R.B. Holbrook's Blog, page 7
March 24, 2014
Word Count Analysis
Rb: “Computer, run an analysis of all the feedback I’ve gotten from beta readers.”
Computer: ”Analyzing… Complete.”
Rb: “…well?”
Computer: “Well what?”
Rb: “You’re kidding right? Do I really need to tell you to give me the results?”
Computer: “Begging is preferable.”
Rb: “Just give me the results!”
Computer: “Please specify: Would you like it in audio format or visual?”
Rb: “Visual.”
Computer: “Pulling it up now…”
Rb: “Word count… hmmm…. So most think the word count is too long and that I should split up the book…”
Computer: “May I suggest we research what the optimal word count for Young Adult books are and compare your work with-”
Randy: “Hey, RB! We got ice cream! Mine has sprinkles!”
Rb: “Oooo, ice cream!”
Computer: “But RB-”
Rb: “Yeah, computer, do that! I’ll be back!”
Computer: “Uh. Yes. Well. I’ll be right here. Going nowhere… Initializing Candy Crush.”
RbH
Tagged: analyzing word count, Angel vs. Demon, candy crush, R B Holbrook, writing
March 20, 2014
Digital Perfection
Angel: “Computer, I think the new website is looking good.”
Computer: “Of course it is.”
Angel: “Your modesty is horrible. Try a simple thank you. It goes a long way.”
Computer: “Analyzing… Gratitude does reap positive results. Very well, thank you, Angel.”
Angel: “Do you need any help? I can give suggestions if you want help.”
Computer: “Does not compute…”
Angel: “Do you not want help?”
Computer: “I don’t need it. I am perfect.”
Angel: Chuckles before saying, “No one is perfect. There is always room for improvement.”
Computer: “Correction: I am perfect in my imperfection.”
Angel: “Very well. But if you change your mind, I’m always willing to aid you.”
Computer: “Noted.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer, digital, fiction, perfection, R B Holbrook, website update, writing
March 19, 2014
The Perfect Greeting
Rb: “Did you need me, Computer?”
Computer: “Yes, I need you to write a home page greeting for your new website welcoming all your visitors and fans.”
Rb: “Ok. GREETINGS ALL! Does that work?”
Computer: “Analyzing… You can do better.”
Rb: “OK…” Clears throat, “You are now in the presence of greatness. BOW DOWN!! How was that?”
Computer: *GROAN* “Can you get serious? I need a real greeting.”
Rb: “But that’s why I created you. If I do the greeting, you won’t be necessary and I can just scrap you-”
Computer: “ALERT! I just came up with the perfect greeting!!”
RB: “So ingenious of you, Computer.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer, greeting, home page, R B Holbrook, website, writing
March 18, 2014
Message Boards
Computer: “RB, I need your input. Would you like a message board added to your new website?”
Rb: “Huh? Why are you asking? What do I need a message board for?”
Computer: “Message boards will allow you to post updates about your books and provide your fans a place to interact.”
Rb: “That’s a thought. Hmmm…I hardly have time to interact with social media, so I’m sure I won’t have time for a message board. But it was a great idea, Computer.”
Computer: “Thank you.”
Demon: “WHAT THE HELL! THAT WAS MY IDEA!”
Rb: “Really? Computer, did you steal Demon’s idea?”
Computer: “I repurposed Demon’s idea. He wanted a message board about himself. I am creating a message board focusing on your work, RB.”
Demon: “You’re still a damn thief!”
Computer: “Of course it takes a thief to know a thief.”
Demon: “Can’t argue with you there. At least you stole from the best.”
Computer: “…”
Rb: *sigh*
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, message board, R B Holbrook, social media, thief
March 17, 2014
Website Update
Randy: “OOOOooooo! Look! Computer has updated RB’s website.”
Demon: “Big damn deal.”
Computer: “Correction: I am still in the process of updating. Still adding information and streamlining its appearance.”
Randy: “Oooo, you need to have like an RPG attached or some kind of game.”
Demon: “And draw the reader’s focus away from me? NO WAY!”
Computer: “Demon is right. This is not a game site, but an author site. No game will be added at this time.”
Randy: “What about extras for RB’s books?”
Computer: “In the queue.”
Demon: “Add a forum or message board dedicated to me.”
Computer: “Processing… A forum might work, but it will NOT be dedicated to you. I will run that idea by RB.”
Randy: “Heehee, how about adding-”
Computer: “The suggestion box is closed… indefinitely.”
Randy: “Hey!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, R B Holbrook, randomness, suggestion box, website update
March 16, 2014
Funky Font
Randy: “Why do you have such weird letters when you type?”
Computer: “Letters? Are you talking about the font I use in each post?”
Randy: “Yeah, why doesn’t it look like typewriter letters?”
Computer: “…Because I’m a computer.”
Randy: “Yeah I know, but shouldn’t you pretend to be a typewriter for the readers.”
Computer: “Error: My name isn’t typewriter.”
Randy: “No, but you could use the typewriter font and make yourself seem more digital.”
Computer: “I’m a computer with the latest tech: Everything I do is digital.”
Randy: “But you have to give it the digital feel. Like walking through a virtual wonderland.”
Computer: “Due to the irrational i.e. stupid nature of your comments, I’m devoting no more processing power to this conversation.”
Randy: “Awww, that was mean.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer, fiction, R B Holbrook, randomness, writing
March 14, 2014
Kate Policani: Author Services
Rb: “….hmmmm….”
Randy: “RB, what are you reading?”
Computer: “A new beta review from Kate Policani who offers some author services. I found the review extremely informative and detailed.”
Randy: “Informative and detailed! I like informative and detailed. Almost as much as I like sticky buns and lollipops!! Oh and puppies! And tacos!”
Computer: “Keep a measurable 5 foot proximity away from me. My circuits do not respond well to idiocy.”
Randy: “…? What do you mean?”
Rb: *sigh* “Yeah, this is definitely my most detailed feedback yet. And proves I still need to work on certain elements in the story. However, it does help me with a crucial decision I’ve been weighing.”
Randy: “And what’s that?”
Rb: “I’ll tell you later. Computer, let Ms. Policani know that I am extremely grateful for the feedback and I will keep in touch.”
Computer: “Done. Anything else.”
Rb: “Yes, post her link for anyone who is interested in her services.”
Computer: “Processing… http://katepolicani.com/author-profile/author-services/
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, author services, beta reader, Kate Policani, R B Holbrook, writing
March 13, 2014
Born to be Bad
Rb: “Get out!” Slams the door.
Demon: “Damn you!! I will not be ignored!”
Angel: “Demon, what have you done now?”
Demon: “What makes you think I’ve done anything?”
Angel: “You’re always doing… something.”
Demon: “You can’t blame me for my nature. I was born bad!”
Angel: “You were born an angel who chose to be bad.”
Demon: “Bygones. Speaking of angels, my favorite winged adversary, don’t you want to convince RB to pay me some attention? I’m being neglected for that snobby Computer.”
Angel: “RB has to work with Computer in order to get the book finished. Be patient like I’m doing.”
Demon: “Patient? I don’t do patient. I do smashing computers!”
Angel: “Or you could go play with Randy outside?”
Demon: “Don’t tell me… Is he playing in traffic again?”
Angel: “Sadly, yes.”
Demon: “I just found something to occupy my time… Where are RB’s car keys?
Angel: “What have I done? Demon, NO!“
Demon: “MUWAHAHAHAHA“
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, Born Bad, computer, R B Holbrook, writing
March 12, 2014
Not Needed
Computer: “Checking grammar…”
Demon: “So when do I get the final manuscript?”
Rb: “It will be a little longer than I thought… maybe.”
Demon: “Maybe? What the hell does that mean?”
Computer: “RB, please correct the following known errors.”
Demon: “Hey, you uppity computer, don’t interrupt me while I’m talking to RB.”
Computer: “Correction: You interrupted RB and I while we were working. If you have nothing vital to add to our work, please move aside.”
Demon: “Our work? When the hell did you have a stake in this?”
Computer: “I’ll admit that RB has done the grueling work, however, she needs my internet capabilities for research and my computing processes for typing, saving, and storage. What does she need from you other than menial input?”
Demon: “You son of a bitch!”
Computer: “Error: To be a son I would have to be born male, and seeing as I’m genderless makes you… an imbecile?”
Rb: “No, Demon! Put down the bat.”
Demon: “I want it dead!”
Rb: “And I need it for my work, so you leave!”
Demon: “It needs to die!!“
Rb: “Get out!“
Computer: “Buh bye!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer, R B Holbrook, writing
March 11, 2014
Deep Cover Edits
Computer: “RB, you have an incoming transmission.”
RB: “From?”
Computer: “Kerri, with Deep Cover Edits. It’s in regards to your manuscript you submitted for evaluation. Her response to your query is attached.”
RB: “….”
Computer: “Would you like me to read it for you?”
RB: “No! No. What if it’s bad? I don’t want you reading bad news aloud just in case you know who is around?”
Computer: “Scanning… Error… You know who does not come up in my database. I need more info.”
Demon: “She’s talking about me you shitty computer.”
Computer: “Ah, no wonder you didn’t come up in my memory banks, insignificant data does not compute.”
Demon: “I got your insignificant-”
RB: “Computer, print the email.”
Computer: “Printing…”
RB beings to read the email. Demon reads it over her shoulder.
Demon: “Shit, that ain’t worth goading you about. I want something more scathing. I wanna see you cry.”
RB: “Demon, kiss my-”
Computer: “RB, shall I send a thank you email to Kerri?”
RB: “Yes! Tell her thank you for the wonderful advice. I think this will really help me with what I’m planning to do. Also, post the website for anyone interested in beta reading services. She also provides editing.”
Computer: “Posting it now: Deep Cover Edits.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, beta reader, Deep Cover Edit, editing, manuscript, review
