Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion, page 14

Pictures in Search of a Caption

“But Barbie — I already gave you my lunch money!’ History tells us precious little about Dicken’s first novel, “Bleak Animal House” “But Senator, it’s the haircut you ASKED for!” “This demo is for a very important client, so let’s lose the Where’s Waldo outfit, okay?” “Look for yourself! There are two lobbyists living under your left arm.” Reviews were mixed for the Star Wars reboot, “Jabba’s First Kill” “I’m only gonna ask you one more time. WHERE ARE MY BREASTS?“ Tonight! On an all-new “S...

The Play-by-Play’s The Thing

(with apologies to Willie the Shake)
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America, we saw it happen. We were there. It was the birth of the “Me, Too, Too” movement. Nobody’s actually named it yet, but we saw it happen. We can tell our children and grandchildren – we were there.

The counter-movement centered around Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, a vile villain who spent his entire adult life doing inexcusable things like being appointed to the second highest court in the land, earning the respect of every prof...

Turning Signals

(Welcome to the NRAAAARP!)

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For me, next week will be special, unless I die first. If I die, it will still be a special week, depending on who you ask, but probably not for that guy I still haven’t paid off from last year’s Super Bowl.

Next week, if I don’t run out of grace, luck, and medication, I’ll have another birthday. I will turn sixty-one. (And speaking of wagering, lots of us who grew up in the Sixties would’ve bet we’d never even see the other side of thirty.)

Sixty-one. I...

Stormcrow

(This Flo was not that progressive)
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My Southern neighbors and I had a visitor last week. And this week. And, very likely, next week, too. Because there’s apparently no “hurry” in Hurricane Florence.

After lumbering all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, like Gerard Depardieu attending the Oscars, the sixth named storm of the 2018 season finally arrived along the coast of North Carolina, a place which still confuses many Americans who think there’s just one State named “The Carolin...

Senator Spartacus

(Just do it. No, not that.)
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“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
— Hunter S. Thompson

If you haven’t noticed, this year simply will not behave. It just keeps getting more and more bizarrier. And have you heard this? Now, there’s a career politician in New Jersey who thinks he’s a Roman slave. True story. (Not the “Roman” part, the “thinks” part.)

Now, I know — it’s not exactly rare to find a career politician who’s insane. Here in South Carolina, we used to have a Gove...

Pictures in Search of a Caption

Faced with another class action lawsuit, stock prices plummeted for the “Hair Club for Men” Even Johnny Cash’s most devoted fans were confused by “Ring of Friar” History tells us precious little about Rosa Parks’ short-lived photography career Reviews were mixed for Stephen King’s cursed-by-gypsies reboot, “Hair Thinner” To be fair to the on-duty US Marshal, it was hard to tell which way the alien in the front seat was looking Tonight! On an all-new “Dancing With The Vatican!” Admittedly, f...

Old at Heart

(Medicare’s new nap benefit)
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Well, America, 21 August was National Senior Day, in case you missed it or, like me, had a senior moment and forgot about it. But don’t worry, fellow national seniors – it’ll be here again next year.

Let’s just hope we are.

National Senior Citizens Day was declared in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan, who thought he was signing something else. Of the 1,500-plus official national days in the US, Senior Day is unique: it’s the only national day of recogni...

Not Been There, Not Done That

(Tonight! On “Not Married, No Children!”)

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I’ll share a not-so-secret secret with you. I have a list, and it keeps growing. No, it’s not criminal priors, but thanks for the compliment.

I don’t know where you are in your personal dance of life, but I’m about to turn sixty-one … or, as they say “down here” in the occasionally-Deep South, I’m fixing to turn sixty-one. Fixing, as if aging was something you could repair. (think a leak in the Fountain of Youth, slapped up with duct tape)...

Myn & Womyn

(I need to call my androcologist)
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I learned a new word this week. Technically speaking, it’s not a new word, it’s just a word that’s new to me. It’s like when you’re at work, posting updates on facebook instead of actually working, and you share the news that you’d tried a new restaurant. Technically speaking, it’s not a new restaurant, it’s just a restaurant that you hadn’t been in before, where you whined about the parking, complained about the portions, and stiffed the waitress...

Pictures in Search of a Caption

History tells us precious little about Hitchcock’s first film effort, “Rosemary’s Psycho” So it was true after all. PacMan had been adopted by the DMV. WalMart regulars were excited about the new “Obese Parents in Thongs” parking option The CEO’s reaction made it very clear: he was not at all impressed with fourth quarter earnings Sadly, the adoring nanny didn’t notice the giant comb plummeting from the sky Reviews were mixed for the franchise’s 215th sequel, “Die Hard, Because You Were Bor...