Helene Lerner's Blog, page 75

Easy Ways to Reduce Stress

The topic of stress gets most people’s attention and for good reason. More and more people are complaining about their stress. They say it comes from their long commutes to and from work, difficult team members, a bad boss, long hours, problems at home and so on. But notice that all the above is pointing to a belief that stress comes from external events and situations.

Where does stress really come from? I’m not talking about positive stress (eustress) that moves us into action. I’m talking about the kind of stress that drains our physical and emotional energy and leaves us feeling frustrated, stuck, irritable and even angry. Where does that kind of stress come from?

You feel stress when the demands of life and work exceed your resources:

If you can lift a fifty pound weight and believe there would be a benefit to you doing so, you’d be motivated to do it, not stressed out. If you need to work a twelve hour day for two weeks in a row and you love your work and believe the extra work load will benefit you, you’d be fine. However, if you are being asked to do something you see little to no benefit in and feel like you can’t say “No,” most people would create a lot of stress over that.

In the last situation, you would be creating unnecessary stress—the situation itself wouldn’t be creating it. However, you would be doing it unintentionally and probably wouldn’t know you were doing it. You would think it’s the other person who asked you to do something you didn’t want to do. You might resent them and blame them because they’re “too pushy.” So you feel a lot of stress because you lack the resources to deal with that person. That’s something you can change (by gaining more resources) and end your stress.

You feel stress when you make things worse than they are:

If that sounds harsh, you can relax—we’ve all been guilty of making things worse than they are. The question is, “Are you one of the few who decides to learn how to keep things in perspective?” The challenge is that when we “awfulize” or “catrastophize” a situation we believe our perspective is just fine, thank you. We often don’t appreciate someone questioning our story of how bad something is and we can easily shut them out.

The problem is that in doing so we shut the stress in as well. One of the main reasons we feel a situation is worse than it is is because we don’t believe we can handle it—it’s just too much for us. However, when we accept no one is coming to the rescue and decide to learn how to handle it better we, in effect, end much of our stress.

You feel stress when you ask the wrong questions: 

It takes practice to learn to take the more challenging situations and ask questions that will give you positive energy and end the stress. Most of us have learned to blame outside sources or people when we’re going through a tough time. To end your stress, you have to look inside and ask, “What can I do to make this better?” 

Your challenging situation might not be your fault, but it’s always your responsibility (and opportunity) to ask questions such as, “What can I do to make this better?” That will give you dramatically different answers than asking the question, “Why is this happening to me? Learn to make your default questions “Who can help me with this?” or “How can I learn to deal with this more effectively?” The wrong questions lead to more stress but more empowering questions can enable you to end your stress. 

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach

Meet Our New August Coach!

Hello! I'm Alan Allard, and I'll be your career coach for the month of June. This month will be all about you, but before we get started, you might want to know a few things about me as well.

I am a former psychotherapist, and for the past nine years I have worked as a consultant, executive coach, speaker, trainer and life coach. I help companies, teams, and individuals thrive by challenging the status quo and creating unprecedented success and fulfillment.  I am the author of Seven Secrets to Enlightened Happiness: Your Guide to the Life You Were Meant to Live, which can be purchased here. On a personal note, I am married to my high school sweetheart and we have two incredible daughters (as well as two equally incredible sons-in-law) and last July I became a grandfather for the first time.

Over the next few weeks, we'll be taking a look at what you can do to increase your success, fulfillment and happiness—both in your career and in your overall life. Please let me know in the comments if if there are any specific topics you'd like me to address. Thanks, and I look forward to another great month!

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach

What does JOY mean to you?

JOY. What does it mean to you?
We asked the WomenWorking.com community and here are some of their beautiful answers. 
Tell us YOUR definition of joy in the comments!

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Entrepreneur Smarts in the Office

How many friends and family do you know of who have started a business lately? In recent years, entrepreneurship, freelancing, and consulting have really taken off as income-generating options of choice. Maybe you’ve been thinking about taking the plunge yourself, but are having are hard time letting go of the security of a steady paycheck and company benefits, as well as the many other risks associated with owning your own business.  

Enter the “intrapreneur,” a plucky and savvy individual who has the same attributes as an entrepreneur… but who uses those competencies within an already existing company rather than starting her own. In fact, you may be surprised to find that you already have many characteristics associated with the title. 

What does it mean to be an intrapreneur? Any employee who sees a new opportunity within the organization (to do work in a better, more sustainable, or more efficient way) and pursues it is taking an entrepreneurial stance. Within organizations, the trend has been to call this type of individual (who reshapes the work that is done and the way it is executed) an “intrapreneur”. 

What does this mean for you? Take a look at the characteristics that define intrapreneurs. You may see several blazing similarities to traits you possess. 

Has anyone ever commented on your: 

Knack for identifying needs and developing creative solutions 
Ability to innovate and foster the implementation of ideas
Propensity to challenge the status quo
Ownership of your work
Leadership, resilience, adaptability, ability to take risks
Sense of passion and purpose 

If this sounds like you, you might be acting like an intrapreneur at work and not even realize it. Think about the actions you take at work and make note of all the times you’ve taken ownership of a project or brainstormed an idea and encouraged the other members of your team to support you in seeing it to fruition. Even spearheading your organization’s recycling efforts or a push towards flexible work schedules can qualify as intrapreneurship. 

Did you know there is even a League of Intrapreneurs? This organization supports change agents and people who reinvent business and solve problems using their intrapreneurial skills. The organization gathers “cubicle warriors” and helps them change their worlds and the companies in which they work. 

What change would you like to bring about at your organization? What challenges to the status quo would you tackle first and why? Who are the current intrapreneurs at your organization and how have they succeeded in what they do? Learn from those who have already been working at it, and use their experiences as a guide! 

—Victoria Crispo, July 2015 Career Coach

How to Easily Become a More Valuable Employee

“How to get promoted in 10 easy steps.”

“Why you need to toot your own horn at work… without looking like you’re tooting your own horn.”

These are some of the headlines we are bombarded with on a daily basis. (I’ll admit, I’ve written one or two of those types myself!) A large handful of them have merit-worthy advice. It is important to take responsibility of your career, go after promotions, and create your “brand.”

If you’re looking for a low-key way to improve your professional self that is simple and authentic, a good way to start is to ask yourself, “What kind of problems do I like to solve?”

Everyone appreciates the person who can save the day. So what are your most valuable “save the day” skills and characteristics? What types of things do your coworkers come to you for when they need help or advice? By “specializing” in this problem-solving skill, you can become the trusted go-to persona for anyone who needs that kind of support. 

Think about the following: 

What do I do well? 

This one is pretty self-explanatory. What do you excel at? Think in terms of problem-solving. What are the types of problems you can quickly and easily solve with great results? 

What do people come to me for? 

What kinds of problems do people ask you to help them solve? Remember that a “problem” doesn’t have to be a major disaster. It can your answer to, “Should I wear the black shoes or the blue?” variety. Perhaps you’re great at perceiving the thoughts and feelings of others, so your coworkers come to you to ask if your boss is really that upset or if it'll blow over. 

If you’re not sure what people come to you for, start taking notice! And if you haven’t been asked to help out with something in a long while, it might be time to head out of your cubicle every now and then and make yourself known. 

Find the common ground

Once you have your answers to the two questions above, start looking at your lists and finding where they intersect. Which of the things people come to you for are also on your list of things you do really well? If it’s not on your list—ask yourself why. Why did it not come to mind?

For example, you may have written down a related skill and not realized how it factors into solving a particular problem, so you left it off the list. Now might be the time to add it to your list and cultivate that skill even more. On the other hand, you may have intentionally left it out of the running because you don’t really enjoy doing it (even if you are good at it) which brings me to the next point: 

Choose to be known for things you enjoy doing 

Now that you have your lists and found common ground, for each interrelated item ask yourself, “But do I enjoy doing this?” If your answer is “no,” cross it off the list. For the “yes” responses, try to incorporate them into your life more! 

Put your problem-solving skills on the market

You may have identified 1-3 things that you do well and types of problems that you are good at solving. Make yourself available at work to solve those types of problems. 

How do I let people at work know what my problem-solving skills are? 

Listen closely to your colleagues. When they bring up challenges that you know you can solve with the skills you’ve identified, offer to help. You may even want to share an anecdote from your childhood or recent past. For example: “My preschool teacher always commented that I organized all the toy bins everyday… and I’m still into organizing everything!” Reinforce your coworkers’ confidence in your abilities through storytelling, a genuine interest in helping, and solid performance. Eventually, word will get around and people will start seeking you out. 

What if my skill isn’t related to my job?

That’s okay! In fact, it’s more than okay. Having another facet to your being makes you more intriguing and more valuable. Be sure, however, that you are not usurping someone else’s job with your skill. If you are a tech whiz and your company already has a robust IT department, it may make better sense to leave ito to them. But if your IT department is already taxed and your skill can be a helpful supplement, by all means go for it.

Can my skill pave the way for a side gig? 

Maybe your skill is appreciated in your office but not really essential for the company’s day-to-day operations. For example, maybe you’re great at picking out thoughtful, age-appropriate gifts, or you can bake a fantastic banana bread. These can still “count” in the workplace as things you are known for, plus they might be great ideas for a side business.

Now that you’ve put some thought into your problem-solving, save-the-day skill, how will you incorporate it into your daily life? Share in the comments below! 

—Victoria Crispo, July 2015 Career Coach

Summer Self Care

This summer don’t get so wrapped up in taking care of others, that you forget to take care of yourself. Here are a few of our tips for taking care of yourself when you most need it. 

Be more, not do more

Incorporate resting, reflecting, and spending time with yourself in your daily routine. Commit to new actions you intend to take. 

Say “no” and let go of guilt

What are some of the things you don’t want to do anymore? Make a point to say “no” the next time you’re asked to do one of them. If you need to, call a friend for support. 

Don’t take it personally

Come up with statements you can tell yourself the next time you are criticized and feel like reacting. Remember—it probably has nothing to do with you! 

Remain flexible

Recognize when you’re becoming rigid or a bit compulsive because you’re attempting to do something “exactly right.” Perfectionism robs you of living joyously. 

Adapted from Time for Me: Simple Pleasures for Women Who Do Too Much, by Helene Lerner, Simple Truths, 2015. 

Follow These Tips to Help You Relax

Summer is known as a time to unwind, rest, and rejuvenate. Not all of us take the time we need to refresh and be ready to take on whatever responsibilities are left in the second half of the year. Why not try taking a Homebody Day? Give yourself a full day (or at least a solid, uninterrupted 12 hours) for some quiet time to yourself. Avoid doing chores or taking on a project—the point is to do something that you consider fun, relaxing, and reviving while not creating more work for yourself. 

Taking a time-out can help you make better sense of your internal dialogue so you can stop spinning your wheels and clarify the messages that you tell yourself… and the rest of the world. Whenever you’re feeling overrun with mental chatter, take some time with activities that will help you quiet it. 

Use these ideas to rest and recharge in the security and nurturing comfort of your own home:

Prepping for your Homebody Day 

The day before, set up your meals so you don’t have to worry about cooking or ordering takeout. Know what, when, and from where you’re ordering and schedule delivery times. (It’s going to be nice to not have to worry about this tomorrow!)
Make sure your alarm is not set. Jolting up from a sound sleep is not rejuvenating.
Write a list of all the tasks and mental chatter that has been clouding your brain space. 
Shut off any mobile notifications that could potentially cause you stress or frustration, or remind you of any part of the world outside that you want to forget for the time being. You can shut off your phone entirely, but it’s your call. If being unreachable is going to cause you added stress, it might not be worth it. 

Rise and Shine, your Homebody Day Has Arrived

If you’re energized enough to do so, get up (as in, out of bed) when you wake up. Or not. Stay in bed another 15 minutes... or an hour or two. 
Change out of your bedclothes. You can put on something just as comfy, but it should be fresh and clean. Think about it—you probably won’t feel rejuvenated during the day if you’ve been wearing rumpled, grubby clothes. 
Eat breakfast. Savor the tastes, colors, and textures. Eat your other meals at times that suit you, taking the time to savor them. 

Activity Time 

Take part in something at home without feeling like you’re really doing anything. No need to produce anything today. Anything you do today shouldn’t feel like work or a chore, and avoid picking any activity that will require a lot of follow-up (or clean-up) once the day is over. For example, you may enjoy working on a craft project or creating a vision board, but if it’s going to create a mess that you’ll have to find time to clean, it might not be as rejuvenating as other activities, like reading or binge-watching TV. 
Make sure whatever activities you do pick are low-maintenance, fun, and feel like “play.” Remember that whatever you are doing, the second it stops feeling like play, STOP the Nactivity and move on to something else. 
You can focus on one activity for the whole day or try out several. 

Reflection

Now that you’ve experienced your Homebody Day, take some notes based on your experiences. What did you like about taking this time? How did it help you? During what part of the day did you feel stressed, guilty, or like you should be doing something “more productive”?
Would you schedule another Homebody Day for yourself in the future? Why or why not? What elements did you find most helpful and how can you incorporate them into your day to day life? 

The Homebody Day should be a welcome, low-key respite from the demands of an overactive world. I hope you find some enjoyment in taking some time to unwind and recharge. 

—Victoria Crispo, July 2015 Career Coach

What Makes a STRONG Woman?

We asked the WomanWorking.com community what makes a strong woman. Here are some of your brilliant responses!

Video Editor: Elizabeth Marino

Almost Time to Leave Your Job? Spruce up Your Resume!

You may have already heard the advice to keep your resume updated even if you’re not looking for work. It helps to be prepared when the time comes, and also, it’s a good idea to take inventory of your accomplishments and new responsibilities, especially before your performance review. You want to expertly articulate your recent triumphs as well as past achievements that are still reaping benefits for the company. 

In addition to serving as a retrospective in preparation for your professional evaluation, use what you find as a way to brand yourself for your next position—whatever it might be. Even if you’re not actively seeking work, set aside time each year to explore what you might want to do in the future. If it’s vastly different than what you do now, start a version of your resume that targets that new opportunity. Remember that this will just be a sketch to help you get started. The bulk of the work will come when it’s time to apply, but there are a few steps you can take now so you’ll be a few steps ahead later. 

Here’s how to get started: 

Read job descriptions
Even though these jobs are unlikely to be available two or more years from now, the purpose of looking now is to gather information. What jobs look interesting to you? What are the core competencies required and of those, which do you already possess? Which of your accomplishments will present you as a rock-star candidate for these types of positions? 

Review sample resumes
What do resumes for these types of positions look like? What do you need to add to yours in order to be a competitive candidate? If there are any skills you lack or need to brush up on, how might you gain the skills? 

Update your document
Start a “working document” that outlines the changes necessary. Remember that before you actually send this new resume out for a job, give it another read with the actual job description next to it. Use the keywords and lingo from the description and fill in any blanks if you meet more qualifications than your resume shows. 

Show your resume
Know people in the field? Ask them to review your resume. The beauty is that you’re not actually looking for a job right now, which takes a lot of the pressure off both parties. You won’t have nervous expectations while wondering whether they actually gave your resume to the hiring manager and what that person really thought. They don’t have the discomfort of passing your application along and not knowing what to say to you if the hiring manager doesn’t give it a second glance. You are asking strictly for opinions. Keep in mind that your friends in the field may actually be more candid with you since it’s a work in progress, so use this to your advantage. A good question to ask them is, “After reading my resume, what type of job would you think I’m going after?” If they are way off, it may indicate that you need to be more explicit on your resume or give it more focus. Ask your friends if they were a hiring manager for the position, would they hire you—why or why not? 

Reworking your resume can be a job in itself, but by getting started during a time of less urgency, you’ll set a good foundation for times when you’ll need to move quickly. Give it a try! 

—Victoria Crispo, July 2015 Career Coach

 

Navigate the New Job Market

This month, I’ve been writing about ways to improve your career, manage work/life balance (and understand how to identify your personal definition of the term), and explore how your hobbies can enhance your work. 

Today, let’s consider ways to help support others who might be struggling with a job search. Many of us have friends or family members whose education levels or skillsets may not be advanced or up-to-date. Job seekers with limited or outdated skills face extremely difficult blocks to overcome when looking for employment. Without a current resume (both electronic and hard copies), the ability to navigate the internet, and a savvy approach to interviewing, your loved one may never get a second look. Below is a brief overview of some of the scenarios lower-skilled workers may be in and how they might affect them. 

When going through the list remember that lack of advanced education, high-level skills, or technical competencies do not equate to “lacking intelligence” or “unemployable.” Sometimes the skillset is small yet specialized, and your loved one may very well have the chops that are sought after in his or her field—it just may be a matter of packing them in a more effective and up-to-date way, or a slight attitude adjustment might be necessary when it comes to their interactions with employers. 

Below are some of the issues that might be playing a role in the job seeker’s job search, as well as some tips outlining how you can help. As an added bonus, I’ve included ways to apply the suggestions to your own professional development: 

Skills are limited to one type of work and are not easily transferable to an alternative career path.

Delivery drivers, forklift operators, assemblers, or line cooks may find difficulty illustrating how their skills and job functions can be applicable to other careers. For job seekers who have been doing mainly one type of work, it can be difficult to find jobs beyond or outside of that area without additional training.

If they want to venture into a new career area, it will be imperative for them to develop and showcase their skills in the field they’d like to work in next. If they are interested in sales or marketing, for example, it’s a good idea to create a means for developing skills related to those job functions. Some ways to start developing those skills include working on a child’s (or grandchild’s) school bake sale, participating in a community fundraiser, or signing on as a distributor for a favorite direct sales brand (such as Avon, Stella & Dot, Tupperware, or Man Cave). 

How you can help: 

Suggest ideas that will allow them to start building their skills. Also work with them to identify any responsibilities that may relate to other types of employment. For instance, if they drove a delivery truck but had regular face-to-face interaction with customers, they can use it to demonstrate customer service experience on their resume.  If they have been recognized for having great rapport with customers, they can include this too. 

Apply it to your own professional development:

Assess your own skillset. Are you lacking any skills that would be beneficial in your own job or a desired promotion? Discover ways you can practice the skills you’ll need, whether at work or in your professional life. 

Lacking knowledge of current hiring practices.

Do you know of any job seekers whose last interviews were 20 years ago, or are accustomed to hand-delivering a resume and receiving an on-the-spot interview? Perhaps their resume is the same one they created on an electric typewriter. 

The organizations that allow for unannounced visits are few and far between, and most require job seekers to apply through their automated online system. This can prevent challenges for job seekers without access to computers or the internet, or who don’t have the savvy to navigate through the online application process. 

Job seekers who have not been on interviews in a couple of decades will probably be surprised at how intense the process has become at many companies. Gone are the days of an interview being “just a formality”. 

How you can help: 

Let the job seeker know that the resume does not get them the job, but the interview. Share with them that even the jobs that appear to be lower on the totem pole require enthusiasm, interest in the company, and demonstrated commitment and a positive work ethic. If they do not demonstrate this during their interviews, there are 50+ other candidates in line behind them waiting for the chance.

Apply it to your own professional development: 

Take a moment to review trends in hiring at your own organization or in your industry as a whole. Perhaps there is a trend toward group interviews or case assignments that will be used to evaluate you. Also take the opportunity to review the skills needed for the job one steps above yours. Do you have the skills and how you will demonstrate this on an interview or at your next performance review? 

Salary expectations.

When you’ve been doing the same job for a couple of decades and are forced to put yourself back in the applicant pool, you may be surprised and angry that you can’t command the same salary you had at your last job. Salaries or hourly rates do not necessarily follow you to the next company, especially if your skillset is not up to par. 

In some cases, a job may now require additional skills or expertise that they do not have. If for example, a driver at a technologically progressive distribution or delivery company is required to have computer proficiencies that the job seeker does not have they probably cannot command a higher-range salary or hourly rate. It is important that they don’t make this frustration evident during or after their interviews. 

How you can help:

Work out the numbers with them. Would taking a job at a lower hourly rate for six months put more money in their pockets than if they made no money because they were not employed that time? Does the job offer benefits that can help support the job seeker? Encourage them to identify ways in which to fast-track their wage increases once they are hired. Also show the current starting salaries for the job so that know they aren’t being cheated.  

Apply it to your own professional development: 

Take a look at starting salaries and skills needed for jobs like yours. Have you recently participated in a training or certification program? Is your own salary still on par or is it time to negotiate for a raise? 

Attitude issues.

A propensity towards negativity comes with the territory when someone is out of a job. It’s a vicious cycle: you’re unfamiliar with the new “rules of the job search” and your skills are not current, so you’re confused, insecure, and already feel inferior. This prevents you from doing well on your interview, which means you don’t get the job, further increasing your lack of confidence. 

How you can help:

Be empathetic to the job seeker’s struggles but also offer practical recommendations for the right. Remind them that it’s not all about their needs but rather the hiring company’s. While they don’t have to take a job if the environment appears to be abusive, share with them that their emotions can cloud their impressions of the situation. Strive to help them get a realistic look at the situation. 

Apply it to your own professional development:

You’re not off the hook on this one—how’s your attitude been lately? Have you been secretly wanting to kick the ever-living daylights out of one of your coworkers, or been frustrated about working for “the man”? If you’ve been feeling aggravated by your work responsibilities or quick to make judgements, you might want to entertain the idea of an attitude adjustment yourself! 

—Victoria Crispo, July 2015 Career Coach