Helene Lerner's Blog, page 144

How well do you deal with your Anger?

When you feel the sensations of anger are you aware of your state? Or is it more common for you to go about your day and deny what you are feeling--perhaps, eating too much and feeling somewhat depressed, and not know why?

It's important for us to know when and why we feel angry. With awareness, we then have several choices about how we respond to the situation.

 

Why You Need to be Honest

When we don't own our feelings or let others know our truth, our relationships suffer. Perhaps we rationalize that we don't want to hurt someone’s feelings or that sometimes it feels right to keep a distance, for whatever reason. Withholding in such a way destroys our ability to have close connections with people.

Our trust in ourselves may waver as we share honestly because we doubt our capability to do this on a consistent basis. Also, as I said before, we are unsure of the consequences of being authentic with other people – can we trust that they will still be there? The answer may frighten us: some will and some will not. But we will have the power to move forward in our lives nevertheless. Another scenario could even present itself – we may want to leave those relationships of our own accord.

By sharing yourself honestly, true friends will not only know you better, but will be able to support you.

Excerpt from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

What Do You Do When Your Computer Crashes? Part 2

Yesterday’s post discussed the issues you’ll face when your computer crashes. Today, we’ll talk about the process of recovery and how to make it infinitely easier.

Backups are the key! Always, always backup your system regularly, at least once a month, and weekly if you have a business or add data like pictures and music to your computer frequently.

Even if you don’t backup your entire system, make copies of your data files. On a PC, those files are usually: documents, pictures, music and videos. There are other important files too, but these four are the minimum you should save.

You can copy them to an external hard drive that you can buy at most stores, or you can use a zip drive. Use whatever you have as long as it has enough storage to hold your files.

But, these drives are hardware and, like any piece of hardware, they can fail too. So the best way to backup and preserve your system, data and files is to subscribe to a cloud backup service like CrashPlan, Norton Online Backup, Carbonite, or MozyHome.

They all offer slightly different services, so do your research to determine which service best fits your needs. The costs average about $50 a year for a single license, but if you ever need to recover your computer, it’ll be the best $50 you’ve ever spent.

Remember, your data is very valuable to you. And, if you have a home-based business, backing up your files could be crucial to its survival.

Think of it as the insurance policy you’d buy for a brick and mortar business. Having backups readily available in an emergency can save your time, money and sanity!

-Lyn Williams, Author, Speaker and "Love and Happiness Mastery" Coach
http://www.thewomanexec.com

What do you do when your computer crashes? Part 1

If you’ve ever experienced the shock of having your computer fail, you know how traumatic it can be. If you haven’t…thank your lucky stars because sooner or later, it will happen to you.

The sudden appearance of the dreaded blue screen, or the vague error message that says your computer doesn’t know who it is anymore, can send shock waves through your mind and body. It can literally take your breath away!

In today’s technological world, our computers have become the center of our lives for storing treasured items like photographs, music, home videos and whole host of other important information.

When a computer crashes, it rarely gives any warning. One day it’s working fine, you turn it off for the night and the next day…boom! It won’t boot up!

Older computers are even more likely to crash. If the failure is due to a virus or software failure (a critical file deletion), it may only require re-installation of your operating system to get you back online.

But, re-installing your system is no easy task. More than likely, you’ll end up calling in a specialist to do the work for you.

It will probably take several hours because after they re-install the system, they’ll have to reload all of your data files and programs…that is…if you have backups. Technicians don’t come cheap. Figure on paying upwards of $70/hour for their services.

If it’s a hardware failure, which means your hard drive has malfunctioned, you may have to buy a new machine. And, you may still have to get help from a tech-savvy friend or that pricey technician to re-install your data and program files…again…if you have backups.

Without backups, any games or other programs you’ve purchased for your computer will have to be re-purchased. This is also true for a lot of the software programs you’ve downloaded from the internet.

If you don’t have the CDs or DVDs for the games and software, you may not be able to re-install them. Most vendors don’t offer replacement software when your system fails.

So, do yourself a big favor. If you don’t currently create backups of your computer system, start doing it now; before you have a critical emergency. Because once the crash happens, it’s too late.

To be continued…

-Lyn Williams, Author, Speaker and "Love and Happiness Mastery" Coach
http://www.thewomanexec.com

What do you do when your computer crashes?

If you’ve ever experienced the shock of having your computer fail, you know how traumatic it can be. If you haven’t…thank your lucky stars because sooner or later, it will happen to you.

The sudden appearance of the dreaded blue screen, or the vague error message that says your computer doesn’t know who it is anymore, can send shock waves through your mind and body. It can literally take your breath away!

In today’s technological world, our computers have become the center of our lives for storing treasured items like photographs, music, home videos and whole host of other important information.

When a computer crashes, it rarely gives any warning. One day it’s working fine, you turn it off for the night and the next day…boom! It won’t boot up!

Older computers are even more likely to crash. If the failure is due to a virus or software failure (a critical file deletion), it may only require re-installation of your operating system to get you back online.

But, re-installing your system is no easy task. More than likely, you’ll end up calling in a specialist to do the work for you.

It will probably take several hours because after they re-install the system, they’ll have to reload all of your data files and programs…that is…if you have backups. Technicians don’t come cheap. Figure on paying upwards of $70/hour for their services.

If it’s a hardware failure, which means your hard drive has malfunctioned, you may have to buy a new machine. And, you may still have to get help from a tech-savvy friend or that pricey technician to re-install your data and program files…again…if you have backups.

Without backups, any games or other programs you’ve purchased for your computer will have to be re-purchased. This is also true for a lot of the software programs you’ve downloaded from the internet.

If you don’t have the CDs or DVDs for the games and software, you may not be able to re-install them. Most vendors don’t offer replacement software when your system fails.

So, do yourself a big favor. If you don’t currently create backups of your computer system, start doing it now; before you have a critical emergency. Because once the crash happens, it’s too late.

To be continued…

-Lyn Williams, Author, Speaker and "Love and Happiness Mastery" Coach
http://www.thewomanexec.com

How to Defeat Perfectionism

Trying to do your best is a good thing. But if you put too much pressure on yourself, perfectionism can take over. It comes from a place of self-criticism and causes us to berate ourselves for any imperfection and feel as if nothing we do is good enough. It can also make it more difficult for us to relax and enjoy our experiences. Here are some suggestions for avoiding perfectionism.

Recognize it. If you notice you’re being overly critical of yourself for a minor “mistake” or “flaw,” mentally remind yourself that it’s just perfectionism talking, not reality. This will allow you to separate yourself from your thoughts and move on.

Change your expectations. Demanding perfection is unrealistic – you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Understand that there’s nothing wrong with being imperfect – we all are! You should expect your best from yourself, but don’t imagine you’ll be flawless. Approaching a project or situation with more realistic expectations will make it easier to handle any unforeseen setbacks.

Be compassionate. Would you be so hard on your best friend for simply failing to be perfect? Of course not! You deserve the same treatment. Imagine what you would say to a loved on who made a mistake or demonstrated a fear or vulnerability and tell yourself the same thing.

Practice imperfection. No, it’s not a good idea to intentionally make a mistake on a project at work. But if you’re a perfectionist in other areas of your life, try breaking your own rules. If you only allow yourself sweets on the weekends, pick a weekday and indulge in a cupcake. This will show you that the consequences of imperfection are not nearly as dire as you fear.

-Sarah Cooke

Cheap, Easy, Fun Things to do Before Summer Ends

I hate to say it, but summer is coming to a close. It’s not too late, though, to squeeze the last few drops of fun out of the season. If you don’t have time to leave town, enjoy a staycation before the temperatures drop and all you feel like doing is curling up with a blanket. There are all kinds of inexpensive activities right in your neighborhood.

Live music. Seeing a show doesn’t have to mean dropping $50 on a concert ticket. Check out nearby bars and cafes – many of them feature live music at least once a week. Some venues don’t even ask for a cover charge. If they do, it’ll usually be under $10. It’s a great way to support local artists and discover new music you won’t hear on the radio.

Enjoy nature. For many of us, experiencing nature truly feels like a vacation because we spend the majority of our time indoors. Head to a local park and go for a hike or bring a picnic. Many parks offer additional activities like paddle boating for a small fee. If you have a dog (and the park allows it) bring him along. Nothing relieves stress like bonding time with the pooch.

Eat great food. During a busy work week, there’s not much time to fix elaborate meals. If you want to treat yourself to something special, host a potluck. Sharing food brings people together. It’s an excellent opportunity to catch up with friends you haven’t seen in a while and sample some delicious, new dishes.

Try something unusual. If you do a little research, you’ll probably find quite a few quirky activities in your area that you wouldn’t typically be aware of. Some of my favorites have been puppet shows, garlic festivals and 3-D, black light mini golf. These places and events are weird and silly – they’re sure to make you laugh and leave you with a great story. Plus, they’re a break from the ordinary.

-Sarah Cooke

What do Friends Need During Adversity?

Recently, we asked our wonderful Facebook community what they feel are the best ways to support a friend going through a challenging time. They responded thoughtfully and from the heart.

Listen. Many of our followers said that truly listening is one of the best ways to help a friend in need. When we’re experiencing adversity, feeling like we’re not being heard – like no one understands what we’re going through – makes the hardship feel even more intense. As one follower said, “Listen and be there with them. Many of us just need to know we are not alone during those challenging times.”

Make space. It has been said that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. In the midst of a challenge, a friend may not necessarily need an elaborate demonstration of support. Just the presence of someone who cares is often the best medicine. Our followers said that showing your friend you’re willing to take the time to be with her can be incredibly comforting.

Stay collected. Although it can be tempting to allow yourself to get swept away in the emotion of your friend’s struggles, what she needs is someone who can offer stability. Mirroring her emotional rollercoaster is not always helpful. Empathize and let her know that you fully understand what she’s experiencing and why she feels distressed – but also stay grounded. According to our Facebook community, this is especially the case if your friend asks you for advice. An outside perspective from someone who can think through the situation more calmly will be the most helpful. In the words of one follower, “Be the level-headed one in the midst of their emotional chaos. You can’t offer good support if you are caught up in the situation.”

-Sarah Cooke

Start a Small Business on the Cheap

Some say you can start a business with no money, but the truth is you can’t. You’ll need some money, but it doesn’t have to be a lot. If you leverage the assets you have, plan and budget properly, you can start your business now.

There are many free or low-cost resources available to the new entrepreneur. High unemployment and a bleak job outlook have caused many people to look for alternatives to finding jobs. So, services for the new small business owner are widely available. 

It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. It you’re willing to trade sweat equity and self-education for the convenience of hiring a staff, you can do it. And when you succeed, the experience will be priceless.

These are some of the tips and shortcuts I used to start my business while on unemployment.

Evaluate your current skills and assets
Take inventory of your talents. You may be able to market them to other businesses or people as a consultant. This is a great way to begin creating relationships and earning money.

Start writing blogs and articles to establish yourself as an expert in your field. These activities will also be useful in attracting new clients and customers for your business. Make sure you capture contact information from your readers either through a website or email auto-responder service like AWeber or GetResponse.

EzineArticles.com and SelfGrowth.com are good sites for publishing your original articles for exposure and building your mailing list.

If you’re currently employed, don’t say anything about your business plans to your current boss or co-workers unless they’re going to be your partner in your new business. Your entrepreneurial spirit may not sit well with your boss and co-workers.

Determine how much of your current income or savings you can comfortably invest in your new business
I say comfortably because the last thing you want to do is create more stress in your life by putting too much money in your business and not being able to pay your bills or support yourself.

Make sure your business plan includes a small allocation of money each month for things like web hosting, buying cheap services, buying supplies, etc. Maybe you can trade skills with someone you know to get certain services done for you for free.

If you’re still working, or are newly unemployed, I highly recommend starting your business as soon as possible while you still have cash flow. Don’t wait until your money is running low, or your unemployment benefits are about to expire.

It may take time before you’re making a profit. You can grow your business much faster when you’re not depending on it as your source of income.

Find free and low-cost resources on the internet
One of my favorite sites is www.fiverr.com. You can find every kind of service from the normal to the outrageous…for only five dollars! There are literally thousands of people offering to do almost anything you can imagine.

When you choose a provider, check their referrals to get an idea of the quality of their work. It’s a good idea to choose someone who has lots of jobs in their queue, even if it means you have to wait a few extra days for your job to be delivered.

Use Social Media to promote your business
There are hundreds of millions of people on social media sites waiting to do business with you. When used correctly, social media can be invaluable and will accelerate your success.

Join professional networking groups; this is the fastest way to connect with potential new clients and customers.

If you haven't already established business related social media connections, start building them as soon as possible. You must establish the relationship before trying to sell your products or services. People are more willing to do business with someone they already know.

For straight advertising, Craigslist and other free ad sites are great resources. Create flyers and business cards. They’re still excellent channels for telling people about your business.

Create your website, Facebook Fan Page and/or Group as soon as possible
If you can’t afford a website right away, create a Facebook Fan Page and Group pages for your business; they’re free. You can also advertise your business on Facebook and drive traffic to your fan page.

Comparatively speaking, Facebook ads are probably the cheapest way to advertise your business. Facebook offers options so you can target your particular market when you create your ad.

These are the basics of starting a business on a shoestring. All you need is a strong desire, a little knowledge, determination, patience and the willingness to commit to your dreams and you’re on your way. Here’s to your success!!!

-Lyn Williams, Author, Speaker and "Love and Happiness Mastery" Coach
http://www.thewomanexec.com

How to Deal with Uncomfortable Feelings

Countless situations can cause us discomfort: tension in our immediate surroundings, uneasiness in our own skin, or others' unsettled feelings. Perhaps we're challenged by an insecure boss and are asked to justify something we've done or not done. Or perhaps we're in our home, feeling overwhelmed and thinking, This is not the life I signed up for. What do I do now? For our purposes here, discomfort is whatever triggers a sense of feeling out of control.

Discomfort can also occur when we assert ourselves in a new way, or when we have taken a step to reveal ourselves more authentically. Either of these can scare us because we feel more vulnerable. So the question becomes: How can we stay compassionately present to ourselves in the midst of change and respond in a healthy, self-empowering way, rather than denying the discomfort that arises and acting in a way we will later regret?

I myself have experienced the vulnerability of change and have needed to reach out for help; getting to know myself in a new way felt overwhelming. Years ago, when I first lost fifty pounds, I thought I'd be thrilled to see myself in the mirror. This expectation was shattered at first glance. I felt awkward exposing my thin, attractive self and, at times, I was tempted to slip back into the protective layer of oversized clothing. My old mindset and my new body were at a disconnect. I needed to become accustomed to accepting positive attention and feedback from my peers.

I found myself reaching out to a male acquaintance who had maintained a major weight loss for several years. When I shared with him how conflicted I felt, he related to what I had described. I immediately felt comforted. But it didn't end there.

"Close your eyes and picture yourself standing on a beautiful beach facing the ocean," he instructed me. "Do you have the power to hold back the force of the waves coming toward you?"

I cast him a skeptical look. He continued: "There's something that powers the universe, a force much greater than you or me." Up until that point, my spiritual background had led me down the path of a nonbeliever. Now this wonderful man, whom I had no real reason to trust, was suggesting that I accept something I had rebelled against all my life. As he proceeded, his intensity did not diminish.

"You can choose at this very moment to not let your fear stop you from embracing life. Give up the struggle."

"But - " was all I managed to cough out. He interrupted me: "'But' makes simple truths complicated. You can choose to embrace change instead of resisting it."

Even now, when terror is my knee-jerk reaction to change, I think of his words - they help take the sting out of the fear I'm experiencing.

Look fear in the face and step out in a new way.

Excerpt from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self.