Helene Lerner's Blog, page 71

Start Being Seen as a Confident Leader

When I speak to women around the world, one of the questions I hear the most is, “How can I act confident… if I don’t feel confident?” To become perceived as a Confident Leader, there is a fast way and a slow way. Which path would you rather take? 

The slow way is the way we are usually taught when growing up: Pay attention to what other people say in order to learn how to feel about yourself. When praised or reassured we feel worthy. When criticized we feel unlovable. The longer our only source of confidence is from others, the more we rely on them to prevent our confidence from wearing down. 

We might continue the pattern in the workplace. You may not speak up, say only what people want to hear, not take risks, stay in your comfort zone, or avoid conflict. Find out here if you do these behaviors.

You can get on the fast track anytime. Follow these 5 guidelines to Go Direct!

Focus on the big picture

Focus on who will benefit from you speaking up, asking, following through, pushing back, offering bold ideas, etc. Focus on the ‘end users’ of your work (the people whose life will improve from you taking confident action). Be so purposeful that all you can think about is how to bring more value to help your “end user.”

Courage to act confidently will come when you pour your “love” into helping your end users, whether they are colleagues, a boss, clients, your children. 

Source your confidence from within

Have you ever written out a paragraph describing exactly what you would think, feel, and do when you are a Confident leader? Once you know what to aspire to, then you can be intentional. Get your confidence by acting in the service of that purposeful vision of yourself. 

Give and get respectful feedback

When confident, you are genuinely interested in growing and making your contribution better. You welcome feedback. When less confident, you hide from negative feedback, beat yourself up, or get resentful if you hear items to improve on. You might get defensive and block learning from it. As Hillary Clinton once said, “Take criticism seriously, not personally.”

Respond “objectively” not “subjectively” 

Subjective is based on your own feeling or opinion. Objective is about facts, and what is actually needed for the work to be good. For example, if you have information that disagrees with a senior leader, a ‘subjective response’ is to hold back out of fear of evaluation or retribution. An ‘objective response’ would to share (with good influencing skills) any information that could help the team make the best decision. Respond based on what's good for the work, not regarding your personal feelings. Statistics show you are probably underestimating your ability anyway! 

Come from “Yes”

Have an attitude of It's Possible! Practice Realistic Optimism, the mindset associated with resilience. Then people will be inspired to follow you. 

In sum, get your confidence from your accomplishments that will stand the test of time, not from fleeting approval. Get your rewards from feeling you have helped people in your company and your customers, from meaningful relationships, and from finding ways to connect with your calm self so you remember what it’s like to feel alive and peaceful in your own body. Notice that you can initiate and have control over all of these ways of feeling confident, they don’t require anyone else’s involvement. 

When you’re indirect, people feel your ‘energy’ is trying to manipulate them. When you’re direct, you uplift all the people around you. That is the fastest way to be perceived as a Confident Leader!

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

The Spirit of a Strong Woman

What's YOUR definition of a Strong Woman? Let us know in the comments!

Video Editor: Christian Motos

What Kind of Leader Are You?

The average woman professional has 30-100 projects on her plate, is interrupted 7 times/hour, gets 147 emails per day, and faces change at work. All of that is on top of the difficult people she has to work with, her children, and the stress she causes herself with perfectionism. Is this you? Welcome to the New Normal! 

In the face of these challenges, many people go through their day in a mode that is Reactive. What does that look like? 

You might do the first item on your ‘to do’ list even if it’s not the most important one, just to feel you can tick something off the list. 
You might make knee jerk decisions. 
Or emotionally react and take things personally. 
Or do things so quickly you make mistakes. 
Or spin thinking about your to do list when you awaken in the middle of the night
Or finish one project and move right on to the next without celebrating. 

When you are on the reactive cycle you are just trying to survive the day and get through it. What you want is to shift from surviving under stress to Success under Stress. To do that you have to go through your day in Resilience mode. What does that look like?  A Resilient leader can:

Have the inner clam to take a step back and figure out priorities
Be poised, stay focused on facts, and not get caught up in interpersonal friction
Maintain realistic optimism and not jump to fear in the face of uncertainty
Make time to reflect on long term goals and not be tyrannized by the urgency of the ‘to do’ list

Who would you rather work for, a Reactive or a Resilient Leader? Who do You want to be, a Reactive or a Resilient Leader? 

From training thousands of people in organizations, I’ve found that about 70% of people are on the Reactive cycle and 30% on the Resilience cycle. Are you more reactive or more resilient? (Find out here.) 

The way to get on the Resilience cycle is to have more control. With every challenge you face, immediately sort out the 50% of the situation that you CAN control from the 50% of the situation that you can’t control. And then focus on what you CAN control. The Golden Rule of Resilience is Be Impeccable for your 50%! Be really effective at what you can control. 

There are always 3 things you can control. You can control: 

Your own Physiology
There are many ways you can practice to be calm and stay calm even though other people are reactive. Meditation, yoga, deep breathing all help to calm you down. And there are practical tools you can use to get calm in specific situations: You can learn how to get calm and turn off your thoughts so you can get back to sleep and sleep well through the night. You can use Cooling Breath to instantly calm from frustration when others drive you nuts. 

Your own Psychology
You have 60,000 thoughts a day so you have 60,000 opportunities a day to choose a thought that is reactive or one that is resilient. You can require yourself to stay focused on facts rather than allowing yourself to get pulled into taking things personally. Maintaining a mindset of realistic optimism will help you be an effective leader during times of change. 

Your own Problem Solving/Productivity
Even though other people interrupt you, you can always control your response to interruptions. And you can communicate with the people you work and live with to create more uninterrupted time to think.

Any one thing you do to have more control over your physiology, psychology, or problem solving will start to shift from being reactive to being resilient. 

It’s not about stress management, it’s about self management. And the more you manage yourself, the more you will be a Resilient leader. 71% of senior executives said that Resilience is a trait they look for in whom to promote and retain, so this will give you a competitive advantage. Be role model for resilience, so you can help your organization and your family be Resilient!

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

Sleep Under Stress: 5 Magic Tips

You’ve probably heard advice telling you to get 8 hours of sleep. 

But it’s hard to wind down and relax when you are so overwhelmed with demands. And you can’t help it if you wake up at 2am with your thoughts racing about your ‘to do’ list. And at 11pm it still feels like you’ll get more relief from sending off a few emails than that extra half hour of sleep. 

Here are 5 strategies that will quiet your mind and help you sleep well through the night. 

Do Left nostril breathing
Cover your right nostril and breathe exclusively through your left nostril. It activates the vagal nerve, the main nerve of your relaxation system. If insomnia isn’t your problem, but it is for the other person sleeping in your bed, yes this will work for them too! When you feel them rustling around sleepless, roll over and cover their right nostril for them (you might want to let them know ahead of time you’ll be doing this!) 

Take a Pre-sleep Foot Bath
Take a warm foot bath with natural sea salts (or put in some lavender oil). It will help to drain the worries from your head and detoxify your body. Allow in peace of mind to prepare yourself for a good night sleep. 

Tap your Inner Pharmacy
Did you know you can fill your body with needed supplements just by going within? Even simple deep breathing before bed releases your body’s own anti-anxiety drug, a neurotransmitter called GABA (short for gamma-aminobutyric acid). You can also turn to an actual pharmacy if you want to try supplements to help improve sleep quality, such as valerian root extract before bed (2-3 g soaked in hot water if dried) or melatonin (talk with your doctor about proper dosage). 

Get your Magnesium Miracle
Anyone with high stress will deplete their levels of a master mineral called magnesium. That could cause you insomnia or anxiety throughout the day. There’s an easy fix – refill your levels of magnesium daily (I put a tablespoon of a powder form in hot water before bed and then sleep smoothly through the night, but you could also get it from a capsule or a spray). 

Empty your Head
One of the main reasons it’s hard to sleep is your brain is still churning – thinking or worrying about the demands of the day and how much more you have to do tomorrow. Your mind will continue to hold onto your cascade of ‘to do’ items in an effort to not forget them, so give your mind a way to find peace: Empty your head by writing down all the things you want to remember either in an ongoing ‘to do’ list or in a journal by your bedside. If you are worried about a problem, then gather all of the facts and write them down in a single place (already your mind will feel more organized). This is the part of problem solving you can do with your conscious mind. Then ask yourself a focused question about how to resolve the problem. Close your journal or electronic device and picture that problem being moved to the back of your mind where you will allow your unconscious mind to marinate on it while you sleep. When you wake up you will often have some insights you couldn’t have gotten if you had tried hard to think it through all night. 

To learn more strategies that will help you to sleep under stress, download my resource guide Sleep under Stress: 19 ways to Sleep through the Night and Wake Up Rested (Even if you are Stressed!).

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

5 Co-Workers from Hell: How to Deal

 

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If you’re lucky, you got to choose your job, and maybe even your boss. One thing you can’t choose, though? Your co-workers. And unless you’re lucky, or maybe just extremely tolerant, chances are you’ve dealt with a few who can be more than difficult. 

Here are the five most hellish types of coworkers, and how to handle each and every one of them: 

The Pessimist 

No matter how bright and sunny it is, the pessimist can find the dark, dreary rain cloud and somehow will it to rain on your parade. To a pessimist, dealing with negativity is impossible, but we know that’s not true. Positivity is contagious, so just looking on the bright side may get them to see the sunny side of things. Positivity alone is not always enough, though, so try to focus on problem solving when dealing with the pessimist. As soon as you hear a complaint, offer a solution. Even better, help them come up with one. A little problem solving may just be the solution. 

The Clinger

Wherever you go, whatever you do, the clinger will be right there waiting. Despite your best efforts to be sneaky, you can’t seem to evade them. Often, the clinger just wants your attention and approval. It’s likely they look up to you as a mentor, so if that’s a viable option, perhaps you should offer to be one. Setting aside time for actual mentoring may be just what they need. 

If not, it may be the case that they just need some friends, so introduce them to other people in the office. And, if it’s really bad, kindly decline to stay and chat and say you need some personal time. Break the fall by inviting them for a happy hour or other event, if you can.  

The Overly Chatty

Blah, blah, blah… by now, you’ve tuned out what they have to say. Why won’t they just get the hint and shut their mouth? If you’re dealing with an overly chatty coworker, sometimes the best solution is to set up a barrier. Try getting headphones to tune them out, shutting your door if you have one, or getting a small curtain to hang up at the entrance of your cubicle. If they still don’t get the hint, kindly remind them that you’re working on a project, but that you’d love to chat later. You may want to say something like, “That sounds interesting! I’d love to hear about it later, right now I’m trying to work on XYZ project. Want to catch up at lunch?”  

The Slacker

We’ve all worked with a slacker, whether it was in college or in the office. The trick to dealing with someone who isn’t pulling their weight is to offer good feedback, both positive and constructive. When giving constructive criticism, use positive language and focus on the action rather than the person. It also helps to suggest action and make it a two-way conversation so the slacker feels they have a part in the decision to change their behavior. 

To start, compliment something that they do very well, and be specific in doing so. Then, focus on the behavior and not the person when bringing up the problem. Rather than saying “you aren’t,” try something like “I noticed.” Offer a solution, either by sharing something that works well for you, or a suggestion you may have. Finally, don’t forget to make it a two-way conversation. You may want to gently ask if there is something that’s making it hard for them to meet their objectives, or if there’s anything you can do to help them achieve the stated goals. 

The Oblivious One

The oblivious one often brings in smelly lunches, chats too loudly on the phone, and coughs without covering their mouth. Their mannerisms may easily be confused as a lack of manners, but usually the oblivious one is just that: oblivious. In most cases, simply bringing the problem to their attention should suffice. If you’re dealing with a smelly-lunch eater, try something like: “That looks so good! Did you make it? …Yumm. I’m not sure why, but I have a super sensitive nose, and strong smells like that make me a bit dizzy. If you have time, would you mind eating it in the kitchen?” Voila, problem (hopefully) solved. 

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Sarah Landrum is the founder of Punched Clocks, a site dedicated to sharing advice on all things career. Follow her on Twitter @SarahLandrum for more great tips.

3 Ways to Deal with a Slacker Colleague

Ever been the reliable one at work, while someone else just slacks off? Probably more often than you’d like! If you are already doing three jobs, you need others to pull their weight and not give you a fourth.  

Here are 3 strategies that will enable you to Be Impeccable for your 50%, but also get everyone else – including the ‘slacker’ – to do their full job. 

Determine ‘who does what’ at the next team meeting

Lead the discussion as a neutral, clarifying discussion... instead of pointing fingers at the underperforming person. Everyone can benefit from this refresher on responsibilities, just make sure that the team documents ‘who does what’ and refers to it each time the team meets. As part of that discussion, you might ask how ‘check ins’ will occur to ensure completion, and what will happen in the case of lack of follow through. This strategy relieves you of the responsibility to deal with them directly. 

Appeal to who has authority over that person

Identify who has authority over that person, and bring it to their attention that certain deliverables are not being completed. Start the discussion by explaining what is working between you and that team/department. Then ask for their help regarding your concerns about delivery. Appreciate their help and ‘make them the hero’ for doing something about it. Rather than an opportunity to point fingers and blame, go in to that discussion with a genuine attitude of wanting to help the business get the work done.

Collaborate with that colleague 

It often feels too awkward to talk to frustrating colleagues directly, so most of us avoid it. But you can develop a better relationship with a person who frustrates you and start getting what you need from them if you're direct. 

Use your POWERS of communication. 

Pre-frame the conversation – Approach with a neutral request: “Can we discuss how we can work together to complete everything by deadline?” rather than one that blames and makes them defensive from the start: “Can we discuss why you are not doing what you are supposed to do?”

Own your 50% - Don’t immediately assume that the person is a slacker. Own up to anything you or your group is doing to slow down that other person’s work.

Work their WIIFT – Frame your request for them in terms of What’s In It for Them (WIIFT). If doing what you ask will help them get more of what they want, or if they realize it is interfering with them getting what they want, they might be more motivated to do what you ask. 

Empower Them – Ask them about their ideas to get more of the needed work done. What is making it hard for them? What could you do on your end to help them? 

Respect – Show empathy and understanding for their situation, don’t just assume they are a slacker: “I appreciate that you may already have a lot on your plate and it makes it hard to get to our requests…” If they get defensive and feel accused, stay respectful. Say it’s not a personal attack on them, you appreciate their help in trying to figure out how to get all the work done for the business. 

Say What you Mean, Mean What you Say – Once you have the courage to talk with them, then clearly and respectfully state your message – don’t be vague. “My boss is pulling me onto another project, so I’m not going to be able to write these reports anymore. Our group has taken them on because we weren’t receiving them from you, what could be done to have your group take on this responsibility again? Could I ask you to step up...”

Once the slacker starts to do more, thank them and reinforce their efforts so they are motivated to continue picking up the work! 

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

Anita Lo on Overcoming Tragedy, Rebuilding Opportunity

Anita Lo has certainly faced some challenges in life, but she never let them get her down. The previous season one Top Chef Masters contestant has opened restaurants, failed, but then rebuilt even stronger. Today, Anita is the proud owner and chef at Annisa in New York City. Here's what she had to say about her roller-coaster experience.

Did you always know you wanted to be a chef?

No. I figured that out while studying language in Paris during college. My sister had taken some cooking classes over there, and I had always loved to eat and work with my hands. I fell in love with it.

You studied in Paris, one of the greatest food capitals of the world. What was it like to cook in Paris, compared to the United States?

At the time, there were chefs that didn't know anything besides French cuisine. I'd have chefs come up to me, show me sushi and say, “Do you know what this is?” I was like, “First of all, that's Japanese and my family is Chinese.” It's a lot less multicultural there.

Everyone experiences some setbacks in life. Unfortunately, your restaurant burned down in 2009. What was that like and how did you find the motivation to start over?

It was awful, but there's nothing you can do about it—you just deal with it. At one point, we thought about just walking away. Because restaurants are really hard, especially small businesses. In New York, it just gets harder every year.

You competed in the first season of Top Chef Masters. What was it like to cook on television as opposed to real life?

It's obviously a lot harder on television—it's not how we cook in the restaurant. If something makes it to the menu, you have time to test and tweak it. But you don't have that luxury of time on television. It was fun in the beginning, by the end of it I was ready to go home.

What's it like being a female chef in a male dominated industry?

I think it's more difficult for women than men because we don't get the same kind of recognition. I don't think people are throwing money at us, which may be partly from our own inability to ask for it. But I think it also comes from investors who aren't throwing money at women. On the other hand, sometimes you get more attention, but you're getting attention because you're female. 

Have you come across any big challenges working in a male dominated industry?

When I was coming up in the industry, there were many problems like hazing. The guys get hazed too, but in a different way. I was sexually harassed on a couple of occasions. A couple of years ago, a cook told me she  was working in an all-male kitchen and one of the guys told her she didn't belong there. I think it's a cultural problem and people don't want to call other people out on sexism.

What advice do you have for other women who want to enter the culinary world?

It's really difficult. It has to be an all-consuming passion or you're not going to make it. It's a lot of work with a very low pay in the beginning, and even in the end! It's not as glamorous as it seems.

Try one of Anita's beautiful recipes!

Seared Foie Gras with Foie Gras Soup Dumplings

 

Ingredients:

1 oz. slice Foie Gras A, deveined
salt and pepper
wondra

 

2 pig feet, split
1 pint veal stock
5 pints chicken stock
1 large stick cinnamon
4 pieces star anise
2 dried shitake mushrooms
2 slices ginger
soy sauce to taste
black pepper

 

-1 quart balsamic vinegar
-2 cups Chinese black vinegar
-5 slices ginger
-1 teaspoon black peppercorns

 

-1 lobe foie gras B, cleaned
-foie gras scraps
-salt and pepper

 

-2 parts flour
-1 part boiling water
-salt and pepper
-soy oil

 

-3 pieces each jicama macedoine
-1 pinch each scallion top julienne

Method:

Make the “soup”:

Place the pig feet in a pot with the stocks and bring to a boil.
Skim and add the remaining ingredients and simmer, skimming every so often, until pig feet are soft, about 3 hours.
Strain.
Taste and adjust seasonings; you may have to add a little water to dilute the soy.
Shock and refrigerate until set.

Make the foie mousse: 

Season the foie liberally with salt and pepper and let sit overnight.
Pack into a terrine mould, cover and place in a hot water bath.
Cook in a 275 oven about 45 minutes until it just starts to melt and is warm in the center.
Place all in a food processor and run until smooth.
Pass through a tamis and repack into the terrine mould. Cover and refrigerate.

Make the vinegar reduction:

Place the vinegars, the ginger and peppercorns in a saucepot and reduce to a glaze.
Strain and refrigerate.

Make the dumpling wrappers:

Mix the salt and flour and add the boiling water.
Knead until smooth and place in an oiled bowl, covered.
Allow to rest 30 minutes, then roll to about <1/8” thickness and cut into 3.5” rounds.

Form the dumplings: 

Brush each wrapper with eggwash and place a small square of foie mousse in the center of a wrapper, along with a few pieces jicama and a small dollop of the “soup”.
Fold in half and crease the top to form half moons.
Freeze or cook immediately.

To serve: 

Steam 3 dumplings per order (if frozen, from the frozen state) until puffed.
In the meantime, season and dredge in wondra the foie gras and sear.
Decorate plate with the black vinegar reduction and organize the three dumplings on top.
Top each dumpling with a third of the seared foie gras and place a pinch of the scallion julienne in the center.
Serve with chopsticks and a Chinese soup spoon so that the diner can experience the juice.

How to Instantly Become More Successful at Work

When trying to reach our goals, we often focus on the external results we want to achieve, such as completing the project you’re working on, earning more, or finishing coursework for your degree. But you can’t control the outcome. You have to chase down other people to get them to do their part on your project. You can’t control whether a prospect will return your call to hire you. You can’t control what family friction is going to cause an interruption to your preparation or study time. 

When things don’t go exactly the way we hoped, we get stressed, frustrated, and worried we won’t achieve our goals. We experience stress when things seem out of our control. 

But what can you control? In fact, what is the single thing you can control the most? Yourself! 

You are the instrument of your success. You can decide how to deal with every challenging or stressful situation. Don’t try to control the outcome of situations, just be sure to show up as who you want to be. 

So… who do you want to be? What qualities or attributes, if you consistently displayed them, would help you get the results you want? I call this idea who you want to be at your Horizon Point. This is a visual reminder to keep your focus forward on your aspiration and who you need to be. 

Step #1: Write down some ideas of who you need to be in order to get the results you want.

Step #2: It’s even more helpful if you come up with a phrase that captures the idea of who you want to be, so all you have to do is remember that phrase in the heat of the moment.

Step #3: Act in the service of that persona, no matter what is going on around you. 

Here are some examples of Horizon Points of women I coached, and how it helped them become successful in their companies: 

A junior partner at a consulting firm was really good at what she did, but she was insecure about what people thought of her. She spent her days writing long technical email answers to her clients instead of getting on the phone with them. She hid and didn’t raise her hand for greater responsibility. 

Then she defined who she wanted to be. She wanted to work with senior level clients, be a strategic thinker and confident. Her phrase was “Confident Leader,” and in each situation she would ask herself, “How can I act like a Confident Leader here?” It worked. She was promoted to lead the Northeast office and is now on the executive committee of this 80k person firm!

A woman was a leader in a fashion company going through a lot of change, and people were emotionally reactive. She wanted to stay above the fray and be a calm and steady role model who people sought to partner with. Her Horizon Point phrase was “Poised Change Agent.” In each situation where tension started to rise, she would ask herself, “How can I be a Poised Change Agent here?” Her boss was so impressed by her, he promoted her to a global role. 

A financial advisor worked HARD from morning until night because she was very self-critical and afraid she would screw up. She wanted to earn more and be more patient, so she wouldn’t lose it with her assistant or children. Her Horizon Point was “Effortless Flow.” So she would go through packed days asking herself how to approach things with an “Effortless Flow.” With that mindset, she learned to streamline her efforts and stop being a control freak. She earned an extra $50,000 in 3 months and had the confidence to say yes to a national radio show offer, all while spending two afternoons a week with her children and sleeping better through the night. 

Each of these women became instantly successful in every situation at work (and at home) by being clear about who they wanted to be in the situation, and then acting in the service of their own Horizon Point. Each time they were intentional about their behavior other people noticed and saw them as role models. 

Who will you be at your Horizon Poinnt? 

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

How to Respond if a Colleague Steals Your Idea

You bring up a good idea in a meeting… but it falls flat and no one picks up on it. Five minutes later “Bob” repeats the same idea and everyone says, “Great idea, let’s run with that.” “Bob” is asked to lead the initiative.

You are incredulous, you think to yourself: “Wait Didn’t I just say that…?”

You go there… “He stole my idea!”

You are angry, frustrated, and then utterly deflated…

How often has this happened to you? 

Women have been encouraged to speak up with ideas; however, whereas men are rewarded for their assertions in meetings, women are penalized for talking too much. Men are taught to influence through commands, while women learn to persuade through suggestions and questions. The question is—do men ‘steal’ women’s ideas as part of their competitive nature or because they’ve realized that women’s input lacks powerful influence (e.g,. ‘softened’ to avoid social penalties)–or both?

Women have the opportunity to rise above these frequent situations to maintain their performance and resilience. Here are 5 strategies to keep your poise so you can be perceived as an effective contributor and play the role of a leader (even if you are the youngest person in the room). 

Appreciate
The most gracious and disarming response is to turn the situation around by appreciating the person. “Bob, thank you for picking up on that idea again, I agree it’s a worthwhile idea because ___.” Or “I appreciate you seconding that idea Bob, it will help us to meet the deadline.” This approach receives a gold star because as a general rule it’s helpful to try to “make other people right,” and maintain a collaborative tone. 

Cool Down 
You will be tempted to get emotionally reactive and take “Bob’s” behavior personally. The best thing is to not get caught up in the heat of the moment, and cool yourself down so you can act in the service of who you want to be and how you want to be perceived long term. Try “Cooling Breath,” in which you breath in through your mouth (as if you are sipping through a straw) and out through your nose. It takes you out of emotional hijack and puts you back in the part of your brain that thinks about collaboration and making long term relationships. 

Use Allies 
If you see this behavior as a pattern, notify your colleagues or the leader of the team. It’s even more powerful to reinforce the point if the leader (or your male colleagues) thanks “Bob” for bringing up your idea again. All of the women on the team can also play this role for one another, or even just agree with or offer support for one another’s ideas. 

Elicit Input 
Research by Victoria Brescoll indicates that the best way to elicit ideas from all members of the team (male and female, professionals from all subcultures and perspectives) is to make it a group norm for each person to have a chance to offer their opinion. The team leader can structure the meeting so that each person is invited to weigh in on important decisions. 

Follow Up 
You can offer to write up an elaboration of the idea (i.e., provide data backing the idea, put together a timeline/project plan for the idea, flesh out the idea, etc). That ensures you continue to be associated with ownership of the idea. 

Bonus: Humor! 
Create relationships with your colleagues that are trusting and safe enough that you use humor to diffuse potentially awkward situations. Once multicultural men and women are aware of the long history of ‘stealing’ others ideas, everyone can be aware of and rise above it through humor. Consider a funny way of keeping a running score of when it happens or having a silly prize or ‘punishment’ to the person who does it. 

Above all, don’t let a man’s recitation of your idea derail you from who you want to be as a contributor. Using these strategies you can use the opportunity to show your poise and leadership.

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach

 

Look Your Best and Exude Executive Presence

The days of working your way up the ladder after years and years of loyal service to one company are long gone. We live in a “want it now”, “get it in an INSTANT” kind of time. Vehicles like YouTube and social media have brought fame and fortune to many and catapulted young, smart, innovative and sometimes just plain ol lucky people into executive positions. This has redefined what EXECUTIVE PRESENCE looks like. 

Sometimes when you blaze your own trail, especially in business, you have no guide to refer to when it comes to managing a staff, keeping company moral, or commanding the respect of executive male counterparts or partners you are now in business with. As an entrepreneur myself, I can attest to the bewildered feeling of being an island and going into something new without a lot of guidance. However empowering it is, it’s equally a lonely scary road to dredge where your own self-doubts eat away at you. Doubt can tear down the image others see of you. You must trust your gut and move confidently in all aspects of your life. 

Your outer image is just as important as your inner knowledge. Gone are the days of women wearing boxy oversized skirt suits and gender diminishing silhouettes to the office/boardrooms to keep men focused on the business and not them. Today, women are taking back their femininity, staying true to their style statement, and commanding and maintaining respect in their business relationships. Your Style Statement is NOT about showing off your latest Celine bag purchase, it’s about being confident in expressing your view from all aspects of your life. Think of it as a movie: Life According to __________ (fill in your name), which covers everything like how to run a business to how to dress for the office; don’t be a cookie cutter. Of course there will be fans and foes of you no matter what you do, but the key to success and having an EXECUTIVE PRESENCE is CONFIDENCE (whether it’s fake or you legitimately have it; you must present it at all times). Once you do it… others will follow your lead, emulate your style, or be inspired by you. No matter what their opinions are, just keep moving forward… that’s the definition of a TRUE LEADER! 

Here are a few looks for fall that I think are great examples of looks that evoke an Executive Presence:

Capes:

 

Accessories:

 

Grays & Golds:

 

Flare Legs:

September is Fashion’s biggest time of the year. When fashion magazines almost triple in content to become fashion bibles and the fashion authorities and media converge upon NY, Paris, and Milan to see the next big trends. It’s when designers forecast what they believe will be the new normal next season. It’s the same concept for the executive woman; digging deep into what and how you see yourself (Life According to Me) and showcasing what’s new and innovative for your life, your business, and your own personal style. Is your Executive Presence ROCK SOLID? If it’s not, please make the moves to start changing that today!

This will be my last monthly fashion post on www.womenworking.com, but I will still be on my blog, Fashion, Family & Food. I cannot leave the WomenWorking family so easily, so I will be back to do some guest posts for the holidays and other special occasions. 

I want to say thank you to Helene, the fabulous creator of this site, for trusting your gut that your readers would benefit from my advice. And Emily, the Editor, whose diligence and professionalism is unparalleled; you’re fantastic! Finally thank you to the readers for allowing me to inspire you to not only BE your best, but LOOK your best in and out of the workplace. God Bless.

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows.