Helene Lerner's Blog, page 117

Deal with Your Difficult Boss Starting Today

Most of us have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a difficult, demanding boss. While we often feel helpless in making this situation more tenable, there are steps we can take to help smooth things over in the workplace, and make the relationship more palatable.

Understand their motivations: What motivates your boss to be difficult or demanding? By figuring this out, you are able to act accordingly, and hopefully head it off. Perhaps they don’t like to be caught out of the loop by their boss, and like to be updated ASAP on team projects. You can control this and make their life easier by filling them in with regular project updates so that their own manager never catches them unaware.

Anticipate their needs: And be sure to be one step ahead of them. Perhaps traveling to sales meetings gets them stressed out because they like routine and don’t like being out of the office. Make sure to secure their schedule as far in advance as possible, building in extra time for travel, etc. Present it to them ahead of time, prior to them asking for it, to ensure that they are comfortable with it and to allow ample time for tweaks and changes.

Identify triggers: Does your boss flip over misspellings or lateness? These are things that you can (usually) control. Use spell-check AND your own eyes to read and re-read documents that you are sending out on their behalf or ones that they will be copied on. Don’t hesitate to ask a co-worker to proofread your work and let them know you will return the favor. If your boss is a stickler for timeliness, make sure to build an extra 15 minutes or so into your commute.

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

What You Need to Understand to Deal with Anger

It is tempting to view human transactions in simple cause-and-effect terms. If we are angry, someone else must be to blame, or alternately--if we are convinced of our innocence—we may conclude that the other person has no right to feel angry. The more our relationships in our first family are fused (meaning the togetherness force is so powerful that there is a lost of the separate “I’s” within the “we”), the more we learn to take responsibility for other people’s feelings and reactions and blame them for our own. (“You always make Mom feel guilty.” “You give Dad headaches.” “She caused her husband to drink.”) Likewise, family members assume responsibility for causing other people thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

Human relationships, however, don’t work that way—or at least not very well. We begin to use our anger as a vehicle for change when we are able to share our reactions without holding the other person responsible for causing our feelings, and without blaming ourselves for the reactions that other people have in response to our choices and actions. We are responsible for our own behavior. But we are not responsible for other people’s reactions; nor are they responsible for ours.

 -Excerpt from The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. By Harriet Lerner, PhD. William Morrow, 2014.

 

How to Deal with Office Gossip and Drama

While gossiping around the water cooler can be a fun diversion from time to time, making it a habit can interfere with day-to-day job duties and even worse, lead to some tough dynamics in the workplace. Some offices have more drama than General Hospital, and it’s best to be a viewer, not a participant in the on-going soap operas. Here are some ways to avoid getting pulled into the fray:

Be professional: No matter what’s going on in the office, don’t allow yourself to be pulled into the negativity. When you partake in the gossip and negativity of office politics, you can end up on the level of sniping co-workers. Once you react to their less-than-professional behavior you become part of the problem. Take a step back and focus on doing your job. When your co-workers get together to gossip, try your best not to be drawn into those conversations. Be selective as to what type of group you align yourself with in the office, and keep in mind that your reputation is paramount to your success.

Keep your integrity: Remember who you are and keep in touch with your values—are you a trusted member of a team, or one who will do anything to get ahead? Be aware of your actions, and make sure that they align with your values.  It may help to set boundaries when it comes to how you interact with the people around you.  Remember that you are in control of your own actions, and that although you can’t control the office dynamics, you do have mastery over your own reactions and personal integrity.

Stay balanced: An office filled with drama and politics can be extremely stressful, especially when you’re doing your best to stay out of it all. You can end up dreading going to work each day and be very stressed when you are there. Find ways to deal with the tension by taking breaks during the day when possible by meeting a friend for lunch, taking a walk, or closing your office door to take deep cleansing breaths every few hours. Try to make your weekends relaxing and to plan diversions that are restorative rather than hectic.

The bottom line is protecting yourself and your career by being smart about how you participate in office politics and drama. Be aware that it exists, but be careful about your role in it.   Try to look at the big picture and stay clear as much as possible—be a leader in the effort to create a peaceful work environment.

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

Make this a Great Day

See today as a blank slate--the past is gone and the future is not here yet. You have an opportunity today to create your life as you would like it to be.

Food for Thought:

How will you make today special?

What people will you choose to connect with?

What habit would you like to let go of?

Allow for some reflective time to look at what's important to you. Let new ideas surface. The time for personal change is now. Take a small step outside your comfort zone.

 

Sarabeth Levine on How to be a Successful Entrepreneur

We recently caught up with seasoned entrepreneur Sarabeth Levine. Hear the story of how she began and grew her successful business, which now includes a bakery, restuarants and a line of jams.

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

How to Succeed Even When You're Fearful

All of us at some point or another have been overwhelmed by a fear so great that it has prevented us from doing or attaining something that we really want. Fear can be very powerful and if you let it, it can control your actions, and stop you from fulfilling your full potential.
Here are some tips to help you control your fears so that they don’t stand in your way:

Examine your expectations: Do you find that you often expect the worst in situations? Is the glass always half-empty? Try focusing on the positives and on situations where there was a winning outcome because of your experience, strengths and capabilities. The power of positive thinking can be a productive tool for keeping fears away.

Control your fears: How often does the worst-case scenario happen? In truth, very rarely. Our imaginations typically conjure up outcomes much worse than truly ever occur. Perhaps you have a fear of making presentations—how can you control that fear? Careful preparation and practice can ensure that even though you are nervous, you will have a solid performance.

Dive right in: Sometimes the things we are most afraid of are the ones we most need to do.  Some advice is to dive right in despite being fearful. There is a great quote from Benjamin Mee that says, “Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” We all feel afraid of new challenges, and forging ahead despite the fear can be one of the most rewarding accomplishments.

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

Hanging on Days: We All Have Them

Some days are better than others. How do we handle those days when it is hard to get out of bed, for whatever reason?

How do we get ourselves going?

One thing that works for me is to act "as if" all will be well, and then take the next right action, whatever that is.

This works for me on lazy days, rainy days, blah days, and so on. If I put one foot in front of the other my day usually gets better.

If you are having difficulty getting started, try it.

How to Use LinkedIn to Progress

Whether you are happily employed or looking for a job, utilizing LinkedIn to build your brand is a powerful way to position yourself as an expert in your field.

Linkedin provides a great platform for a professional to “tell their story” and the easiest place to start is by crafting a unique headline underneath your name. This is your opportunity to make a great first impression so make it interesting and descriptive, not generic. Here are some other tips for standing out on Linkedin:

Craft a strong “Summary”: The “Summary” section of a Linkedin profile is where you are able to describe who you are, what you stand for, and where you are headed—these are all key facets of your personal brand. Well-done summaries tell your story by weaving together your background, job experience, special skills and interests, and goals.

Join relevant groups: Becoming a member of relevant LinkedIn groups is another way for you to raise your profile within a given industry. Become an active participant in Linkedin groups by asking questions, making comments, sharing experiences and joining in a conversation about an industry issue. This is not only a terrific way to learn about an industry, but it also is a wonderful way to network and to begin to become a thought leader among your peers.

Be active: Creating a great profile is not enough, however. In order to maximize the branding power of Linkedin, it is important to actively post and participate as well. Become a “subject matter expert,” which will help bolster your brand. Posting links to relevant articles and commenting on others’ posts will get you noticed and discovered by other influencers in your chosen field—ultimately leading you to connect with the “right” person or group to find that dream job, speaking engagement or other networking opportunity.

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

What do you have to be grateful for?

It's so easy to look at what we don't have in our lives, instead of what we do have.

Gratitude is a practice that needs to happen throughout the day. When thoughts of lack and limitation arise, it is time to focus on what is actually here, in our lives, today.

Doing this creates a feeling of abundance and from this place it is easier to manifest what we want that we might not have yet.

Join me in practiciing gratitude today.

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Enjoy These Talented Irish Dancers

In celebration of St. Patrick's Day, we wanted to share this popular video. Watch Darrah Carr and her talented Irish dancing troop perform to the music of Niall O'Leary.