R.B. Holbrook's Blog, page 2
September 8, 2015
When it Rains it…
RB: “Demon! Demon!”
Randy: “OOOOOO, you’re in trouble.”
Demon: “Put the video game on pause Randy and shut the hell up.”
RB: “Demon!”
Demon: ” ‘Sup.”
RB: “Why did you scribble this crap all over my manuscript?”
Randy: takes the paper and reads “This scene sucks. Where’s the sex? Where’s the blood?”
Demon: “I was just helping you with your writing since you have been so busy. No need to thank me. I even rewrote some of the scenes for you so that you have more death and destruction. With this, no agent in their right mind would reject you-”
RB: “You…you…Rewrote….?”
Randy: “You’re going to die. HAHAHAHAHA!”
Demon: “Why the hell is that funny?”
RBH
September 7, 2015
The Calm before the…
RB: “Aahhhh, it took me a while but I’m finally settled into my new place and in my new job.”
Angel: “This was a big move for you.”
RB: “Agreed. I barely found time to write. I’m still getting accustomed to the new environment and everything that goes with it.”
Angel: “Well enjoy your down time.”
RB: “Down time? Not happening. I’ve got to get back to my office and… What is this?”
Angel: “If looks like your manuscripts have been scattered on your office floor.”
RB: “I see that. But what is THIS?”
Angel: “A lot of red ink… And Demon’s handwriting.”
RB: “That son of a DEMON!!!!”
RBH
September 4, 2015
Not the First. Not the Last
RB: “Why is Randy crying? Demon, what did you do?”
Demon: “Why the hell do you think it was me?”
RB: “You’re usually the cause.”
Randy: “I’m so sorry, RB! I didn’t know.”
RB: “Know what?”
Angel: “Demon found out about the rejection letter you got from a literary agent.”
RB: “That’s all?”
Demon: “That all? I’m furious! This is my future we’re talking about. RB you should be devastated! You should be crying and depressed. I wanna see tears, dammit!”
RB: “You do realize this ain’t my first rodeo, right?”
Angel: “I’ve been trying to tell them-”
Randy: “What do you mean?”
RB: “I just moved because of a new job. Do you know how many times I applied for jobs and got rejected before I was accepted. This one rejection is nothing compared to years of rejections from job hunting. So calm down. And brace yourself for more.”
Randy: “NOooooooooooooooooo! I don’t want anymore!”
Demon: “Damn right! I refuse to except anymore.”
RB: “Since I’ve moved, I’ve barely had time to write, and they are worried about rejections?”
Demon: “I will not stand for this!”
Randy: “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
RB: “Okay, I’m leaving. Angel, are you coming?”
Angel: “Please!”
RBH
September 3, 2015
Expect The Worse
Angel: “Demon listen, in life, there will be rejection.”
Demon: “Not if you have enough money.”
Angel: “Money doesn’t control everything.”
Demon: “Hell yeah it does.”
Angel: “As I was saying, RB is well aware that there will be rejection letters. And there will be some agents that just won’t respond. RB’s not concerned.”
Demon: “RB should be! I wanna be famous!”
Randy: “What’s going on?”
Demon: “RB was rejected!”
Randy: “OH NOooooooooooooooooo!”
Angel: “It was just one letter for crying out loud!”
RBH
September 2, 2015
Explaining To Do
Demon: “RB! RB! RB where the hell are you?”
Angel: “Demon, calm down. RB isn’t here. What is wrong?”
Demon: “This is what’s wrong.” Hands Angel a piece of paper. “Did you know that RB got a rejection letter from a literary agent?”
Angel: “Well… I didn’t until now. But she did say expect rejections so-”
Demon: “No one rejects me!”
Angel: “Of course…”
Demon: “I want a recount!”
Angel: “Recount? Uh…”
RBH
September 1, 2015
Accessing File…
Computer: “Demon, you are not authorized to access RB’s email.”
Demon: “Whatever, just log me on.”
Computer: “Access Denied: All usage permissions must got through RB.”
Demon: “Dammit, Computer, do I need to go get a cup of water and douse you with it?”
Computer: “Analyzing. Access granted. You may proceed.”
Demon: “That’s what I thought.”
Computer: “What are you looking for anyway?”
Demon: “RB has been so busy moving and adjusting, she rarely has time for email, I’m just making sure she’s not ignoring some great opportunity to make me famous…I mean a book deal.”
Computer: “RB checks her email on her phone regularly.”
Demon: “What!? Then why hasn’t she mentioned any feedback from any literary agent.”
Computer: “As you say, RB’s been busy. However, if I recall, there was one email…
Demon: “Don’t hold out on me you useless box of circuits. Show me or I’ll skip the cup of water and just pee-”
Computer: “Accessing file…”
Demon: “Oh, its from… wait… WHAT THE HELL!?”
RBH
April 16, 2015
When All Else Fails
The Interviewer: “Well, since RB has disappeared. I am authorized, with her permission, to interview you all in her absences.”
Angel: “Excuse me?”
Demon: “Damn, double damn. I should’ve known there was a reason RB gave you a new title. DAMN!”
Angel: “Demon, please, the language.”
The Interviewer: “My first question is-”
Angel: “Wait… I-I’m not sure-”
Demon: “Randy! Get your ass back here!”
The Interviewer: “Why did RB move? How did the process go? Is this just temporary?”
Angel: “Well, I don’t think RB wants us to reveal-”
Demon: “Randy!”
The Interviewer: “I believe I saw him running after an ice cream truck.”
Demon: “Shit!”
Angel: “Demon, please-”
Demon: “As you wish. Interviewer chick.”
The Interviewer: “My name is-”
Demon: “Shut the hell up and listen. Nobody wants you here. Nobody cares. And nobody is going to answer your shitty questions. Now get your ass out of here before I verbally melt your ears off with the strings of cuss words I soooo want to unleash.”
The Interviewer: “I see… Good Day.”
Angel: “…….”
Demon: “And this is where you thank me.”
Angel: “I didn’t ask you do that.”
Demon: “You said please.”
Angel: “I wanted you to stop cussing.”
Demon: “Oh. Hell, that’ll never happen.”
Angel: “Obviously.”
RBH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, fiction, R B Holbrook, the interviewer, writing
April 15, 2015
Deceptively Sweet
Angel: “Demon, there are better ways to tell someone to come back later, instead of having Randy scream like a hyper child.”
Demon: “Yep, I could tell her to go to Hell.”
Angel: “No! Why would you…? Never mind. I’ll do it. Randy!”
Randy: “Angel! Yes, Angel.”
Demon makes kissy noises.
Angel: “Stop it,” she says to Demon before turning back to Randy, “Randy, can you tell RB that Miss Interviewer is here for her.”
Randy: “Wait… What? But…”
Angel: “Go on, Randy. I’ll make you a cupcake when you are done.”
Randy: “Cupcaaaaaakes!” he screams running off.
The Interviewer: “Thank you, Angel. I knew you were the sensible one in the group.”
Angel: “Yes, but you do realize that RB’s busy and doesn’t have time to chat. She’s still getting used to the move. Unpacking and adjusting, you know how it is. Why not come back?”
The Interviewer: “That is why I have arrived. It is necessary to update RB’s profile about her relocation. I want to inform the readers about-”
Angel: “Yes, I understand. But please wait until she’s more relaxed. Otherwise she’s likely to throw you to Demon. And you know how that will end.”
The Interviewer glances over at Demon who grins wickedly.
Angel: “So do we have a deal?”
The Interviewer: “Let me at least schedule an appointment for later.”
Angel: “You can try. But by now, RB has already left the premises.”
Demon: “Oh, shit! That’s why you had Randy go tell her Miss Interviewer was here. And you say I’m diabolical!”
Angel: “That’s not diabolical, Demon. That’s smart.”
RBH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, cupcakes, fiction, R B Holbrook, randomness, the interviewer, writing
April 14, 2015
The Normal Crazy
Angel: “Why is Randy running around Miss Interviewer?”
Demon: “Good question… I think it has something to do with her looking like a cupcake.”
Angel: “Cup… She looks nothing like a cupcake! Where did he get that idea?”
Demon: “Hell if I know.”
Angel: “The poor woman looks like she’s about to run away.”
Demon: “That’s the plan.”
Angel: “…plan?”
Demon: “Damn!”
Angel: “Demon, what are you two up to?”
Demon: “Getting rid of a nuisance before she reaches RB. You know, seeing as RB’s still getting uses to the new move and everything. Aren’t I nice?”
Angel: “By lying to me and making Randy crazier than normal.”
Demon: “No, Angel, that crazy is normal for Randy.”
Angel: “Okay you win that one.”
Demon: “Of course I do.”
RBH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, crazy, R B Holbrook, randomness, the interviewer, writing
April 13, 2015
Running Interference
Demon: “Oh hell, look who’s coming?”
Randy: “Oh, it’s…oh…That’s the interviewer lady.”
Demon: “Annoying as hell is more like it.”
Randy: “RB is still trying to get herself grounded from the move, she doesn’t have time for any questions. What should we do?”
Demon: “Get rid of her.”
Randy: “You make it sound easy.”
Demon: “It��should be for you, most people run when they see you coming.”
Randy: “Hey! That’s mean.”
Demon: “And true. So I’ll let you do your worse.”
Randy: “Worse?”
Demon: “Yes… hello Miss Interviewer?”
Randy: “Helloooooooooooo!”
The Interviewer: “Demon. Randy. Excuse me. I have work to do.”
Demon: “Hey Randy, doesn’t she look good enough to eat? Kind of like a…cupcake.”
Randy: “CUPCAAAAAAAAAKES!!!”
The Interviewer: “Eep! Oh dear!”
Demon: “Too easy.”
RBH
Tagged: Angel vs. Demon, fiction, R B Holbrook, randomness, writing
