Helene Lerner's Blog, page 115

What You Need to Know to Deal with Change

Let's face it: change isn't easy. Whether it’s positive or negative, chosen or imposed, it almost always causes stress, uncertainty, and general unease.

Leaders need to be aware of the challenges change presents to their employees, whether dealing with lay-offs, mergers, retirement, or other changes in structure or approach. 

We can all be aware of the challenges change presents in our own lives and the lives of people that we work with, or who are in our family.

The first step in learning to deal with change is understanding how it works and what it looks like. Here are a few things to consider:

Changes have a beginning, middle an end, but begin with an ending!


To begin the change process, you need to let go of old ways and old ideas. Say goodbye to the past with confidence. This is important as you become more empowered, start living your life for you, and move up in your organization or develop a new image or identity.


The middle can be very chaotic, ambiguous and scary. Uncertainty is high. It may take a leap of faith to get through it. There may be a temptation to go back to what was comfortable even though you were feeling stuck.


Looking back at how you have successfully dealt with change in the past can help you go through change in the present. It can also help you lead other people through change.


How quickly and easily people go through the change process can depend on whether the change is imposed by outside forces (budget, management,) or as a result of a personal, conscious choice. It can impact whether the outcome will be positive on negative.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com
 

Compassion and the holidays

Holidays bring up some uncomfortable feelings. If there is a loss in the family, grief may be prominent. For those of us who came from dysfunctional homes (most of us), unresolved feelings may be unspoken. And if you are alone, loneliness may rule the day.

Whatever it is for you, honor yourself. If you are not there for you, who will be? There is no wrong or right. No one needs to measure up to an expectation of how the holiday "should be." It is what it is.  Acceptance is the key to peace.

I wish for you a day of compassion, however you may be feeling.

How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Let’s face it, sometimes we’re our own worst enemies—and often, we don’t even realize it. We asked psychiatrist and author Judith Orloff how we can stop holding ourselves back. Here are her suggestions.

Listen to your gut. Your intellect can help you approach challenges, but your intuition can lead you to the solution, as well. If you don’t balance the two, you might end up pushing too hard and exhausting yourself or alienating other people. I strongly suggest this three-minute surrender meditation: close the door to your office, relax and follow your breath. Quiet your mind. Ask your intuition a question, such as, “How should I proceed with this deal?” and see what ideas come to mind or what gut feelings you experience.

Ditch perfectionism. Rather than obsessing over outcomes, do everything you can, then let go and allow the situation to unfold in its natural way. Know what you can control and when to back off. Don’t keep pounding on a closed door.

Manage your anger. Don’t hold it in or criticize yourself for feeling this way. Be compassionate towards yourself and talk with friends or journal about anything that makes you angry. Set boundaries with “energy vampires” who push your buttons.

Don’t be controlled by fear. Companies are downsizing and careers aren’t as stable as we might like. Your concerns are real. But if you keep the focus on your fear, it will get in the way of your productivity and creativity. Rather than worrying about the future, bring yourself back to the present moment and do what needs to be done today. Breathe slowly and calm your body. Picture your fears as passing clouds in the sky, then focus on something positive and loving.

Stay positive. In the morning, replace stressful thoughts with one supportive affirmation. During the day, try to be of service to those around you. Frame challenges in terms of what you can give, rather than what you’ll get. Don’t criticize yourself. Take difficulties one step at a time and be sure to enjoy yourself.

(Photo for Judith's headshot Bob Riha.)

Judith Orloff is the author of The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life

What You Need to do to Promote Inclusion at Work

At some point in our lives, we will all need an ally.  Women and men need to be allies for each other and work towards gender diversity and inclusion.

An ally is someone who is willing to take action in support of another person, in order to remove external barriers that impede that person from contributing their skills and talents in the workplace or community.

Being an ally takes courage because it might mean speaking out against comments or jokes that are racist, homophobic, sexist, etc.

If the people making those jokes are people like you and you’ve known them for years,  it might mean they stop inviting you places, and start to exclude you. It also means that even if the person is another woman, you need to step up and speak up.

It might mean recommending a talented male employee for a promotion, who keeps getting passed over because they are disabled, and people making the decisions don't think he can do the job because of his disability and don't bother finding out.

It might mean even reporting another woman to a manager at a higher level, because they refuse to stop harassing another employee based in their gender, age, race/ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation.

It might mean that if no one else steps up, the bully will single you out, and hopefully you'll have an ally who will stand up for you.

It might mean that by stepping up as an ally, you've helped your company turn a profit, because you've helped create a workplace where everyone has an opportunity to excel, and where customers across the whole diversity spectrum love to do business.

It also means that you have to support the people who support you, no matter how different they are from you.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Expose the Impostor Syndrome

 

Joyce Roche in her book The Empress Has No Clothes talks about the impostor syndrome head on.

"The impostor syndrome, at its core, is a distortion in the way we see ourselves.  The trouble is that we believe the warped image to be reality--the "truth" we've somehow managed to hide from the rest of the world. We are petrified that we will be discovered and spend nearly all of our energy guarding against that possibility.

One of the most difficult aspects of the imposter syndrome is the fact that it demands that we keep our feelings a secret.  Don't stay silent. Find a way to speak about your fears.  Whether you do it with a trusted friend, a coach, a mentor, your partner, a therapist, or in a journal, give voice to all the feelings churning inside.  (Writing to yourself can be one of the most effective methods to face the impostor syndrome.  It was for me and many others)."

 

 

Why You Need to Monitor Your Stress Every Day

Does negative stress sometime feel like it comes on suddenly, without warning?  If so, it's likely that it has actually been slowly growing but you haven't been aware of it until it’s almost too late. That’s why it’s so important to realize when stress starts creeping up.

Keep a check on your stress levels by keeping a record. Rate your stress levels on a scale of 1-10 (1 being not stressed at all, 10 being stressed to the point of being dysfunctional ,or severely limited in terms of your activities). Jot down in a bulleted form your emotions, behaviors, etc., and your stress rank.

This doesn’t need to be a time intensive activity. Spend just a few minutes  each day writing on a small notepad you keep next to your bed, at your desk, etc.
 
After a few weeks, look back and try to identify patterns in your stress (computer crashes, particular corporate events, interactions with certain individuals). Look for ways to reduce stress by eliminating these stressors or triggers, and if that’s not possible, look for opportunities to build in stress-releasers (exercise, baths, sleep-ins, etc.)

The point is to focus on your emotions and yourself for a few minutes each day. Because this exercise is self-reflective in nature and helps you feel grounded, it is a powerful stress-fighting tool itself.

Once you’ve done this for a few months, it can become a quick mental exercise, and you can forego the pen and paper altogether. Like a vital stats check on your mental health, you can monitor your stress levels automatically and determine when you need a dose of a stress-relieving activity.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Mini Retreats to Help You Recharge, Even on Workdays

If taking a vacation isn't a practical option for you at the moment, what can you do to unwind and feel more balanced?

Know yourself. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Know what gives you a sense of peace and balance, and what makes you feel off-kilter. If you relax by reading, set aside some time to do that. It makes a difference in your day, if you do something relaxing right before sleep in order to wake up calm, relaxed, and stay focused throughout the day. If you want more time to be with friends, schedule that time in your calendar. Keep a notepad by your bed so your can write down those brilliant ideas that keep you awake all night. It will be easier to fall asleep once you write them down.

Don’t wait for the "right time" to relax…you will likely always be busy.

Wherever you go you bring yourself with you. It doesn’t make a difference if you are on a cruise, relaxing at home, or playing golf. If you do not know how to create an internal sense of balance, you will feel the same as you always feel wherever you are.

Balance can be a state of mind. Take a slow, deep breath whenever you are feeling rushed and overwhelmed. It will help slow down that feeling of always being rushed and worrying about the next task, while you’re doing something else that needs your full attention. Take a break from multi- tasking and try doing one thing at a time.

It might feel strange but you’ll be calmer, more productive and strangely enough you’ll get more done in less time.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Our Community on What Makes a Powerful Woman

Our online community answered the question, "What makes a powerful woman?" Take a look at their responses.

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

How to Start Feeling More Balanced Today

Almost any time I read an article or hear someone speak about life work balance, the solution is the same--take time off, take your family on a cruise, take your family with you. There are a lot of people who do not have the real time, budget, or desire to do these things.

You may not have a “traditional family,” you may be single, a single parent or are taking care of your own parents. There are those of us who don’t want to wait for the big trip but want to have a sense of peace and balance every day.

Here are my suggestions:

Get rid of the old mantra that you have to do it alone. No one achieves professional success without help from others. Think of your friends, family and colleagues as your personal community and get over any reluctance to ask for help.

Community brainstorm session. Invite some of these personal community members to your house, tell them that you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, overworked, stressed and out of balance. Ask them to share their own best practices and ideas of how to adapt a few to your life.

Let your community offer their resources. When my partner of 18 years passed away and I became a single mother of an eight-year-old boy, I had no idea how I could continue speaking across the country, do what was necessary to run my business, and stay sane. Friends and colleagues came together and helped create a community for my son. People were willing to stay overnight, and take him to activities while I was away, or needed to attend meetings. My son was taken to baseball games, movies and trips, so that I had time to myself for reflection, exercise and socializing with adults. If you are a parent, this is when carpooling can be a good idea. If you don’t have children, and are feeling overwhelmed and you are working all the time, ask people in your personal community to come and get you for lunch, coffee, a movie, etc. When they show up, make sure you go. The workaholic world will function without you for a few hours.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Tasty Easter Recipes from Trisha Yearwood

 

Spring is here, and with it come all of the season's holidays and festivities.

Grammy Award-winning country musician and Food Network star Trisha Yearwood shared with us two of her family's favorite Easter recipes.

Trisha is the best. She has enthusiasm for whatever she undertakes. 

Try her recipes.  Enjoy!

 

 

Baked Ham with Brown Sugar Honey Glaze

Ingredients

18-20-pound smoked ham, water added, ham hock removed
1 16-ounce box light brown sugar
1 cup (8-ounce jar) clover honey

Directions

Adjust the oven racks to accommodate a large covered roasting pan. Fit the pan with a shallow rack. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Unwrap the ham and rinse it in cold water. Place it on the rack in the roasting pan. Cover the pan with the lid and open the vents in the lid slightly to allow steam to escape. Bake the ham for half the estimated cooking time. (Total cooking time is about 20 minutes per pound.) Halfway through the estimated cooking time, in a separate saucepan, mix the sugar and honey  until smooth. Pour the mixture over the ham. Continue baking ham, basting occasionally with the drippings in the roaster.

Check for doneness at the end of the estimated cooking time by inserting a meat thermometer at a meaty point (not into fat or touching bone). It should register 160 degrees F.

Allow the ham to stand for 15 minutes before slicing to allow the juices to set.

 

Potato Salad

Ingredients

5 pounds red potatoes, peeled and cut in 1/2-inch cubes
2 teaspoons salt, plus more to taste
4 hard-boiled eggs, peeled, and diced
3/4 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sweet pickle relish
black pepper

Place the potatoes in a medium saucepan or pressure cooker (see note). Add 2 teaspoons salt and enough water to cover the potatoes. Boil the potatoes for 30 minutes, or until they are tender when pierced with the point of a knife but hold their shape. Drain the potatoes, transfer them to a large mixing bowl, and allow them to cool completely. Add the chopped eggs, mayonnaise, and sweet relish, and fold gently to combine. Add salt and pepper to taste. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

Note: The potatoes may be cooked in a pressure cooker. Sprinkle salt over the potatoes. Follow the manufacturer's instructions and pressure-cook for 5 minutes. Release the pressure immediately and drain and cool the potatoes.