Helene Lerner's Blog, page 72

STOP MULTITASKING. Be More Present and Productive!

Do you Multitask? If you are a woman, you probably do, thinking it will help you have those momentary highs when you cross an item off your ‘to do’ list. 

If you truly can multitask, then you are superhuman and I take my hat off to you. The rest of us are only able to focus on one thing fully at a time. What we think is multitasking is actually rapidly shifting our focus from task to task. When we do this “switchtasking,” we lose up to 30% efficiency. We increase our rate of mistakes. It stresses our brains. And we remember hardly anything we read or hear.

We want to be present at work and home—and we want to have time for reflection. Women are said to be better at multitasking, but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

What’s less stressful and more productive than multitasking? 

Serial Monofocus. Put your full attention on one matter until it is completed or you have completed your daily milestones. Then move to the next item and put all your attention on that until it’s completed. A study showed that CEOs do ‘serial monofocus.' They focus deeply on a task (e.g., until they make a decision), then move to the next. When it comes to interacting with people, this is known as the “Bill Clinton” effect (making each person feel they are the most important person while speaking with them). You can do this too, and people will remember you positively.

Bundle your tasks. Did you know that you use a different part of your brain to write your ‘to do’ list than you do to carry out the items on your ‘to do’ list? It’s much more efficient if you spend time prioritizing and creating your to do list, and then calendar the time to actually do the deep thinking or writing related to carrying out the work. If you separate these two kinds of work tasks you will be more efficient.

Intentional Focus. Try to be more intentional about what kind of attention is needed and make decisions based on it. Listening to a podcast or the news on your commute may get an appropriate level of your attention. If you are on a conference call devoting only half your attention, do you really need to be on it at all? If you are not a decision maker and just need to pick up a few pieces of information, could you ask for the notes and skim them for relevant sections…? If you are helping your child with their math homework, how do you want them to feel about your attention? 

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

Go for the Gold

Don't compromise when you know something is important.

Don't be swayed by people who think small.

Don't let your fear stop you in your tracks.

 

The world needs every bit of your resourcefulness.

You go gal!

Remembering September 11th

My name is Monica Wahid and I am currently interning for WomenWorking.com! 

I am a born and raised New Yorker and was six years old when the twin towers went down. My mother, a doctor, was at work and personally saw the towers go down. You can only imagine the terror she felt, especially because my brother and I were in school at the time. Now I live in Long Island and am a junior at Pace University, and every year I visit the 9/11 memorial to pay my respects to the heroes we lost.

In honor of the 14 year anniversary and all the men and women we lost to this tragedy, I interviewed a few Pace University students to find out how raw the emotions still are 14 years later.  

Although the initial pain has past

The scars are still there

Maegan Kaiser is from Long Island, New York and was five years old when 9/11 occurred. 

At the time, her grandfather worked on the 22nd floor of the twin towers. Fortunately, he had a bad feeling that day and called in sick, which saved his life. Maegan is very grateful for her grandfather’s instincts, because she could spend a few more years with him.

From 9/11, Maegan learned to be cautious towards air travel. She takes extra precautions before traveling anywhere by plane.

 

Sometimes listening to your heart 

Can keep you closer to the ones you love

Brittany D’Avino is from Staten Island, New York.She was six years old and in school when she heard the news.

Her father and two uncles were firemen and first responders. She remembers being terrified, uncertain if she’d ever see her dad ever again. He fortunately returned, but many others were not as lucky.

Brittany has seen the impact 9/11 has had on first responders. Every 9/11 anniversary, in honor of her father, uncles and friends, she goes to the memorial ceremony in her father’s firemen jersey.

Knowing loss can break you as a person

But it can also make you stronger

Brieonna Croston was eleven when the tragedy happened. Originally from Washington D.C., she experienced the other side of the attack when the Pentagon was struck.

Today Brieonna notes the huge change in our country’s security, both at airports and at large political gatherings. She says, “Part of you still thinks, we were fine before it [9/11], but now everything has changed.”

 

  

 

Seeing the change is the beginning

Becoming the change is the goal

Michelle Miloscia was six when the attack on the twin towers occurred. 

Although young when the attack happened, she decided to apply for Pace anyway. Her family does have some worries about safety, but are relieved because of the extra security. Michelle believes that due to the attack, our country will forever be different and will continue to fight for freedom and justice. 

 

 

 

Forget what hurt you

But don’t forget what it taught you

Influence Someone Who Is Resistant

You come home frustrated and complain to your spouse, AGAIN. “My boss/colleague/business partner won’t support my idea!”

You start to talk to that resistant person in your mind, “Why won’t you listen to me? Don’t you see I’m right? You are such a ___ (you can fill in the blank here!).” In a study of 850 professionals, “difficult people and politics” were ranked the #1 source that interferes with resilience for women. 

Instead of hoping the other person will change, learn to be more effective at influencing them, even if they start out resistanting. 

Here are 3 steps to always consider:

Identify what motivates them 

When you ask someone to go along with something because you feel it's right, they don’t have much incentive. Instead figure out What’s In It For Them (their WIIFT) and reframe your requests in a way that helps them get more of what they already want. 

Each person has two levels to their WIIFT. 

Business level WIIFT: This is the bottom line outcome they are paid to achieve so they are always considering, “Will this help me reach my goals?"Personal level WIIFT: This has to do with what is important to them personally. Some examples of personal WIIFT’s include: to have more power/control, the fear of being wrong, to be approved of and liked. 

Your task is to figure out the person’s WIIFT and reframe your request. Help your boss see that carrying out your request will help her get more of what she wants. 

For example, if your resistant person is ‘all about themselves,’ make them the hero for doing something they don’t want to do. Then they are more motivated for the personal gain it will bring them. 

Match your influencing strategy with the individual’s preferences 

Most of us work in data driven organizations and the default is to include ‘just the facts.’ There are 7 approaches to Influencing, and you want to use any elements from each that could strike a chord with your decision maker. 

For example, some people will respond better to an Inspirational Appeal such as, “We need to do the Right thing.” Others respond better to a personal story that captures the consumer’s experience unforgettably. 

Appeal to other people in your network

If you are having trouble reaching someone who is stuck in their point of view, identify someone who does have their ear. Who influences them? And try getting that person to buy into your idea first and go to the resistant person on your behalf. 

Here’s a way to leverage your peer group, but be judicious about doing this one. It’s based on ‘seek forgiveness, not permission.’ Go to the resistant person after you have already gathered the support you need from your colleagues. Show them that your idea already has supporters and is already in motion; all they need to do is green light it. (Or from your point of view, get out of the way!)

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

Start Being a LEADER

It doesn’t matter what position you’re in, anyone can be a leader. You don’t have to wait to officially be promoted, you can start acting like a leader today (and then others will see you’re ready to be a leader at the next level). 

Here are 5 ways to be a leader in your head, heart, and hands: 

A leader creates the ‘weather’ on her team. By definition, a leader is someone who sets the culture on her team. Think of how you track the mood of the leader of your team… you are always wondering, “will my leader react well or badly?” or “will she be dismissive or welcoming of my input?” What is the experience you want each person to have when interacting with you? You have an opportunity to be the person who stays calm and clear thinking instead of reacting. You can create that culture around you.   

A leader is only as effective as how far out she can see into the future. Many of us look at what is on our to-do list today and proceed to carry out tactics as effectively as possible to get it done. Similarly, we get caught up in day-to-day fire drills, or worry about what other people will think. This focus is on the current moment. A leader sees past ‘today’ and imagines the future. Optimally, have an attitude of realistic optimism. Share with the team your vision of the future and why you believe everyone can rise to the occasion.

A leader thinks of what is in the best interest of all, not just herself. A leader doesn’t just think about her own concerns—her to-do list or her promotions. These are wins that only advance her career. A leader thinks about what is in the best interest of everyone in the group.  That way everyone can buy into what she proposes and feel safe in her decisions.  Lead a discussion on your team about what a collective vision of an Ideal Day would look like or effective new ways you could work together.

A leader is someone who thinks about getting things done through people, not only about what she can get done by herself. A leader is someone who thinks about what can be accomplished when everyone is working together, or in partnership with another organization or team. Take an hour each week to think about how your piece of a project fits in with overall goals and how you could partner with other groups to benefit the project.

A leader thinks of herself as a leader. If you want to be a leader, start thinking like a leader. When everyone is following along or is stumped by a problem, a leader sees it as HER responsibility to come up with a solution. She dives into root causes and thinks up solutions, instead of waiting for others to show the way. She knows that inspiration is the most powerful source of energy. What inspires you? Share that with your team. 

As they say in sales: “The first sale is to yourself." Start to think of yourself as a leader today, and tomorrow decision makers in your organization will too!

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

 

Are you ready for your next job?

There are 3 things to consider if you are wondering whether you have been in your current job too long and are ready for your next one. 

First, do you want another job?  

If you experience any of these, you WANT another job:

You can do your job with your eyes closed (and it’s not a time that you want to coast. For example, during a time of transition like a birth or illness of a family member).You hear a whisper inside that you want something bigger.You feel you need a challenge, and you don’t feel challenged.You feel you have made the contribution you wanted to make when you entered the job.You are more confident now. You believe in yourself more and have greater ambitions. You have been waiting for a time you’d have more flexibility in your situation (maybe kids have gone off to college, your spouse has a different job). You are now free to move or change your hours.You notice you are repeatedly interested in something happening in another part of the business or that a friend is involved in.You can't fully express your talents with your current manager and it’s causing you to come home frustrated every day.Others have been saying you could do a next level job.

Are you someone who moves toward change or away from it? 

Here’s how you would know. Each of us has different wiring.  

55% of us are wired to be comfortable with Sameness. You prefer routine and shy away from change. 

25% of us are wired to be comfortable with Difference. You embrace newness and change, you are ready to jump to your next opportunity. 

Are you wired for Sameness or Difference?*

Do you have the mindset it takes to succeed in your next job? 

Do you have a Growth mindset? If so, you believe “I can learn and grow.” You will be willing to seek out or seize new opportunities because you trust you can learn what you need to know to succeed. 

Or do you have a Fixed mindset? If so, you believe “I know what I know. If I have to do something different, it feels threatening to me.”  

You will be able to hear your mindset reflected in your self-talk. Do you tell yourself, “I am not perfect yet at the skills I need for this next job… If I’m not guaranteed to succeed, I won’t take the chance”? That’s a fixed mindset. Instead you might tell yourself, “I am not guaranteed to succeed, but I’m going to give it my best shot. I’ll do my best to learn what there is to know. I’m going to make it work no matter what it takes.”  That’s a growth mindset.

Regardless of where you are or what your mindset is now, there is ONE thing that matters the most and will motivate you to go for that next job regardless of all of your answers above. What is that one thing? The value you want to bring. What new value can you bring to other people in a new job?  When you look back on your life, how do you want to have helped other people?   

Stay focused on how you can help other people and see if you light up when you think about helping new people in new ways. If so, you might be ready to take steps toward that next job. Time to start buffing up your growth mindset…

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

*People Pattern Power by Wyatt Woodsmall

Success on the Runway and Beyond

Chloe Dao didn’t always know she wanted to be a fashion designer, but she did know she loved fashion. After designing her high school prom dress, she was inspired to learn more and received an associate’s degree in patternmaking from FIT. You may remember her from the second season of Project Runway, where she was the victor. Here’s our interview with Chloe about what makes her brand special, running a business, and what her future goals are.

You went on to Project Runway after FIT. What’s that like for you today?

It’s part of my history and I will always be attached to it. I still have fans that come to my boutique from all over the world. It blows me away. They think of it with so much love.

What helped you as you began planning your business?

I watched my mother. When she came to the US she didn’t know any English, but she was an entrepreneur. First she had a flea market where she sold clothing she made, then a food stand. She also opened a convenience store and then a drycleaner. It was really great to see that if you work hard and know what you’re doing, you can be successful.

When you were opening your first boutique, what were some of the challenges?

Finance, capital, the right merchandising, pricing, location… but I think I was pretty smart about it. I lived with my parents to save when I left NYC to go back to Houston. But today it’s so much harder. You’re competing in a global world even if you’re local. Now you’re not just a business owner, you have to be a social media expert and a website expert.

How would you describe your brand?

My clothes have always been classic contemporary. They’re clothes you can wear forever, there’s no seasonal stamp on it—they’re chic, comfortable and effortless. If you have a closet full of great clothes you don’t have to think too much about, you can easily pull them together.  

You immigrated to the US when you were younger, what was that like?

The first two years were tough, but I assimilated pretty quickly. There was some racial prejudice, but otherwise it was the all-American childhood. I wrote for the school newspaper, I was a cheerleader, and I was president of the Latin club. 

Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?

Before I went on the show, all I wanted was to open my little boutique and do my ‘little’ life. But opening another boutique is on my radar. Right now the top thing on my list is increasing my social media. I have a lot to share; I’m a really crafty girl. 

What’s your advice for women who want to enter the fashion world today?

Learn the craft. You have to know pattern making and how things are constructed. Also recognize if you have talent. Know the difference between being a fashion designer and being someone who just loves fashion. 

Make sure your goal is to make women feel beautiful. It’s not about making you famous.

Stay up to date with Chloe's beautiful creations by checking out her website and social media!

 

Steal Time to RELAX

Your life is spent giving attention to others: Team members, children, spouse, family members, community volunteer efforts... You ‘know’ you are supposed to put your own oxygen mask on first and practice self care, but really, how can you find the time? 

As working women, we tend to think that rest and renewal are a waste of time—overindulgent. We need to make sure nothing falls through the cracks. We could be using relaxation time to make doctor’s appointments or tick more things off our list! Indeed, men are 35% more likely to take breaks than women. 

Also, when you are busy ‘doing things,’ it’s often your ‘girlfriend’ time that is cut first. Without our ‘girlfriend’ time, stress builds up. 

Here are 5 ways to find time to rest and renew: 

Schedule it
If you wait to find ‘extra’ time after you’ve completed all of your ‘to do’ items, you’ll never have down time. Schedule it in advance, and protect it fiercely. Start by scheduling just one deeply rejuvenating experience each week. Make a plan now for the next 3 months. It could be downtime or a ‘date with girlfriends.’ Even better if it’s one of each. In a study of the most busy management consultants, they were able to follow through scheduling one night off a week (AND they experienced greater work satisfaction and more productivity after doing so). 

Scale it Down
Don’t have 90 minutes to go to a yoga class, but want the calm and focus that comes from it? Learn quick fix strategies to find calm. For example, you could get the same calm and focus of a 90 minute yoga class in 3 minutes while sitting at your desk if you do Mental Reset breath (in which you inhale, hold, and exhale for equal counts such as 5 seconds, 5 seconds, 5 seconds) 

Steal It
You could ‘steal’ a few minutes each day from times you can’t be productive. For example, waiting in lines or waiting for public transport. Instead of zoning out and being annoyed, take 3-5 minutes to breathe deeply. Try to meditate for 5 minutes on the bus or train. In a meeting where part of it doesn’t relate to your work? Try doodling and let your mind run free. 

(Don’t) Squander it 
Start noticing where you might be wasting time or allowing others to waste your time, and problem solve those energy drains away. Do you ever waste time spinning your wheels? How could you plan ahead and decide priorities with your manager. When are you procrastinating, and how could you save all that wasted time for relaxation? How could you minimize your time around people who grate on your nerves? 

Suggest it
Leverage your natural talents to be an organizer and suggest ways you can relax and renew with others. Coordinate your ‘date night’ with girlfriends. Suggest that you and your child listen to soothing music as you put them to bed. Start meetings with a moment of reflection to get everyone grounded. 

As you start to enjoy the benefits of these mental, emotional, and physical vacations during your busy days, you will be even more motivated to find the time for rejuvenation. If you won’t be convinced for any other reason, then try this: How else will you sustain yourself for ALL the people who need you!

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

 

Want to think like a genius?

 “I start the day with a well intentioned to do list, but end the day saying, ‘Where did the day go?’” 

“I move so quickly I don’t even take time to celebrate wins before I’m on to the next…”

“I wish I had space in my schedule – or in my mind – to think about where I want to go in my career…” 

Is this you?   

We are interrupted 7 times an hour, and spend up to 2.1 hours a day on distraction.  In my trainings on Success under Stress, the most frequent request I hear is “more uninterrupted time to think and complete priority work.”

When you don’t have time to reflect, you are keeping yourself out of your “genius zone.” That’s because your brain has two modes of thinking: 

Your “Get things done” mode carries out tactics and ticks items off your ‘to do’ list. It makes you feel you are always on.Your “Genius” mode helps you see the big picture, tap into your intuition and come up with new ideas. It helps you connect the dots, so you are even smarter. In Genius mode, you feel relaxed and creative. (It's the reason you have your best ideas in the shower! I have mine while running along the river in NYC.) 

Have you ever gotten feedback that you are great at execution but not seen as a next level leader... because you don’t have the big ideas of a leader? If so, you may have kept so busy you haven’t been pressing your Genius button.

To have more uninterrupted time to think and reflect during busy days, schedule time for your Genius Button!  

But... how can you have time to ‘think’ when others are constantly interrupting you? You can control how you respond to it. Instead of feeling you have to be available to everyone on THEIR schedule, try to “ACT” on interruptions. 

Accept or Allow interruptions: Make a short list of criteria dictating which interruptions are worthy of giving your attention to. Situations in which YOU are the right person and at the right level to deal with it, etc. Only accept or allow distractions that meet your criteria.  

Curtail or Cut off at the Pass: You CAN prevent many interruptions. For all the times people ask you the same question, put in place a ‘frequently asked questions’ document. If you are a manager, schedule ‘office hours’ as preferred times for your team to pop in your office or clients to call you. 

Triage – Do what the emergency room nurse does Ask a few diagnostic question to figure out what the person needs and give them a plan to deal with it (but don’t carry out the plan in the moment). Say, “I can get you the meeting schedule by the end of the day, ask Sara for the information on the budget, and you and I can schedule a 30 minute meeting tomorrow afternoon to go over it.” Then heads down, back to work! 

Time for thinking and reflection may feel like a luxury you don’t have time for. But when you allow yourself to luxuriate in your reflection you will come up with ideas to do your work more effectively and efficiently, saving you time and helping you advance. You have an inner Genius button, allow it to work for you. 

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

 

Meet our September Career Coach!

Hi, I’m Dr. Sharon Melnick and I am so excited to be your September coach. 

As women, we are smart and talented, but we just need to start trusting ourselves. We know how to take care of others, we just have to learn to take better care of ourselves. We are ambitious, we just want to make sure that we are asking for what we deserve and influencing others in ways that are as effective as possible. 

I believe in the now famous quote by the Dalai Lama, who said, “The world will be changed by the [Western] woman." By all women. Now is the time for women to step into new roles in their organizations, to grow our businesses, to be able to integrate our work and personal lives into one whole life that brings us satisfaction and value to the people around us. As women we are starting to live up to our potential and we are changing the world! 

I’ll be writing to you about how you can have confidence in yourself, and trust yourself, instead of draining your energy trying to please other people or worrying how others will judge you. I’ll also be writing about how you can influence others to make it easier to advance in your job, get new clients, or to get a new job. I'm the author of Success Under Stress: Powerful Tools for Staying Calm, Confident, and Productive When the Pressure's On.

My undergraduate education is from Yale University and my graduate education is from UC Berkeley and Harvard Medical School. But where I really learned the most is from observing myself as I held myself back from my potential or caused myself stress as I tried to balance all the parts of my life. It’s the lessons that I’ve learned from helping myself ‘get out of my own way,’ and training others to do the same. 

I live in NYC with my family and my cat. I love to run in Riverside Park and I practice yoga. Please send me your questions and comments; I look forward to getting to know you.