Kent Wayne's Blog, page 5

The day after tomorrow, the Echo series is FREE for five days! (8/4-8/8)

The day after tomorrow, the entire Echo series—Echo 1, 2, 3, 4—is FREE on Kindle for five days!  (8/4-8/8) #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve also published it in paperback!  Get it here:  A Door into Evermoor, paperback Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Give my books a read and a review!

What the pissing contest is happening, all you urinary warriors who find yourself facing off against your penile archnemesis at the most primal of arenas (side-by-side urinals), it’s off to the races, you start with a moderate stream, he matches it, you increase 10 PSI, he matches it, 10 more PSI, he matches it, sweat beads off your brow, your eyes crinkle with focus, slowly but surely you turn your head and lock eyes with your foe, good God your forceful piss sounds like a cross between a typhoon and a tsunami, suddenly “Duel of the Fates” starts playing from the first shitty prequel and you’re swinging your dick like a goddamn lightsaber, you can’t help but make lightsaber noises with your mouth as both of you try to whack each other—BZZRT, SSST, FSHHHHH—you can’t let him win, you need to defend the honor of your precious phallus—

What in the FUCK?  Put your cock down, and take up a hobby like chess or gardening!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Unlocking the Unbound Realm: An Interview with Kent Wayne

Kent Wayne is a genre-blending author known for works like ‘The Unbound Realm’ and ‘Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl.’ A former military man, his …

Unlocking the Unbound Realm: An Interview with Kent Wayne

Yet another weird ad for my novels

KCHOOM.  I rocket out of Kent’s wiener toward my long-awaited destiny.  I’m Kent21909348, one of billions of sperm in his Spermatazoic Marine Corps.  Pretty soon, I’m gonna make it to the egg and fulfill my calling.  My raison d’être is to become a fully formed human, and while I love my brother sperm, I’ll be damned if I let any of them get in my way. 

A few seconds in, I sense something’s off.  Everything around us is moist and soft, but it’s different from what the briefings described.  I can’t put my finger on it…

Suddenly, another sperm shouts, “We’re in a mouth—he shot us into a FUCKING MOUTH!”

In the blink of an eye, millions of sperm go from sprinting forward, to wriggling as hard as they can in the other direction.  Holy shit—there’s the uvula, looming over us like some evil fucking punching bag. 

I’m already tired from my initial sprint.  Now I’m fighting for my fucking survival.  Exhaustion metastasizes throughout my body, weighing me down with soul-killing fatigue. 

“SWIM HARDER!” a fellow sperm shouts.  “SHE’S GOING TO SWALL—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Ten million sperm go down the hatch.  I fight back tears as their dying screams echo off the gums.  A Spermatazoic Marine meets my eyes, then shakes his head in a gesture of utter defeat.  I can’t believe it—it’s First Sergeant Kent93875604, one of the hardest sons of bitches to ever spawn from a testicle.  If he’s given up, we are well and truly fucked.

“I’m sorry, Kent21909348, I can’t keep going.  I—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

He just disappeared into the goddamn void.  As I glance around, I’m struck by dread—there’s only a hundred of us left.  Even if we make it out through the teeth, there’s no way in hell we’ll make it back to the balls.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

I’m teleported out of the hellish mouth-hole—now I’m rocketing through the air with a billion other sperm.  A split-second in, Kent yells, “No, don’t point it at my FACE—” and then a lady screams, “I’m sorry!  My hand cramped up and—”

We deluge Kent with its own damn Nasties.  Rope after rope of smelly goo lands right in his eye, splashing into his mouth and blasting up through his nose. 

“ACK!  THBBT!  SWEET FUCKING JESUS!”

As he flails and thrashes, ineffable joy rises up from within—we’re giving this dickhead a taste of his own medicine.  Fuck you, Kent.  You deserve this for killing us by the literal billions, sending wave after wave of us into mouths and buttholes, wads of tissues and unwashed socks.  I hope you burn, motherfucker.  I hope you—

…

…….

…………………………….

Are you a grunt in the Spermatazoic Marine Corps, convinced you have a ghost of a chance to become a fully formed human, but then your traitorous master shoots you into an irrelevant orifice?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap into their reality-distorting powers, and deluge your host-body with his own nasty fluids!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  [image error][image error] [image error]  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

What the jerk-a-thon is happening, all you dickbeaters who’ve shot load after load and drained yourself down to the last remaining iota of life force, you now resemble that old lady from Titanic who goes “It’s been 84 years” but you keep whacking and shooting until your wiener looks like the beef jerky version of Clint Eastwood’s face, Gollum sprints in your room, points at your mug, and shrieks in terror because you could double as a mummified crackhead dear God in heaven what HAVE YOU DONE—

And THAT, my friends, is why you glop on the lube while yer floggin’ yer hog!  Otherwise, that thing’ll end up looking like a sundried tomato!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Musings

Ironically, I find my optimal state of self-perception arises from stillness and present-moment focus (where the perception is directed away from the surface self, and arguably allows a visceral perception of the greater self). A sense of well-being spontaneously arises, without any prompting whatsoever, which leads to me feeling good about myself for no tangible reason.

Maybe that’s the true self, and everything else is a restricted narrative. I don’t know. I suspect it’s not meant to be known, at least from an intellectual perspective.

Check out this review for the second book in my YA Fantasy series: Weapons of Old!

Here’s a great review for Weapons of Old! New review for Weapons of Old  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

 

Give my books a read and a review!

What the dick-cheese is happening, all you well-washed folks who’ve come across that dude we all fucking know that hoards smelly human dairy within their cracks and crevices and now they’ve gone full-on supervillain and decided to leap into the tristate water reservoir, it leads a top-ranking general to look you gravely in the eye and rasp, “One teaspoon of that hits the floor, it’s lethal up to a hundred feet.  One teaspoon of that shit detonates in the atmosphere, it’ll kill every living organism in an eight-block radius.  Get the point?”  You launch into a Tom Cruise-worthy running montage where you’re yelling into your phone, telling the mayor to get off his fat fucking ass, call SWAT, call the Guard, call Rainbow Fucking Six because as of right now, half the continent is under imminent threat, at the same time Batman is in his Batplane doing Batman-type things and you think because he’s there you have a ghost of a chance but then he starts crying and screaming into the intercom FUCK we’re all so fucking FUCKED—

And THAT, my friends, is why you give your undercarriage a good fucking scrub!  There’s only so much Batman can do against a hair-coated cheese machine!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Musings

In my experience, the quality and direction of my inner state is a big determinant of whether or not I enjoy my life. Outwardly, I may have to oppose or contradict, out of practicality or imminent concern. If that comes from a place of shortage–desire to control, out of insecurity or egotism (maybe they’re the same at a deeper level?)–it only seems to perpetuate more shortage-focused scenarios, where I must constantly control and worry about how to control what comes next, like some hellish game of whack-a-mole.

Inwardly, if I abide in a place of authentic well-being, regardless of whether I’m in outward conflict, it seems I avoid this trap, or pass through it unscathed. So that’s what I like to focus on, even if it might seem foolish to others.

Yet another weird ad for my novels

“Look at these he-Whore!”  Wonder Woman grabs my pecs, gives them both an appreciative heft, then sticks her tongue out for the camera as Lois snaps a couple pics.  “Tight like bongos!”  She drums them with horned-up coke-powered energy.

“Damn straight!”  Lois snorts a line off the top of my wiener.  “And look at this SCROTE!”  She gives it a tug, grabs hold and motorboats—BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL—then raises her fists in a boxer’s guard.  “Like a couple a’ volleyballs in a burlap sack!  Imma use it for a goddamn speedbag!”

“Whoa!  Hey!”  I cup my nuts and take a quick step back.  “Easy on the volleyballs—that wasn’t included on the Man Whore Menu!”

“You’re no fun.”  She crosses her arms and pouts in disappointment.  “Whatever—gimme dat ASS!”  She grabs my hams and sinks her teeth in a buttcheek.

“OW!  Hey!”  I skip-hop away and clutch my rump.  “Easy!”  (These ladies are NUTS!)

“WHERE’S THE MAN WHORE???”  Catwoman busts in and cracks her whip.  “LET’S SEE THAT WOMB-HAMMER!”  She cracks her whip three more times, causing me to yelp and instinctively flinch. 

I raise my hands in a conciliatory gesture.  “All right ladies, let’s all take it down a—”

Batman and Superman bust through the ceiling.  “There he is!”  Bats levels a finger at my face.  “The one who laughs at our small-penised rage!”

“I KNEW it!” Superman’s eyes glow heat-vision red.  “We talked about this, Lois!”

My horned-up clients scatter like roaches. 

“Uh…hi.”  I wave with one hand and cup my peen with the other.  No dice—it bounces and dangles between my knees.  “Just gonna…”  I shuffle-step backward.  “I’m gonna GO.”

Superman turns into a blue-red blur.  Suddenly, he’s right behind me, shutting the door and blocking the exit.  Batman chucks a wire-lined batarang, wrapping me in coils of flexi-sectioned metal. 

 “You’ve done more damage than Joker, Luthor, and Darkseid combined.”  He cracks his knuckles and strides toward me.

“How the fuck is an orgasm DAMAGE?” I rage.  “Just because you two are packing the equivalent of a hamster-tail, made of some cheap-ass Temu-ordered extra-narrow silly-string—”

“SHUT IT!”  Superman zaps my bare naked ass.  As I jump and squeal, he tries (but fails) to stifle his agonized sobs. 

Batman draws an extra-long Batarang.  Wicked shine glides across its edge, then culminates and twinkles off its extra-sharp tip.  “After I decapitate your monstrous wiener, I’ll mount the head in the Batcave, next to the dinosaur and the giant fucking penny.”

Shit.  SHIT.  I didn’t sign up for this.  I’m just a working-class Man Whore, trynna keep the lights on and put food on the table.  Fuck it.  No options left.  So I fall/dive onto my side, allowing me to reach inside my crumpled pants and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

“Fucking turds!”  Martha Stewart jumps out of an interdimensional portal and hunches over like Wolverine, ready to go ape-shit crazy on a horde of disposable goons.  “You think you can bully my favorite Man Whore???  Try it against somebody your own damn power level!”  Her gaze kindles with demon-fired blaze. 

Batman and Superman start walking backward, holding their arms out in a lets-take-it-easy gesture.  “No problem, Martha.”  Superman chuckles nervously.  “Everyone knows you mastered the Dark Arts.  We’ll just be on our way and—”

“THE FUCK YOU WILL!” Martha roars.  She grabs me around my waist, then chucks me backward in a vicious suplex.  At the peak of her throw, she squeezes the base of my hole-widening dick, instantly making it rock fucking hard.  Her timing is perfect—my wiener pierces Superman’s eye, bursting it open like an overripe grape. 

“AAAGHHH!”  He sinks to his knees and clutches the air, fingers trembling in what-the-fuck horror.

Batman turns and tries to run, but she swings my dick in a short tight arc, tripping him with the pleasingly dark-colored shaft.  He rolls to and fro as she slashes my wiener up and down, cracking tile and the concrete beneath.  Bats scrambles to his feet, Martha threatens him with the swollen tip—

—“NOT IN THE FACE!”  He shields his mug with crossed forearms—

But it was all just a fake:  she yanks his skull onto my quivering peen, sending it through his left ear and out through his right. 

“Gave him an earful!”  She dusts off her hands and cackles gleefully.  “Get it?  Earful!  HA!”  She slaps her knee and howls with mirth.

Jesus.  CHRIST. 

Kent Wayne wins again…I think?

Have you pissed off a superhero through your Man Whore-ing duties?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon Dark Martha, and give him an earful of your weaponized genitals!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  [image error][image error] [image error]  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing