Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 122

Sachin makes 200

Usually in a moment like this I would try and write some epic piece.

Not today.

Sachin Tendulkar made 200* in a one day international.

There is nothing to say.

wikipedia starts rating the test nations

[image error]

Sometimes, It Pays To Be Heartless

So, the international season in Australia has come to an end, and I'm drinking to it. Not because of the unbeaten Aussie summer. Thrashing two mediocre teams is hardly cause for celebration. No, because it means the end of the most annoying experiment in cricket viewing since, well, ever.

Bloody heart rate monitors.

What, I mean what, is the point of this idiocy? The whole point of introducing any sort of technology into a sport is to make it in some way better for the spectator. HawkEye, HotSpot, slo-mo cameras, they all serve this purpose. But what is the freaking point of a heart rate monitor?

It is not as if most of us are incapable of noticing that your heart rate goes up when you are running and it is no great logical feat to suss out that it might go up a bit more if you run and then hurl a small projectile 22 yards.

And it's not even as if they put them on the interesting players, fer chrissakes. What is the use of putting a heart rate monitor on Mitchell Johnson, unless it is to give his mother heart failure of her own? How about sticking one on Chris Gayle, so that we can tell if he is really that laid back, or just clinically dead? Or on Shane Watson, to see if he actually is 98% straw? Hell, if we are being really interesting, strap it to Steve Smith and see if he's yet mature enough to walk past a woman on the boundary without all of the blood rushing to his groin?

No, the only conceivable use for this technology is to fix it to the commentators. Watch Mark Nicholas' bpm rise every time he passes a mirror. Measure Warne's excitement as a tray of pies goes by. Do what the heck you like with it, just get it off my tv screen.

Australia don't lose for whole cricket season against rubbish opposition

That should be the beginning and end of the story.

Yes it is a impressive statistical achievement, but so would it be if a kid said he had masturbated every day from the age of 11 to 16.

In the end you are pretty much only beating yourself.

The West Indies came to Australia without a bowling attack, carried some strike breakers, blooded some kids and had a captain who turned up in time for the toss.

They played well at times, but ultimately look like a team that needed the other team to explode for victory, Australia flamed at times, but never combusted.

Then Pakistan came without their captain after struggling in New Zealand. They abandoned the first game, showed their keeper to be the worst keeper in a generation of the worst keepers while their stand in captain refused to captain and showed nothing more than faux teenagers.

Pakistan's one day side was playing under a captain who was sacked before the series started, the team lived up to that decision, then they made a positive move and hired a new captain who had one of the most entertaining fuck ups in cricket history when he tried to bite the ball.

Their T20 side showed their champion status by bowling Australia out for 127, they still lost.

Then the Windies came back, not all of them though, some were still hanging around milking cash from state sides.

The Windies one day side seemed to made up of blokes who had won contests to play and a few guys who had talent but rarely used it. In their first two games they made 310 as a combined total. Surprisingly that struggled to stop the momentum of the best one day side in the world.

For some reason logic has never touched on the Windies were given two T20 games which they embarrassed themselves fully in.

The one plus about the Windies trip back was that at least distant family members were assured that Wavell Hinds was alive.

That was it, there was some rain, a defensive draw in Adelaide and Australia even beat themselves once.

It was better than losing the Ashes, Border-Gavaskar and the Mike Haysman cup, but not that much better.

They should be proud for not losing, but I wouldn't give them anything more than a biscuit if they were my kids.

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

inspiring krab

Part of the reason I started on this ridiculous question-answering thing is because I felt like I was in a rut.

Writing is like batting or cleaning your teeth; some times you do it better than others.

I thought the question thing might help.

And the weirdest thing has happened, I found out that not only do I like Simon Katich now; I find his whole story inspiring.

I was just answering this question, and then I looked at my answer; it shocked me.

I found Katich inspiring? Me?

The man who started calling him the Krab.

Looking at what Katich has done makes it hard to not admire him.

He has overcome being Western Australian, having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, his technique, came back from oblivion and choking a golden child to become the most consistent test player Australia has at the moment.

Based on all that he does inspire me.

Therein lies the problem.

I enjoyed not knowing I like him.

It was something I had was holding onto and enjoying.

George Lucas never really got life, hate doesn't lead to the dark side, it leads to a healthy life.

When Katich could be mercilessly bagged I was a happy man, now I might feel guilty and stop instead.

This question thing is to blame, so I won't be answering any more questions, somethings are better off unknown.

From now on I will push through my bad writing form like the krab does when at the crease.

The TWC equipment guide

Every year the Wisden cricketer does an equipment guide.

This year, with my sponsor in mind, I took a big interest in the whole thing.

Get over to mountain chickens to read my take.

Two matches is not enough

I have said two matches is not a series, and today it is all I can think of.

This could have been one of the best series in the history of world cricket; instead we are stuck with two games.

Look at what we got:

Batsmen playing so well you feel they don't even need to be looking at the ball to hit it.

Both team collapsing at times.

Fast bowlers bullying the opposition at times, then getting smashed.

Spinners controlling the scoreboard.

One team takes the first game, only for the second to grab the second in tight finish.

Two teams who are evenly matched fighting for the prestige.

Poorly choreographed cheerleaders who didn't seem to want to be there at all.

Oh, this was a series.

It is just a shame that Pakistan and England only chose to play 2 games of 2020 cricket, think of how great this would be as a 15 match series (to the death).

2020 cricket, there is just never enough.

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

dirty dirk declares

First class cricket is pretty cool.

It is way better than manga or trip hop.

But it isn't for everyone.

Dirk Nannes has stated to this very website that his favourite form of cricket is 2020.

To most people that is sacrilegious.

Dirk is not most people.

As far as cricketers go he is the Kakihara of the modern game, cool, unusual and must watch.

He does things differently, is different and goes about life in his own way.

So when he says he is quitting first class cricket on the eve of a second straight shield final, you shouldn't be surprised.

Dirk's record in first class cricket is pretty good, an average of 25. So it isn't like he is shit at it.

However, this year he has played one game of first class cricket.

In his short time he has never played a full season.

I'm not even sure he could make it through more than 3 full games in a row anymore.

And why would he put his body through this?

There is more chance of you walking in on Sarah Palin naked then Dirk playing test cricket, so why would he put himself through it?

As a Victorian fan I am disappointed, but if it means he will continue to play cricket at the top level for Australia, Delhi, Notts and Victoria I can't really complain too much.

He will still remain the 2020 bone crusher, and that is what he does best.

Amla is unmovable, so is India

When you click on the cricinfo link to the scorecard for the Eden Gardens' test the first name you see is Hashim Amla.

That is just how their live scorecard works.

It isn't making a statement with his name; he was just not out, after facing a few more than a hundred overs to win a series for his country.

He couldn't win the series, but India must have realised that in order to win this test they were essentially only a chance when he was at the non-strikers' end.

490 runs for one out in three innings. That is batting.

Before the English series Amla was averaging a very bland 40 with the bat after 37 tests.

On a older test match sofa podcast I said he had talent but had been a massive underachiever.

Now he has conquered India.

His team hasn't, but he has.

Sometimes you can play in six tests when you are in form and it changes the trajectory of your career, at other times you will remember them as the six tests when you didn't suck.

And in these two tests Amla definitely did not suck.

His calm head today made his team mates look like they were panic buying before the Mayan prophecies came true.

This isn't the strongest Indian attack of all time, but Bhajji was humming, Mishra was more than handy, and it wasn't like the rest of the South Africans looked like staying in.  Prince offered 23 runs as second highest scorer if you don't count Extras.

While two tests is still not a series, what two tests these were.

Steyn's bowling, Amla's batting, Sehwagology, and Tendulkar's hundreds all set this up.

Nothing could beat the end of the day.

At one end you had Amla batting like he was made of granite.

At the other end was a collection of leg spin, off spin and Sachin spin trying to pry out South Africa's former number 8 as the minutes ticked away.

Match winning hauls, stoic defense, amazing attack, all packed into a seriesette.

Plus the result was right.

It proved that no team really deserved to take the crown, but that both teams could kick some ass when they got their shit together.

India are number one, which seems odd when in 50% of this seriesette they were beaten up.

Ofcourse with South Africa now winning 3 of their last 9 tests, India's record is looking more and more impressive.

In the end the artificial ranking system means nothing, look at the player and crowd reaction to that win, that means more than anything a statistician can table.

Now all I need to do is stop wishing this was a 5 test series…