Helene Lerner's Blog, page 36

How to Stop a Panic Attack from Taking Over

We can all get ourselves going, thinking about the worst-case scenarios over and over again, but most of us have learned that doesn’t help, and tends to get us into a panic.

For some, panic and anxiety is an illness, and treatment is advised. I am not directing the following comments to that, but more to people, like me, who can nip a panic attack in the bud. Here are a few ways to do that…

1. Get in touch with the actual sensations you feel when you start to get overly anxious. Do you have sweaty palms or pains in your body? Being conscious of what’s going on in the body can be grounding.

2. Watch the spinning thoughts in the mind. When someone is anxious, contradictory thoughts may be held at the same time. A racy mind is common before the onset of a panic attack—question what is being said—ask yourself, “is this true?” Of course, much of it will not be.

3. Once you are aware of your sensations, and what the mind is telling you, it’s time to replace these thoughts with something pleasant. What place makes you feel the calmest? A beach, a mountain lake, just looking at flowers in a garden? Whatever it is, bringing this “calm place” to mind during times of stress, can calm you down.

4. Exercise it out. Built up anxiety that feels like it’s about to pop can be channeled into productive energy when you start to exercise. Even 10 minutes of exercise can make a difference.

5 Ways to Handle a Boss Who is Rude to You

Disrespect and condescension are at the top of the list of attitudes that make a work environment feel hostile. It’s bad enough to feel like your colleagues don’t take you seriously, but that feeling can be amplified many times over when your superior is the one being rude.

According to one 2010 survey, 35 percent of the American workforce has been bullied and a whopping 72 percent of those bullies were the bosses of the bullied individuals.

How do you handle it when your boss openly acts like a jerk to you in the workplace? Here are five ways to move forward coolly and effectively.

Demonstrate Your Value
If your boss routinely berates you for being stupid, bad at your job or worthless to the company, prove them wrong.

Whoever hired you — perhaps that’s even the manager in question — obviously saw something in you at your interview. You’re in your position for a reason, and if you make it known that you’re not to be taken lightly, your boss may back off. 

It seems counterintuitive to work your butt off for someone who doesn’t respect you, but if you let the insults roll off your back and keep working your hardest, he or she may eventually have to concede that you’re not lazy, you’re not an idiot and you are valuable to both the team and the company.

Call Out Rude Behavior
Being someone’s subordinate does not mean that you have to let yourself be bullied every day.

Don’t be afraid to address the situation directly. Whether that’s in a private conversation or at the moment of an inappropriate comment, make sure you’re prepared to be firm and level-headed. Many office bullies, including the ones who manage you, will back down after being called out. 

Just be careful with a boss who’s quick to anger — they may not be receptive to pushback in front of their team. 

Enlist Help
When you’ve done all you can on your own, don’t be afraid to go to HR or a higher-up manager to complain about your boss’s behavior.

If he or she is truly singling you out, chances are that your colleagues have taken notice too. They can be useful as backups in a situation that involves a third party.

Keep Your Temper
Whatever you do when the boss starts getting angry, remember to stay calm and keep your own emotions in check. By blowing up at your boss over a rude remark, all you do is fuel the fire. 

If you react, your boss will know that he or she has struck a nerve, and can get a rise out of you. For some office bullies, that’s just the green light they need to keep trying to provoke you. Be the bigger person and return the insults with kindness. 

Remember That It’s Not Your Problem: It’s Their Problem
The reasons for your boss’s bullying are more deeply seated than you know, and probably have nothing to do with you, the job, or your colleagues. It can be hard not to take what he or she says personally, but when it comes to the emotional issues of someone you don’t know beyond a surface level, there’s nothing you can do. 

Ask yourself these questions:

How much of what your boss says will actually affect the work you do on a daily basis?What kind of effect will this have on your career?

If your boss isn’t intimately involved in your projects, or won’t have a direct impact on anything you choose to do in the future, thinking about these questions may make it easier to ignore the rude comments and insults.

Ultimately, you can only do so much in a bad working environment. It’s up to you to determine whether or not you can stick it out for the sake of the job. If you feel that you have to remove yourself from the situation for your own good, don’t hesitate to leave.

 

 

 

Sarah Landrum is the founder of Punched Clocks, a site dedicated tosharing advice on all things career. Follow her on Twitter@SarahLandrum for more great tips!

How to Come Back from a Deep Hurt and Love Again

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been burned twice in a big way and I have felt gun-shy about approaching love again. However, I listen to my inner voice and read what other experts say, and I am willing to try again. Here’s what I will be doing to get myself in gear:

Know how big my heart is. I have a lot of love to give. And yes, I give my love to my adult child, friends and people who I work with…but there is a longing to have a significant other in my life.  And that longing does not come from emptiness but a desire to share love.

Seeing friends who have faced the fear and did it anyway. I have several friends who are independent women and have been hurt by past loves. I have watched them have to courage to reach out again. And several of these women are in great relationships.

Accepting whether it happens or not, I am okay. That mantra that we say, “I am enough, do enough and have enough”…that is the bottom line.  No person, or lack of a person, place or thing, can take away my serenity unless I let them.

So I will put myself out there and let go of the results…it is all okay!

When Bad Things Happen to Good People - What to Do

We all go through tough times but how to recoup quickly is useful to know. Here are some suggestions.

Something BAD happened, but You are not BAD
When something terrible happens, doubt may creep in and you may blame yourself. But more than likely you didn’t cause the situation to happen.

Go Deeper
Everything is a life lesson. They say, everything that happens to us is FOR us, so what did you learn from the situation? Take a good look so you don’t make the same mistake next time.

Accept the care being offered
It’s easy to go down under when you are dealing with ultra-tough situations, but catch yourself. Stay close to people who care about you. Don’t isolate, and reach out for help. You don’t have to handle this alone, even though you may be feeling very alone.

Trust your gut

      

 

For articles on trusting your gut, take a look at the links below!

3 Times you should listen to your intuition when you sense something wrong

Trust your inner compass

6 Power tips from highly successful women

 

 

5 Surprising Truths About Introverts

There are several misconceptions about introverts. We tend to associate introverts with undesirable qualities like being nerdy or awkward or uncomfortable. But these are distortions. Take a look.  

Myth:  Introverts don’t do well in social situations.

Truth: Sure they’re probably not going to be the person standing in the middle of the room saying, “Trump, am I right?!” But they do their fair share of socializing. They just prefer to have people approach them, or feel more comfortable talking to people they have things in common with.

Myth: They have a hard time finding their “voice”.

Truth: Some of the best speakers, like Emma Watson or Audrey Hepburn have considered themselves introverts. When an introvert has something substantial to say, they’re going to say it. They simply are a little more selective about what they put out into the world.

Myth: They’re loners.

Truth: One of the defining qualities of an introvert is how they use their energy. Introverts tend to see time alone as a chance to recharge when they’re spent. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have a close group of friends.

Myth: They’re rude or awkward.

Truth: Introverts can get a bad rap because they don’t enjoy “small talk”. It may feel phony to them and can be draining. But when you get to know them, you’ll quickly realize they’re actually great listeners and easy to talk to.

Myth: They’re boring.

Truth: Introverts are deep thinkers. They spend a lot of time reflecting. They may come across as dull. If only you knew what really went on...

- Bre Glynn

How to Get Noticed in the RIGHT Way

As an executive coach I am often asked about the best ways to get noticed at work that don’t feel like bragging and set you up for long term success. One of the first things I always tell my clients is to make sure their work is aligned to the critical strategies the company is currently focusing on. That is one of the foundations for getting noticed early and often. That said I want to share 3 strategies you can implement NOW to get noticed and position yourself for long term career success.

Get Involved in Business Development Activities
No matter where you sit in your organization you can seek out ways to get involved in winning new business for your company. The more you demonstrate your ability to generate revenue for your company, the more recognition, exposure, and opportunity you will likely receive. Even if you are not in a traditional sales role in your organization, at a minimum you want to keep your eyes open for opportunities your company can take advantage of. When you bring them to your sales organization ask to stay connected or involved to get a better sense of your company’s development process. Don’t forget to share the results with your direct manager.

Invest in the Success of Others
There are several ways for you to invest in the success of those in your organization. A great place to start is by investing in the early career development and intern programs in your company. These programs are typically high profile and will allow you to get great exposure to senior leadership. The other strategy I recommend is investing in your colleagues’ success by helping them solve their critical issues or challenges. This action demonstrates your ability to work collaboratively and to lead at a peer level. When people believe you are committed to their success they typically want to assist you in any way they can. You may begin to notice your colleagues advocating that you get additional opportunity in your organization.

Exceed Expectations
The best way to create raving fans of your manager, teammates, and employees is to exceed their expectations. To do this you first must know exactly what they expect. Think back, when was the last time you intentionally over delivered on a project? If it has been a while, it is time to recommit to exceeding expectations. Once you have gone the extra mile and gotten great results from your work - SHARE YOUR SUCCESS with everyone. Be willing to tell others about your great accomplishments. One easy way to do this is to simply thank those who helped you with the project, let your manager know you completed the work and see what else they might need and share the results with your sponsors and mentors in your next discussion.

Choose the strategy that resonates most with your personality and where you know you can get an early win. Once you have done that try another and another. Don’t forget to ask your sponsors and mentors what they recommend that may be more appropriate for your culture.

 

 

 

 

Cornelia Shipley, April 2016 Career Coach

3 Ways to Turn Your Mood Around

We all have those days. We wake up feeling down and it’s hard to get out of bed. But being the responsible adults that we are, we still have to somehow pull it off. Keep these tips in mind when you’re having a tough time.

1. Take it one step, then another, and another. 
It’s easy to indulge your mood and shut out the world. But sometimes forcing yourself to take a small step is just what you need to get your body moving. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. Once you get moving you might be pleasantly surprised how the rest of the day unfolds. 

2. Meet up with a good friend.
You know how they tell you the best way to force yourself to get to the gym is the buddy system? Well the buddy system works here too. Next time you’re feeling low, call a friend and get together (You know women have the hardest time reaching out for help). 

3.Take in a little “me time”.
Set out a certain amount of time for yourself before pressing forward. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing kind of thing. If you can, allow yourself some moments to regroup. Sometimes letting yourself have that time to recharge is just what you need to feel better.

-Bre Glynn

7 Quotes to Get Up, Get Out, and Get Moving!

Every morning is a chance at a new beginning. And the way you begin sets the tone for the rest of your day. Here are some quotes to get you in the right mindset!

1. “I believe in waking up every day and taking a good step toward health and honoring your body. Remember that you are young, beautiful, individual, and unique—that is worth everything in this world.”
- Train Bellisario

2. "There is a sense that things, if you keep positive about what can be done, do work out."
- Hillary Clinton

3. "Don’t be afraid to have your own opinion. Don’t take no for an answer. Fight. Because people try to bring you down, and people try to get in the way of your dreams. But if you set your mind to something, you can accomplish that—and then some."
- Sarah Hyland

4. "Be yourself. Do whatever you want to do and don’t let boundaries hold you back. I’m trying to do that myself. It’s a journey."
- Sophie Turner

5. "Three things work for me: (1) bright lipstick, (2) the thought: If I don't try, I'm guaranteed to get nowhere, (3) thinking: Why the hell NOT me?"
- Stacy London

6. “Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.” 
- Helen Keller

7. ”It is absolutely still possible to make a difference. The great moments of our history are not decades in our past; they're happening right now, today, in our lifetimes."
- Michelle Obama

5 Things Strong Women Will NOT Tolerate in a Relationship

1. Mean words, mean actions. If someone is putting her down often, she’s ready to cut ties. Occasionally, everyone has an off day, but 3 strikes and they’re out.

2. Not appreciating her wins. A strong woman is looking to be her best self. If people in her life are jealous or insecure about her victories and question “why am I not winning like she is?” she will have to keep her distance.

3. Being too controlling. A strong woman has her own set of friends. She extends herself to her partner and his close ones, but if he is making excessive demands on her time, her time with her friends is non-negotiable.

4. Lying, cheating, and stealing. This needs no explanation.

5. Lack of communication. Not all of us are great communicators, but a strong woman will insist that her partner make an effort to share the good and the bad of what’s going on between them. If he is rigid and close-minded, that will not fly.