Marlene Chism's Blog, page 12

Solutions to Common Workplace Conflicts

Conflict in the workplace happens for a variety of reasons: Poor decision-making processes, lack of clarity, ineffective communication and hundreds of other reasons. Many leaders view conflict as problematic, but conflict is not the problem, mismanagement is.

Mismanagement occurs when leaders avoid, appease, or resort to aggression. Here are some common problems and some methods of effectively managing the conflict.

Skipping Chain of Command

When you lead a project, but a team member goes around your back trying to influence others before a vote or a decision, unnecessary conflict erupts. Trust and transparency start to erode. Members unintentionally engage in gossip and hearsay, furthering the conflict.

This doesn’t happen only on the front line. I’ve seen board members, investors and C-suite individuals skipping due process (gathering their troops) to state their disagreement instead of bringing the issue to the group or project manager. This indicates a lack of conflict capacity and an urge to get things done by undermining instead of addressing.

What to do: Define the decision-making process. If you are being undermined because a colleague, board member or employee is going around your back to influence others, there’s a process to alignment. First talk with your superior about what you need. It goes like this:

“Jason, I’ve noticed that some of the team members are coming to you complaining about an issue on the table. What I need from you is to invite them to bring concerns to the meeting in front of the group, or to first bring it directly to me so I can put it on the agenda.”

Chances are, Jason didn’t realize he was part of the problem by engaging those who didn’t follow chain of command. Next, talk directly to the person avoiding you. It goes like this:

“Kim, I understand you have some different ideas about our approach. We have a due process in place and what would benefit the team is XYZ.”

In short, ask for what you want, but make sure you have support from those above and around you who are unintentionally adding to the confusion.

Insecure Leader

When a leader becomes suddenly insecure and keeps seeking reassurance, it’s usually because of some change, such as being promoted, merging companies or getting a new boss. As a result, they keep coming to their superior for advice they “should already know.”

Many senior-level people have said to me, “They want me to micromanage them” or “They just want a checklist of rules when I need them to make the decision and trust themselves.”

Here’s some questions to ask yourself:

Have they gone from a more tactical job to one that requires more strategic thinking?Have they gone from getting work done to getting work done through others, or vice versa?

What to do: Stop telling and start coaching. To help an insecure leader become secure in their decision-making, stop telling them what to do. This is done through coaching. Use more questions than answers. “What would you do?” or “Walk me through how you’re thinking about it” is much better than criticizing them for their insecurities or telling them exactly what to do. The next time your leader comes to you with “What should I do?” don’t tell them. Instead, say, “I want you to make decision and before implementing, make the case and let me hear your decision-making process.”

It won’t take long before they transform from seeking parental approval to confidently making aligned decisions.

Behavioral Issues

A big complaint I hear is “The top performer a bully, but their performance is stellar.” The real problem here is that behavior is not considered a part of performance, so it’s justified instead of corrected. The behavior allowed then becomes the standard.

What to do: Make the unconscious conscious. You can’t fix what you can’t articulate. If you can’t describe the dysfunctional behavior, you won’t be able to coach behavioral change.

Suppose Victoria, your senior vice president of design, continues to disagree and interrupt at team-meetings when she should be listening and brainstorming with the group. You know you need to speak with her, but you feel trepidation.

Before having a conversation use this template to answer a couple of questions.

What is the person doing that shouldn’t be done?How does that affect our culture, teamwork, productivity or results?

Once you answer those two questions, you can then use observable behavior to bring the unconscious to light. An example:

“Victoria, I noticed that you interrupted Robert three times at the meeting yesterday. After that no one spoke up. When you interrupt before hearing others’ opinions, it is disruptive to teamwork and engagement.”

Victoria will likely resist, but that’s OK. None of us like to have our blind spots revealed, but this opens the door for coaching and support, making behavior a part of performance.

Conclusion

Part of a leader’s job is to manage and resolve conflict. The first step is to stop avoiding. The second step is to start building the conflict capacity to drive results, not drama.

Article originally published via Smartbrief

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5 Steps to Building a New Leadership Identity

According to a “Global Generations” study by Ernst & Young, 46% of US managers have been managing for over 10 years, and most not received any type of training to develop their leadership identity. The belief is that because this individual was a star performer, has seniority, is a subject matter expert, a rainmaker, or a technician, they should be equipped to lead others. This tacit assumption leads to leadership dysfunction. The star performer micromanages instead of coaching others. The subject matter expert knows it all. The technical operator is overly aggressive, and the one who got promoted due to seniority still feels like “one of them.”

No matter what the context, newly promoted leaders often find themselves unprepared for what’s required of leadership: making difficult decisions, initiating difficult conversations about performance or behavior, coaching others, and holding the team accountable. At the root is leadership identity.  Here are five steps to building a new leadership identity.

1. Uncover Your Narrative

How do you define yourself? Are you a “hard worker” or a smart worker? Do you define yourself as a hard worker, or just “one of them”? How do you behave under pressure? Do you have the courage to initiate difficult conversations, or are you more of an avoider?  Increase your self-awareness to build identity-based habits. Notice what you think, say, and do. What would you have to tell yourself to behave as you do? Behavior is your narrative acted out. Behavior drives identity.

2. Define Leadership

Think deeply about what it means to be a leader in your organization. The more you think about leadership, the easier it will be to identify with being a leader. Your organization may have a definition for leadership, nonetheless, you need to create your own personal definition. For example, my definition for leadership: If leadership is about anything it’s about alignment, and alignment is about focusing energy. From this definition I know that if I’m engaging in unproductive conversations the ”energy” is unfocused and it’s my job to course correct. Your definition of leadership might include servant leadership, compassion, innovation, or teamwork. Design a definition and see if you can align to and live from that definition.

3. Claim Your Values

When listening to others, it doesn’t take long to know what a person’s core values are. They say things like, “I want to be fair” and “It’s my goal to create autonomy on the team.”  Yet, it’s difficult for most of us to declare our top two values.

One of my top values is personal responsibility. This value shapes my behavior. (When I complain it means I need to stop blaming and start choosing.) Deciding on two top values makes decision-making easier and helps you to course correct early. What do you really value? Fairness, equality, compassion, service, integrity, creativity, or innovation? There are thousands of values to choose from, but values don’t live on a website. Each value has a price to pay when it comes to living and leading from the value.

4. Envision a New Future Self

Who do you want to be? The key to creating a new identity is to stop living from your memories of the past and start living from the vision of your future. Picture your future self and how you lead. When you come up against conflict, how do you behave? What’s holding you back now?

My work here is influenced by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and his book Personality Isn’t Permanent. His work confirmed what I had been practicing in my own life and with my clients for years: we all have choices about who we want to be and what we wish to co-create; we just need a path to get there. One method I teach is to journal about your future self as if you are already that person. In your journaling include what it feels like, how you make decisions, and how you feel emotionally. (It’s important to connect your vision of the future with the emotions you want to experience to make it manifest easily.)  Thought plus emotion equals a new vision for your future self.

5. Build Leadership Confidence

Leadership confidence is not built on appeasing others, avoiding conflict, or using aggression to get your way. Leadership confidence is built on integrity, experience, and trust. Integrity is about living in alignment with your values. Experience is about the small wins that tell you you’re growing. Trust is not as much about trusting others as it is about trusting yourself. Self-trust promotes trust in the workplace. Trusting yourself grows as you face reality, tell yourself the truth, keep promises and make decisions in alignment with your organization and with your own values. Leadership Confidence is an internal compass that never lets you down.

If you’re struggling with your new leadership role, it’s likely because you haven’t formed a leadership identity.  Even if your organization doesn’t offer leadership development, you can still intentionally create your own identity for the purpose of increasing your capabilities.

Article originally published via SmartBrief.

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Improve Your Conflict Capacity

Unresolved workplace conflict wastes time, increases stress and negatively affects business outcomes.

Check out my interview with David Dye on The Leadership Without Losing Your Soul Podcast for my expert guidance on improving your conflict capacity and addressing workplace conflict head-on.

We cover:

Practical phrases to use when receiving more aggressive criticism.Steps to take to start moving toward the conflict, stop avoiding and start leading.When you find your power.And so much more…Listen here: From Conflict to Courage

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3 Behaviors that Diminish Teamwork

It’s easy to categorize team problems as employee burnout, apathy or lack of engagement. And while there may be burnout, apathy or disengagement, the root problem may be due to ineffective leadership. By eliminating mismanagement, lack of initiative and power of attorney, leaders can significantly reduce conflict and increase teamwork.

Mismanagement

Many leaders avoid conflict because they see conflict as a problem, but conflict isn’t really the problem; mismanagement is. Here are some common ways leaders mismanage conflict:

Moving a problem employee to another department.Withholding relevant information from senior leaders.Avoiding difficult conversations.Losing control or angry outbursts.

Leaders mismanage conflict when fear guides their behaviors — for example, when they don’t listen to employees who feel misunderstood or mistreated or who experience gender, religious or racial discrimination.

Team impact: When conflict goes unaddressed, employees blame each other and take sides. The focus shifts from the job at hand to who’s wrong and what’s not fair. If employees come to you to gossip about team members, it’s likely that conflict is being mismanaged.

What to do: Address issues confidently and quickly as soon as you notice them. Set a date on your calendar, and set a positive intention with the individuals who need to be coached. Watch for behavior change, and follow up with those individuals in one week to make sure they know you expect accountability.

Lack of initiative

A lack of initiative is when an employee doesn’t take responsibility for solving or following up on problems. The mantra is “There’s nothing I can do,” or “This belongs to maintenance” and “I’ll let someone know …”  Red flags that indicate a lack of initiative:

“There’s nothing I can do right now.”“I’m not sure what can be done.”“That belongs to top leadership.”“That’s not part of my job.”

It may be true that the person doesn’t know what to do or whom the problem belongs to. The lack of initiative is about their lack of trying to help solve the problem and believing they can’t make a difference.

For example, I regularly visit a loved one in long-term care. On more than one occasion there has been some malfunction with a piece of equipment, yet when I have told a nurse or a CNA about the problem, I’ve been told, “It can’t be fixed until everyone is back from the long holiday weekend and we tell administration.” I found it difficult to believe that an elderly resident would have to wait three days to get their pager fixed, so I investigated further. Come to find out, the assistant director of nursing on duty could have had the problem fixed, but no one seemed to know whom the problem belonged to.

Team impact: If employees don’t see consequences for poor performance, it won’t be long before everyone lowers their standards. Lack of initiative is a strong indicator of ineffective leadership. If the lack of initiative continues, the greatest effort you’ll see is the effort to avoid helping someone else.

What to do: Quiz employees to get a glimpse of their problem-solving abilities. Do they know who to go to resolve problems, or do they simply say, “Not my job?” Make it part of standard protocol that whoever learns first about the problem is required to follow up on the problem with the person who registered the complaint. Otherwise, it’s easy to push off problems to “upper management,” the maintenance man or some invisible customer service representative. To increase teamwork, secret shop to find out who’s solving problems and who’s dropping balls. Reward initiative, and coach those who don’t take initiative.

Allowing power of attorney

Almost all new leaders fall for the “power of attorney” trap. Power of attorney is when someone speaks on behalf of someone else rather than representing themselves. For example, Kim comes to you with a complaint, and says “Everyone else feels the same way.” Or a team member says, “Johanna said …” or “Blain said …” Leaders fall into the power of attorney trap when they listen to gossip and take only one person’s word for understanding the situation.

Team impact: There’s always one employee who knows how to get the boss’ ear by giving insider information. Don’t trust the person who constantly leaks information. They’re trying to gain special privilege and may be causing more disruption than you’re aware of.

What to do: Don’t take the bait and engage in a conversation where the party in question is not present. Make it a rule that people represent themselves. If they bring another person’s name into the conversation, ask them to invite that person to the meeting.

On the surface, team problems may seem to be employee behaviors, but the root may be leadership behaviors. It’s up to the leader to set the standard.

Article originally published via SmartBrief.

 

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My Impact Driven Leader Interview

I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed by Tyler Dickerhoof on the Impact Driven Leader podcast.

Listen here: From Conflict to Courage 

In this episode we discuss:

Healthy conflict can yield resultsBe curiousLeadership Clarity – Answer these questions to get close to the truth and to get past your perception of the situation.

 

Read the full post and listen to the podcast available here.

 

 

 

 

“If I can understand their drive, desire and demand then we might be closer than we think to having a real conversation and getting [to] agreement.”
-Marlene Chism

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Learning Impact Award Nomination

My book, From Conflict to Courage was nominated to win an international award to be decided in Frankfurt Germany on October 20th, 2022!

It is on the long list.

Top 10 Long List
https://journal.getabstract.com/en/2022/09/08/learning-impact-award-2022/

“Our new special award category, “Learning Impact” (International), recognizes original contributions in the L&D and HR space. All nominated titles are must-reads for L&D leaders!“

getAbstract’s editorial team is responsible for narrowing down tens of thousands of new releases to a longlist of just ten titles per award category and language, considering the following questions:

How original is the book?How reliable is its content?  How focused is the author’s approach?  How reader-friendly is the book?  How actionable is the book?

I’m beyond thrilled that my book From Conflict to Courage made the long list!

getAbstract readers can cast their votes: As part of the Readers’ Choice Awards, you have the opportunity to vote for your favorite book.

 

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Tame the Beast of Impatience

I have struggled with being impatient most of my life. They even named a flower after me, it’s called the  I’ve been working on becoming more patient and of course being an impatient person, it’s taken me longer to become more patient than I wanted.

Why did I want to change this pattern of behavior?

I’ve come to realize that my impatience doesn’t make anyone or anything speed up. My impatience only makes me feel anger and anxiety. While I was in a hurry it seemed the whole world was in quicksand.

My impatience made me quick to judge others. I’d think about how much more efficient the check out would be if the person packing groceries did it differently, or how much time would be saved if there wasn’t so much small talk with the bank teller.

My impatience also made me exaggerate. I used to say “I had to wait forever and a day,” and “The line was backed up around the building.” In reality I waited three minutes and there were two people in front of me.

So I started working on becoming more patient. If you want to work on improving your impatience here are some steps to tame the beast.

1 Stop Exaggerating

Stop saying “The line was backed up around the building. Instead say there are three people ahead of me.

2. Clock Yourself

Every time I felt frustration due to “having to wait” I put ten minutes on my timer. I said to myself, “I can be patient for ten minutes, then I can worry about what to do next.” What I found is that most of the time I forgot about the timer and was already in the car on my way to my next appointment ahead of schedule.

3. Plan Better

Stop doing tasks when everyone else does them, and do your tasks when no one else does. You can also pad your time between tasks. Instead of worrying about wasting time, you now have extra time to check an email or play on social media.

4. See Impatience Differently

Many of us who are impatient are proud that we get things done fast, and we “see” impatience as having a high work ethic. The truth is, sometimes we don’t really get more done. Sometimes we have re-work from not being present and not being patient.

5. Know the Benefits

There are many benefits to being more patient. You’ll see others and yourself differently. You’ll have a reverence toward life. You’ll stop exaggerating and you’ll be more present. You won’t feel so angry or anxious and you’ll stop judging. You’ll be a better planner, and you’ll be more strategic. You’ll set boundaries instead of getting distracted.

How You Know You’re Changing

People will see you differently. You’ll be in the flow and experience time differently. The best part is when someone says, “Thank you for being so patient”.

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Mismanaged Conflict Affects Everyone

As I was walking into the long-term care facility, the new receptionist stopped a couple who was walking out because they had brought their dog for a visit.

“Did you get permission to bring a dog into this facility?” the receptionist asked.

“We’ve never had a problem before,” they answered.

As I was checking in, the receptionist said, “I can’t believe all the things people try to get by with here. They go into the resident’s lunchrooms, bring their pets, and get ice from the ice chest.”

As I listened I thought to myself, this is an example of mismanaged conflict.

As a daughter of one in a nursing facility I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of stress learning to navigate the long-term health system. As a consultant (not working with this facility) I have some things to share with the intention of helping any type of organization build a better culture.

Rules Matter

My mother has been in long-term care for over three months, and I’ve never been clear about the rules. There has never been an orientation for the family on what to expect, who to ask if you have a problem, or what to do if you have a complaint.

One day one of my favorite CNA’s invited me into the lunch room to retrieve my mother. To my shock, the assistant director of nursing “scolded me” and said I was not allowed in the break rooms.

If employees don’t know the rules they’ll misrepresent the organization.

Resources Matter

Another day I asked for for a longer oxygen tube. It was confirmed by both a hall nurse and the CNA that there weren’t any long oxygen tubes due to COVID. A few days later I inadvertently mentioned the “supply chain issue” to the administrator who was shocked. “That’s not true she said. We have plenty. All you have to do is tell the director of nursing.”

Lack of resources contribute to a multitude of problems. In this situation the resources were available, it was the communication that was lacking.

Accountability Matters

I often noticed that my mom didn’t have cold water, and ice was nowhere to be found. Three different employees confirmed that the reason was a resource issue. “There’s only one ice chest for three hallways,” I was told. When I addressed this issue with the director of nursing she said, “We have one chest for each hallway. I sign off on it every day!”

Employees may complain about resources but often the real issue is accountability.

More than one occasion I have surprised the administration with issues unbeknownst to them—too many to list here. I believe this is because real accountability is not a checklist.

Teaching Points

Confusion inside an organization ripples out to your clients.An orientation for staff gets everyone on the same page.An orientation for clients helps you manage expectation.Front line leaders who are not developed simply check the box.Accountability requires hand’s on leadership not an over-reliance to a checklist.No matter how many resources you have, if there’s no communication it’s as if you have none.

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Take Charge of Your Communication

Your colleague cancelled a meeting, your client ghosted you, your prospect didn’t return your email, an overly emotional private email has gone viral, and your weekly meetings are all over the place.

Stacked up over time, these occurrences can make you resent others and doubt yourself. Here are three things to stop doing so that you can take charge of your communication.

1. Stop over relying on digital communications

Emails, texts and direct messages are great for quick updates, confirming appointments, or sharing a couple of facts. These same methods are dangerous when discussing performance reviews, private issues, or potentially emotional topics.

What holds you back: You are attached to one form of communication. You avoid the discomfort of a phone, or you refuse to text, (depending on your bias and your age.) Stop holding yourself back and become competent in all forms of communication including text, phone, video conferencing, emailing, one to one communications and one to group meetings.

What to do: The rule of thumb is when emotions are high, when the issue is private, or when the situation is complicated, meet face to face, by ZOOM or by phone.

2. Don’t believe everything you think

Just because someone didn’t answer your email doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. Just because someone declined one meeting doesn’t mean they declined a whole year’s worth. It’s easy to jump to conclusions.

What holds you back: You fear confrontation, rejection, or emotional escalation. What also holds you back is the need to be right about how you see the situation. You’d rather gossip with others and ask “what do you think” than to address the one person who can help you–the one with whom you have the issue.

What to do: When you find yourself feeling angry or resentful take that as a sign that you need more information or clarification. Take it upon yourself to make a phone call, or leave a message.

3. Stop Avoiding the Elephant in the Room

If there’s something not working you can feel it. If something’s bothering you it’s probably bothering other people too. For example, your highest performer is also a bully. Or your ideas are not recognized at a meeting because the facilitator lets others hog the conversation.

What holds you back: You want to be liked and bringing the issue to light will put a spotlight on you. You’ll be judged as being too sensitive, or negative, or a micromanager. You don’t want to initiate a difficult conversation.

What to do: Speak about the observed behavior, and ask for what you want. For example, “I have noticed that sometimes others don’t get the same time allotment at meetings. I’d like to facilitate one of the meetings and see if I can give everyone the same amount of time. At the meeting you can say, “James, I appreciate your input, but before we go further I’d like to hear from the others too.”

Conclusion

Good communication is not only an external skill set, but an internal game. To be a competent leader you must become competent in all forms of communication, from email, to text, to phone, to video conferencing. You just master your thoughts so that you catch unproductive narratives, and you must stop avoiding and start leading.

Get From Conflict to Courage at Amazon, and get the free discussion guide here!

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Stop Playing Power of Attorney

As a leader you should always be aware of a trap that I call “Playing Power of Attorney.” Power of Attorney is the act of representing someone other than yourself. It’s when someone comes to you with a complaint, and they claim “Everyone else feels the same way.” Or they come to you saying “Barbara said…,” or “Bill said…”

When this happens your response should be, “Right now I’m not interested in what everyone else thinks, I’m interested in what you think.” Or, you can say, “Since Barbara isn’t here, ask her to join us. It wouldn’t be fair to speak on her behalf.”

Don’t Take the Bait

Don’t take the bait and engage in a conversation where the party in question is not present. If you really want to know what Barbara, Bill, or everyone else said, then your response should be, “Please bring Barbara, Bill, and everyone into the room so we can discuss.”

Refuse to be on the receiving end of Power of Attorney. This can be more difficult to do if you have a hybrid workplace, where some workers are out of sight and often out of mind.

Don’t Get Distracted

If you’re not careful you’ll find yourself getting distracted, keeping secrets, and listening to gossip. How this shows up in the workplace is when an employee comes to you complaining about their boss, who is your direct report. Listen to the complaint, but don’t let the conversation be a “secret” between you and them. Don’t let them say, “This is just between you and me.” No, if there’s a problem, or a perceived high conflict individual stirring up the dust, there needs to be investigation and course correction. The more you listen to problems and keep secrets, the more you set yourself up for future drama. Keep the conversation focused on their experience, their understanding, their perception, not everyone else’s.

Red Flags

Everyone feels…Others agree(First Name) said…What they really meant was…

Represent Yourself

On the same note, do not dish out Power of Attorney. If you need to talk to an employee about performance, never say, “Other’s don’t feel you are pulling your weight.”

Don’t speak for others and don’t rescue others. You’ll only create team drama. Believe me when I say the “others” won’t have your back. They’ll have their own. They’ll deny they ever said anything to you. Instead speak about the facts, and observed behaviors and your concerns, not the concerns of their colleagues, unless the colleagues are in the room. Here are some phrases to have in your back pocket…

I’ve observedThe numbers show…I’m concernedIt’s come to my attentionI perceive / think/ feel

The Bottom Line

In conversations, especially where conflict is likely, make other people speak for themselves. This means their conversation should be about their concerns, their perceptions, their desires, and their grievances. Make sure you speak for yourself, your thoughts, your perceptions, your concerns, your grievances. It’s called representing yourself. It’s amazing what personal responsibility and accountability can do to turn around a toxic environment.

From Conflict to Courage now available on Amazon!

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