R.B. Holbrook's Blog, page 6
July 4, 2014
Happy Fourth and Fireworks!!
Randy: *knock* *knock* *knock* “RB? RB?”
Angel: “Randy, don’t bother RB, she’s busy writing.”
Randy: “But I wanna see the fireworks. RB?”
Demon: “Keep it up and RB’s going to kick your scrawny ass. Just go see the fireworks by yourself.”
Randy: “NO! Fireworks are fun but funner with friends. RB!?“
Demon: “The idiot said funner…”
Angel: “Randy, I’ll go with you if you’d like.”
Randy: “Of course you’re coming. But I want RB to go with me too. RB?”
The door swings open.
Demon: *smirk* “You’re so dead.”
Randy: “RB!!!“
RB: “WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!”
Randy: “FIREWOOOOOOOOOOOORKS!!!!“
RB: “………”
Randy: “FIREWORKS! FIRE! FIRE! FIREWORKS!!“
Demon: “Randy’s going to get his ass kicked in 3, 2, …”
RB: “Fine, let me get my shoes.”
Demon: “What the hell?”
Randy: “FIREWORKS WOO! FIREWORKS WOOHOO!!”
Angel: “Coming, Demon?”
Demon: “What the hell just happened?”
Randy: “HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!! WOOHOO!! FIREWOOOOORKS!“
Demon: “Oh, shut the hell up!“
RbH
Tagged: 4th of July, Angel vs. Demon, fireworks, Independence Day, R B Holbrook
June 28, 2014
Break Time
Angel: “RB, you’ve been writing since early morning. I think you need to take a break.”
RB: “Cool. So what is everyone up to?”
Angel: “Randy’s in the refrigerator trying to escape the heat.”
RB: “HUH?!? The air condition is on!”
Angel: “Yes. I know… But this is Randy we are talking about.”
RB: “Right.”
Angel: “Demon is harassing some poor innocent soul. And as soon as I finish here, I’m going to go hunt him down and bring him home.”
RB: “I’m surprised he’s not harassing me.”
Angel: “Only because I’m guarding the door.”
RB: “Thanks Angel-”
Computer: *Beep* *Beep* “Time is up. Break’s over.”
RB: “What?”
Angel: “Well, get back to work. See you in a couple of hours, RB.”
RB: “But I just-”
Computer: “Initiating Lockdown. All exit points have been sealed. Please proceed.”
RB: “Seriously?!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, break time, lockdown, R B Holbrook, writing
June 4, 2014
Nap Needed
RB: *Yawn* “Stick a fork in me…I’m done.”
Demon: “Nobody told you to keep your ass up all night.”
RB: “Weren’t you the one who told be I need to hurry up and finish these books already?”
Demon: “I didn’t say that. I said hurry the hell up and finish those books dammit!!”
RB: “Same difference.”
Randy: “Oxymoron!”
Demon: “You would know.”
Randy: “What does that mean?”
Demon: “It takes a moron to know a moron.”
Randy: “Hateful beast…I can’t wait for the cattle prod that Computer ordered for me online to come in…”
Demon: “Say what!?!”
RB: “Oh boy… Do me a favor, keep the fight to a whisper. I’m going to go take a nap.”
RBH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, cattle prod, nap, oxymoron, R B Holbrook, randomness, sleep deprivation, writing
May 20, 2014
Classified Files
The Biographer: “Computer, I need to update RB’s profile, so I would like to ask you some questions.”
Computer: “Processing… I can only answer what is allowed. Why not ask RB yourself?”
The Biographer: “Well, try to understand, RB and I have a fragile relationship-”
Randy: “Aww, it sounds like RB isn’t talking to you, again, Miss Bio. I’m so sorry.”
The Biographer: “My name is not… Nevermind. Idiots never get the important things right.”
Computer: “Agreed.”
Randy: “That’s rude! Hmph!“
Computer: “So what do you want to know?”
The Biographer: “What is RB doing at the present?”
Randy: “Editing, duh!”
Computer: “No, RB is writing, Angel is editing and Demon is trying to get in the way.”
The Biographer: “What can you tell me about the first and second book?”
Randy: “Oooo, it’s really good! See there is this boy named-”
Computer: “ALERT!!! That information is classified. So shut your lips, Randy.”
Randy: “Ooops.”
The Biographer: “I see… Randy, sir, will you walk with me. I have some cupcakes and ice cream if you would like to partake.”
Randy: “OOOOOOO!!! OOOOhhhh!!!! OOooooooooooooo!!! Yay! I love ice cream and cupcakes. Yaaaaaay!!”
Computer: “….Warning: Randy, she is coercing you into disclosing secret files that RB will not approve of.”
Randy: “Aawww, but Computer, ice cream and cupcakes.”
The Biographer: “Don’t forget sprinkles on the top.”
Randy: “Sp-sprinkles? I-I-I can’t resist sp-sprinkles.”
Computer: “Initiating Idiot Safeguard…”
The Biographer: “Pray tell, what are you up to Computer?”
Computer: “Safeguard initiatives are classified.”
Angel: “Randy, can I see you for a moment?”
Randy: “My Angel is calling me,” He whispers before shouting, “Coming Angel!!”
The Biographer: “What just occurred?”
Computer: “Angel trumps sprinkles. You lose.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, classified, computer, creative writing, editing, R B Holbrook, randomness, the biographer
May 14, 2014
Undo Editing…
Demon: “Take that part out.”
Angel: “Say please.”
Demon: “Now dammit!”
Computer: “Error: Please and now are two different words that don’t sound alike. They don’t even share letters, meaning, or-”
Demon: “Forget all that shit, just delete that section.”
Angel: “The whole page?”
Computer: “Critical Alert: Crucial content is located in the specified collection of paragraphs.”
Angel: “You want to delete such an important scene of character development? Unforgivable. We’re keeping it.”
Demon: “Since you two are so busy contradicting me, I’ll do it myself.” *Delete*
Angel: “NO! What have you done?!“
Demon: “I just made the book better!”
Angel: “No, you just ruined it with your selfishness. I can’t believe… Who is going to tell RB?”
Computer: “No worries, Angel, I not only have the file backed up on several drives, but I also have the UNDO command. Issuing it now… See. Good as new!”
Angel: “Phew! Thank you, Computer. At least the two of us are looking out for RB’s manuscript.”
Demon: “No, both of you are meddlesome assholes.”
Computer: “Initiating Safeguard Alpha.”
Angel: “Um… what is that? It doesn’t sound healthy.”
Computer: “I cannot disclose classified information… However, you will learn in 3…2…”
Rb: “DEMON!!”
Demon: “Oh, shit! You told on me!?!“
Computer: “That’s classified.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, classified, creative writing, delete, editing, fiction, R B Holbrook, undo
May 6, 2014
Not So Helpful
Angel: “RB, to speed up the editing process, Demon and I have decided to help you with book 3.”
Rb: “That’s nice of you, Angel, but what’s in it for Demon?”
Demon: *gasp* “I’m shocked you would think such things about me! I am helping you out of the goodness-”
Rb: “Cut the crap.”
Demon: “Fine, hard-ass. I just want you to hurry up and finish so you can write a book that’s got more blood, cussin’, drugs, and sex. This damn series doesn’t have nearly enough of any of my favorite sins.”
Rb: “Okay, Angel, you can help me.”
Demon: “Alright, for starters, let’s just kill off the main character.”
Rb: “And that’s why I said Angel. Demon, go harass someone else.”
Demon: “What?!?! What?! You’re taking Angel’s help over mine. I’m too important to ignore. I am the shit! The one and only-”
*SLAM*
Demon: “Did you just shut the door in my face? OH HELL NO!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, editing, fiction, R B Holbrook, reading, writing
April 21, 2014
2 Comes Before 1?
Rb: “I’ve finished the changes to book 2.”
Angel: “That’s great! But-”
Demon: “What the hell happened to book 1?”
Rb: “Still working on it.”
Demon: “How the hell can you finish book 2 before book 1?”
Angel: “Maybe the books are not reflecting chronological order.”
Rb: “No. They are.”
Angel: “Okay, now I’m confused.”
Demon: “Ditto! RB, please explain this shit to me.”
Rb: “Okay. So you know the book I wrote is being sectioned down into three books right?”
Angel: “Of course.”
Rb: “Well, I’ve done some thinking and want to add a book at the beginning of what I’ve already written.”
Demon: “NO! That means you still haven’t written book 1 yet!”
Rb: “Actually, I have written most of it. But I stopped to work on this. So once these 3 are out of the way and being edited, I will work to finish this book.”
Demon: “This is going to take forever dammit.”
Angel: “Be patient, Demon.”
Demon: “I DON’T DO PATIENT. Hell, I don’t even know the meaning of the word!”
Angel: *sigh*
Rb: “No worries. Shouldn’t take me long seeing as I’m not writing books as long as this one. But don’t expect me to give you too much attention. My work calls to me!“
Demon: “Hell, now you’re hearing voices.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, books, editing, fiction, R B Holbrook, writing
March 27, 2014
Word Count Revelation
Rb: “Technically, you lose.”
Demon: “No! I never lose.”
Rb: “Ohoho you do, buddy. You lose. All those times you harassed me about not having my book completed, means nothing now. I not only have a book finished, I had three finished.”
Demon: “Does not count, dammit!”
Angel: “What’s going on?”
Rb: “Remember those goals I kept setting and supposedly failed?”
Angel: “Yes.”
Rb: “Well, now that I’ve decided to split my book up into three, technically, I’ve met all my goals.”
Demon: “AFTER THE FACT!! You can’t claim it now.”
Rb: “There are no rules that says I can’t.”
Demon: “There are no rules that says you CAN!”
Rb: “Then its a gray area. Therefore its fair game. I met my goals. Yay!”
Demon: “Bullshit!”
Angel: “Question, RB, how many words per book is it?”
Rb: “… um….”
Demon: “Wait…wait… You fell short didn’t you? No, don’t leave! HOHO, this is great! Where are you going RB? I have to rub this in! Which book fell short? Or did all of them? OH, we’re not done here. And you’re not finished yet, MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Angel: “Ooops…”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, goals, R B Holbrook, word count, writing
March 26, 2014
Word Count Shuffle
Rb: “Computer, once we split up the 165,000 word manuscript, what would the word count for the first book be. Also incorporate all the changes.”
Computer: “Calculating… 61,000 words.”
Rb: “Okay, and what about the second book?”
Randy: “So you’re really doing it, then? You’re splitting up that book that you’ve been working on for over a year into three books?”
Rb: “Yep. I’m working on it now.”
Randy: “Cool. So actually instead of one book, you’ve been working on three books for the past two years. Really cool! RB, you’re the greatest!”
Rb: “Wait… Three books over the past two years… HOHO! Randy, you’re the best. I love you, man!! I’m definitely using this. Wait until I let Demon know.”
Randy: “YAY! RB loves me! Computer, did you hear it? Did you? RB-”
Computer: “Is experience an endorphin response to the realization of ”good news” a physiological flaw of fleshy sapiens that is often mistaken as “love”. Don’t get too excited over such a basic emotional outburst. In a couple of hours, you will be just another inferior imaginary character to her and I will continue to remain the only one who can truly help RB with her writing also known as… her favorite.”
Randy: He says in his sweetest, most innocent voice, ”Listen well, you over inflated case of feeble circuits and hateful algorithms. All I would have to do is trip one good time with a glass of juice in my hand and ”accidentally” spill it all over you. Compute that.”
Computer: “…System going on stand-by…”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer, R B Holbrook, randomness, word count, writing
March 25, 2014
Word Count Research
Demon: “Hey, dog shit, what are you reading?”
Randy: “An article Computer pulled up, asshole.”
Angel: “You two stop being childish. What’s the article, Computer?”
Computer: “It’s about word count. RB has me doing research about appropriate word count since she’s thinking of chopping up her 165,000 word book into three books.”
Angel: “Really! That’s great! What have you found out?”
Computer: “Though some fiction books do run long, the average for a long novel is calculated at 120,000 words. And 165,000 is excessive for an young adult book…unless you’re J. K. Rowling…”
Demon: “Hell, I could have told you that.”
Computer: “Invalid Input.”
Demon: “Who are you calling invalid?”
Computer: “Most fiction books run between 60,000-90,000 words according to Writer’s Digest. If RB wants to realistically get the book published through a traditional publisher-”
Demon: “Hacking that bitch down is the right idea. I’ve got the scissors, where do we begin?”
Computer: “Critical Error: The problem is you can’t just cut up the book without having a definite beginning and end. Each book has to have a plot structure.”
Demon: “Ok, I repeat WHERE DO WE BEGIN?”
Computer: “Scanning… RB’s working on that as we speak. Your publishing strategy will have to change.”
Randy: “Because instead of one book we’ll be dealing with three?”
Computer: “Exactly.”
Angel: “Great!”
Demon: “Bring it the hell on, bitches!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!“
Randy: “Something’s really wrong with him.”
Angel: “Yes, I know.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, R B Holbrook, word count, writing, young adult novel
