Yet another weird ad for my novels
Goddamn, I hate being stuck in Middle fucking Earth. The War of the Ring’s over, all the hot Elven moms have departed for the Undying Lands, so that leaves me beating my dick like it owes me money. Maybe I should take a couple of days off. It’s starting to look like a dried strip of jerky…
Aragorn busts in my door, gasping like he’s about to shit his mithril-laced pants. “SAURON HAS RETURNED!” He grabs my shoulders and starts freaking the fuck out. “What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO???”
“How should I know?” I snap. “Get your hands off me before I—hold on.” I straighten in place.
“What?” he demands. “WHAT???”
“Get Arwen.”
FIVE MINUTES LATER…
“So I crossed into your world with my magic eReader,” I explain. “Once I open it to one of my novels, I’ll activate its reality-distorting powers. Here’s what that means in practical terms: baby-fied Sauron will teleport into Arwen’s womb. I’ll start fucking her with my upcurved peen, gross him out, and force him to give up on his kingdom-conquering bullshit. Sound like a plan?”
“Hold!” Aragorn yells. “In what world do you need to remake reality so that Sauron is trapped in a baby’s flesh, placed inside my wife’s belly, just so you can batter him with your grotesquely large—”
“The Man Whore is right!” Arwen interjects. “It’s the only way to save Middle Earth!”
“It is NOT the only way!” Aragorn shouts. “Do you seriously think—”
“Stop being selfish! Now let him attend to my whispering eye!”
“But…that’s not…”
Arwen throws me a resolute nod. “Quickly, Man Whore! Widen me with your gargantuan phallus!”
“She said it, not me.” I give Aragorn a hapless, it-is-what-it-is shrug. “All right, here goes!” I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A few seconds later, Sauron is inside Arwen and so am I. As I slappa-slap away, he telepathically reaches out to us from her womb. [What is this unholy perfidy??? Cease this at once! I AM THE DARK FUCKING LORD! GET THIS COCK OUT OF MY MORGOTH-DAMNED FACE!!!]
“Deeper!” Arwen pants. “Batter his temples with your award-winning member!”
“Let me hit it from the back!” I gasp. “I’ll spear that fucker right through his skull!”
Aragorn runs away, sobbing into his cupped hands. Meanwhile, as Arwen turns around and offers her booty, Sauron keeps ranting and raving like a psycho. Unfortunately for him, my thrusts interrupt his pleas/demands. [Don’t—HGGH! Wait just a—GAH! I command you to—AGH!]
That’s what you get for being an evil piece of shit—big ol’ penis right to the dome! HEH heh heh! Kent Wayne wins again!
Has Sauron made an unexpected resurgence? Never fear! Buy my books, tap their magic powers, and beat his face in with your award-winning genitals!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
