Helene Lerner's Blog, page 112

Put an End to Jealous Behavior Starting Today

Most of us have experienced jealousy at some point in our lives and it can be especially challenging when the “green-eyed monster” decides to visit you at work. Sure, you are happy for your co-worker who just got the promotion you have had your eye on for the last two years, at least that is what you want everyone to believe. 

Deep down you may be feeling angry, disappointed or frustrated. If you act on those feelings in the moment, you may do damage to your career.

Instead, recognize that what you are feeling is normal but you can take control and not let it sabotage your actions. Stop comparing yourself to others and simply focus on accomplishing your goals.

Get clear about any underlying emotions you may have that could be sparking your jealousy. Think about what is making you feel this way:

                .What you are afraid of losing?
                .Why you might feel threatened?

Look the truth in the eye and deal with it. Take responsibility for your feelings and choose to act in ways that support your self-interests.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

 

Cheesecake Recipe for Memorial Day

Memorial Day is coming up, and that means summer isn't far behind. Nothing says summer like strawberries, and Pamela Morgan shared with us her recipe for Lemon Poppy Cheesecake with Strawberry Rhubarb Compote. For more of Pamela's recipes, visit Flirting with Flavors.

 

 

 

 

Cheesecake:

6 tablespoons sugar

8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature

6 ounces mascarpone

2 teaspoons lemon zest

2 teaspoons lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup sour cream

3 large eggs, room temperature

1 tablespoon poppy seeds
 

Crumble:

5 tablespoons butter, room temperature

1/4 cup sugar

1 sleeve graham crackers, roughly broken up

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Compote:

1 pound rhubarb, cut into 1/2 inch pieces

1 cup hulled, quartered strawberries

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon orange zest

1 teaspoon grated ginger

1 tablespoon orange liqueur

Preheat oven to 325. Spray eight 6-ounce ramekins generously with cooking spray. Set in a large baking dish or roasting pan. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese, mascarpone, and sugar until smooth. Beat in zest, lemon juice, vanilla, and salt. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well between additions. Beat in poppy seeds. Divide batter among ramekins and add enough hot water to the pan to come 1/2 way up the ramekins. Bake for approximately 30 minutes, until set and no longer jiggly. Chill in pan for 15 minutes before putting into refrigerator to chill completely, about 3 hours.

Meanwhile, make crumble. pulse all ingredients in food processor until crumbly. Turn out onto a sheet tray and bake at 350 degrees for ten minutes, until toasted and fragrant. Let cool and set aside.

To make compote, toss all ingredients in a medium sauce pan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook until soft and pourable, then let cool.

To serve, run a paring knife around the edge of each cheesecake and invert onto serving plates. Top with compote and crumble. If desired, garnish with strawberry slices, piped mascarpone, or mint leaves. Enjoy!

Pamela Morgan is a food blogger, caterer and cookbook author. For information on her upcoming teleseminar, "The Joys of Entertaining," click here.

How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself Now

How often have you engaged in behavior that is potentially destructive to your career? Many of the most damaging forms of self-sabotage are subtle and often easily dismissed or excused. It can be as simple as failing to speak up in meetings or downplaying your contribution on a critical project or initiative.

We’ve all heard that voice in our head that says, “You can’t, you’re not smart enough, or who are you think you can succeed?” Trust yourself and your abilities. Affirm yourself daily and celebrate all the great things you have accomplished already. When self-doubt appears, be willing to examine the root cause at a time that is most productive.  Don’t allow it to derail you in the moment. Design a strategy to quiet the voice of self-doubt in the moment. Many of my clients use the simple strategy of saying to the voice in their head, “Thanks for sharing, but that is not helpful in this moment.” By acknowledging the doubt, they can let it go, maintain their personal power and succeed at the task at hand.  

You may be someone who either over-communicates (fails to get to the bottom line quickly) or under-communicates (fails to speak up at all). Both behaviors can sabotage your success. Hone your message and lead with your big idea first. In many organizations, those who speak up early in meetings are perceived as more confident. If you tend to need more reflection time, review any information prior to a meeting and come in ready to share a clear position on the issues you will be discussing.

The biggest saboteur I have seen of women in my practice is the failure to act decisively. Don’t get stuck in analysis paralysis. Learn to analyze data quickly and accurately so you can act.  Decisive action can communicate your command of the situation and will often garner the respect of your counterparts.

Be aware of your sabotaging behavior, even if it does not appear to be impacting you today. Take stock now so you can stop blocking your path to success.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

We Need to Stop Judging and Start Accepting Ourselves

Author and blogger Elizabeth Kesses recently shared with us some of her insights on self-esteem.

When I was a little girl, I loved having my photo taken. Then after the age of about 11, there are no more photos of me in our albums. I avoided mirrors with a vengeance, refused to try on clothes in shops and went to the hairdresser kicking and screaming - an hour in front of the mirror was torture. ‎All I could see was ugliness.

I suffered from terribly low self-esteem, so the way I looked was an easy target for self-criticism. Everyone at school was prettier and had nicer everything than me. I became borderline anorexic later in adult life and “androgynized” myself at one point, to eliminate any femininity or points of comparison with others. 

I can't imagine how hard it is today for teen girls, with the deluge of selfies and social networks. The world is driven by beauty today from TV shows about models to dating websites and Facebook profiles--and it is extremely challenging not to get caught up in the narcissism. The consequence is problems like eating disorders, cosmetic surgery and unhealthy behavior like using sex to gain attention.

‎ But what’s most destructive is how we talk to ourselves. When we look in a mirror, walk into a meeting, or arrive at a party most of us will go into “negative autopilot.” would never talk to a loved one the way we talk to ourselves. 

Self-esteem and resilience are built on a belief in who and what we are. I had low confidence as a child, so I became brilliant at school as a way of seeking approval, I chose a job in advertising as it was socially acceptable and I married my business partner as it made me feel safe.

I had no idea who I was. Then life dealt me some blows and I was forced to go away and do the “pray” part of Eat, Pray, Love. I had studied literature at Oxford but never dared write. I loved creating fairytale stories as a child but it stopped there. I began blogging and after a bit of success at the Huffington Post, I wrote a book about a little girl with low self-esteem called  The Ugly Little Girl.

The saddest thing for any of us is not to do or be what we want to in life. It's about being in your truth and not giving two hoots what others say. All that matters is your opinion of yourself, for that is the greatest opinion of all.

~Elizabeth Kesses, Author of the Ugly Little Girl, Dove ambassador and Huffington Post blogger

How to Deal with Challenging Emotions

The following practices will help you center yourself and take appropriate action when you feel uneasy and don’t want to face a situation that’s causing you discomfort:

Journal for one week in detail about situations you catch yourself wanting to avoid or deny. Ask yourself, What was the situation, person, or thing that triggered me? How did I feel? How did I veil my discomfort? Answer these questions without being judgmental. Once you begin to identify your overt and subtle habit patterns, you increase the possibility of helping yourself in a new way. Rather than being judgmental, treat yourself with kindness as you make self-empowered changes.


Consider joining a support group or inviting a friend to partner with you. Check in daily with each other. Whenever you catch yourself in denial or avoidance, write about your thoughts and feelings in your journal. Sometimes this alone is enough to prevent you from going backward into familiar habits that no longer serve you.

From In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self. By Helene Lerner. Atria Paperback and Beyond Words, 2012.

How to Create Professional Relationships that Work

Every relationship takes work. Here are some things each of you can do to set yourselves up for success.

Assume nothing. We all know the mess that assumptions can create. You don’t always know how your colleagues and employees will feel or what they will say. Be willing to ask, especially if something has gone of course or there is tension.

Communicate your expectations. Expectations not met are one thing, but expectations not communicated are a disaster. It’s unfair to expect someone to meet a certain performance level if you haven’t clearly communicated what your expectations are—make them clear.

Be open to change. Go into any new relationship with some degree of flexibility. It is important that you be clear about what you want and need while staying open to the needs of your coworkers. 

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

Spring into Seasonal Accessories

What do women universally like to shop for? Shoes and handbags! They are among the most worn and changeable items women put on daily.

Shoes

In a perfect world, a shoe would be as comfortable as it is beautiful. That is a fantasy for most of us, however the spring trend of FLATS this season may makes it all come true. Pointy or round toe, in a solid or a pattern, flats work for day-to-night and work-to-weekend. 

Strappy shoes and chunky heels lead the pack on the high-heeled circuit...and shoes with shorter toe coverage are leading the way (aka toe cleavage). This lineup may not be the most comfy of styles but they usually are the most flattering. What’s nice is they come in all shapes, sizes and colors to accommodate your individual style. From chunky platforms and wooden heels to just a simple strappy ankle detail. You might not go far walking in them but you certainly won’t go wrong by adding them to your summer footwear arsenal. I have included images of a few that I think are work ready.

Bags

No more trying to find places to stash your smartphone and keys! Oversized bags are here to rescue us. My favorite is the slouchier take on the traditional clutch; a gigantic version of the classic. They come in a wide variety of colors and patterns; florals being the front runner. They can easily elevate a casual jean look and update a dressy look to feel modern and fresh for the office. If you carry more than even the newer roomier clutch can handle, don’t fret!  The other favorite handbag for spring is the TOTE. It is dually purposed because its fantastic for transitional dressing, when you need to take off some layers from your frigid air conditioned office or bring your after-work heels with you for later that day you'll need somewhere to stuff everything until you need it. Invest in a larger tote or satchel that fits most everything us girls carry in our handbags short of the kitchen sink!

The top-handle bag is an easy transition style through all the seasons; it’s not just for spring.  This easily versatile bag means you can't go wrong with whichever style you choose;  whether it's a structured satchel or a soft duffel with cool zip features, it’s a “you can hold-everything” work bag with detailing that’s special enough for play and structured and serious enough for the office. Playing with the color choices will determine if it’s season specific, so my suggestion is if you’re watching your budget, go with camel; it’s a classic color, works with everything and is great for all seasons. If you have some disposable funds to play with, try some lighter hues for the warmer seasons. A pastel bag is definitely drool-worthy, but the classic camels will always be a sure hit.

The next trend is a throwback to our younger days! The backpack takes us back to the old 90s, but this year's new crop is much, much cooler.

The other revised oldie but goodie back on the scene is the oversized messenger bag. The big buzz about them is that they’re hands-free. It’s all the comforts of being incredibly functional (hands down, the most comfortable way to tote a laptop), you can text, talk, eat, do whatever you want and not be hindered with holding your handbag. These spring bags make you look effortlessly cool but with the fun colors and styles out there you’ll add an element of chic.

Now that you have the 411 on the right styles for the season…..SPRING INTO ACTION! Go get the right shoes and bag for your best style statement. See you next month for more on accessories trends!

Pamela Watson, celebrity stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows.

How to Strengthen Your Reputation Starting Today

Senior level leaders often ask me my definition of a personal brand. Simply put, it is how information about and impressions of you are being discussed. There are three factors that shape those discussions: what you say, what you do, and what others say about what you said and did.  What others say about you is critical for your career success and the stakes only rise as you continue to climb the corporate ladder. The more visibility you have, the more important it is that you stay on brand message and to be consistent in every interaction.  Here are four ways to manage your facts in discussion daily:

What got you here won’t get you there. Let’s be real. Your reputation matters and it does precede you! It needs to evolve and keep pace with the ever-changing marketplace. Broaden your skills and abilities daily and create a personal development plan that enhances your ability to face both the challenges of today and tomorrow. 

Be consistent. Your brand is built one day at a time. Every day, commit to managing your brand message. Make sure your behaviors and interactions match your values and that your personal and professional stories are consistent. Try to leave every encounter with your colleagues excited about you and your contributions.

Manage every aspects of your brand. You, and therefore your brand, are complex. Every aspect of your brand from your digital image (including comments on blog posts like this) to your appearance, and most importantly your exceptional work, has to be managed daily. Remember--you are your brand’s biggest ambassador!

Be authentic. Your unique value is what gives you competitive advantage so own your authentic self. Stay true to your values and ideals and trust that the world will welcome the real you. Façade management takes energy away from your ability to do your best work.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

Create a new story for yourself

You don't have to live your "old story." At any moment in time, you can create a new one. Have the courage to step out in a new way. Take a "smart risk."

Mother's Day Can Be a Mixed Bag

Happy Mother's Day for all the mothers out there.  For many of us this may be a day of mixed feelings. Some of us have lost our mothers, others may not have had the best relationship with them.

Where ever you find yourself--today is an opportunity to "mother" ourselves. Do give yourself the care you deserve.