Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 90
November 28, 2010
lunch on day 4 at the gabba
Australia – too easy to score off, lacking menace.
England – easy does it.
Strauss – took a while to get going then did get going and with some help from Mitchell Johnson's loving hands.
Cook – out batted Strauss.
Hilfenhaus – looked down on verve. Can he verve up?
Siddle – is still in form, but didn't get it 100% right.
Johnson – Rubbish bowling. Rubbish Moustache. Rubbish batting. Rubbish tattoos. Rubbish Fielding.
Watson – the ball didn't move so all we had was his stop motion bowling action.
Doherty – Tight and unlucky, Hauritzesque.
North – lunch spell.
Gabba – You can only bring a bag into the ground if you have one zipper or less, because, you know, they're mental here.
Fielding – fine except for the only chance they had offered in the whole session.
Over rates – shit.
Lunch – Roast beef (ok), roast potatoes (nice) and white rice.
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November 27, 2010
two pricks at the ashes and three pricks on the podcast
This was finished with enough time to go drinking last night, but then my internet assed up.
This was also finished early.
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Available on itunes.
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previously at the gabba
Australia
Lost their first wicket after tea, but then collapsed, like the soft bastards they are.
England
Gave it their all for just over an hour, then really didn't feel it. They got sloppy in the field, but even sloppier in their minds.
Who's in front
Finally this test has a team in front. 221 is far enough in front to not worry about losing the game, winning the game is still some wickets away.
Play of the day
That moment when you realised you weren't watching a test in 2010, that Channel 9 had slipped in an old tape just to persuade the Australian fans to watch the rest of the summer. It couldn't be real, look at how easy Australia are making this look, bloody Channel 9.
Testicular moment of the day
Brad Haddin swallowed his bat yesterday, that continued this morning. Then, out came the normal Haddin, and by that time England had not much left to stop him. Some vocal critics (me) believe Paine should have com in for Haddin, he weren't about making my comments look stupid. Still, he dropped a fucken sitter in the first innings, off Anderson, so only a hundred would make up for that.
Working class moment of the day
Finn took six wickets on debut. There should be naked nubile nymphomaniacs thrown to him. Instead the best he can ask for is a solemn pat on the back and someone buying him dinner tonight.
Weird factoid of the day
Michael Hussey's scream killed 7 dogs.
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England's amateur hours
For a while now the English team has been the most professional outfit in world cricket. They have got rid of fattiers, had analysts who just study analysts and all the players know how to find their light during photoshoots.
They have a coach for everything from guitar hero to tweeting.
It seemed that nothing could stop their long slow professional march towards better than mediocrity.
Today, Hussey and Haddin made them look amateur.
Catching departed them.
Ground fielding was 50/50 at best.
The field placings were not from the Andy Flower big book of cricket.
They got sulky and pissy.
And their shoulders dropped enough to worry both of their shoulder placement consultants.
It was not a good day for England.
They did not have the luck or the reviews to change anything. That is life, and I'm sure their team of life coaches have told them that on a daily basis.
I can understand them getting frustrated, especially over Hussey.
Having watched his form slump closely over the years, even if he got bat on ball only once in a backyard game against me, I'd take a plastic outdoor chair and beat him to death with it.
I, however, am not professional.
I don't have any coaches, I don't get taught how to react to bad situations. I just flip out.
From this English cricket team who has seemingly been programmed since Flower took over, I expected better than this.
It was one bad day, and while it was bad, it was not so bad that this team, who has had an armchair ride from the Australian press and public since they arrived, should struggle with.
Their cricket was pissy.
Perhaps they need a professionalism overhaul. A team of consultants to come in and just show them how to take all the tools at their disposal and get the most professionalism out of them. More coaches could help, and a team of analysts overlooking the new coaches who are instructing the old coaches.
They need at least 10% less pissy, because even if they win this series, there shall be more days that make you want to beat someone with a plastic outdoor chair.
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lunch at the gabba on day three
Australia – weathered the storm with the help of reviews and lack of reviews. Then got aggressive and suddenly looked very Australian.
England – bowled as well as they have for any period in England since, who knows when, for an hour. Then panicked when Haddin came at them.
Haddin – had been batting in a giant tub of marshallows, then jumped out of them naked holding an uzi to surprise England. Lucky to survive the guile of Collingwood.
Hussey – given a lifeline with one review, and lucky to survive with another because England didn't have a review. Then made his hundred and showed what three years of shit form can do to your celebration.
Broad – good, very good. Still wicketless, and I think 111 overs into your first test in Australia that would get to you.
Anderson – as good as he can bowl with a kookaburra ball, should have had Hussey. Was very wordy, quite rightly because he was bowling like a kinky demon.
Finn – floating it up again. It wasn't horrible, it also wasn't Broad or Anderson.
Swann – Half tracker, hit over his head, and sweepers out. Australia is not kind on finger spinners.
Collingwood – Haddin treated him like he was a bug flying around him, it almost got Collingwood a wicket, it didn't.
Fielding – Cook dropped Haddin, it was tough. Trott fell over. Other sloppiness creeped in, not making them horrible, just less than before.
Over rates – ok, if I am reading the score board right.
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Two pricks video with bonus of Oli Broom
Apologies for the lateness of the video. Shit happens.
Oli Broom rode a bike from Lord's to the Gabba, I had a beer with him.
Go to Oli's site.
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November 26, 2010
previously at the gabba
Australia
Hung around just well enough to still be in a position to break even with England or take a handy lead. Bad luck, injured batsmen and Marcus North were heavy around their necks.
England
Bowled well without too much help from Swann or the pitch. Strauss lost the plot at several times, yet a new ball on a new day against could be tasty.
Who's in front
There is no in front, just more push and shove. I do actually heart this test.
Play of the day
Came before the day's play when probably only one person saw it. Monty was doing a simple high ball fielding drill, and managed to drop two absolute sitters and then bolt after them.
Testicular moment of the day
As you may have noticed, I've been hard on Mike Hussey. Not without fucking documented proof. Hussey has been rubbish for so long even Channel 9 crawled back out of his rear passage. This was about as far from rubbish as Hussey has been since he became the statistic anomaly. Positive, dismissive of Swann and for once looking like he wanted to make runs not crawl into the fetal position waiting for a mother figure to comfort him.
Working class moment of the day
Broad seemed like the most in form of the bowlers, and he took no wickets. That must suck. I've felt like that all of my life.
Weird factoid of the day
Australian opening partnerships are now more likely to outscore the next 5 partnerships than not.
Jrodeye
If you look at the exclusive jrodeye data, Clarke faced 50 balls. 7 of them he played well. 4 he played in a way that made you almost chuck up. 26 made you want to kill old women. 8 made you laugh. 4 made you snore. 1 made you doubt technology.
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the dry big daddy podcast
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Download it here.
Available on itunes.
Here is the feed.
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The Hussey is Spry
Spry is something you usually say about old men who have someone managed to stop drooling and shitting their pants to do something impressive like open a door.
That is why when I looked at my notes and it said "Hussey – Spry" I knew I was onto something.
Hussey has not been spry in test cricket for the longest time. He's been in a cricket coma where he can't even get good quality of dribble out of his mouth. If he was in a film of the week, his family members would have all been around him to talk earnestly about their life together and play him classical music.
I've a strong believer in Euthanasia, players getting dropped and Natalie Portman, and at least one of these options should have been used on Hussey.
Test after test he was wheeled out by CA to prove he had a functioning cricket heartbeat, you could see the weekend at bernie's style way they moved him. He was not in anyway spry.
Today he came in to edge his first ball to slip.
Jesus and the Aliens smiled on him and then Hussey went about his bastardised and safe version of Sehwagology.
When a bad ball came, he didn't just lie on the ground in a hospital gown letting it hit his largely lifeless corpse, he hit the thing.
With a bit of help from Swann trying to bounce him out, we saw the Hussey of his early 30s. He even danced down the wicket to give Swann a sore head.
He wasn't attacking in true sehwagology style; he was positive, which proved he was alive.
Australia really needed him to come back to spry.
Once their openers went out, they did their predictable assclown act, and generally Hussey has been the unconscious assclown at the front of the parade.
Today he was a test cricketer. Spry, nimble and alive.
As much as I had campaigned and complained to get him out, watching the old guy get out of his death bed to do a little dance at the Gabba moved me.
Not Natalie movement, but definite movement.
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