Marlene Chism's Blog, page 16

Leadership Identity: Why Employees Leave

When an employee becomes a leader he or she goes through an identity crisis that may last for years. (I explain more of this in No-Drama Leadership.) The new leader doesn’t feel confident, yet is afraid to ask for support for fear of being viewed as incompetent. This gap in development and lack of confidence surfaces in one of several ways:

How to Close the Integrity Gap

One definition of integrity is the state of being complete or undivided. To live in complete integrity is more of a process than an absolute because sometimes our competing desires come into conflict. For example, you want to lose weight but you like to eat out. You want to make more money but you also want to have more free time. Or you say that you value high productivity but you also value relationships. Eventually these desires will compete and that the competition will either divide your loyalties or strengthen your commitments. When you are divided because of competing commitments, I call this “The Integrity Gap.”

The Invisible Components of Communication

When it comes to history you can overcome it, benefit from it or blame it for your circumstances. With your imagination, you can either create a dream or a nightmare. Your desires either provide focus or distraction. You can either learn to master your emotion or become a slave to them. The key is to use the conscious mind to take charge instead of being ruled by the unconscious mind. We teach these executive skills in my new program: Critical Skills for the No-Drama Leader.

Self-Talk: A Critical Leadership Skill

If you constantly criticize and judge yourself, you aren’t going to be giving anyone else much more slack. If you aren’t able to manage your self-talk, your self-talk will leak out in your communication. Instead of speaking your truth, you will end up blaming someone else for your experience, using manipulation to get your point across, or justifying your bad behaviors.

Create a Culture of Truth-Telling

Honesty is often used as an excuse to “tell the truth,” when the reality is, if the truth would have been spoken five years ago, there wouldn’t be such a blow up in the first place. But, we don’t have the critical skills required to speak truth. We don’t know how to separate fact from feeling. We don’t know how to monitor the narrative in our heads to discern perception from reality. We don’t have the right strategic mindset to initiate difficult conversations in service of the bigger picture, nor do we know how to handle uncomfortable emotions. As a result, avoidance and denial become the cultural norms.

Communication Tactics that Work in the Short Term

We all have communication tactics to get people to think and behave the way we want them to. The reason people use these methods is because there is a pay-off: the tactic either relieves stress, reinforces an old habit, or elicits a specific response from another person. Here are five communication tactics that work in the short term.

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Why Communication is a Critical Skill Not a Soft Skill

Starting emails without a warm introduction brands you as one without manners. Writing an email that way too long or detailed brands you as one who will waste someone’s time. Letting voice mai back up brands you as unorganized or overwhelmed. Losing control of a meeting brands you as one who can't lead. Interrupting while someone is talking brands you as insensitive. Letting your communication flow into endless stories instead of getting to the point brands you as scattered. Criticizing and blaming brands you as one who is irresponsible.

Better to Complain than Ask

I often find myself throughout the day listening and observing the behaviors of personnel and today it dawned on me that many would rather complain than ask for what they want or what they need. It makes me ponder the question, Why? Is it that they don't believe they can have or get what they want? Or, is it just better to complain and have an excuse to why something can't be done?