Helene Lerner's Blog, page 113

Don't Play It Safe

There is much wisdom in these Straight Line Reminders:

.Playing it safe is the most dangerous game in the world.

.How long should you try? You shouldn't. Say what you will do and follow through.

.Behavior drives results. Choice drives behavior. You drive choice.

."Seeing what will happen" and "saying what will happen" is what separates adults from children.

.Most people don't care what you believe.  They're inspired by "how you live."

.Making growth choices creates expansion and increases life. Making comfort choices creates more apathy.

.A life well lived = showing up and not holding back.

Dusan Djukich www.StraightLineCoach.com

Tina Brown on Why We Need to Empower Women Now

Helene recently interviewed Tina Brown, journalist and founder of The Daily Beast and Tina Brown Media. Take a look at her insights on taking risks, telling powerful stories, and empowering women.

Helene: You have always been a risk taker and a pioneer, where did you get that from? Was there someone early in your life who encouraged you to take risks?
 
Tina: My dad was a movie producer who always lived out on the edge, finding great material for movies and risking all financially to pursue them so maybe it's in the DNA.
 
Helene: Why Tina Brown Media—why the emphasis on women’s empowerment, now? What do you see as the urgency?
 
Tina: My passion is for stories.  That in a sense has always been the great differential in Women in the World from other women’s conferences. We are not there to do advocacy and/or to talk about “women’s issues.” We are there to tell stories and these stories are so moving to an audience that it raises the question in their minds: how can I get involved, what activism, what community engagement do we need to better the lives of these women and those they are trying to help? These stories make the American women in the audience inevitably ask themselves if they are doing enough in their own communities and in their own lives.
 
Helene: What are the long-range plans for your new company?
 
Tina: We will be continuing to expand the Women in the World/Live Media platform nationally and around the world.

How to Lead at Any Level

Whatever your role in your organization, every day you are faced with a choice – to lead, to manage, or to follow. At every level in your organization you are being called to lead.  Here are three ways you can be a more effective leader at any level in your company.

Focus on creating value. Seek out and recommend solutions to emerging challenges. Invest in your colleagues by supporting their efforts to create innovative ideas that will move your company forward. At the end of every day, make sure you know exactly how you created value.

Expand your circle of influence. Creating influence is about gaining the ear of those in a position to take action based on your recommendations. Expand your influence by expanding your network. Connect with influencers in your organization.

Have a vision. Most people will follow someone who can establish a vision that is authentic, clear and inspirational. Be willing to challenge your colleagues and teams. Commit to bringing out their best! 

Still not sure how to start leading?  Define what being a leader means to you. Become the leader you would want to follow.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

How to Get Closer to Pay Equity

From WCD’s press release…

In an effort to critically examine key boardroom issues, WomenCorporateDirectors (WCD) has formed the WCD Thought Leadership Council (TLC) – a commission of corporate board directors and advisors. TLC issued its inaugural report today. It tackles one of the most visible boardroom agenda items – executive pay – exploring what’s working and what isn’t.

Boards face numerous challenges and distractions when setting compensation strategy. TLC offers recommendations to improve governance and increase public confidence in their decisions. Here are a few of their suggestions, click here to see more.

What Boards are up against: Being handcuffed by data. The decision to set pay solely through the use of competitive market data ignores vitally important considerations such as individual performance (especially during unusual company circumstances) and the variances in actual job duties from company to company even for nominally the same title.

TLC recommends: Target the position, pay the person. “Data should serve as only one factor in making decisions,” says the report. Multiple other variables and individual circumstances must go into the mix.

What Boards are up against: Skepticism over need for retention pay. Shareholders and other stakeholders tend to be skeptical of pay for retention, especially when the economy isn’t doing well.

TLC recommends: Retention is worth paying for. “Unwanted turnover in the senior ranks has a cost to the organization.” This includes hard costs such as executive search fees and replacement costs for “trickle-down turnover” in reporting positions, and soft costs such as the organizational distraction that happens during a top-level change.” Retention of a strong management team is as legitimate an objective for compensation design as performance.

What is Your Mother's Best Advice?

With Mother's Day on Sunday, we asked our online community, "What's the best advice you've received from your mom?" Take a look at their insights.

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

Why You Need to Teach People How to Treat You

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You may be asking your self why some of your colleagues seem to get more opportunities and are held in “high regard,” while you struggle to get the recognition you have earned. Think about a co-worker who is well liked. Their opinions are respected and if something goes badly for them, others are always there for support.  If you don’t have this type of interaction with your peers and colleagues it may be because you have taught your organization to mistreat you. That’s right, you teach people how to treat you so if you don’t like how you are being treated, show your co-workers a new way of interacting with you.  Here’s how:

Establish clear boundaries. This is really important especially if you are in a high stress job. Guard yourself by establishing, maintaining and clearly communicating your boundaries. The best time to do this is when you start a new role. You can explain to your new team how best to work with you (establish your boundaries) and inquire about how best to work with them (learn their boundaries). This simple conversation can easily eliminate many of the workplace conflicts that arise.

Evaluate your interactions. Start by examining how you treat others. Are you respectful? What do your language and tone communicate about how you truly view the person you are interacting with? Are you creating relationships of trust, honest communication, and support? If you answer no to any of these questions, begin to think about how you might change your behavior.

Push back with tact and charm. Kindness goes a long way, especially in those intense times at work. Provide clear pushback in a professional and kind way. Minimize or eliminate your emotionally reactive responses – they can make you look unprofessional.  The calmer you are under pressure, the easier it will be for colleagues to hear your point.

Most importantly, remember to treat yourself well as those around you will follow your lead.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

 

When to Say Yes to a New Opportunity

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Being offered a promotion is exciting, but how do you know if it is the right move for you? Every opportunity should be assessed in the context of your long-term career objectives. Here are three simple questions to help you evaluate new opportunities:

Does it give you additional exposure?
Will the job solidify you as a leader with P&L (Profit &Loss) responsibility? Will it showcase your problem solving skills and unique talents? Is there increased exposure to top leaders in the organization?
 
Can it help you enhance core skills like strategic leadership?
Strategy matters – and demonstrating your ability to navigate complex issues will help others to see you as a strong leader. 
 
Does the opportunity support your personal career objectives?
On rare occasions you may be presented with opportunities that are not fully aligned with your ultimate career goals. Just because it is the “right” job from the company’s perspective does not mean it is the best job for you. Make sure it supports your career advancement and honors your personal needs.
 
If you can answer yes to all three questions, this might be a good opportunity to pursue. Create a plan with your sponsors and mentors to land that next promotion.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com

Career Coach: Welcome to May

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Hello, my name is Cornelia Shipley and I am excited to be your Career Coach for May. Over this month we will be talking about everything from evaluating promotion opportunities to increasing your personal productivity.

Since 2006, I have been working as an executive coach and strategy consultant for many of the Fortune 1000. Currently I spend most of my time preparing leaders for Senior Executive and C-Suite positions.  I have a Master’s in Business Administration and have studied business processes in both Asia and Australia.

This summer I will be releasing my book Design Your Life: How to Create a Meaningful Life, Advance Your Career and Live Your Dreams.  My husband and I were married in 2012 and live in Atlanta, GA.

Jennifer Buffett on Family and Creating Her Authentic Life

Helene recently interviewed Jennifer Buffett, co-president of the NoVo Foundation, an organization that is a catalyst for global change. Read about her early influences and her current life, including her deep desire to give back.

Helene: Where did you grow up, what was your family like, and early on, who saw something in you that you might not have seen in yourself?

Jennifer: I grew up in Milwaukee Wisconsin. I’m actually--I joke about this a little--a living gender experiment. I was second born to a twin brother. We were raised in the ‘60s by young middle-class parents. My mom was a first-time mother. She had a feeling that she was pregnant with twins but her male doctor at the time told her she was just over-reacting. Sure enough, she went into labor a month early, delivered my brother and then I came, unbeknownst to everyone, ten minutes later.

Helene: Jennifer that’s amazing! What happened?

Jennifer: My mother had a feeling she was having twins but they kept confirming she was only having one baby. She never had kids before so she didn’t know what to expect and I was so tiny.  I was in an incubator for weeks--it traumatized her not to be able to bring one of us home. I tell you that because I feel like I just realized in my ‘40s how much that original story…

Helene: ...influenced you?

Jennifer: Definitely! What a little fighter I was. I was very close to my brother; I played with the boys all the time. Boys had a lot more freedom and got to be a little wackier, got dirty and all that. I had a lot of fun growing up and I loved having a brother the same age. We’re still really close.

Helene: And you said that those experiences early on influenced who you are today, you called yourself a “little fighter.”

Jennifer: I think I have felt invisible a lot, not being aware that I actually did fit in the world. I felt like I had to be second to my brother. In terms of being a little fighter--I’m sure you can read this in child development literature but girls can develop faster than boys. My parents would say-- “let your brother go first,” “let him catch up,” so that was holding me back. I really didn’t understand why they were doing that.

Helene: So how did that play out?

Jennifer: My dad informed me the summer before I was going to college that my parents were splitting up. He was taking the boys, and my mom was taking the girls. He said ‘I’m going to pay for your brothers’ college and not yours’. And I said, ‘what are you talking about?’ He said, ‘well you’re only going to get married anyway.’ He came from a patriarchal family. Now he is more educated. But at the time and because of his upbringing, he just didn’t get it.

Helene: Did that cause you to pull you back?

Jennifer: Emotionally it confirmed a feeling I had felt growing up – that I was not as valued because of my gender. But it also put a fire under me. I left home that summer, worked and put myself through school. I feel so fortunate that I was able to do that. I lived in a dorm for a year, and then I decided I wanted to live on my own. I went to the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee and I met students from diverse backgrounds, which was really great. I worked three jobs. I was given a wonderful opportunity writing for a publishing company my junior year in college. I graduated school with no debt, money in the bank and job experience.

Helene: How cool! And what was your major?

Jennifer: It was communications and journalism.

Helene: When did you meet Peter?

Jennifer: I met him when I just turned 25 in Milwaukee. It was one of those things where I had my life planned out and organized and I was moving to LA, had job prospects lined up, a place to live.  I had recently left a long relationship. Peter was the last thing I was looking for. I was with a girlfriend at a restaurant. He was sitting next to me and his guy friend struck up a conversation with us. My girlfriend and I did everything we could to avoid this conversation because we just wanted to be by ourselves. But then Peter and I just clicked. I never thought I would see him again. I didn’t think of it as a romantic thing. 

Helene: So when did you meet again?

Jennifer: He tracked down my phone number-- it was a weird twist of things. I mentioned to Peter that I had been in a relationship with a musician that he had talked with a year before when he called my boyfriend at our apartment …

Helene: Oh my gosh, you’re kidding!

Jennifer: No! My boyfriend had sent him a demo tape. Peter had moved his commercial music business to Milwaukee from San Francisco, which was an unusual thing. Peter got my phone number from that demo tape. He called me at my apartment and I said ‘how did you get this number and why are you calling me?’ Then we ended up meeting one another in a park in Milwaukee, that afternoon and we have been together ever since.

Helene: Jennifer, what synchronicity!  Everything that happens in our lives, the good and the bad, is meant for our soul’s growth.

Jennifer: Absolutely. I’m trying to figure out how to talk more openly about spirituality. There is a real hunger for it in people and it’s an important part of being human.

Helene: So let me ask you, what is the greatest lesson that you’ve learned from your philanthropic work?

Jennifer: When I go around the world, I’ve realized that I am looking into my own eyes in every girl and woman that I meet. It’s such a powerful experience. I’m humbled and honored to recognize that divine connection. I also think that when women are safe, seen and celebrated, they flourish.

Helene: And everything around them starts flourishing.

Jennifer: Exactly. Patriarchy has separated us. I think the world is going to shift because we are waking up to that and we are uniting.

Helene: The world is in a very crazy place and it’s this connected power of women that’s going to help the shift.  How can one woman make a difference, right now?

Jennifer: By loving herself--really figuring out deeply what that means. I think it takes real courage and a decision to love yourself and go on the journey, connecting on a deep level to your authenticity, your true self-worth and your innate potential.

Helene: Do you meditate?

Jennifer: Yes. You have to have inner reflective time.

Helene: Whatever’s outside is a mirror of how you feel inside right?

Jennifer: Exactly. We were just talking about how I met my husband. --We had an amazing love affair, and built our life together. Years later, unconsciously, I went into the pattern again of subservience to prove myself to him. And I lost my voice.  I lost so much of myself. But I got to the point where I said, ‘no more,’ and it shifted not only me but also our entire relationship and life trajectory. 

Helene: Do you remember the moment, the shift happened?

Jennifer: It was my 37th birthday and I woke up alone in my apartment in New York City. I had such bad laryngitis that I literally had no voice. I knew I couldn’t silence myself anymore.  I had to move towards life and what I knew inside of me and connect with my authentic voice.

Helene: Thank you. This has been a great interview.

How to Lead Assertively and Effectively

I recently spoke with a coaching client, Rosa, who is the executive vice president of  finance for a large corporation, about how to share her experiences with other women in her organization so they can develop their own success strategy.

She needs to articulate not only her strategic process but also her mindset in breaking through other people’s biases that could be obstacles to success.

Rosa talked with me about other people’s perceptions of women who had power and were extremely assertive. She said that like any good leader of any gender, it was important to develop relationships with her peers and employees and build trust.

“I didn’t back down around people who had issues with me being such a strong woman. However, I learned how to get what I needed done, by sharing with others why it was important to the team and the whole organization.  If I made it personal, they would fall back on gender stereotypes to justify their resistance. By including them in the “Why,” they had a stake in contributing to a successful outcome.”

Rosa said that too often women let  themselves be intimidated or so worried about being called the “b word,” that they try instead to be “nice,”  outline their leadership role too vaguely, or just become ineffective.

Her message to other women is to know what you want from your team, let them know why, and give them the power to get their work done in ways that work best for them.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com