Marlene Chism's Blog, page 6

Stop Judging Yourself

When new leaders get promoted the initial high wears off and eventually there’s a dip where doubt takes over and confidence takes a nosedive.

Here’s what to do when the self-doubt threatens your confidence.

1. Remind yourself that there’s a learning curve to effective leadership.
2. Remember, you don’t have to know it all.
3. Seek out mentoring to help you make confident decisions.
4. Managing conflict is one of the most important skills to learn, even managing your internal conflict that keeps you on the hamster wheel.

Rewrite the narrative that says you don’t belong as a leader. If you’re not confident about your current level of growth and have yet to build your capacity or credibility, that’s called learning!

RESOURCES 

I have several courses on the LinkedIn Library that can help you gain the skills and confidence you need to elevate your leadership, as well as my book, From Conflict to Courage. Check these out!

To your success,
Marlene Chism

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What’s your motive for feedback?

As a leader part of your job is to give feedback, or feed-forward as some would say.

Here are some points to ponder about giving advice and feedback, and this applies both at work and at home.

Make sure of your motive before offering feedback or advice.

No one wants to be blindsided.

Advice can come off as condescending if unsolicited.

Even the words, “May I offer some feedback?” can cause unnecessary drama.

Often, a better approach is to get curious and then offer your perception about an observed behavior.

Example: I’m curious…did that make you feel uncomfortable? I noticed that when I said that you folded your arms.

Getting curious and sharing a perception is a more relationship oriented than telling someone how they show up, or giving an opinion about how they ought to be.

Best,
Marlene Chism

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It’s Not A Big Sacrifice

There’s so much conflict and division in our workplaces and at home.

But so much relationship conflict would end with one practice: Consideration.

Consideration requires you to see a bigger picture; to think about how your actions or lack thereof affect others in your life at home and at work.

Consideration is not a big sacrifice at all.

Take the trash out before being asked.

Anticipate when someone needs help.

Put the new roll of TP on when you use the last piece.

Pick up the trash out of a yard.

Wash your own plate.

Put the cap back on your toothpaste.

Throw the empty cereal box away.

Do something that isn’t your job.

Keep your boss, colleagues, employees informed.

Tell those involved in the project when something changes.

Don’t call people after 9:00 PM.

Tell the truth kindly.

Return calls.

Respond to the email.

Don’t leave people hanging.

Stay in your own lane.

Go when the light is green

The list is miles long.

Pick the one that applies.

Up-level your consideration game.

#consideration #Relationships #conflict

To your success,
Marlene Chism

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Skipping Chain of Command?

Suppose an employee is unhappy about a situation but feels their manager won’t help them resolve it. The employee overrides their manager, taking their concerns to the executive.

If you are an executive (or the manager that’s been overridden, be aware of this trap.)

The Trap
The executive listens to the employee and resolves the problem for the employee, overriding the manager’s authority. The manager is blindsided and loses confidence.

The result: Employees learn to override their boss and jump ahead, resulting in a culture of avoidance and rescuing versus honest communication.

Trust is lost between manager and executive, and mismanaged conflict leads to retaliation.

What to do instead: If you’re an executive and an employee comes to you about resolving a problem with their manager, listen first.

Then, ask two strategic questions: “What have you tried so far, and have you talked with your boss about it?”  Chances are, they have not addressed it with their own manager.

If the employee hasn’t brought the situation to their manager, coach them on how to address the conversation, then set a follow-up date to hear about the result for accountability. A good rule is no blindsides. Don’t undermine your managers. Instead, meet with the employee and the manager to hear both sides if necessary.

If you see any of these types of challenges, reach out and let’s schedule an exploratory call. I can help!

Best,
Marlene Chism

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The Rules of Resolving Conflict

Whether you believe in chain of command, open door at every level or somewhere in between, what creates a culture of avoidance is when people disagree on the rules of resolving conflict. In short, everyone in the organization must agree on how to manage conflict and what steps to take when it arises.

Here’s an important question to ask: Does everyone in your organization understand the rules of effectively managing conflict? If not, you’ll have a lot of undermining and unintentionally create a culture of avoidance.

Here’s what you can do immediately:

1. Create a transparent system for conflict resolution so that employees know the path to resolution.

2. Equip employees with skills to go to the person with whom they have a problem.

3. If they can’t resolve the problem, the next skill is to talk with their manager before elevating the conversation up the chain of command.

4. Offer a yearly assessment where employees can anonymously give feedback about their managers can help managers get insights into how they are perceived.

Next week I’ll give you an example of some traps to be aware of when it comes to honoring chain of command.

If you want to do a quick assessment to see if you have a culture of avoidance click here and get an instant report.

Best,
Marlene Chism

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A VP who refuses to “babysit”

A common theme I hear from senior level leaders is, “I shouldn’t have to babysit.”

I translate this to mean, “I’m not going to concern myself with lower-level conflict because I’ve hired people to deal with that.”

But what if your refusal to address conflict causes even bigger problems? And, what if the very person you think is handling conflict can’t handle conflict because you refuse to support them?

A Vice President Who Refuses to “Babysit.”

A consultant was hired by a VP to manage an important project that included managing a group of directors. The problem is that one particular director blatantly refused to work with the consultant, going so far to put his decision in writing!

No matter how many attempts the consultant made to initiate a conversation, this director refused to talk, engage, or respond. The consultant went to the VP who hired her, and the VP refused to back the consultant on the project.

Ultimately this decision tied the hands of the consultant and she had to quit the project. Think about the wasted time, energy and effort!

Both of these examples point to a lack of conflict capacity at the top as well as executive misalignment. If the top level can’t manage conflict with each other, what do they expect from the middle and lower levels of leadership?

Executive actions lead to a culture of accountability or a culture of avoidance. If you want a quick way to assess your culture, take my Culture of Avoidance Assessment here.

Truth Bomb: Very often the bottleneck is a senior level executive. The issue is power structure and culture, very difficult to fix by asking for a workshop for the worker-bees or coaching for the person stuck in the middle.

When leaders (at any level) avoid conflict hey create a ripple effect of interpersonal problems that affect productivity, well-being, and organizational results.

Help is just a phone call away. Reach out and let’s talk.

Marlene Chism

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Develop Your Leadership Identity

As a leader some of the most important questions you’ll answer are those that help you define your leadership identity. Leadership identity is the way you see yourself, and the way you want others to perceive you. To elevate your leadership, here are five critical questions to help you develop your unique leadership identity.

1. Who am I?

2. What do I value?

3. What do I want?

4. What is required?

5. Am I willing?

 

1. Who Am I?

This philosophical question about identity can either drive you crazy or give you clarity. Rather than going down a rabbit hole, arguing about whether it matters or not, make a decision:  Who do you want to be? What does that look like in your language, behavior, habits, and demeanor? You get to decide!

In my consulting work, that one of the biggest challenges I’ve seen new leaders face is one of identity. When new leaders go from “one of us” to “one of them” they go through an identity crisis.

Answer the question: Who am I as a leader? That one simple decision will guide your other decision-making, because identity drives behavior. As you grow, your definition of who you are may change. That’s OK, but start with a definition and build on it.

2. What do I Value?

Once you declare your values there’s no more hiding. You can no longer fool yourself or others. You say you value courage? No more avoiding difficult conversations. You say you value kindness? Now where does your sarcasm fit in? Is it still appropriate to use your sense of humor to put others down? Stating your values helps you to lead from integrity—to align your walk with your talk.

3. What Do I Want?

If you observe people who complain obsessively, one thing they all have in common is that they know what they don’t want, but very often they cannot clearly articulate what they do want. In all drama there is always a lack of clarity. Hinting, manipulating, and beating around the bush are behaviors of one who does not know how to ask for what she wants. Knowing what you want, and knowing how to ask for what you want reduces drama and increases the likelihood of getting what you want.

4. What is Required?

It’s one thing to know what you want. It’s another to know what is required to get what you want. Leaders see this paradox all the time, where an employee wants the promotion but either does not know what is required or is not willing to do what is required. Knowing what’s required helps you gain the appropriate skills, mindsets, and partnerships to actually achieve your objective. In addition, knowing what’s required gives you a chance to re-evaluate whether or not you really want what you say you want.

5. Am I Willing?

A recipe for failure is to know what you want and know what’s required yet be unwilling to take the required action. Willingness almost always involves either courage, change, or sacrifice. You may have to make an investment of money or time. You may have to learn a new skill. You must definitely learn how to cope with discomfort. Knowing what you are willing or not willing to do guides you in decision-making, helps you think critically and ensures that you have the right attitude before undertaking a new project or initiative. No matter what you visualize, what you value, what you desire, nothing happens without willingness to do what is required.

Conclusion

When you define your leadership identity, clearly articulate your desires, lead and live by your values, and you are willing to do what is required, you build the leadership identity to help you become the leader you are meant to be.

 

This article originally published on LinkedIn as part of The Marlene Chism Newsletter.

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When the bottleneck is a senior leader

Petty drama is always a sign that there’s a lack of trust. On the surface, it almost always seems that the trust issues are between employees, but the root is almost always top leadership misalignment and lack of conflict capacity.

When I get called to do a workshop or a coaching for one “troublemaker” the real issue goes unresolved. The reality that no one has the courage to say: The bottleneck is at the top of the bottle. Here’s one example.

Two Conversations Being Avoided

An executive allowed a toxic employee to continue to work for her because she was afraid her decision to terminate would not be supported by her CEO. So rather than get the support she needed, she avoided a conversation with her own boss and let the toxicity continue.

Can you see here that there were at least two conversations being avoided? One conversation was the executive that allowed toxic behavior from an employee, in other words downward communication. The other conversation being avoided was upward communication (getting support from her boss.)

In this situation everyone else knew what was going on, but no one had the courage to confront.

High-level leaders often assume that the leaders they hire to manage under them will have the skill sets to manage conflict. Very often they don’t.

If you’re facing a challenge like this, reach out. I can help.
Marlene Chism

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Is there a culture of avoidance?

In today’s competitive business landscape, building trust, and fostering a productive work environment is crucial for success.

What this means is that leaders at every level must understand how to manage conflict and quickly address issues before the issues create a toxic work environment.

Unfortunately, many organizations unknowingly fall into a culture of avoidance, where critical issues are swept under the rug, and accountability is non-existent.

The avoidant culture hinders growth, breeds dissatisfaction, and ultimately drives away top talent.

How can you tell if your company is plagued by a culture of avoidance? Here are some red flags that you may have a culture of avoidance.

A poor performer continues to collect a paycheck.Excessive turnover in at least one department.There’s an “elephant in the room.”There’s a top performer who’s a bully.People walk on eggshells with their manager.Employees have to be micromanaged.You don’t know how to fix a pre-existing problem.Poor performers are shuffled off (reorganized) to other departments.Behavior is not considered part of performance.

All problems that escalate in an organization can be traced back to a conversation that should have happened but didn’t! Once avoided problems reach a certain level it takes more than a single conversation.

The truth: These issues are complex and multi-faceted. There are many reasons these problems exist including lack of training, silos, lack of support at the top, inadequate resources, and outdated systems that haven’t kept up with change.

This article is simply offered as a snapshot to increase awareness of small problems that can have a domino effect on the culture if left unnoticed.

Take the Assessment

If any of these red flags resonate with you, take this easy assessment

(https://marlene-ug3lcjxo.scoreapp.com) to gain new insights.

Or reach out to me to schedule an informal conversation where I might be able to give you some first steps.

Best,
Marlene Chism

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Create a collaborative culture (Part 4 of 4)

This is part 4 of how senior leaders can create a collaborative culture. If you missed any of the previous emails, the entire lesson can be found at this link.

While the first three mini lessons is about working on yourself, this one is about making sure others are held accountable for their actions.

Question uncertain motives

Sometimes you aren’t in the wrong; sometimes other people have hidden agendas. Rather than getting triggered question uncertain motives. For example, if someone says something sarcastic  like, “You need to hear what the team thinks about your last decision,” don’t take the bait by engaging.

Don’t allow people to play “power of attorney” by representing other people who aren’t in the room. It sounds like this, “Chris, I can’t let you speak for everyone else. Let’s bring the team together to discuss.”  Here are some other ways to question uncertain motives:

What’s your intention for telling me that?It sounds like you’re angry. Is that true?I interpret your silence as disagreement. Am I wrong?Walk me through your thought process.

The benefit of questioning uncertain motives is that it lets the other person know how you’re interpreting their behavior. Even if the other person denies their hidden motives, they often discontinue the questionable behavior.

If you have heightened your self-awareness only to realize you come off as defensive, be patient with yourself. Defensiveness is a human reaction to protect oneself from perceived threats. With awareness and practice, leaders who learn to control defensiveness set the stage for open conversations that reduce conflict and promote collaboration.

To your success,
Marlene Chism

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