Kent Wayne's Blog, page 13
February 1, 2025
The day after tomorrow, the Echo series is FREE for five days! (2/3-2/7)
The day after tomorrow, the entire Echo series—Echo 1, 2, 3, 4—is FREE on Kindle for five days! (2/3-2/7) #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. I’ve also published it in paperback! Get it here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 
January 30, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
What the unkempt pubes are happening, all you mullet-dicked fucks who sweet-talk another rainforest-groined person into smashing nethers with you, only to discover that both your crotch-fros have grown advanced civilizations within their cheese-ridden depths, mid-thrust you both look down as cries of “FREEEDOM!” and “THIS. IS. SPARTA!” and “FOR FRODO!” ring out from your nasty bits, lasers flash, swords gleam, engines of wrath spew flames and death and rampant destruction, cue the slow-motion climactic sequences and wide-lensed spinning shots—
THAT, my friends, is why you keep everything neat and trimmed—you don’t want to be an accomplice to inter-civilization havoc! Fuck!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
January 28, 2025
Musings
I’ve paid all kinds of tributes in the quest for fulfillment. Time, money, pain, worry…as the years pass, I’ve become increasingly convinced that it’s more about letting myself relax into the present moment, rather than forcing the present moment to fit into preconceived criteria.
January 26, 2025
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Steven Seagal walks into the room. I put my back against the wall, ensuring he can’t see into my open-assed patient-gown. “You’re not a doctor! Get the fuck out of here!”
He taps the stethoscope on his chest. “This says different.” Then he puts on a rubber glove—the latex snaps loudly against his wrist. “Now show me the goods so we can commence with castration.”
“That’s not what I’m here for! This is a preventative checkup!”
He eyes the glove with a critical eye, then gives it a couple extra snappy-snap-snaps. “First we fist.”
“What?” I sputter. “ ‘FISTING?’ What are you even TALKING ABOUT???”
He taps the stethoscope again. “In case you haven’t noticed—”
“YOU’RE NOT A DOCTOR!” I scream. “YOU’RE THE GROSSEST MAN ALIVE—YOU THREW ON A LABCOAT AND A GODDAMN STETHOSCOPE!”
He shrugs out of his labcoat and pulls off his shirt. The odor from his chest hair emanates visible stink lines—as if the rapey skunk from Looney Tunes burrowed into its center, shat up a storm, then ate its own shit and re-shat it out. That’s how bad it smells.
“Oh GOD.” I pinch my nose shut. My eyes start watering. “What in the FUCK.”
“It’s my diet,” he explains. “Week-old sewer pizza, along with daily helpings of urban-foraged greens.”
“Urban foraging?” I clutch my belly and gag. “You eat shit on the medians that grows off pollution???”
“Don’t be a prude.” He starts moving toward me.
FUCK. There’s no way I can fight him off, not in my current stink-crippled state. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“Hey Kent!” Gary Busey shouts from one room over. “Figured you could use a hand from the second grossest man alive! I just shoved a fuckton of metal into my prison wallet and stuck myself in a warmed-up MRI machine! Hit the deck, if you wanna keep your head attached to your body!”
“Prison wallet?” My brow crinkles in puzzlement. Why would sticking a bunch of metal objects up your ass, then laying down in a magnetic resonance imagi—
Oh.
Oh SHIT.
He turned his butt into a goddamn railgun.
In the other room, Gary cuts loose with a preparatory scream—rrrrRRRRHHHH—as the MRI clunks through its chunka-chunk sequence. I drop to the deck and cover my ears. Just in time—the wall implodes and a buttload (literally) of metal objects fly through the air and tear Steven into blood-soaked, flesh-speckled bits. The deluge lasts for several minutes (how much shit can one ass hold???) before tapering off and finally stopping.
“Whew!” Gary Busey tromps in, clad in yellow-stained filthy whitey-tighteys. “Glad I could get that outta my butt!” He nods at Steven’s gory remains. All that’s left is a pair of cut-off feet—the rest is spattered across the walls, floor and ceiling. “Heh!” Gary puts his hands on his hips. “Guy really needs to pull it together!” He raises an eyebrow. “Get it? ‘Pull it together?’ Can’t really do that when you don’t have hands!”
“Or anything else, for that matter.” I cast a disbelieving look around at the red-drenched room.
“HA!” Gary laugh-wheeze-hisses like the old fuck he is.
Kent Wayne wins again…I think?
Has Steven Seagal threatened you with a snappy-gloved fisting? Never fear! Buy my books, summon Gary Busey (complete with a weaponized rectum and MRI machine), and blast Steven apart with a nasty-ass railgun!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
January 23, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
What the over-the-shoulder-cum is happening, all you 99th-level jerkers who’ve just achieved the crowning achievement of all jerk-related activities and blown a wad that rocketed over your motherfucking shoulder, rest is for the weak, time for round 2, you’re slaving away with a white-knuckled grip, choking the absolute shit out of your friction-burnt meat and ignoring its cartoon squeaks and whimpers of distress, you can feel it building, it’s gonna fucking blow, holy shit you’re gonna blast the ceiling fan right off its mount, shaka-fucking-laka BOOM, MOTHERFUCKE—
HHHHHKKKK
Fuck it went right in your mouth you can’t take a breath gotta call for help but do you really want them to see you choking on your wad there’s not a medic in the world that’ll perform CPR goddammit if only you had a wakizashi so you could perform the ancient rite of seppuku and die with some honor FUCK THIS FUCKING MERCILESS WORLD—
THAT, my friends, is why you don’t fuck around with those over-the-shoulder loads! You never know when you’re gonna blast that little punching bag thing in the back of your gullet, and die the most ignominious death you could possibly imagine!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
January 21, 2025
Musings
Suppose (despite shorter-term appearances), existence is neither transactional nor hierarchical, and separation is an illusion designed to allow an omnipotent/present/scient benevolence to have linear experiences from infinite perspectives (because if it remained confined to its native omnipotence/presence/science it would be everything everywhere all at once, and would have nowhere to go, nothing to learn, nothing to become, and nothing to overcome).
If existence is mystical and transcendental, maybe we’re the equivalent of leaves (space-time-bound perspectives), sprouting from branches (higher/deeper selves, unbound by linearity, but still guided by desire for specific experiences) connected to the trunk (the omnipotent/present/scient core).
If that’s the case, I might be engaged in an experiential game (hide and seek, if you will), between myself and Myself. In any given round, the challenge would be to realize it’s a game, using clues left by Myself. Then–since I’m navigating a specific experience as a unique individual–I would try and figure out my own unique way to harmonize with my deeper aspects.
January 19, 2025
Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Get the fuck out of here!” my dick roars. “Fucking peon!”
“Yes sir! Sorry sir!” The production assistant scurries away from our room.
“Little harsh, don’t you think?” I throw Wiener a pointed look.
“They fucked up the lighting on our last shoot. Made me look like a goddamn sea creature.” Wiener aggressively puffs a half-smoked cigarette, then leans back and shoots me a baleful glare.
“Somebody thinks they’re a Hollywood diva,” I mutter.
Wiener smacks me across the mug—wh’PAP! I tumble off my chair and sprawl across the floor. “What the…” I dab trembling fingers against my lips. Bright red blood shines off their tips. “You…you hit me!”
Wiener looms tall. Makeup lights turn him into a menacing phallic shadow. “I’m the star, bitch. Now gimme the crackpipe! GIMME!”
“You smoke crack?” I give him a disbelieving stare. “Who ARE you?”
“Oh for the love of—” He fishes around in my pants’ pocket and takes out a piece of burn-stained glass. He clamps down on it with his dick-lips, and orders, “Light it, fuckstain.”
“No!” My horror transforms into indignant outrage. “This has gone too damn far! Just because you’re the only sentient penis to win an Oscar—”
“SEVEN Oscars, motherfucker!”
“—doesn’t give you the right to act like a goddamn degenerate! You put that pipe down and—”
“That is IT!” Wiener flings the crackpipe into the wall. It shatters into a mess of broken fragments. “God, why did I have to get stuck with such a worthless host-body? Hope you bought some good insurance—I’m about to show you the back of my glans!”
My diva-star dick is gonna beat me to death. Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My crazy-ass ex, Irma Horfendorff, busts through the door and grabs Wiener’s neck. “Hold the fucking phone! I never got my diamond ring!”
Wiener instantly turns bright purple red. “HHKKK…even if it’s not a conflict diamond, which, by the way, isn’t adequately screened by the Kimberley Process, it’s most likely refined in the city of Surat, where terrible working conditions taint it with the lifeblood of countless third-world—”
“QUIET.” She squeezes harder, causing his veins to bulge into stark relief. “I don’t give a SHIT. DIAMONDS, bitch.”
“All right, Irma.” I laugh nervously. “That’s enough. I can take it from here.”
“Is it?” She raises an eyebrow. “Is it enough?” She squeezes a little harder, earning a strangled-sounding GRRRK from Wiener’s dicklips. For a heart stopping second, I’m convinced his head is gonna pop off his neck.
Then she lets go. Wiener drops to the floor and sucks in a lungful of air—HUUUUHHHHH—then breaks out in a fit of violent coughs.
“Um…thanks, Irma.” I rub the back of my neck.
“No problem.” As she walks out the door, she looks back and throws me a shark-like grin. “He still owes me a diamond fucking ring.” Then she starts humming the piece from Lord of the Rings, the tune that plays when the One Ring entrances its prey.
Kent Wayne wins again…I think?
Have your genitals gone off the crack-smoking rails? Never fear! Buy my books, summon your ex, and let them genitals know what’s up!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
January 16, 2025
Give my books a read and a review!
What the sky-cock is happening, all you jokey mofos who are chilling at the park pointing and laughing at a phallic-looking cloud that comes with all the trimmings like stubble and veins and prominent ridges when suddenly it starts moving closer and casts a shadow over your picnic holy shit you can see the frenulum and dickslit it’s not just a cloud it’s a fucking alien invader a voice booms through the air, declaring, “BOW BEFORE KORTHOS, YOUR INHUMAN OVERLORD” before the sky-cock lurches and cums out millions of tiny clones that swarm through your midst and shoot cum all up on peoples’ face neck and chest, you don’t know whether to scream or laugh mother of fuck one of them’s rocketing toward your gaping unprotected gob RUN FUCKER RUN—
THAT, my friends, is why you don’t stick around when the sky-cock appears! Ain’t nothing funny about its miniature duplicates swarming the folk and desecrating their mugs with a porn-style classic! (Maybe there is, but I’ll never admit it on the record, HEH heh heh!)
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
January 14, 2025
Musings
Given the premise there are deeper, more powerful aspects of us that come to the fore when the conscious mind experiences harmonious alignment, I like to think of present-moment focus (which also seems to trigger unforced well-being), of internal peace and emptiness, as a paradoxical avenue to greater control. Paradoxical because it may logically/outwardly appear to be conscious surrender, but existentially, it allows the entirety of my being–conscious and otherwise–to exert full control over the reins of my life.
January 13, 2025
Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor, also now available in paperback!
Check out my first venture into YA fantasy, also now available in paperback! Jon’s a regular Earth kid who wants something more. After he stumbles through an interdimensional portal, his wishes are granted in spectacular fashion! During his journey, he encounters a Wolven King and an Elerican Witch, the last Wayfarer, and a half-Elf Princess! All this and more in A Door into Evermoor! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.
Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
