Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 89
November 30, 2010
dear gabba,
I've always lusted after you.
You know that, you've read my letters, smelt my intent and let me carry on as a horny fool around you.
I think you know by now that my lust is pure and right, not some sort of passing fad. It has lasted for years.
This was my first trip inside you, and I didn't like it. I felt like for years you had given everyone else the good stuff, and I was left with just a hollow shell, not the Gabba I always wanted.
For years I have watched as many people have been with you, and I thought that when I finally did, it would be one of my finest moments. It wasn't.
You were boring, to be honest.
Perhaps we didn't have the chemistry that I expected, it could have been too much anticipation, but you just didn't give me what I wanted.
You see, for years when others have been with you, you've had energy, spin, swing, bounce and fun.
I just assumed you'd do the same when I was there.
Instead I got some grass clippings and rolled concrete, not really what you'd want after 22 years of fetishizing your surface.
You left me wanting much more, now I have to go to Adelaide, which I've never felt any love for and hope it can field the massive void you have left.
Flat wickets do nothing for me, you could have won me over for ever, but no, you had to put out this stupid imitation Gabba wicket, and now I am forced to look elsewhere.
You'll always be the one I wanted to get with and never quite did, maybe one of the other three will take your place, or I'll just roam the globe looking for some place to do for me what I hoped you would.
Goodbye, Gabba, I thought you'd be the one, now I realise you are just part of my past.
Somethings are greater in your mind than in reality.
Regards
Jrod
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November 29, 2010
Ponting gets momentum
Ponting does like to make a point.
Whether it is with a fuck you hundred or a 400 page diary in which he reiterates points he has made earlier, the man likes you to know exactly what he wants you to know.
Ponting will tell the press that it wasn't just because of his bowlers that England made a kabillion runs for the loss of only one wicket, just so he had evidence, he went about scoring as quick as he could.
It was like a child saying, "look, see, I told you, I bloody told you it was the pitch".
As if by making runs and pointing this out to the press, everyone will ignore that Mitchell bowled like I synchronize dive. And the rest of the attack didn't make him look that bad.
Still, if your bowlers have embarrassed you, it is nice of the opposition captain to let you bash them around for a bit.
On the 27th of December, this Gabba pitch will start breaking up. They should bring the aussies back then just to see if it was the pitch, or they really are that shit.
By then, they might have won or lost the ashes.
The good thing for Ponting and Strauss is that now neither of them will have nightmares about losing 5-0.
Their loss will now not be a psychological bad number, and I'm sure that will calm them both down.
At this stage in the ashes, everyone talks about momentum.
The momentum is with Australia as they were smashing England around at the end if the match, they were momentuming all over England's face.
From what I can tell from any number of experts, that is how momentum works, isn't it?
So Australia are odds on to win the next test. You heard it hear first.
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Lunch on day 5 at the gabba
Who would have thought that England's best preparation for this test was playing all those matches against Bangladesh?
I had the displeasure of watching England smash a lifeless Bangladesh around for what seemed like 7 consecutive summers, at the time I thought it would do England little good. How wrong I was.
It was this effortless batting that kept them sharp when their batsmen would have to bat for hours on end against an Australian attack that seems to be aspiring to Bangladesh style work.
Imagine if all their warm ups were against Pakistan, England wouldn't have known how to handle batting for a whole day without losing a wicket, this would totally confuse them.
Australia have just played India, so they are also used to bowling for hours on end without a wicket.
Also, it got them used to playing in front of a hostile crowd, which might come in handy for the rest of the series.
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How the ashes feels
For years we have talked, watched and played the ashes, but how does the ashes feel about all that.
It is constantly in the public eye, it's name gets used to sell products and papers, and it's always being talked about whether it wants to or not.
Most of us never even think about what the ashes feels, but now we can.
And, the ashes is not happy.
"I AM NOT A FREAKING CRICKET MATCH!!!"
No, it's more than that, much much more.
The ashes also goes on to say:
"its incredibly annoying and rude"
Strong words.
The ashes also says:
"Toddler drooled all over my arm while I held him. Naaaaaaaasty"
This is obviously a cryptic message about T20 cricket and it's effect on tests.
So, if you've always wanted to know what the ashes thinks, follow it on twitter.
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November 28, 2010
previously at the gabba
Australia
Started well, in that their clothes looked recently cleaned. Then they got dirty, very, very dirty.
England
Made sure that Monty wouldn't be missed by putting away the bad balls, handling the very occasional good ball and generally batting well if not that entertainingly.
Who's in front
Fuck knows. England, probably, but I can't see them winning, not with my eyes shut.
Play of the day
Mitchell Johnson is falling apart. His moustache is all that is keeping him from being beaten by the gabba faithful. No wickets or runs in this test. Then he drops Strauss early enough in the day it could have made some difference. It didn't. Strauss' last two hundreds have come from his loving hands. When I look at him now I keep expecting a cartoon anvil to fall on his head.
Testicular moment of the day
Strauss and Cook working as an impenetrable force of tenacity. Cook's technique looks like swiss cheese at times. Strauss hadn't made a hundred since I first saw the Watchmen. Yet today they make the biggest opening partnership in Australia for visitors in over 20 years. Respect.
Working class moment of the day
Peter Siddle wasn't quite in the touch he was on day one, but he was still the best of the bowlers. He got an edge from Cook through a non-existent fourth slip, went within an inch of taking Strauss off the inside edge and then had Trott dropped. They were the only batsmen on show for the day. Siddle has no wickets in the second innings.
Weird factoid of the day
Mitchell Johnson has not really smiled, I mean really, like with his whole boy so you can see it in his eyes, since June 09.
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the children's tv ashes day 4 podcast
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Here is the feed.
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catches, what are they good for?
On flat pitches cricket can be hard for the fielding team. England found it hard yesterday. Australia found it hard today.
What makes cricket harder is dropping catches.
There is a cliché that you've heard about catches winning matches, and it's days like yesterday and today that make old guys who know less than fuck all about cricket go all serious while they stroke their chins and say it.
I hate those guys.
There were no easy catches for Australia, but there were three catches that professional international cricketers should take.
Mitchell had the high hard one, not just from the crowd afterwards. Strauss tried a stupid shot out of the footmarks and hit it straight to Johnson who dropped in and then fell to the ground like he was doing a experimental dance performance.
Siddle took a while to see Cook's top edge, and by the time he did his hand was just getting to the ball as it hit the ground. Then he got up limping and flexing, just what Australia needed.
Clarke dived to his left to pick up a wayward cutshot from Trott and took the catch in his fingers, but the strain of his back, failed relationship and the Australian public turning on him, combined with the fact he couldn't really brace himself, meaning he fumbled the ball.
Australia only got one other chance for the whole day.
Cause you know, as the old man stroking his beard while he searches his brain for a fucking boring cliché would say, they call it test cricket for a reason.
If all those chances were taken, Australia might still be a touch in the shit, but the shit might only be waste high, rather than at mouth level where it is now.
Will they be able to get out of this shit pool of their own making, or will they fecally drown.
Will they "catch" up?
You will only know if you join in for tomorrow's dramatic climax…
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