Helene Lerner's Blog, page 121

Style: Create a Lasting Impression

Style Guide for Working Women

It’s a new year and with that come all kinds of chances to become your better you! I want to challenge you to commit yourself to new expectations on your aesthetic at work and play; but let’s start with work. Do you ever feel worried that you’re not taken seriously or maybe underestimated at work? Are you looking to change jobs/careers? Do you still look like you did in school….too young/inexperienced? Are you dressing for the position you want or the one you’re in right now? These questions are meant to make you take a long look in that full-length mirror and ask yourself….Am I my most professionally chic?

Remember back to you last job interview. It was paramount for you to give a convincing first impression on paper with your resume, as well as when you walked in the door. It’s all too common that, once you have that job, you slack in maintaining that appearance. It’s just as important to keep that look as expertly executed as possible. Every last detail everyday should turns heads, get you compliments, and ultimately send a powerful message to the higher executives that you are meant to be in their ranks.

Here are a few tips to keep you on track.

Stay Manicured!

Both your nails and your attire. It doesn’t matter how expensive or fashionable your clothing is, if it’s ill fitted you will look unkempt. The same holds true other items, like shoes, bags, and belts.

Footwear/Shoes

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Make sure you utilize shoe repair when your shoes start to “click” down the hallways. It’s distracting and unattractive. It is always good practice to take your newly purchased shoes to the repairman to have soles and taps put on the bottoms of your footwear (everything except tennis shoes). This will extend the life of the shoe and keep you secure and silent as you parade around in them.

Handbags

If you tend to carry the same bag every day you will eventually wear that material (leather or suede) out quickly from the weight and its constant rubbing against your body and hands. Choose 2-3 bags: a BLACK, a NEUTRAL (like a nude/khaki or grey) and a VIBRANT color (like red, burgundy, or blue for example) and switch between them as your outfit dictates to show more versatility and give your bags a break from the constant wear and tear we put on them every day. You will notice this simple switch will allow you to enjoy them years longer than if you used them day in and day out.

Etcetera, Etcetera

Well-kept hair, nails, soft daytime makeup, fresh hygiene and lightly fragranced perfume (nothing overwhelming or too loud) are key. I know this may sound like it’s obvious but some of these small details can be easily overlooked and ultimately overshadow your job performance; that can be detrimental to your job so it’s worth mentioning.

These key elements will boost your confidence and keep you elevated at the level you want.

Pamela Watson, celebrity stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows.

3 Rules to Grow Your Self-Confidence

We all have at least one thing in common—we want a great life—whatever that means to us. Whether it’s our work, our relationships or our health, we want to do well and thrive.  We also know that “success” isn’t a given and there are many obstacles on the path to what we want. Here are three tips to help you navigate your way to more success, happiness and fulfillment:

Know exactly what you want: You would think this is simple—but that’s not always the case. For example, I’ve worked with more than a few doctors who thought their dream was to be a doctor—only to find out later it was their parents’ dream, not theirs. It can sometimes take a lot of work to uncover what you want, but it will pay off.
 
How can you zero in on what you want? Begin to keep a journal—over time you will find important clues. Have a series of talks with a trusted friend and let them help you get a clearer picture. Travel and broaden your experiences in life. Read books on topics of interest. Get a coach. The key is to start somewhere and stay in the process until your heart says, “That’s it!”
 
Believe you are capable of achieving what you want: If there is a meaningful goal you aren’t making progress towards, self-confidence might be the issue. There’s a reason so many languish in jobs they don’t love, stay in relationships that aren’t fulfilling and live in regret of not having committed to their dreams and aspirations.  Going after what we want takes commitment—and committing to what you want takes faith in yourself.
 
How can you grow and nurture your self-confidence? Review your life and document what you have already achieved, despite obstacles and challenges. Don’t discount what you’ve already done by saying, for example, “A lot of people graduate from college, it’s no big deal.” Recognize and honor what you’ve done so far, who you have become and how you have risen to the occasion despite your fears and misgivings. Then, read through your list of achievements twice a day for a month.

Take action today: I have a quote above my desk (often attributed to Goethe) that reminds me of the power of action: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”  However, from my experience, when we are clear in what we want and when we believe we can achieve it, we are likely to take action. Why is taking action my third point then? Simply because taking action also helps you dig deeper in the first two areas. When you take action, you get more information to clarify what you want, and you also gain confidence from having taken action.

How can you make taking action easier? Identify one or two small steps that will move you closer to an important goal. Then, out of the two, pick the easiest one, and act on it. Then go to the next step-and when you’re there, identify two more small steps, and so on. If you take enough small steps, you will create a momentum for success and soon you’ll be ready to take bigger steps.

Alan Allard, Executive Coach and Speaker
www.alanallard.com

Congratulations to a new world champion!

Germany’s Carina Vogt became the first woman to win a gold medal in the previously men-only world of Olympic ski jumping.

Way to go!

How to Impress Your Boss Starting Today

You might have the best supervisor or manager in the world. However, most employees have supervisors or managers who were given minimal or no training on how to manage, coach and lead their team. That means that your manager might be assuming you know what they want and need from you. But do you? Just in case you don’t know what your manager needs from you, here it is:

Stay positive. You likely consider yourself to be a positive person. Fair enough. Just realize that your manager hears complaints on a regular basis—and sometimes he or she might feel that’s all they hear.  You can stand out in your manager’s mind by staying positive, especially when times are challenging. When it comes to communication, for every negative you communicate, make sure you communicate three positives.
 
Be proactive. It’s fine to make your manager aware that something is broken–just make sure you suggest solutions—and offer to take action.  Even better, be the person who takes care of a problem before it even comes to your manager’s attention. In today’s workplace, there is no such thing as job security—but being proactive is the next best thing.

Invest in yourself. Instead of wishing you had more opportunity from your company to get a coach, take a course or go to a training, establish your own budget to develop yourself professionally and personally. Get a coach, attend a workshop, sign up for a webinar, read a book or article. Whatever your company does or doesn’t do for your development, add to that and build from there. Believe me, your manager will take note.

Alan Allard, Executive Coach and Speaker
www.alanallard.com

A Sweet Valentine's Day Recipe from Trisha Yearwood

Garth and Trisha are friends of mine and I admire them both greatly. Since Valentine's Day is coming up, it's appropriate to mention the couple.

And when I asked Trisha for a delicious holiday recipe, here's what she gave us. Yummy!

Try it if you are so inclined. Find this recipe and many more great ones in her book Home Cooking with Trisha Yearwood.

LIZZIE’S STRAWBERRY CAKE

I always think homemade has to mean strictly from scratch, so I tried every way I could think of to make this strawberry cake without using a cake mix! I even used a homemade white cake in place of the mix. It tasted good, but not any better than this recipe. When I found my grandmother Lizzie Paulk’s original recipe from the 1930s, and saw it had a cake mix in it, I thought to myself, “Well, that makes it okay!” If you love strawberries as much as I do, you’re in for a real treat.

CAKE

Serves 12

1 standard box white cake mix

1 3-ounce box strawberry-flavored gelatin

2/3 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup frozen sliced strawberries in syrup, thawed

1/2 cup water

4 large eggs

ICING

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature

1 cup confectioners’ sugar

1 cup frozen sliced strawberries in syrup, thawed

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Spray a 9X13X2-inch baking pan with cooking spray. With an electric mixer, beat the cake mix, gelatin, oil, strawberries, and water until fully combined. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and gently smooth the top. Bake for 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Let cool in the pan.

In a blender or food processor, puree the butter, sugar, and strawberries for the glaze until smooth. Poke holes in the cake with a toothpick, then pour the icing over the cake, allowing some of it to seep into the cake. The more strawberry syrup you add, the thinner your icing will become. Store this cake, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

Why You Need to Nurture Yourself

We asked our online community how they nurture themselves. Here are their thoughtful responses. Enjoy!

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

Women in Support of American Heart Month

February is American Heart Month and as women, it is important for us to recognize the necessity of taking care of our health. Last night, we attended the New York Fasion Week event called Go Red for Women/The Heart Truth Red Dress Collection, in support of women's heart health. It was encouraging to see so many impressive women participating, including Joan Jett, Sasha Cohen, Giada De Laurentiss, Colbie Caillat, Victoria Justice, Gina Torres and more.

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Actress and musician Victoria Justice

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Musician Joan Jett

Actress Gina Torres

In addition to attending last night's event, we also recently spoke with cardiologist Dr. Nieca Goldberg about risk factors women need to be aware of and basic ways they can take care of their heart health.
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                   Dr. Nieca Goldberg

What can women do in their everyday lives to promote heart health?

Many women may not have time to go to the gym, but they probably have time to make simple changes. They should be physically active. If you can, walk to work. Take stairs instead of an elevator. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and protein containing Omega-3 fatty acids. A salad bar might seem like a good option, but if you load it up with greasy toppings, you’ve defeated its purpose. It’s important to have regular check-ups, as well, and get screened for high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes.

What are the signs that something may be wrong and you need to be checked as soon as possible?

If your blood pressure is out of the normal range—even if it doesn’t qualify as hypertension—that could be a warning sign. Symptoms like shortness of breath, tightness or pressure in the chest, rapid skips or fluttering heartbeats, and feeling as though you’re going to faint need to be checked out as soon as possible.

It is important to know your family history, as well. For example, if your mother had gestational diabetes, you might have a higher risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes.

Are there any common misperceptions we should know about?

Yes. Multivitamins and antioxidant supplements alone don’t sufficiently guard against heart disease. For example, taking a fish oil capsule and still having an unhealthy lifestyle is certainly not going to prevent a heart attack.

Why You Need to Show Your Appreciation Today

Recently I was talking to a high school teacher about her work. She was telling me about two students who come from very challenging situations where there is almost no supervision or support at home. This teacher is attentive and affirming to all her students, but she is especially mindful of expressing appreciation to the two who might not get it elsewhere.

How important do you think it is to feel appreciated, praised or thought well of? How important is it to regularly express our appreciation to others? How important is it to be able to accept the appreciation offered by others?

William James, considered by many to be the father of psychology said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” Even if you don’t agree that the need to be appreciated is the deepest principle in human nature, I’m sure you would agree that it’s at the top of the list.

Here are two things for you to think about today:

Be generous in expressing appreciation and praise to others. Let your family, friends, boss, and co-workers know you appreciate them—and why. If you want to really get their attention, write them a handwritten note. Be creative in thinking of ways to show them how you feel.

Be receptive to the appreciation and compliments others give you. Instead of deflecting someone’s expression of appreciation with what might seem to be humility, accept it graciously. A simple “Thank you” is always appropriate and will be well received. Also, in the future, when you are having a challenging day (or week!) take a moment and remember the times when someone else expressed their appreciation to you.

We might not be able to change the entire world, but by being generous in expressing our appreciation, we might be able to change one person’s world today. And by opening our hearts to others when they express their appreciation to us, we can allow them to change ours, as well.

Alan Allard, Executive Coach and Speaker
www.alanallard.com

Motivation Myths--What You Need to Know

What would your response be to these two questions I was asked this week?

From an executive in a large company: “Alan, how can I better motivate my front line employees?”

How would you answer that question? Is your reaction, “What a great leader, she really cares about her people!”

From a long-term employee : “My boss just doesn’t ‘get’ me and I’ve lost my passion for what I do.”

Is your reaction, “I understand that—in fact, I’ve felt that way before!”

Both of these scenarios (and the reactions above) convey a common misunderstanding about human motivation--thinking that motivation comes from “out there.” Many managers think they can and should motivate their team members. And many team members are waiting for their managers to learn how to better motivate them.

That’s the “Motivation Myth”—that we can motivate others and that others can motivate us. Not only is that not true, it’s disempowering. If the motivation myth were true, we would be dependent on others for our motivation.

If you can’t motivate someone else—and if no one can motivate you, what is the solution? Here are two:

Managers: Align what you need a team member to do with what they already want to do. If that can't be done, you don't have a motivation problem, you have a "job fit" problem.

Employees: Find a company and a job role that needs what you are naturally motivated to do. Yes, that might be challenging, but you will be glad you did--and so will your new employer.

The fact is that we don’t have a motivation problem at work. We have an “alignment” problem—we’re trying to get employees to do something they're not naturally motivated to do. Maybe it's time we gave up the motivation myth and began to find the right match between jobs and employees who really want to do those jobs.

Alan Allard, Executive Coach and Speaker
www.alanallard.com

Embrace the gift, not the fear

I won a grant to finish writing my new book about Women Stepping Up, Confident or Not. I was to go Martha's Vineyard and live for a week in a beautiful home, meals prepared for me and write. The group providing the grant is wonderful: The Turkeyland Cove Foundation. (Check them out)

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As a woman who is used to living in an apartment in the heart of New York City, I was afraid of being in a house alone that was remote (in a wooded area), but I followed my instincts and went.

I just took a walk outside, it is a winter wonderland.  The snow is all over.  Stress has left my body for the time being. This was just what the "doctor ordered." And I didn't even know it before I came.  I have been writing away.  And I love fireplaces.  They have one that I sit in front of as often as I can.

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Decades ago I envisioned my dream house--you know what? This is it!

The message I am receiving is follow your heart, your passion and don't let your fears stop you.

To your finding your special place if you haven't yet!

Helene