Kent Wayne's Blog, page 10
April 1, 2025
Musings
I’ve swung from denying negativity, to accepting to it, to allowing it (allowing it, in my opinion, is different from acceptance in that it doesn’t immediately assign it a fixed quality or quantification, which is what usually happens when I accept. Allowance just lets it be, without intellectual categorization).
Allowing it, in my experience, expands my internal space and room to focus. At a certain point I can reframe it as I please–it’s a part of me, but it isn’t all of me. I don’t have to identify with it using my entire being, to the point where it consumes me with stress and pessimism.
March 30, 2025
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Taylor Swift reclines on her lizard-skin sofa, holding a glass of whale-sperm wine. “You’re an award-winning Man Whore. To say I’m expecting a lot would be a massive understatement. Now get to Man Whore-ing, you sluttalicious he-trollop.”
I clear my throat. “Um…ok. Put on your underbib so you don’t stain the couch.” I saunter toward her and brush the hair from my eyes.
She spit-takes into her half-full glass. “I book the highest-rated fuckpig in the entire history of cock for hire, and the best you can do is a goddamn FOREHEAD REVEAL??? Try again, peasant!”
Shit. Time to whip out the big guns (gun, singular, would be more accurate). So I walk to the door of her office, adjust my peen so the head is poking out, then turn around and saunter back toward her.
She immediately starts salivating. “That’s what I’M TALKING ABOUT!” She punches her own face like a meth’d up linebacker, and begins hooting like an inmate at a top-tier strip club. “I can see the girth and curve right through your pants! Holy shit, it looks like a baby’s arm holding an apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!”
“Pretty sweet, huh? Thanks to a much-welcome genetic quirk, it also tastes like the award-winning pièce de résistance from season 5 of the Great British Bake—”
“RRRGHHH!” Travis Kelce explodes through the wall, flooding the air with plaster and mortar, and spear-tackles my ass with his giant sweaty body. “How could you, Taylor?” Veins bulge from his forehead and neck. “HOW COULD YOU???”
She glances at her bare-skinned wrist. “Whoops, look at the time! We’ll blow something up and chant ‘USA, USA,’ later tonight—I promise!” She grabs her purse and runs out the door.
Travis Kelce, still sitting on top of my sternum, reaches out as she flits past his side. “Wait…but you said…What the…” Then he grabs me by the lapels. “ARRRRGH—SO MUCH RAGE! GOING TO BITE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR GIANT SEXY DICK!”
Jesus CHRIST. There’s no way I can fend off a 280 lb, dick-biting neanderfuck. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Martha Stewart rockets through the ceiling, landing in a superhero crouch behind the football star. She buries her fingers in his wide-flaring nostrils, whirls into a discus-thrower spin, and throws the tight end into the wall, creating a second hole beside the one he just made. Travis bounces off a Taylor statue in the hallway, then crumples into a lifeless heap.
He looks up at Martha with tear-blurred eyes. “Muh…mercy…”
She chuckles as her shadow falls across his face. “Riddle me this: how does an alpha bitch like me spend time in prison? Trading different brands of ramen and crying at therapy? Nah, fucker, I meditate on how to beat and desecrate meatheads like you. I call it my ‘Dark Martha’ phase. And this would be…” She trails off, cants her head, and flourishes her hand in a come-on-take-a-guess gesture.
“Dark Martha…era?” Snot runs out of Travis’s ruined nose.
“Exactly.” Her grins turns sharklike, then she tosses him into the air. As he comes back down, she uppercuts him through the center of his anus—“Daaaark MARTHA!”—bisecting his torso before her hand stops inside his cro-mag skull. She proceeds to work it like a grotesque puppet: “I’m Travis Kelce,” she declares in an oafish voice. “I smell like socks and man-ass! BWAHAHAHA!”
I run out of the office, sobbing and sniveling from the sheer fucking horror. Yes, I unleashed Dark Martha, but at what cost???
AT. WHAT. COST????
*Cue the climactic part of the theme from Requiem for a Dream*
Have you been caught canoodling with a pop star, and now have to escape from her neander-fuck boyfriend? Never fear! Buy my books, summon Dark Martha, and watch as she defeats him with her anus-bisecting uppercut!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 27, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
What the dickfire is happening, all you lazy-pubed trimmers who go for a run in the deep peaceful forest, you’re surrounded by chirping birds and wide-eyed critters who charm you with their cute little squeaks, suddenly smoke wafts up from the legs of your shorts, it’s coming from the friction of your skin against your unkempt pubes, embers fly out in torrents of sparks, holy fuck leaves and twigs are catching on fire, the picturesque scenery turns into an ocean of hellfire, it’s no longer an easy relaxing trail run it’s a goddamn sprint for your motherfucking life, as you flee the inferno bat-winged demons emerge from the char and sear the heavens with burning contrails, out of nowhere the Satanic-sounding part of “O Fortuna” rings through the air—
That’s why you trim your pubes, goddammit! Walk around the woods with an armload of crotch-tinder, and the next thing you know you’ve opened the ninth gate to hell!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 25, 2025
Musings
As soon as we’re born, we’re pushed and pulled by countless conditions, originating from biology, society, and circumstance. For much of my life, I viewed this in a resentful light, as a series of obligations I never asked for. Then, after I railed against the world for several decades, I began to play with the idea that maybe I HAD asked for this, through some nameless piece of myself that defied quantification. So I began to view my life as an immersive game, one that eventually had to end.
Maybe I asked for this, maybe I didn’t. All I know is it’s way more fun when I frame it as a game, than a bunch of mandatory busy work or duties or obligations, shored up by various forms of negative reinforcement.
March 23, 2025
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Grammar Nazi Prime grabs my shoulders. “I need…to enter…a VAGINA.” He bores into my eyes with a haunted gaze.
“Um…why do you have to say it like that?” I delicately remove his hands from my shoulders.
“We’ve been lifelong enemies, but now I come to you in a spirit of penitence—I will no longer hound you with grammatical strictures. But please, for the love of God and all that is holy, help me consummate a sexual union!”
“That…is not an improvement. I’d prefer the word ‘fuck’ over either of—”
He drops to his knees and sobs into his hands. “AHGODPLEASE!”
“Jesus! All right, I’ll help you!”
“Thank you, Kent Wayne.” He wipes away snot with the back of his wrist. It forms a bubble, then trails from his nose to the edge of his hand. (Gross). “Thank you.”
Over the next few weeks, I make him work out, practice small talk, and shift his focus onto relaxation, positivity, and fun. Then, on the third week of training…
“MMMFF!” I thrash in place, but no dice—he duct-taped me to the back of a goddamn chair.
GNP yanks the tape off my lips. “Ha! You actually thought I desired your tutelage? Not a chance, Wayne—I’ll never stop picking at your unholy stories! NEVER!”
My hazy vision sharpens and resolves. We’re in a bare concrete room, lit by a naked, industrial-strength bulb. “This whole time…”
“Yes!” he crows. “You fell prey to my simpering wiles! Do you really think I care about sex?” He drops trou in front of my face, revealing his shriveled, atrophied penis. It looks like a freakish mole-rat worm, completely devoid of length, girth, and melanin.
“HOORRRKKK!!!” Projectile vomit spews from my gob. He ducks as it rockets past his face, coating the wall in green-brown chunks. “Please…” I whisper. “Put it away…”
He zips up and chuckles. “So now you understand. No sane woman would insert this phallus between her labia. My true quest has always been—and will always be—to enact revenge against my greatest enemy: Kent Wayne, prolific author and award-winning Man Whore.”
I sag in place, drool yawing down from my parted lips. “Stop…stop talking about sex. Every time you do it, you somehow make it worse.”
He nods at my crotch. “Much like Delilah, I will sever the source of your fortune and strength, albeit in a more far more gruesome and unseemly manner.” He snaps on a latex glove, then brandishes a pair of oversized scissors. “Prepare yourself, Wayne—now is the winter of my discontent!”
Holy. FUCK. He wants to cut off my award-winning womb-hammer! Ain’t no way. So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My wiener untucks from my sock, uncoils from my leg, and punches through the front of my pants. “YOU WANT MY BLOOD????” it roars. “COME AND TAKE IT!”
GNP blurts, “DON’T—” before it smacks him twice across the face, coils itself across his torso and limbs, then lifts him up and stretches him into a painful crucifix. “HRRRNNGHH…” Blood leaks from the corner of his lips. “Mercy…”
My wiener shloops down onto GNP’s dome, encasing his skull in the remains of my foreskin. Dear God…it looks like he’s being eaten by a giant veiny diving helmet. “MMRFF! MMRFF!” He thrashes in place, trying to escape a prison made of dickskin and smegma. It slowly leaks around the edges of the seal, oozing down his pencil-thin neck. Seconds later, he passes out and goes limp.
Welp, that’s what you get for trynna cut off my womb-hammer! Kent Wayne wins again! HEH heh heh!
Has a finger-wagging dickhead tried to lop off your genitals? Never fear! Buy my books, weaponize your nether parts, and smother him in a penis-helmet filled with Gross!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 20, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
What the poop-hold is happening, all you hoity-toity folks who refuse to use the public bathroom and treat shitting in a toilet like an extreme fucking sport and keep your asshole clenched through sheer force of will, all the while chanting “You…shall not…PASS!” with gritted teeth and a trembling, sweat-coated face until your body gives the fuck up and you force-evacuate a mass that’s so unholy it alters the Earth’s gravitational pull and rivals CERN with its reality-destroying possibilities, every time it happens the angels weep, the demons cheer, and the Big Guy looks down from his throne with a furrowed brow and mutters, “That’s not good,” under his breath—
Holy mother of FUCK! Just use the public restroom, goddammit! Why are you toying with physics-warping forces that boggle our paltry human comprehension???
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 18, 2025
Musings
Perhaps we are born with internal guidance–a compass that transcends external metrics, that can guide us through societal standards, and let us know when to conform or diverge. Perhaps fulfillment isn’t dependent on chasing metric after metric, checking off box after box, and is more a function of conscious allowance: settling into the present moment, and letting this guidance make itself known.
If that’s the case, I believe it could be simultaneously individualist and egalitarian–it could give each individual customized guidance, while imbuing everyone in the collective with equal capability to live a fulfilling life. This possibility, more than anything else, makes that premise particularly attractive to me. For in its breadth, it holds the promise of true abundance–one based on an abundance of possibility–which allows for improbabilities (and perhaps seeming impossibilities) to exist without reflexive dismissal.
March 16, 2025
Yet another weird ad for my novels
You may not know this, but Tolkien left out an important, history-changing kingdom in LOTR. How do I know? Because I was there…
SOMEWHERE ON MIDDLE EARTH…
A random squire comes running up to me. “Gondor calls for aid!” He thrusts a finger at my bedroom window, where the beacons of Gondor are burning off in the distance.
As I roll away from a trio of hot Elven milfs, out of my bed and onto the floor, I scratch-n-sniff my nuts (why do we do that? One of life’s greatest mysteries.), stare at the beacons, and declare, “AND DILF-HAN WILL ANSWER!”
The local king strides through my door. “This realm is not Dilf-han, Kent Wayne of Earth. It goes by—”
I interrupt with, “Before I portaled into your realm, I told a young woman my actual age, and she responded that I was a dilf. It’s a play on Rohan, only with dilf at the beginning of it. Get it? Huh? Yeah?”
“I understand what you’re saying, but we’re not going to change the name of—”
“What about THIS?” I stand tall and flex my guns, tensing my abs and bringing them into stark relief. “Dilfy as hell!”
He buries his eyes in the crook of his thumb and forefinger. “No, that’s not what I—”
“How about…THIS???” I shloop my undies off, and grab hold of my girthy upcurved wiener.
“Ye gods!” He extends his arms and shields his face, turning away so he doesn’t have to look at my egg-scrambling womb-hammer. “Fine—call it what you want! Just…put that away and put on some pants!”
“You got it.” I shloop into my undies and cross my arms. “What’s the deal? Gonna head over to Gondor and fuck up Sauron’s cronies?”
“Nay, Kent Wayne of Earth.” He nods at the window, drawing my attention toward Sauron’s Ringwraiths, closing the distance with frightening speed.
“They’re already here.”
Minutes later, I ride out to meet them with the army of Dilf-han. I start giving them orders—spearmen, form two staggered lines and ready your weapons, everyone else fall in behind them and draw blades and clubs—but a second later, they turn tail and run.
“OH COME ON!” I spread my arms as they flee. “I’M THE ONLY DILF HERE THAT’S WILLING TO FIGHT??? FINE—MORE ELF-MOMS FOR ME, YOU GUTLESS FUCKING COWARDS!”
“Turn and face us, dilf.” The Ringwraith leader draws his sword. “ ’Ere the end of this day, I’ll mount your head atop a pike. The Dark Lord doesn’t care for your orifice-widening, mother-seducing genitals, and neither do his loyal servants.” The rest of the Ringwraiths jeer and hiss.
“Um…shit.” This would have been tough with a fully manned army, but now…
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending, reality-distortion powers. Magic flash.
An interdimensional portal opens behind them, spewing out legions of snarling, blond-bobbed Karens. Leading the charge is the One Karen to Rule Them All, otherwise known as my ex Irma Horfendorff.
The Karens descend like a swarm of locusts, tearing through undead flesh with rabid fervor. Their leader breaks west. A pack of Karens zeroes in on him, galloping toward him on all fours. They leap high in the air, momentarily eclipsing the sun, before arrowing down like peregrine falcons and yanking him out of his motherfucking saddle.
“Damn you, Kent Wayne!” He shakes his gauntleted fist at me. “DAMN YOU TO—HKKK!” The rest of his words are lost in blood-drenched claws, the relentless gnashing of feral Karen teeth, and the haunting sight of a dozen blond bobs, ripping him to bits while asking for the manager.
Welp, that’s what you get for fucking with Dilf-han! Eat shit, Ringwraiths—I got me some hot Elven moms who are requesting my Man Whore services!
Kent Wayne wins again! HEH heh heh!
Are you riding out to battle some Ringwraiths, only to have your entire army turn tail and run? Never fear! Buy my books, summon your hellish ex and a legion of Karens, then tear those dipshits into bite-size pieces!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 13, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
You know when you’re driving and you gotta jerk it so bad you just whip it out and start beating meat like there’s no tomorrow, but you’re also craving the ball-cupping so you start juggling your scrote with your other hand which means you gotta steer the car by biting down on the wheel, the whole time you’re punishing your meat and hefting your balls and you sound like a dog that’s super invested in tug-of-war and yanking with their entire goddamn bodyweight—
NO I don’t know what that’s like! Jesus Christ, that was just a test! And if you failed it, may God have mercy on your twisted fucking soul!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
March 11, 2025
Musings
Many seem intent on condemning themselves, even though they’re with that same self every hour of every day; through ingestion, excretion, every second of sleep, and in other private moments. No one but you sees the entirety of your existence, from mundane to profound to exciting to routine.
I’d rather not spend energy beating myself up, especially since I’m with myself 24/7. In my opinion, that’s working against my own intentions–it’s like needlessly tensing an opposing muscle, when I’m actively trying to contract its counterpart. I understand the need for introspection and course correction, but all too often in my past, I let that spiral into self-flagellation.
