as 50-60% of their annual salary, when factors such as recruiting, training and lost productivity are considered.

At exit interviews employees often say their reason for leaving is better opportunity, or more pay. Understandably, employees don’t want to burn bridges.

Let me tell you something I know for sure: A primary reason good employees leave is due to ineffective leadership and conflict mismanagement.

For example do you see the following?

Poor performers are moved to another departmentThe star performer is a bully so they are allowed to misbehaveYour front line leaders want to be liked so they don’t manage conflict

Occasionally employees leave for other opportunities, but a real reason employees leave is when there’s a lack of trust, or when conflict is ignored or mismanaged.

Read more at my SmartBrief article here.

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Did you inherit a problem?

What do you do if you inherited a problem?

After speaking at a conference, a leader approached me and said, “The reason I haven’t resolved a conflict in my department is that I inherited the problem.” “How long have you been leading this department?”  I asked. “Twelve years was her reply.”

The act of courage: Whether you inherited a problem, or you’ve let a problem go on too long you can still course-correct if you have the courage to address the problem, set a new boundary and follow through with accountability.

What to know:  You must understand the culture. Your new limits must be supported at the top. Once upper management agrees with your plan, initiate a group meeting to address the elephant in the room. View this as an opportunity to let go of blame and start a clean slate. Be crystal clear about the behaviors you expect in the future and what the consequences will be if the undesired behaviors continue.

If you’re struggling with a problem that’s been going on too long, reach out and let’s have an exploratory call to see if I can help.

Marlene Chism

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Renew Your Energy

With the reality of change fatigue, mental health issues, collaboration overload and the demands of leading in a hybrid environment, today’s leader needs strategies to renew energy and avoid burnout.

Here’s a 30 minute YouTube video you can watch with your team as a lunch and learn, that I previously hosted as a LinkedIn Office Hours.

There are four steps with two strategies each,  8 strategies in all to get yourself centered and back in control. My sense is that you probably know most of these, but maybe #3 will be somewhat new to you. Enjoy!

 

 

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