Jennifer Buffett on Family and Creating Her Authentic Life

Helene recently interviewed Jennifer Buffett, co-president of the NoVo Foundation, an organization that is a catalyst for global change. Read about her early influences and her current life, including her deep desire to give back.

Helene: Where did you grow up, what was your family like, and early on, who saw something in you that you might not have seen in yourself?

Jennifer: I grew up in Milwaukee Wisconsin. I’m actually--I joke about this a little--a living gender experiment. I was second born to a twin brother. We were raised in the ‘60s by young middle-class parents. My mom was a first-time mother. She had a feeling that she was pregnant with twins but her male doctor at the time told her she was just over-reacting. Sure enough, she went into labor a month early, delivered my brother and then I came, unbeknownst to everyone, ten minutes later.

Helene: Jennifer that’s amazing! What happened?

Jennifer: My mother had a feeling she was having twins but they kept confirming she was only having one baby. She never had kids before so she didn’t know what to expect and I was so tiny.  I was in an incubator for weeks--it traumatized her not to be able to bring one of us home. I tell you that because I feel like I just realized in my ‘40s how much that original story…

Helene: ...influenced you?

Jennifer: Definitely! What a little fighter I was. I was very close to my brother; I played with the boys all the time. Boys had a lot more freedom and got to be a little wackier, got dirty and all that. I had a lot of fun growing up and I loved having a brother the same age. We’re still really close.

Helene: And you said that those experiences early on influenced who you are today, you called yourself a “little fighter.”

Jennifer: I think I have felt invisible a lot, not being aware that I actually did fit in the world. I felt like I had to be second to my brother. In terms of being a little fighter--I’m sure you can read this in child development literature but girls can develop faster than boys. My parents would say-- “let your brother go first,” “let him catch up,” so that was holding me back. I really didn’t understand why they were doing that.

Helene: So how did that play out?

Jennifer: My dad informed me the summer before I was going to college that my parents were splitting up. He was taking the boys, and my mom was taking the girls. He said ‘I’m going to pay for your brothers’ college and not yours’. And I said, ‘what are you talking about?’ He said, ‘well you’re only going to get married anyway.’ He came from a patriarchal family. Now he is more educated. But at the time and because of his upbringing, he just didn’t get it.

Helene: Did that cause you to pull you back?

Jennifer: Emotionally it confirmed a feeling I had felt growing up – that I was not as valued because of my gender. But it also put a fire under me. I left home that summer, worked and put myself through school. I feel so fortunate that I was able to do that. I lived in a dorm for a year, and then I decided I wanted to live on my own. I went to the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee and I met students from diverse backgrounds, which was really great. I worked three jobs. I was given a wonderful opportunity writing for a publishing company my junior year in college. I graduated school with no debt, money in the bank and job experience.

Helene: How cool! And what was your major?

Jennifer: It was communications and journalism.

Helene: When did you meet Peter?

Jennifer: I met him when I just turned 25 in Milwaukee. It was one of those things where I had my life planned out and organized and I was moving to LA, had job prospects lined up, a place to live.  I had recently left a long relationship. Peter was the last thing I was looking for. I was with a girlfriend at a restaurant. He was sitting next to me and his guy friend struck up a conversation with us. My girlfriend and I did everything we could to avoid this conversation because we just wanted to be by ourselves. But then Peter and I just clicked. I never thought I would see him again. I didn’t think of it as a romantic thing. 

Helene: So when did you meet again?

Jennifer: He tracked down my phone number-- it was a weird twist of things. I mentioned to Peter that I had been in a relationship with a musician that he had talked with a year before when he called my boyfriend at our apartment …

Helene: Oh my gosh, you’re kidding!

Jennifer: No! My boyfriend had sent him a demo tape. Peter had moved his commercial music business to Milwaukee from San Francisco, which was an unusual thing. Peter got my phone number from that demo tape. He called me at my apartment and I said ‘how did you get this number and why are you calling me?’ Then we ended up meeting one another in a park in Milwaukee, that afternoon and we have been together ever since.

Helene: Jennifer, what synchronicity!  Everything that happens in our lives, the good and the bad, is meant for our soul’s growth.

Jennifer: Absolutely. I’m trying to figure out how to talk more openly about spirituality. There is a real hunger for it in people and it’s an important part of being human.

Helene: So let me ask you, what is the greatest lesson that you’ve learned from your philanthropic work?

Jennifer: When I go around the world, I’ve realized that I am looking into my own eyes in every girl and woman that I meet. It’s such a powerful experience. I’m humbled and honored to recognize that divine connection. I also think that when women are safe, seen and celebrated, they flourish.

Helene: And everything around them starts flourishing.

Jennifer: Exactly. Patriarchy has separated us. I think the world is going to shift because we are waking up to that and we are uniting.

Helene: The world is in a very crazy place and it’s this connected power of women that’s going to help the shift.  How can one woman make a difference, right now?

Jennifer: By loving herself--really figuring out deeply what that means. I think it takes real courage and a decision to love yourself and go on the journey, connecting on a deep level to your authenticity, your true self-worth and your innate potential.

Helene: Do you meditate?

Jennifer: Yes. You have to have inner reflective time.

Helene: Whatever’s outside is a mirror of how you feel inside right?

Jennifer: Exactly. We were just talking about how I met my husband. --We had an amazing love affair, and built our life together. Years later, unconsciously, I went into the pattern again of subservience to prove myself to him. And I lost my voice.  I lost so much of myself. But I got to the point where I said, ‘no more,’ and it shifted not only me but also our entire relationship and life trajectory. 

Helene: Do you remember the moment, the shift happened?

Jennifer: It was my 37th birthday and I woke up alone in my apartment in New York City. I had such bad laryngitis that I literally had no voice. I knew I couldn’t silence myself anymore.  I had to move towards life and what I knew inside of me and connect with my authentic voice.

Helene: Thank you. This has been a great interview.