Influence Someone Who Is Resistant

You come home frustrated and complain to your spouse, AGAIN. “My boss/colleague/business partner won’t support my idea!”

You start to talk to that resistant person in your mind, “Why won’t you listen to me? Don’t you see I’m right? You are such a ___ (you can fill in the blank here!).” In a study of 850 professionals, “difficult people and politics” were ranked the #1 source that interferes with resilience for women. 

Instead of hoping the other person will change, learn to be more effective at influencing them, even if they start out resistanting. 

Here are 3 steps to always consider:

Identify what motivates them 

When you ask someone to go along with something because you feel it's right, they don’t have much incentive. Instead figure out What’s In It For Them (their WIIFT) and reframe your requests in a way that helps them get more of what they already want. 

Each person has two levels to their WIIFT. 

Business level WIIFT: This is the bottom line outcome they are paid to achieve so they are always considering, “Will this help me reach my goals?"Personal level WIIFT: This has to do with what is important to them personally. Some examples of personal WIIFT’s include: to have more power/control, the fear of being wrong, to be approved of and liked. 

Your task is to figure out the person’s WIIFT and reframe your request. Help your boss see that carrying out your request will help her get more of what she wants. 

For example, if your resistant person is ‘all about themselves,’ make them the hero for doing something they don’t want to do. Then they are more motivated for the personal gain it will bring them. 

Match your influencing strategy with the individual’s preferences 

Most of us work in data driven organizations and the default is to include ‘just the facts.’ There are 7 approaches to Influencing, and you want to use any elements from each that could strike a chord with your decision maker. 

For example, some people will respond better to an Inspirational Appeal such as, “We need to do the Right thing.” Others respond better to a personal story that captures the consumer’s experience unforgettably. 

Appeal to other people in your network

If you are having trouble reaching someone who is stuck in their point of view, identify someone who does have their ear. Who influences them? And try getting that person to buy into your idea first and go to the resistant person on your behalf. 

Here’s a way to leverage your peer group, but be judicious about doing this one. It’s based on ‘seek forgiveness, not permission.’ Go to the resistant person after you have already gathered the support you need from your colleagues. Show them that your idea already has supporters and is already in motion; all they need to do is green light it. (Or from your point of view, get out of the way!)

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach