Helene Lerner's Blog, page 114

How to Rise Above Toxic People

You will inevitably encounter people, both professionally and in your personal life, who try to shine at your expense, and undermine you whenever they can. They’ll deliberately try to hold you back and break your spirit. Be patient, keep focused on doing your very best, shrug, laugh, and bounce back.

Over the long haul, you’ll earn your colleagues’ respect, your bosses will recognize your talents, and your true friends will reveal themselves. And if any of them don’t respect you after you have given it a fair shot, go back to lesson number one: Be flexible, and move on. Prove ‘em wrong. Success is the best revenge.

~Valerie Jarrett

Adapted from The Essence of Success: Words to Encourage Every Woman’s Path to Success. Edited by Patricia Wayant. Thoughts of Life, 2013.

Two Savvy Entrepreneurs Who Give Back

We interviewed Sandra Reiman (Founder and President) and Yu-ling Behr (CEO) of Sandra Cadavid handbags and jewelry. They recently had a trunk show in New York City at Henry Bendel. Check out our video and learn about how these two savvy women started the business and how they're giving back.

Be sure to enter our drawing--one person will receive one of their gorgeous bags, retail value $425. Join our network before 5pm eastern Thursday, May 1 to enter. This drawing is open to anyone who is a member of our website network in the United States.

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

Why We Need Diverse Leadership Styles

I recently spoke to a group of women about gender diversity and the need to “close the leadership gap.”  Several people spoke about how more women are needed in board rooms and at the senior level. I agreed with them, until they started saying how the “female style” of leadership was better than the “male style.”

The point of my program was that we need different styles of leadership in different situations.

We use the terms “male and female” styles because of researched cultural norms but the reality is that there is a wide, swinging bell curve. You’ll find men who use the “female style,” and women who use the “male style” and people  who know how to adapt their styles are the most effective at leading people and leveraging their workforce.

Here are the three suggestions I made to the group

1. Be aware of unconscious stereotypes and biases and be open to breaking past them in order to leverage each others’ strengths.

2. Recognize that many different styles of leadership can be effective.

3. Women, get comfortable asserting and learn as much as you can about different styles of communication and ways to lead

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

How to Deal with Rejection

 

Lauren Berger, founder of InternQueen has written a book for Gen-Y’s, Welcome to the Real World. We interviewed her about how to deal with rejection. Here are a few of her tips.

Don’t take it personally.

Make a note of the feelings associated with rejection. Let those feelings act as an alarm to signal that you are feeling rejected and you need to take action.

Vent/Take a quick walk around your office/Take a short break.

Fuel Your Fire/Use it as motivation/Keep Moving

Have a to-do list ready to get back on track quickly.

Ask for feedback/constructive criticism.

Think about past successes that stemmed from rejection. Keep a list near your desk of these moments to remind yourself that you’ve been here before and it does get better.

Understand that rejection doesn’t mean never, it just means not right now.

Note: Young people sometimes  have a misunderstanding of rejection. They think that successful people don’t get rejected. I explain that the most successful people in the world get rejected on a daily basis. It’s something that everyone deals with – personally and professionally.

Know Your Worth

You have talents and gifts that are uniquely yours.

You have the ability to share insights that can change the conversation for the better.

You can build a bond where there wasn't any.

You can inspire others to follow your lead.

You can offer a random act of kindness that can make someone's day.

You can laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously.

You are special, just the way you are.

Why You Need to Take in Compliments

When we are open to honoring the different parts of ourselves, we experience more of our passion and power. We feel better about ourselves and are able to take in the gestures of kindness and support from others. This became clear to me when Hanna, an acquaintance of mine who is a gifted singer, could not receive any praise of her talent.

She invited me to one of her performances in a small cabaret. After the show, I approached her and said how fabulously she performed. By her facial expression, I could see that she didn’t take in what I had to say, an impression that was reinforced by her response—a quick “Thanks,” followed by, “Oh, it was so hard to get this gig and I don’t know where the next one is coming from.”

Hanna did not pause to receive my sincere compliment, which, had she been able to accept it, could have contributed to her feeling good about her performance. Instead, she deprived herself of enjoying the appreciation of her audience.

Because I truly wanted her to succeed, we spent some time talking about how she had discounted my earlier compliment. She was open to listening to what I had to say, and that began to create a shift in her thinking and her ability to take in acknowledgment. Ultimately, letting in praise enabled her to go for better-paying concerts and land the gigs she deserved.

-Excerpted from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Autnehtic Self. By Helene Lerner. Beyond Words, 2012.

Why You Need to be Kind to Yourself During Change

In my last post I talked about the chaos of change, and how this can create fear. Don’t hesitate to acknowledge the fear, and take care of yourself. This is a time for self-nurturing. Here are some suggestions:

When you’re feeling insecure, address it. When you sense a fear, speak to it. Take time to focus on your needs.

Talk to people who are supportive, not people who will trivialize your feelings and tell you everything will work out for the best, when they have no real knowledge of the situation.

Change whether good or bad, can place stress on your body. Don't ignore it. Find outlets to give your mind and body a break. Practice deep breathing and relaxation. Take time to exercise, go for a walk or enjoy the outdoors.

Be patient. Change takes time. Recognize it could take a while for the dust of change to settle--and be patient both with the process and the people who are affected by it. Your demonstrated patience will give security and confidence to those around you.

Make a list of how the change you’re going through can benefit you. Visualize yourself staying calm, and being successful.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Coming from Strength

We are always evolving, and as we trust ourselves more, we will act from strength. This is no easy task and involves a process of learning to trust our instincts and logic, rather than reacting from a fearful place. 

There is a big difference between reacting to something and acting from strength. Reacting fearfully does double damage.  We injure others but more importantly, we injure ourselves.  Acting from strength, on the other hand is empowering. 

We are smart, intuitive, and can offer ideas that make a difference. With awareness, we pause before taking action, then speak from our strength.

Observing Earth Day Around the World

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Today is Earth Day…some history: On April 22, 1970, 20 million Americans paraded in streets, parks and auditoriums to rally for a sustainable environment after the 1969 oil spill in Santa Barbara, California. Earth Day is now recognized in 192 different countries and the Earth Day Network (EDN) promotes some of these campaigns. Here are a few:*

In India, EDN will host workshops throughout the country to provide environmental education and skills training for sustainable lifestyles to young girls and women.

In Switzerland, the International School of Geneva will be hosting a “green sale”—selling organic food to raise money that will be used to purchase and plant trees throughout the campus.

Earth Day is celebrated in Tunisia by the Higher Institute of Applied Biological Sciences of Tunis, which will be hosting a “Go Greener Maya Campaign,” where college students will present projects to reduce, recycle or reuse waste.

In the Caribbean, the islands of St. Kitts and Nevis will take part in a “Clean Island Sweep,” hosted by the Nevis Historical and Conservation Society. The public will be taught how to care for the island through activities led by the group members.

-Written by Andreia Bulhao

*These may not be the only activities in each country.

Step Into Spring on Earth Day

The temperatures are finally getting warmer--and that means it's time to head outside. Spring is in full bloom in New York's Central Park and Conservatory Gardens. Check out our video and get into the spirit of Earth Day. Enjoy!

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko