R.B. Holbrook's Blog, page 10

GOODBYE 2013…

Angel: “2013 is coming to an end. It has been a wonderful year. RB finished writing her book and has started working toward getting it published. We were introduced to Random Ness our random source of information, and-”

Demon: “Angel still got on my nerves.”

Angel: “ME! What about your rudeness? You never think before you speak.”

Randy: “Yeah, and you always call people names.”

Angel: “You use foul language.”

Randy: “You’re always nasty and evil.”

Demon: “Don’t gang up on me, dammit!”

Angel: “Might I add you lie!”

Randy: “And you stole my cookies! My yummy cookies!”

Demon: “They weren’t that good.”

Angel: “RB! In 2014, we want less of Demon!”

Randy: “I second that!”

Demon: “What!?! You dare try to get rid of me? I won’t have it! I will destroy you all!”

Rb: “Shut it, Demon. You’re not going anywhere. Every tale needs an antagonist. You’re it.”

Demon: “That’s right, bitches! I’m the villain! Bow down!!”

Randy: “But RB, He’s evil.”

Rb: “True… but if I get rid of him, I’ll just have to create someone just as bad or worse, soooooo…”

Angel: “Worse! No, no, we’ll keep him.”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: 2013, Angel vs. Demon, antagonist, publishing, R B Holbrook, randomness, villain, writing

Merry Christmas To All and To All… Read At Your Own Risk

Demon: “What the hell is Randy watching?”

Rb: “Santa watch.”

Demon: “Santa… Are you freakin’ kidding me!“

Angel: “He has the heart of a child, Demon. More people should be so innocent.”

Demon: “Stupid! It’s damned idiotic and-”

Randy: “SHHHHHHHH! It’s at the best part!”

Demon: “It’s a damn radar, Randy! It’s not like you actually see Santa breaking into people’s homes… which would be pretty damn funny. He should be #1 on the FBI’s most wanted list. He’s been pulling this scam for-EVER!“

Randy: “Santa’s no criminal you big meany.”

Demon: “And can I add that the dynamics of a gluttonous dude cramming his fat ass down a chimney is WAY too much fiction for me.”

Randy: “It’s magic!!”

Demon: “It’s stupid!!”

Rb: “Are they really going to fight about this?”

Angel: “Sadly, yes.”

Demon: “If the fat ass had any sense he would make his oompa-loompas deliver the toys for him. A good dictator never does his own dirty work.”

Randy: “They’re elves not oompa-loopas you evil bastard!!”

Demon: “Same difference. And reindeer!? Flying?! All I’m going to say is shit don’t fly. People better watch their heads when those bad boys decide to take a dump.”

Randy: Crying, “RB, make him stooooooooop!!“

Rb: *sigh* “Merry Christmas, Angel.”

Angel: “Merry Christmas, RB.”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, elves, Merry Christmas, oompa loompa, R B Holbrook, reindeer, Santa, Santa Watch

Writing Geek

Randy: “I’m so glad RB’s letting us help with her book submissions.”

Angel: “Yes, isn’t it great?”

Randy: “Awesome, that’s what it is. Writing seems so cool! I want to write a story, too!”

Angel: “Then you should. It will probably be a good one.”

Demon: “Why bother? Writing’s a waste. Nothing cool about it. Few get paid from it, even fewer find success. Without fame and fortune, there’s no point.”

Randy: “Demon, RB doesn’t think that way. RB believes writing is rewarding in itself.”

Demon: “Of course. Writing is all RB thinks about… a damn writing-geek.”

Angel: “That’s not nice.”

Demon: “Literary-dweeb.”

Randy: “Ooo, how about a book-nerd.”

Demon: “Nice. Word-dork.”

Angel: “You guys!”

Randy: “Sentence-freak!”

Demon bursts with laughter.

Randy: “What? Funny right?”

Demon shakes his head pointing behind Randy to Rb.

Randy: “Crap.”

Demon: “HAHA. Nope, you mean shit. Right in your pants. HAHAHA!”

Angel: “Rb, before you get mad, might I add that Demon is just as guilt.”

Demon: “Damn snitch!”

Rb: “Demon’s just upset because I won’t let him have his fame and fortune.”

Demon: “Damn skippy. But don’t think I’ve given up. I’ll find away, geek. The world will be mine!! All will bow before-”

Rb: “Hey, Randy, you know that song you like to sing. The one by Taylor Swift?”

Randy: “Oh, yeah-” opens his mouth to sing.

Demon: covers his ears and screams, “NOOOOOOOOO!” Then disappears.

Rb: “Ok, Randy, Demon’s gone. No singing.”

Randy: “But-”

Rb: “No.”

Randy: “Fine. Killjoy.”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, book, nerd, R B Holbrook, writing geek

Stop The Madness

Rb: “Demon, this has to stop. I can’t believe you’re trying to bribe literary agents. AND WITH MY MONEY!! Do you have no morals…wait…never mind, stupid question.”

Demon: “RB, I do this all for you. Don’t you want to be successful?”

Rb: “Lies. You’re not thinking about me at all. Just your own greed.”

Demon: “Gasp! How can you say such a thing? I have your best interest at heart.”

Rb: “Lying sack of sh-”

Angel: “RB, please don’t let Demon get to you. Randy and I will help you the best we can. And we will try to make sure Demon doesn’t do anything unscrupulous.”

Demon: “Try to stop me.”

Rb: “Easy enough, I’ll just take you off my blog. And push come to shove, I’ll dream up another to take your place.”

Demon: “You…y-you wouldn’t. I’m the star of the show!”

Rb: “Yes, and even stars die out. So do you want to test me?”

Demon: “Shit. I hate you.”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, book submission, fame, fortune, madness, money, R B Holbrook, writing

Fame, Fortune, Folly

Demon: “I’m going to be rich! RICH!“

Angel: “Demon, there is more to life than money.”

Demon: “Yes, there is pride, beer, greed, lust, gluttony, television, sloth, wrath, internet, envy, and chocolate.”

Randy: “Chocolate! Oooo even better, chocolate cupcakes! Yum!”

Demon: “Yo Randy, make sure those submission letters have plenty of cash inside.”

Angel: “Bribery!! Demon, you can’t bribe literary agents!”

Demon: “Hoho! That’s where you’re wrong. Watch me. My plan to get me famous and rich starts with getting RB in the limelight. Now step back and watch where mobsters learned the tricks of their trade.”

Angel: “Demon, I won’t let you taint RB’s hard work because you want to make a quick buck.”

Demon: “Then close your eyes and ignore me. HEY RANDY! What the hell?”

Randy: “You said fill the envelopes with money so…”

Demon: “Monopoly Money? Seriously? You’re supposed to use real cash.”

Randy: “But you didn’t give me any.”

Demon: “Duh, idiot, if I had my own I won’t be trying to get rich. That’s why you should be using your money.”

Randy: “But… I don’t have any either…”

Demon: “Hmmmm, there is another source…”

Angel: “RB! Hide your money!!”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, book, fame and fortune, money, Monopoly, R B Holbrook, writing

Call To Arms

Randy: “What?!? RB finished writing the book?”

Demon: “Yep, and you’re going to help make me famous. I mean RB.”

Randy: “No, you mean you. Angel already told me your scheme.”

Demon: “So are you in?”

Randy: “If it’s to help RB, then yes.”

Demon: “Of course, I get nothing if RB gets nothing.”

Angel: “But Randy, Demon plans to take all the credit.”

Randy: “With you and I helping, I doubt that will happen.”

Angel: “Don’t underestimate the evil he’d commit to get his way.”

Demon: “And don’t you bitches forget it!! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!!“

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, famous, help wanted, R B Holbrook, writing

Slow Down. Not So Fast…

Demon: “Okay, here is the game plan,” he starts writing, “Angel, you do research on literary agents.”

Angel: “Well… okay, but-”

Demon: “I’ll go find Random Ness and get him to do research on query letters and publishers.”

Angel: “Wait, Demon, aren’t you rushing things a bit? I mean-”

Demon: “Oh, I have to do investigating on screenplays. Angel make sure that whatever agents you research also have movie connections. I’m going to be FAMOUS!!”

Rb: “Angel, what’s going on?”

Angel: “Demon’s determined to make your books famous so he can be famous.”

Rb: “He does realize I’m an introvert, right? I mean, I’m not shy, but I like my privacy therefore I’m not interested in having cameras shoved in my face.”

Angel: “I’ve been trying to tell him that, but I don’t think he cares.”

Demon: “I’ll be rubbing elbows with Brad Pitt, shaking hands with Samuel L. Jackson, and dancing with Charlize Theron. So RB I need you to start writing your proposal package so I can start shipping it out.”

Rb: “Sure… As soon as I get back from my trip.”

Angel & Demon: “What?!”

Demon: “Where the hell are you going AGAIN? And why the hell wasn’t I invited AGAIN?!“

Angel: “When are you leaving? How long will you be gone?”

Rb: “I’m leaving…soon. I’ll be out of the country for… more than a couple of days…”

Angel: “Could you get anymore vague?”

Demon: “AND WHY THE HELL WASN’T I INVITED?!?!?“

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, introvert, publishing, trip, writing

Thanks To You!

Angel: “Okay, RB, I’ve sent Demon on an errand so you don’t have long. If you’re going to say it, now is the time.”

Rb: “Thanks, Angel.” I clear my throat, “To all of you who read this blog, I want to say THANK YOU for your support and for taking the time to put up with my imagination.”

Angel: “Hurry!”

Rb: “Also, a very special THANK YOU to all the readers out there who read my book whether you enjoyed it or not: THANK YOU!! You are more than appreciated. More than words can say. I bow to you.”

Angel: “Uh, oh, here he comes.”

Rb: “Oh, and to all those who are waiting for the next series to come out, hopefully you won’t have to wait long.

Angel: “TO EVERYONE EVERYWHERE HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Demon: “Awww hell, I turn my back for one minute and you go mushy on me.

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, appreciation, readers, thank you, Thanksgiving

Keeping Promises

Rb: “The truth of the matter is I kind of… Some how… Made a promise…”

Angel: “To who?”

Demon: “More importantly what’s this promise bullshit?”

Rb: “To my brother and I promised that after I finished this book I would try to do the traditional thing this time instead of going indie.”

Demon: “Why the hell would you promise something like that?”

Angel: “Really? I think trying a new avenue will be good for-”

Demon: “Good? GOOD! Dammit, traditional publishing would take FOREVER! Not to mention all the work you would have to put in just to get noticed.”

Angel: “Yes, but think of the experience. And can you imagine the broader audience that RB might reach?”

Demon: “Hell, that’s only if RB can get those big publishers to even take notice and might I add, that first comes the agent. If you can’t even get an agent you’re screwed.”

Angel: “True… But think of it this way Demon. If RB gets the right attention her books could go to Hollywood.”

Demon: “Oooooo Hollywood! Movies! I’ll be a superstar!!“

Rb: “Ooookay, you two can dream for me. I’m only giving this promise a couple of months and then I’m publishing it myself.”

Demon: “No RB! Think Hollywood…”

Rb: “Thanks a lot, Angel. You’ve created a bigger pain in my ass.”

Angel grins sheepishly.

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, book, Hollywood, indie author, R B Holbrook, traditional vs. self publishing, writing

Now What?

Demon: “What the hell do you mean it’s finished? When were you going to tell us?”

Rb: “Eventually.”

Demon: “Eventually?!? Son of a-“

Angel: “It’s not like its published, Demon. Calm down. RB still has a long way to go.”

Demon: “Yeah. Okay. Fine.”

Angel: “So what’s the next step, RB?”

Demon: “Publishing it, duh.”

Rb: “Well, not exactly…”

Demon: “What? Why the hell not?”

Rb: “Long story short… I made a promise.”

Demon: “Forget short, give me the long version because this is pissing me off.”

RbH

Filed under: Angel vs. Demon Blog Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, book, novel, publishing, R B Holbrook, writing