R.B. Holbrook's Blog, page 4
October 27, 2014
Brutal Truth
Demon: “So Miss Snooty Pants, why are you collecting all this damn info anyway?”
Miss Bio: “Computer and I are working on a project to inform the public about this blog.”
Demon: “Computer and you? So why are you doing all the work?”
Miss Bio: “Well, Computer has deduced that my interviewing skills with RB makes me the logical candidate.”
Demon: “Ha! All the questions you asked, Computer could have asked easily. The bastard just doesn’t want to get his non-existent hands dirty I’ll bet.”
Miss Bio: “I do not understand.”
Demon: “You’ve been duped.”
Miss Bio: “Come again?”
Randy: “Hoodwinked! Swindled! Bamboozled! Hornswoggled! Flimflamed! WOOHAHA!!”
Demon: “Shut the hell up, Randy, and go finish your Cheerios.”
Randy: “CHEERIOOOOOS!!!”
Miss Bio: “I was tricked…? Not possible! I am an intellect of superior-“
Demon: “Trust me, Miss Nerd. As a master deceiver, I know a con when I see a con. Plus, even smart people can be absolutely, positively, stupid. Later Stupid!”
Miss Bio: “…….Angel, your assistance!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, bamboozled, creative writing, hoodwinked, R B Holbrook, the biographer
October 26, 2014
Tapping the Source
Miss Bio: “RB, can I have a moment of your time. Please.“
RB: “Why?”
Miss Bio: “I just want to get some information about your blog.”
RB: “What about it?”
Miss Bio: “Why such a unconventional blog? It’s more dialogue and less…”
RB: “Less like a diary? I know, I wanted to do something different and yet fun.”
Miss Bio: “What about a complete storytelling experience with action, description, and narrative instead of just dialogue?”
RB: “I’ve thought of that, but as you know, if I start writing it like that, I might not stop. It will go on and on. I wanted something easy and simple to post. But in the future if I get more time I may actually convert it over.”
Miss Bio: “I see. Another thing, can you tell me about the books you are finalizing now?”
RB: “Oh, look at the time. Gotta go!”
Miss Bio: “So close…”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, creative writing, R B Holbrook, the biographer
October 25, 2014
The Randomness that is Random
Miss Bio: “Please state your full name for this interview.”
Randy: “ahem, ahem… My name is Random Ness. But people call me Randy for short.”
Miss Bio: “Mr. Random Ness, can you explain to me your role as one of RB’s muses.”
Randy: “Muse? I thought I was an imaginary character.”
Demon: “Just tell the starchy chick your purpose.”
Randy: “I’m the random, nonsensical, whimsical-“
Demon: “Pain in the ass.”
Randy: “Am not!”
Demon: “Are too!”
Randy: “You big donut head!”
Demon: “Donut? What? What the hell?“
Miss Bio: “So you truly serve no purpose.”
Randy: “I do! I do! Angel, tell her, pretty please.”
Angel: “Ah… Well… The best way to put Randy’s purpose is he… randomly spouts… random bits of… creative… randomness in order to… inspire… randomly.”
Randy: “Exactly!”
Demon: “Or to sum it up: bullshit.”
Angel: “Really not necessary, Demon.”
Randy: “You evil piece of trash.”
Demon: “Who the hell you calling trash?”
Miss Bio: *groan*
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, creative writing, R B Holbrook, random information, randomness, the biographer
October 24, 2014
Created With a Purpose
Miss Bio: “So are you telling me that you were all created with a specific purpose in mind?”
Angel: “Yes. Not only do I help RB with her writing, we help RB stay focused.”
Demon: “Or not.”
Miss Bio: “Pray tell, what does that mean?”
Demon: “Angels is all holier than thou, motivate, inspire blah. While I like to have fun and hang out so every chance I get, I try to drag RB out of her cave so we can chill.”
Miss Bio: “Chill?”
Demon: “You know, let loose, relax. What are you, another prude like Angel.”
Miss Bio: *sigh* “So not only do you fill the role of writing muses but also life influences, is that correct?”
Angel: “Yes.”
Miss Bio: “Then explain what that other… lesser creature’s purpose may be?”
Angel: “Who?”
Demon: “She’s talking about that asshole, Randy.”
Randy: “You rang!”
Demon: “This dickhead’s purpose is pure unadulterated bullshit.”
Angel: “Demon!”
Randy: “Hey!”
Miss Bio: “Oh my…”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, blog, purpose, R B Holbrook, writing
October 23, 2014
It’s Called…?
Miss Bio: “Angel, may I have a word with you?”
Demon: “What the hell do you want?”
Angel: “I believe she was talking to me, Demon.”
Miss Bio: “Correct. Angel, I would like to inquire about RB’s blog. First, why did she brand it Angel vs. Demon?”
Demon: “What the hell kind of question is that? It’s because we’re the stars!! Well actually, I’m the star so technically it should be called Demon. Just Demon. In all caps. Surrounded in lights and a spotlight shining-“
Miss Bio: “Demon, I do not want to hear your narcissistic ideals. Please step aside while I confer with Angel.”
Demon: “Who the hell do you think-“
Angel: “RB wanted to show the struggle of writing by personifying the positives which would be my area and the negatives-“
Demon: “Which I kick ass at! I especially-“
Angel: “We also help with the protagonists and the antagonists.”
Demon: “I freakin’ rock at the villain!!”
Miss Bio: “Is there no way to stop him?”
Angel: “Sadly…”
Demon: “I’m telling you I’m badass!!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, blog, creative writing, meaning, R B Holbrook, the biographer
October 22, 2014
Recruiting Aid
Computer: “Miss Bio, I need your help.”
Miss Bio: “It is The Biographer. And how may I assist you?”
Computer: “I want to do an about page for RB’s blog so that all who visit understand the premise.”
Miss Bio: “I see.”
Computer: “And though you have little success with RB directly, I think you might be able to help me gather information from Angel, Demon, and Randy so that I have context before I present the idea to RB.”
Miss Bio: “I am only interested in the subject of RB, I am in no way curious about limited imaginary characters.”
Computer: “Analyzing… Yes, I see your point. They are limited. However, I think by speaking to them, you may gain an idea of who RB is.”
Miss Bio: “I highly doubt-“
Computer: “Consider: RB created them. As pieces of her imagination, shouldn’t they be able to help you with your biographical research. They could tell you something about RB that you have yet to glean.”
Miss Bio: “I see.”
Computer: “Of course you do. Like me, you are highly intelligent and not nearly as gullible as those others.”
Miss Bio: “You are correct! I shall help you.”
Computer: “Too easy.”
Miss Bio: “What was that?”
Computer: “I said it will be a pleasure to work with you.”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, blog, computer, R B Holbrook, the biographer
October 9, 2014
Between the Lines and Back Again
Computer: “RB, I’m submitting your first book to editors for the final polish.”
RB: “Cool!”
Computer: “Attention: You have incoming emails.”
Randy: “Ooooo! Look, RB, you have an email from Molly Keeton. Isn’t she the beta reader and book reviewer at Between the Lines and Back Again?”
RB: “Yep. Read it for me.”
Randy: “Okay………..”
RB: “Well?”
Randy: “Well, what?”
RB: “Argh! Read it out loud Randy!!”
Randy: “OH! She said, she liked the story… characters are good…. You need to work on the prologue.”
RB: “Stop Computer! Don’t send that book off to the editor yet!”
Computer: “Recalling submission.”
Randy: “Wow, Computer! You are good for something.”
Computer: “I wish I had hands so I can smack you.”
RB: “Computer, please send Molly a thank you email and also post a link to her site for others who are interested in her services.”
Computer: “Posting it now: http://betweenthelinesandbackagain.wordpress.com/editing-and-beta-reading-services/
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, beta readers, beta reading service, creative writing, editing, R B Holbrook
October 7, 2014
Ashes to Ashes….
Demon: “We are gathered here today….”
Angel: “Demon, please stop.”
Demon: “To mourn the loss of RB’s phone.”
Randy: “Boohooooooo!“
Demon: “Phone lived a good long life….”
Computer: “Error: The phone is an inanimate object, therefore it never lived. This phone funeral is irrelevant.”
Randy: “But it had power and circuitry like you do. Are you saying you are not alive?”
Computer: “…….”
Demon: “Through the harshest of times, the phone has served RB, but now it has suddenly perished and joined the other departed phones in phone heaven.”
Angel: “Demon, this is inappropriate.”
Randy: “BoooHooHoo!! Oh, poor phoney!”
Angel: “Phoney?”
RB: “Hey Angel… What the-“
Angel: “Don’t ask.”
RB: “Okaaaaay. Well I’m going to the cellular store. Do you want to come with?”
Angel: “Yes. Please.”
Demon: “Ashes to ashes, circuits to circuits.”
Computer: “Why do I find this imagery disturbing?”
Randy: “OH, BOOHOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, fiction, phone funeral, R B Holbrook, smart phone, writing
October 6, 2014
Phone Crisis
Angel: “What is going on? RB? Calm down.”
Randy: “Oh, no what happened?”
Demon: “Why the hell RB making all that damn noise?”
Computer: “RB’s phone has died.”
Demon: “Shit, is that all?”
Angel: “Oh, no. RB relies heavily on her phone. It’s her mobile office.”
Randy: “YAAAY!! We can go shopping for a new phone!”
Angel: “First, we need to console, RB.”
Demon: “Easy enough… Hey RB! You know that new version of your phone you were looking at? It comes out in a few weeks.”
RB: “WEEKS?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
Angel: “Demon, you did that on purpose didn’t you?”
Demon: “Hehehe…”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, mobile office, R B Holbrook, smart phone, writing
October 5, 2014
It Just Stopped!?
RB: “Computer, give me our current status.”
Computer: “Two books written. The first one is being edited and tested for approval. The second is being tested. The third is going through rewrites. Angel and Randy are revising your book submission material and Demon is still recuperating from his punishment… RB?”
RB: “…”
Computer: “Is something wrong?”
RB: “…………”
Computer: “Why are you just staring at your phone?”
RB: “The screen is not coming on.”
Computer: “Observation: Maybe the battery is dead.”
RB: “No, I have it plugged to the wall.”
Computer: “Reset it. Take the battery out and… Oh! You’re doing that.”
RB: “It’s…. It’s not coming on.”
Computer: “Could it be the battery is no longer functional?”
RB: “I just bought a new one a couple of months ago.”
Computer: “Solution: Plug it up to me and I will diagnose the problem.”
RB plugs her smart phone up to Computer’s USB port.
Computer: “Analyzing…………”
RB: “Well?”
Computer: “Nothing.”
RB: “Really? Nothing is wrong with my phone?”
Computer: “No…I’m getting no feedback from your phone…. It is dead.”
RB: “……..”
Computer: “RB?”
RB: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”
RbH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, computer diagnostic, fiction, R B Holbrook, smartphone, writing
