Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 88

Dizzy's statue out bowls Australia

[image error]Today the Jason Dizzy Gillespie statue was unveiled in the Adelaide Oval members.

Considering Dizzy's hair and general aura, it seems weird that he would get a statue in the Member's area instead of the outer.

The problem for Australia is that Dizzy's statue, capturing him just moments after delivery, was the best bowling seen at the ground all day, by some way.

The reason being that Ponting had little to do with the statue.

If he was in charge of it, it would have been instructed to bounce players out with a short legside boundary, or bowl so wide that the stumps are no more than a serving suggestion.

The statue's output was not sullied by a great batting pitch, or even a extremely in form English batting line up and the hostile crowd never seemed to annoy it.

It just stood there, and that was far better than anything any of Australia's front line bowlers did.

Fans of the statue claim that it keeps the runs down, while critics point to it's lack of wickets.

Either way, everyone had to admit that the statue definitely looked like a bowler, while most people couldn't decide who in the Australian attack looked like one.

The statue declined to comment on rumours it has been asked about fitness for Perth.



The Cricket Sadist is out now.

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two pricks at the ashes: adelaide day two

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Bring back Greg Matthews

I could come up with many reasons why Greg Matthews, the man I spent my youth baiting at the G, should come back to the Australian team.

It could be his relationship with cricket with balls' smooth eddie cowan, when Eddie played with Greg, not the other way around, at Sydney University.

It could be that according to wikipedia Matthews took Phil Jaques' wicket when he played Sunderland not that long ago.

Or it could be the fact I had a beer with him (in as much as anyone can have a beer with Matthews) today.

The real reason is that if Australia are going to play like this, they might as well do it with proper entertaining cricketers.

During my youth I despised Matthews, but he was the most entertaining player I ever saw.

He was not just a cricketer, but a vaudeville act out on the ground. He seemed to be involved with several conversations at one time, a few of those with himself.

If he didn't get wickets, or even worse, he did, it really didn't matter to us because we just loved the way he played the game.

Sure, you could say that he might be better than Doherty and Hauritz, he might even be better than a genetically spliced version of Xavier Hauritz, but that means nothing.

Australia aren't that good, and Matthews isn't going to make this team great, but he will make them watchable.

For many reasons.

There is the thrill of the come back, he could be cricket's very own Kenny Powers.

Then there is the brilliant crazy nature of the man, the spinning comedian.

And then there is the simple thing that people would be interested in Australian spin again.

Australian spin is in such a boring state that I don't even write about it anymore, writing about it causes sudden blackouts.

Matthews would change that.

He'd get people talking about it, without making the team any worse.

And if he doesn't want to come back, why not pick Tiger Bill O'Reilly, you could get Warnie to operate him like a puppeteer, Channel 9 could make a series out of it, Weekend at Tiger's.

People like Puppets.

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Australia drop catches, I eat oysters

Apparently there are oysters in the press lunch tent.

Yes, the have lunch tents here.

Adelaide may be thought of as the bogan capital of the world, but out the back of the members they proper posh it up.

Pimm's tents, Champagne, prawns, and a lot of people in straw hats.

Australia is showing no such class, in 6 1/3 days of cricket, they've dropped 8 catches, missed some run outs, and looked rather more sloppy, like the other side of Adelaide Oval where I was called a cunt yesterday.

So why would I spend my time writing about them, when instead I could be eating oysters.

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Two pricks at the Ashes: Adelaide day one

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Australia get run over

If you make 245 on the first day of the test, it's generally under par.

In Adelaide not getting to 500 is generally under par. As bad as some of the batting was, it was the two run outs that made the day.

Watson did what a million kids have done in junior cricket, think they may might be out, and just start running. Katich was never going to make it. His one chance would have been referring the LBW decision. Not that Katich would do that, he just turned and did a military march to the dressing room. If it had been Watson dismissed without facing a ball, he would have at least thought about it.

Then Doherty's run out. A good piece of fielding followed by a throw to the short leg who never got out the way, with a rugby pass to the keeper. It was a mistake by England, that never really mattered because Austrasia's mistake was that Doherty just never moved on Haddin's call. If he moved straight away he would have been safe, but instead it was confusion, madness and another wicket.

It was a bit like the decision to drop Hilfenhaus. He got as many wickets as Broad at the Gabba, has been the most dependable bowler in the side since the Ashes in 09, and was dropped seemingly because they couldn't just drop Johnson. It was a special kind of panic.

Hilditch's early morning perambulations around the ground have done nothing to calm him down. That is if Greg Chappell lets him talk in the meetings. He probably just throws pastries at him when he tries to make a point.

Anderson isn't throwing pastries at the moment. If he did, he would hit the target.

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lunch on day one at adelaide

Australia – couldn't have had a worse start if their bus was hit by a bomb.

England – can thank Anderson, but the real work starts here.

Watson – planted the front foot a mile down the wicket (especially for Finn).  May have been out if he didn't run Katich out, as the LBW would have been referred.

Katich – N/A

Ponting – virtually N/A

Clarke – scared by a previous short ball from Broad, played what could best be described as a piss poor attempt at a drive.

Hussey – this new Hussey looks less likely to bat himself into a large hole than the other one.

Anderson – is in Johnny Cash form.  Always seems to deserve more wickets than he gets at the moment.

Broad – bowled well, but not Anderson like.

Swann – kept it tight before being hit 110 metres by Watson.

Finn – Watson played him like an eager medium paced net bowler.

Fielding – Trott was handy.

Lunch – sweet and sour battered chicken and rice.

Cricket Sadist on sale now.

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The Cricket Sadists' Quarterly is out now

There is ashes nonsense, general nonsense, drawings, poems, and other stuff that I have forgotten.

I think it is pretty damn good, as I would, it'savailable for print and online.

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Two pricks at the Ashes: Adelaide Preview

We have a theme tune.

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For Lalit

Recently I was contacted by Kavita Gupta who is doing PR for Lalit Modi, and he asked if I could put up a post that they had written for my site and others.

Below is what they have written, and what I think of what he has written is underneath each segment.

Hi,

As you are amongst one of the prominent cricket blogger, an interesting write up is mentioned below for you. Request you to publish it on your blog.

Amongst? I thought I was the shit.

(Title)"MODI SPEAKS UP AND SPEAKS OUT"

Sounds like a fitness class, now up and out your modi.

(Body) "Lalit Modi, the architect and founder of the Indian Premier League (IPL), has said in his first full interview since his suspension as commissioner of the cricket league in April that he has 'no regrets' about sending a Twitter message that led to the resignation of an Indian government minister.

No regrets? I can't believe that, he must at least have regrets about doing it on twitter.

That's just one point made by Mr Modi in a frank filmed interview with former BBC Sports Editor Mihir Bose who tackled the flamboyant entrepreneur on numerous issues, including why he is not living in India, whether his family received favours from their involvement with IPL teams, cricket match fixing and allegations of financial mismanagement at the IPL, as well as the tweet that saw foreign affairs minister Shashi Tharoor step down.

I'd like to see Mihir Bose actually tackle Lalit Modi, I would watch that. Gelly wrestling.

The whole 40 minute interview is available to watch from today (Thursday 22 November, 2010) on YouTube and on the Indian entrepreneur's new website, www.lalitmodi.org.

40 minutes? I'm 140 characters or less when it comes to Lalit.

Mr Modi said: "I've had so many media requests in the last few months to give my side of the story that I've lost count. I have been eager to speak up. And to be interviewed by such a respected business and sports commentator like Mihir Bose place the full version on YouTube and on my website means I can't be accused of favouring any particular aspect of the media.

Here is a media request for you, fuck off.

"Of course, they'll be some critics to such an approach but quite frankly I've had more than my fair share of unsubstantiated criticism of late and some carping from the sidelines isn't going to disturb me.

Excellent, so fuck off.

"Mihir did his own research, we met in London with his film crew and with no pre-warning from him on the questions he was going to ask, we shot the candid interview.

Wow, a reporter did his own research, perhaps we should give him a medal.

"The really important thing for me was to speak up after several months of intense speculation and address the matters that have been levelled at me and let the public make their own mind up after seeing the interview.

Yeah, wait several months, make yourself look like a crook, hide out, let the Indian press carve you up, and then speak out, good thinking.

"At the end of the day I hope that the viewers see my story as the truth."

At the end of the day, really, Lalit?

ENDS"

Thank fuck.

A lesson for all PR companies, don't send me bullshit PR for someone who even a casual search on this site would show that I can't stand the bastard.

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