Helene Lerner's Blog, page 143

Return to Work Stress-Free

It’s September already! That means most of us have returned from our summer vacations and we’re getting back into a regular work rhythm. Follow these suggestions and make it easier to regain your focus.

Get up on the right side of the bed. On the first few days back at work, it’s easy to wish you were still on vacation. But approaching your daily routine with a positive mindset makes the transition much smoother. Remind yourself of all the things you enjoy about your job and know that the stress you’re feeling over returning to work is only temporary.

Ease yourself back into it. Don’t book a flight home that arrives at 10pm the night before your first day back. If work starts on a Monday, get home on Saturday. That way you’ll have Sunday to unpack, do your laundry, prepare your lunch for the next day and unwind after traveling.

Make the vacation last. We all love vacations because they give us the opportunity to kick back and have fun. Make a point of scheduling time to relax alone and to visit with friends and family. Block off time on your calendar to get a manicure, watch a movie at home or have lunch with your girlfriends. Give these dates as much importance as you would any other appointment.

-Sarah Cooke

How to Communicate with Empathy

I teach an effective communications course and many of the professionals in my program struggle with feeling as if they’re being listened to with empathy and understanding. When we demonstrate empathic listening, we have more of a chance to get it from others. Here is a practical, three-step formula. It’s from a colleague, Sam Lloyd of SuccessSystems, Inc. However, just like anything that is not yet a habit, this takes lots of practice.

Here's how to do it

1. Listen attentively to what the other person says and also pay attention to the subtle cues that tell you how they feel. People rarely express their emotions with words so you have to read the signals that come from their body language – tone of voice, posture, facial expression, etc.

2. Restate what you heard them say  - provide  a brief summary of the content and acknowledge their feelings.

3. End your restatement with a "checkout" question such as "Right?" - "Have I understood?" - "Am I with you?"

Let’s try this out in an example: "Sounds like you're really resentful (feeling) about the way your friend treated you after the party and you're not quite sure what to do (content). Right? (checkout question)"

If your restatement is close to accurate, the other person will confirm by saying, "Yes" and will tell you more.

If you are concerned about how the other person might respond if you are inaccurate with the content summary or the emotion you think you identified, no worries! If you're wrong, the worst that will happen is that he or she will correct you — and that's a good thing! This avoids miscommunication. If you're just a little off target he or she will clarify by saying it again a little differently, improving mutual understanding.

Use this three-step formula every time you communicate. Simply restate content, acknowledge feelings and end with a checkout question. Practice, practice, practice! You will be amazed at the improvement in your communications with others and the quality of your relationships!

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Why You Need to Relax

It's easy to let your mind drift back to your to-do list. But it's important to allow yourself to truly unwind. Here are some benefits of relaxing and staying in the present when you take time off.

You'll have more fun. If you're spending time with friends or family, you're not going to truly enjoy it if you're worrying about a project at work or all the errands you have to run. Keeping your mind in the present - and stopping your thoughts from wandering to all the things you need to get done in the future or every mistake you might have made in the past - will allow you to fully appreciate your experiences.

You'll be less stressed. Most of us have busy schedules and we don't have a lot of time to kick back. So it's crucial that we make the most of the time we do have. If you really flip the off switch during your relaxation time, it will help you to recharge.

You'll be more productive. Let's face it, we can't fire on all cylinders 100 percent of the time. If you don't unwind during your downtime, you're just going to burn yourself out. Taking a breather means you'll be more effective when you go back to work.

-Sarah Cooke

Act as if you're Confident!

No one has all the answers including the leaders that we admire. It's quite possible that when they make a decision and are in unchartered territory, their knees are shaking too.

So why do we question ourselves and feel that in order to take that next step, we "should" feel more confident?

I say, take the leap, confident or not. As women, we often second-guess ourselves. We know what's right, but go back and forth. We need to become more aware when we do this and stop it.

We have the insights and the knowledge that is needed. Speak up and believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will.

 

Time to step out of your comfort zone

What would you like to do if fear wasn't an issue?

How big are you willing to have your life get?

What have you been putting on the back-burner that you know you should do?

 

Time to take "smart risks" and step outside your comfort zone.

The world needs your talents and abilities, there is no time to waste.

Fall is a time for new beginnings, so step out today.

Meet our Career Coach for September

I'm Andrea Zintz, your Career Coach for September. I am once again happy to be your resource for ways to navigate workplace, relationships and career.

A little about me: I specialize in executive and high potential leadership strategy, succession and development. I have over 30 years experience in Leadership Development, Change Management, Human Resources Development and Training. For over 13 years, I have consulted to large corporations on leadership, team, and organization development.

My clients are in technology, diversified healthcare and pharmaceutical, advertising, financial, commercial real estate, and retail industries and many are global corporations. I've been a Vice President of Human Resources and Management Board member for a Johnson & Johnson company and have led their corporate executive leadership development for North America. My special interests include executive women advancement, diversity/inclusion, and mentoring.  I received my M.A. and Ph.D. from Fielding Graduate University.

A specialty of mine is crafting powerful and strategic questions we can ask ourselves (and others) to access the best thinking. I also believe that our emotions are essential to our ability to meet our psychological needs and to adapt successfully to our environments and challenges. I offer plenty of tips for doing this through storytelling, answering your questions, and sharing great ideas I hear from others.

I especially enjoy coaching and my goal is to make a difference every day. I live in New Jersey, am married to an elementary school teacher and have two wonderful daughters, 18 and 20.

Please feel free to comment with any questions or special requests. I look forward to a great month!

—Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Let your voice be heard

Don't hold back. When you can make a difference, let your voice be heard.

It takes courage to do this, especially when what you will say is not the popular viewpoint. But if you don't change the conversation, how will innovation happen? Also, how do you feel when you know you could have had an impact, but didn't come forth?

So personally and professionally, say what needs to be said.

Weekend Playlist to Make You Feel Happy

It’s a long weekend! Nothing sets the mood and helps you unwind like the perfect playlist. Check out these feel-good tracks.

Strength, Courage and Wisdom by India Arie. An amazing song about believing in your inner power and not being afraid to live authentically.

Bottom of the Barrel by Amos Lee. This is an optimistic, folky tune about picking yourself up when things are tough.

You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne. One of the happiest love songs ever – which is unusual, since most of Ray's music is excellent but, well, pretty depressing.

Creepin’ In by Norah Jones and Dolly Parton.  A great marriage of poetic lyrics and country twang.

San Francisco by the Mowglis. A wonderful pop-folk song about loving and feeling connected to the people in your life.

Next to Me by Emile Sande. This pop song is about gratitude for the support of a loved one during life’s challenges.

Be Ok by Ingrid Michaelson. A sweet, unassuming little tune that really makes you feel like things will turn out fine, even if you’re completely overwhelmed.

Memphis Shakedown by the Carolina Chocolate Drops. What’s fabulous about this bluegrass ditty is that all the vocals are played through a kazoo. You can’t listen to it without laughing.

Hey Ho by the Lumineers.  This folky song features an upbeat acoustic guitar and a ridiculously catchy chorus.

-Sarah Cooke

 

Put self-care top of the list

We often do for others, at the cost of doing for ourselves. We need to stop that pattern.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I give myself the credit I deserve?

Do I acknowledge all that I do in the world?

Do I treat myself to special things?

Do I have a sense of humor and do I use it on myself?

 

Today, put your self-care top of the list and do something special just for you.

Why You Want to Be Authentic

Being your authentic self can help you earn the respect of others. We've created a video where successful women comment on the importance of authenticity.

Video Editor - Dominique Guerra