Kent Wayne's Blog, page 8

Give my books a read and a review!

What the reverse-uno is happening, all you fed-up mofos who’ve decided to get your revenge against that one dickhead friend who takes fuckery and grabass a step too far so you eat a badass ghost pepper to prime your shnozz with boogers, cut a camouflaged hole in your pants for easy access, when they tickle your face you jam their finger up your nose, while they’re simultaneously moving in to goose you, you slip their finger in your ghost-pepper-fired poopchute, they hold their hands up before them with a horrified expression of disgust and shock, screaming AH GOD NO WHAT THE FUCK and in response you snarl “Surprise, motherfucker!” and smack their forearms so they plaster their own face with your ghost-peppered-generated grossness—

Good God, man, just hit em in the nuts or defile their morning coffee!  Your reverse-uno degeneracy will lead us into a tit-for-tat, eye-for-an-eye apocalypse! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Musings

After a while, I realized when I allow myself to be empty and still, I don’t stay that way–well-being inevitably follows, and inspiration follows that well-being.

As I began to accept the idea that well-being is my default state, I also began to accept the related premise that this same well-being alchemizes thoughts and emotions into something positive and productive. I like to think of it as a gentler Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction–he’s on the motherfucker. I might take some cues here and there, but for the most part, I’ll try and let him run the show.

Yet another weird ad for my novels

“Oh, that’s interesting, Kent.”  My fifth-grade teacher studies my play-doh sculpture.  “A cross between a star destroyer…and a penis.”  Her brow wrinkles in consternation.

“SUPER star destroyer,” I correct.  “This is an Executor-class Dreadnought.  They were present at the Battles of Mako-Ta, Jekara, and Yavin.  Most of the manufacturing took place at Kuat Drive Yards, during the reign of the Galactic—”

“Nerd!”  Tanner Aken, class bully and pubescently-accelerated douchebag, points a finger at my play-doh masterpiece and looks around at his cronies.  “Minions—now is the time!” 

A horde of kids rush my teacher, forcing her out the door and locking it behind her.  Then they close in, darkening my starfighter craft with their encroaching shadows. 

I rise to my feet, holding up my hands in a conciliatory gesture.  “Easy, fuckers—nobody has to die today.  Stand down before I pull your large intestines out from your mouth, small intestines out from your ass, and use your bodies as a bunch of fucked-up jump ropes.”

Tanner brays out laughter.  “We have you outnumbered a dozen to one!  What are you gonna do, asswipe?”  His neander-fuck friends burst into giggles, as if he just delivered a world-class insult, and start giving each other high-fives and chest bumps. 

I point at the shitstain to his left.  “Qris Norvell.  Your dad gets pegged while he’s wearing a wolf suit.  I taped it from my bedroom window.”  Then the one on my far right flank.  “Odyssey Whittle.  Your mom’s been dipping into your Adderall.  When she can’t fill the scrip, she blows the local dealer and scores a little extra.”  Back to the left, three douchebags over.  “Tackle Jefferson.  The bank’s foreclosing on your soulless Mcmansion.  In a couple of months, your parents’ effort to keep up with the Jones’s will lead to a giant fiscal shit in their budgetary mouths.”  Qris, Odyssey, and Tackle start hitching and sobbing.  I shoot them all a malevolent grin.  “Only a matter of time before your moms start banging their big-dicked tennis trainers.  And for the love of fuck, change your names.  You all sound like a church-grown boy band that failed at their debut and turned into a bunch of roofie-slinging frat bo—”

“ENOUGH!”  Tanner levels a finger at my face.  “RIP HIM APART!”

No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

All of existence opens before me.  I direct my intent through some different possibilities, collapse a series of quantum potentials…

Voila!  I’ve aged twenty five years in the span of a second.  Not only that, but my enemies’ moms have materialized before me, groping my big ol’ peen as it bounces between my knees like the dude at the end of an extra-springy bungee rope. 

“I’m sick of you brats!”  Qris’s mom drops to her knees and smacks my girthy upcurve on her outstretched tongue.  “Gonna get me a much-deserved widening from this grade-A Man Whore!” 

As my enemies burst into hysterical tears, I give them an it-is-what-it-is, that’s-the-way-the-cookie-crumbles type of shrug.  “Shouldn’t have made fun of me for my Executor-class Star Destroyer.”

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

Have douche-bros in training condemned and persecuted you for your high-culture tastes?  Never fear!  Buy my books, widen their moms, and make them regret their neander-fuck ways!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  [image error][image error] [image error]  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

What the AI-powered-cock is happening, all you flesh-based meat-dicks who’re quickly becoming obsolete, one day you come home and find your increasingly distant partner stuffed to the gills with quantum-powered cock, holy fuck it’s activated miniature thrusters it’s coming right at your face you dive to the side as it punches through the wall you pull a pair of .50 cal desert eagles out from under the bed and scream in rage while you empty the mags at your phallic enemy’s hover-capable rocketry it sparks and squeals as giant slugs pierce its frenulum, then it chuckles and shakes and asks, “Is that all you got?” before aiming its dick-slit at you and letting your predicament sink into your brain, you realize how fucked you are and whisper,

“No.”

Then it’s all up in your eyes and your cheeks, blattering your forehead and mushroom-stamping the absolute shit out of your motherfucking temples—wh’pap-pap-PAP—you sputter and gasp and flail around then it starts glorping up lubricant all over your face neck and chest while you’re sobbing hysterically and trying to fend off its glans—

And THAT, my friends, is why we need to stop these AI programs from merging with our dildos!  There’s no goddamn way we can compete with the ribbage, vibrations, and perfectly angled ticklers!  Holy mother of FUCK!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Musings

The true self, I believe, is not a series of narratives that run through my mind, reiterating who I was, who I am, who I’ll be, and/or why any of those narratives aren’t valid or real.

It’s a wordless transcendence that becomes apparent when all the narratives quiet and still.

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Goddamn, I hate being stuck in Middle fucking Earth.  The War of the Ring’s over, all the hot Elven moms have departed for the Undying Lands, so that leaves me beating my dick like it owes me money.  Maybe I should take a couple of days off.  It’s starting to look like a dried strip of jerky…

Aragorn busts in my door, gasping like he’s about to shit his mithril-laced pants.  “SAURON HAS RETURNED!”  He grabs my shoulders and starts freaking the fuck out.  “What do we do?  WHAT DO WE DO???”

“How should I know?” I snap.  “Get your hands off me before I—hold on.”  I straighten in place. 

“What?” he demands.  “WHAT???”

“Get Arwen.”

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

“So I crossed into your world with my magic eReader,” I explain.  “Once I open it to one of my novels, I’ll activate its reality-distorting powers.  Here’s what that means in practical terms:  baby-fied Sauron will teleport into Arwen’s womb.  I’ll start fucking her with my upcurved peen, gross him out, and force him to give up on his kingdom-conquering bullshit.  Sound like a plan?”

“Hold!” Aragorn yells.  “In what world do you need to remake reality so that Sauron is trapped in a baby’s flesh, placed inside my wife’s belly, just so you can batter him with your grotesquely large—”

“The Man Whore is right!” Arwen interjects.  “It’s the only way to save Middle Earth!”

“It is NOT the only way!” Aragorn shouts.  “Do you seriously think—”

“Stop being selfish!  Now let him attend to my whispering eye!”

“But…that’s not…”

Arwen throws me a resolute nod.  “Quickly, Man Whore!  Widen me with your gargantuan phallus!”

“She said it, not me.”  I give Aragorn a hapless, it-is-what-it-is shrug.  “All right, here goes!”  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

A few seconds later, Sauron is inside Arwen and so am I.  As I slappa-slap away, he telepathically reaches out to us from her womb.  [What is this unholy perfidy???  Cease this at once!  I AM THE DARK FUCKING LORD!  GET THIS COCK OUT OF MY MORGOTH-DAMNED FACE!!!]

“Deeper!” Arwen pants.  “Batter his temples with your award-winning member!”

“Let me hit it from the back!” I gasp.  “I’ll spear that fucker right through his skull!”

Aragorn runs away, sobbing into his cupped hands.  Meanwhile, as Arwen turns around and offers her booty, Sauron keeps ranting and raving like a psycho.  Unfortunately for him, my thrusts interrupt his pleas/demands.  [Don’t—HGGH!  Wait just a—GAH!  I command you to—AGH!]

That’s what you get for being an evil piece of shit—big ol’ penis right to the dome!  HEH heh heh!  Kent Wayne wins again!

Has Sauron made an unexpected resurgence?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap their magic powers, and beat his face in with your award-winning genitals! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  [image error][image error] [image error]  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

What the old-cum is happening, all you once mighty meat-beaters who are flogging your saggy piece with the fury of a thousand exploding sons, but to no avail, it’s like trying to play pool with a greasy piece of string, finally, after the raw skin looks like the magma-webbed cracks of Mount fucking Doom, a tiny white glob leaks from the tip, giving the same exact vibe as that old-ass cartoon where Mickey and Donald and Goofy are motherfucking starving and they cut a slice of bread into paper-thin wafers and slice one goddamn bean into motherfucking thirds holy shit that’s your dick right now trying to squeeze out a single measly sperm in response to your jackhammering fist—

Oh HELL no!  That’s why you maow that protein and hit them heavy-ass squats!  Ain’t nobody got time for a one-sperm jack!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Musings

Perhaps abundance is not defined by resources, but through unrealized possibilities. Maybe there’s always a way to pull a benefit out of unpleasantness, defying odds, expectations, and ironclad beliefs.

Here’s part 2 of my interview on MKZLiterartiste!

Here’s part 2 of my interview on MKZLiterartiste!  Part 2 of my interview  It covers more of my writing process, spiritual beliefs and rationale, my dogs, DMT, and other specific questions related to writing and my relationship with it.  I had a blast answering her questions!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.   Get Weapons of Old here:  Weapons of Old  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   

Give my books a read and a review!

What the butt-cutt is happening, you overenthusiastic shavers who are getting ready for a date and just can’t get that ONE REMAINING hair on the nine o’ clock wrinkle, so you persist with furrowed brow and clenched teeth, scraping the razor over and over against your dirt star, oh shit you fucking misjudged the angle, blood’s coming out like it’s shooting from a Supersoaker CPS 3000, MOTHER OF GOD WHAT DO I DO I NEED AN ADULT I NEED AN ADULT—

And THAT, my friends, is why you keep it gentle and easy, and leave a bit of stubble on the edges of yer prison wallet!  If your date wants to eat it, they’d much rather deal with some scratchy little hairs, instead of a swollen mound of leathery gore!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing