Helene Lerner's Blog, page 146

Do You Take Yourself Too Seriously?

You’ve got a lot on your plate. Between work, family and additional responsibilities, it’s easy to feel like the world is on your shoulders. If this sounds familiar, here’s some advice – chill! Your life will feel much more balanced, relaxed and enjoyable if you let yourself lighten up. Here are a few tips on how to do it:

1. Don’t catastrophize. Often times, when something goes wrong, we project in our minds the future horrors that the setback might lead to. This is usually due either to a fear of uncertainty or a lack of confidence in ourselves and our ability to rebound. A bump in the road doesn’t mean a disaster is on its way. See mistakes and challenges for what they are – learning opportunities.

2. Cut yourself some slack. With all the demands placed on us on a daily basis, it’s no wonder we feel we have to be all things to all people – and often demand perfection from ourselves. But remember, you’re human! Mistakes are part of the package. You don’t have to be flawless every time. And it’s ok to let others see that you’re not perfect. They’re very unlikely to judge you for it, since they’re humans with flaws, themselves. If they do, know that it’s because of their own insecurities.

3. Let go. You don’t have to win ‘em all. If a project at work doesn’t go as you’d hoped, even though you gave it your all, chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. Don’t continue to beat yourself up for it. That will only eat away at your confidence.

4. Play hooky. Ok, not literally. It’s never a good idea to skip out on your responsibilities. But if you have some flexibility in your schedule – if there’s a task that can wait an hour or even just 15 minutes – take the time and do something fun or relaxing. All work and no play makes life boring. Don’t give into the workaholic tendencies we all experience from time to time. Of course, there are periods when work is particularly busy and you have to keep your nose to the grindstone. But as a general rule, make sure to find time in your schedule for fun.

Think you might take yourself too seriously? Take our quiz to find out!

Hot Fall Fashion Trends

We all know it although we don’t want to say it so I will…Summer is almost over! I know, it makes me sad too. But while I’m no fan of being cold, I am fond of chunky sweaters, tall boots and fur (faux or real you decide!).  The best pieces of the season start to trickle into the stores this month and the style savvy run to snatch up the limited editions now while the rest of us are still sunbathing. Don’t fret though, I’m going to arm you with info on fall’s HOT items.

The Midi

We know fashion is cyclical. This year’s new skirt length is a trend from the 1940’s finding its resurgence into our lives and the fashion runways in 2013/2014.  Its ladylike silhouette is a little longer than the pencil skirt; hitting either just below the knee anywhere to as low as to the mid-calf.  The MIDI’s appeal is cross-generational. It’s the perfect cover-up that’s elegant in length and works day to night.

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The Big Cat/Animal Effect

I always love a good graphic pattern but this year it seems like the bigger the better! Many designers have animal prints on everything from scarves to outerwear in giraffe prints, leopard, tiger, you name it! I’ve found that one bold piece can make an outfit soar -  or in this case, it can make it roar! Tame the rest of the look with solids or simply cut, easy pieces like a turtleneck and skirt or pant in the same tone.

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Ice Ice Baby

In addition to white, ice blue is a soft yet electric color for the season. Paired with the dark hues of black or navy are key color trends that give deep and cool touches to your style. Invest in a few pieces this fall in textures that are thick and nubby or perhaps suede silk.

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Fur Accents

Whether you are a faux fur wearer or a real fur wearer, there are equally fabulous options out there. It’s prominent in runway accessories and featured as part of many ready to wear and outerwear ensembles. Make a simple outfit pop with just a scarf! If you have an old fur coat, sweater or blanket, take it to your local alterations shop/dry cleaner and have them make scarves out of them. Take one for yourself and gift the rest for the holidays…you’ll look like a superstar sharing her gift of style!

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Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts, and award shows.

Clear a Guilty Conscience

Guilt is a powerful and dangerous emotion because it disempowers you and undermines your self-esteem. No matter what the cause, guilt should be healed and released as soon as possible.

We all make mistakes. They're meant to teach you what not to do and what doesn’t work - not cripple and inhibit you by creating guilt.

 Here are five steps to help you overcome guilt:

1. Take responsibility for your actions and behavior. It may be difficult, but once you own what you’ve done, you can see it for what it really is…an error in judgment and/or behavior. Errors can be corrected.

2. Allow yourself to be human. This means letting go of the idea that you must be perfect in everything you do. This is an unrealistic expectation and will drive you crazy as you try to do the impossible.

3. Try to understand what motivated your behavior. Be honest with yourself. If you aren’t, you’ll be inclined to repeat the mistake and this will intensify your feelings of guilt. 

4. Apologize to all offended parties. Be sincere in your apologies. People are sensitive enough to know when you’re making a genuine apology.

5. Love yourself enough to acknowledge your weaknesses. That way, you can see the areas where you might want to grow. When you love yourself, you take care of your emotional well-being, just like you do your physical health.

Guilt causes sleeplessness, anxiety, resentment, stress and can lead to unhealthy behaviors like substance abuse, rage and depression.

A clear conscious empowers you. It boosts your energy, builds your confidence and self-esteem and allows you to move and live freely in the world. It frees your mind and spirit; and freedom is the most precious gift life has to offer.

When you are discouraged, what to do...

Love this: "Don't quit, just before the miracle happens."  Think it was said by the late Dr. Norman Vincent Peale.  I was lucky enough to attend some of his lectures when he was alive.  The man was warm, friendly, and full of passion.

What keeps you going when you feel discouraged? Is it the support of a friend who believes in you? Is it a deep belief in wanting to serve others?

You don't have to do it alone. You can reach out for help--and from my experience, there will be someone there.

Keep this in mind: You have something valuable to contribute, and people need what you are offering.

Take time for YOU

We asked our community -- if there was an added hour in the day, what would you do with it? And we are got responses like, do something for me that is pampering, sleep more, work out more.

Taking time for oursevles is not a luxury, but a necessity. How many of us don't take time to reflect or pause in between activities?

Ladies, this weekend, don't just think about carving out a little time for yourself, do it!  And if other people try to make you feel guilty about not doing something for them, don't take the bait.

You deserve some ME Time, end of story.

Time For Me

Dedicated to women like myself who forget to put their self-care first.

If you enjoy this video, read more from my book, Time for Me: A Burst of Energy for Busy Women.

Enter our DRAWING for the chance to receive a free, autographed copy by joining our network before 5pm Eastern, August 20!

 

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Video Editor - Elena Havas

Who Mentored Some High-Profile People?

It has been said that great leaders are also great followers. Everyone learns from someone else.

Consider the great leaders of our time. They all mention how they were influenced, inspired and mentored by other leaders and how that leadership helped them become the successful men and women they are today.

Oprah Winfrey names Maya Angelou as her mentor; Bill Gates and Paul Allen of Microsoft were mentored by PC Inventor Ed Roberts. Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, was mentored by Steve Jobs and Don Graham of The Washington Post.

The pursuit of excellence is an ambitious undertaking. Having a powerful and talented life coach can make the difference between success and failure.

So, what about you - who are you following? Have you identified successful people you admire? Are you working with a life coach or mentor now? If not, you may be missing a vital component of your future success.

To achieve the levels of excellence you desire, you must:

Continue to improve and fine-tune your skills


Expand and enhance your creative and innovative abilities


Relate to and communicate with those you manage, as well as those who manage you

The easiest and fastest way to do this is to work with a life coach. In today’s world, it’s more important than ever to maintain a fresh perspective and stay current on changing trends, patterns and practices in your personal and professional life.

A coach will provide the guidance and support you need to accomplish these goals. They will help you clarify areas that need improvement and hold you accountable to ensure you stay on track and on target, in a timely and reasonable manner.
 
Your ideal coach may be a professional life coach, a boss, a business or civic leader, or simply someone you know who’s willing to show you the way.

The most important things to look for in choosing your coach are:

Synergy: Having that special, energetic connection that enhances your coaching experience and can greatly accelerate your progress, is essential


Relatability: Your coach should have experience doing what you aspire to do


Relevant Knowledge: Their skills, wisdom and talents should be appropriate for what you desire to accomplish

Your coach will help you learn to clarify and master the skills you need to succeed. They will guide, encourage, inspire and empower you to achieve your goals and attain the great success you desire.

Use Your Talents Generously

When we give of ourselves generously – share our talents and abilities – it can come back to us in unexpected ways. Alice, an acquaintance of mine, was quite unhappy about being out of work. When her friend, who was also jobless, asked for help in putting a resume together, Alice was reluctant to do so. She felt that if she helped her, there would be one more person competing for a job she might be interested in. But she cared for her friend and didn’t feel right about refusing. Alice asked for advice from another friend, who counseled, “If you stop sharing your talents out of fear, you won’t feel good about yourself.” So Alice decided to help.

Six months later, her friend landed a great job working for a large computer company. But she never forgot Alice’s help. When an opening came up for an administrative assistant in another department, she highly recommended Alice. As we give generously, we are often surprised by the gifts that come our way.

How have you recently shared your talent with someone in need?

Excerpt from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

Is There Ever Time for Personal Time?

Let’s face it – finding time for yourself isn't easy when you have a busy schedule. It often feels like we’re running from one activity to the next, until we collapse into bed. And taking vacation time isn’t always an option. So what can you do to work in those pockets of private time?

1. Pencil yourself in. When you put an appointment on your calendar, it becomes something you feel obligated to follow through with. Scheduling one evening a week to do something just for yourself – and treating it the same as any other appointment – makes that personal time a promise to yourself you’ll be likely to keep. It doesn't have to be a fabulous night on the town - just curling up with a movie or enjoying a long conversation with a friend can be rejuvinating.

2. Create a regular practice. Whether it’s first thing in the morning or last thing at night, dedicate 10 minutes a day to doing something calming that you enjoy – meditation, reading, whatever floats your boat. Make it part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth. That way, you’ll get in the habit of factoring in enough time.

3. Enjoy the things you have to do. Not all of your personal time has to be down time. When you’re making dinner, put on music and use it as an opportunity to unwind. Really enjoy your morning coffee. Use your commute as a time for reflection – or, if you take public transportation or can connect your iPod to your car stereo, listen to a book or podcast.

Organize Your Office - 5 Easy Steps

Is stuff piling up all over your office? Does it seem like papers, mail, receipts, files, bills, and everything else has taken over?

Well, don’t fret…it happens to the best of us. When you’re running a business or very busy at work, office clutter and disorganization can be a major problem.

It contributes to overwhelm and stress, which inhibits your ability to do your best work. But, getting organized is time consuming, so you might be inclined to put it off.

To help save your sanity and bring order to the chaos, here are a few easy to implement ideas to help you organize your office and tame the mess… aka your office!

1. First, de-clutter your desk.
Make separate stacks of related items and papers: i.e. receipts, reports, letters, etc. You may want to buy some of those little wire or plastic baskets to contain the stacks from your local office supply store.

2. Your filing system, do you even have one?
Whatever you can file easily and quickly should be filed right away. Use manila folders, write the general description of what’s in the folder (i.e. receipts, bills to pay, notes, letters, etc.) on the tab, and stick them in it instead of laying them down. You’ll notice an immediate improvement in the space around you.

3. Use envelopes creatively.
An alternative to manila folders is to use envelopes or sheet protectors to organize them. Label the folders so you’ll know what’s in them. Once this is done, you can break them down even further as you see the need to have more categories. If you’re a business owner, make sure you separate personal papers from business papers. You’ll be glad you did come tax time!

4. Snail Mail
First, dump the junk! Unless you’re a coupon clipper or have a real interest in a particular flyer, just toss the junk mail when it comes in. Sort through your mail while standing near the trash can (or recycling bin). Then, put the mail you want to see in an “inbox” on your desk. Schedule a time to go through the mail during the day, like after productive work hours or first thing in the morning. Go through your mail at least once a week.

5. Delegate
If you’re a business owner and don’t have an assistant, consider hiring one even on a part-time basis. Or, hire one of your kids or another family member! It’s a great way to get cheap service and perhaps a tax deduction in the process.

The sooner you organize your office, the better. You'll be more effective and relaxed as you go through your day. Bite the bullet and get it done, or hire someone to do it for you. It’ll be one more to-do you can cross off your list!