Helene Lerner's Blog, page 118

Being gracious to yourself

As gracious as we may be to others, we often forget to give that to ourselves. Maybe we haven't been taught how to do this.  But what we don't know, we can teach ourselves. 

Here are a few ways I have learned to give to myself:

.Acknowledge all I do in any one given day. And really take that in.

.Be kind to the little girl within me, like any child, she wants to be loved.

.Not see others as the cause of my problems, but look to myself for what isn't working in my life.

.Understand my humanity, and the humanity of everyone else on the planet.  When I make mistakes, take responsibility for them and move on.  If I could have done better at the time, I would have.

YOUR MANTRA: I AM WORTHY OF ALL GOOD THINGS AND DESERVE THE BEST.

Our Community's Best Advice

We asked our online community what is the best advice they've ever recieved. Here are some of their thoughtful responses. Enjoy!

 

What You Need to do to Handle Difficult Co-Workers

Working with someone you don’t like can make your day-to-day office life pretty unpleasant. Whether that person is a constant complainer, a negative nelly or just plain rude, your daily interactions can cause anxiety and ultimately affect your on-the-job performance. The good news is that there are strategies you can employ to make the situation more tolerable and to ensure that you can still have a productive working relationship with your co-worker.

Manage your reaction to the offending behavior. We can’t control other peoople, but we can control our reaction to their behavior. It is more productive and practical to focus on your own response to what rubs you the wrong away than to fight against their behavior. Once you figure out what sets you off, practice a relaxation method before you react. Proven methods include deep breathing and counting slowly to 10.

Consider whether you are contributing to the problem. Once you have successfully learned how to control your reactions to the offending behavior, it’s time to explore why this person drives you nuts. Do they remind of your demanding mother, your bossy older sister, or are they just different from you? Try to put yourself in their shoes and see their perspective. Doing this may allow you to develop empathy for them. By better understanding what is bothering you, you may also be able to see your role in the relationship. Every conflict has two sides. What might their perspective be on the situation? Be honest with yourself about your share of the issue.

Discuss the situation with them. This can be a tricky one, and needs to be handled delicately. Oftentimes people don’t realize how they might come across to others. What may seem to be a brusque tone to you could be meant as “efficient” from them.  Chose a time where there is no active conflict and sit down and discuss your issue calmly and rationally. This can help defuse the situation and help you both to communicate more effectively. Be prepared to hear some criticism back.

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

Emily's List President on Women, Politics & Confidence

We recently interviewed Stephanie Schriock, President of EMILY’s List, an organization whose goal is to elect women to leadership roles in government and create progressive change.

When you were growing up, was there one person who saw something you didn’t see in yourself?

Miss Gray, my fourth grade teacher at Whittier Elementary in Butte, Montana was tough – really tough – but she was also determined to get the best out of us. And she saw in me a kid who would work harder than anyone to make the grade. So – thank you, Miss Gray, for giving me the confidence and the chance I needed to learn that stepping outside of your comfort zone is a risk worth taking. 

How has your family played a role in your career? How do you think your background and being from a small town has shaped who you are today?

Growing up in a small town in the west there is a real sense of individual liberty but also of looking out for your neighbors.  Both my folks made sure that I knew I could do anything if I worked for it and that I also knew I was part of a community and should never forget those around me.

What sparked your interest in politics? What risks did you take to grow your career?

Growing up in Butte, a copper mining town, it was easy to see a clear divide: there were the workers and there was the management. Most folks didn’t work at the copper mine itself, but we still knew that everyone was going to identify with one side or the other. We saw the strikes and the newspaper headlines about those fights far too often. It was so clear to me that we have to protect the rights and opportunities of workers. I knew that I was going to do what I could to protect those rights.

But, to do that I had to push myself and get out of my comfort zone. I quickly learned that the way to grow your career is to always do something that’s slightly out of your comfort zone. I started by leaving graduate school to take a job for practically pennies on a Minnesota congressional campaign. Then I pushed myself to keep managing bigger and bigger political campaigns and then to come to EMILY’s List where we work with dozens of campaigns every election. Each job brought with it new challenges and each job was an opportunity to learn and do more.  I didn’t succeed at all of them but I have worked hard at every one of them.

What advice would you give your younger self about becoming a leader?

You don’t have to try to be the smartest person in the room. Be the person who can take all the good ideas from all those smart know-it-alls and make the call and execute the decision. At the end of the day it’s the results that are the most important. And, don’t take yourself and your career so seriously!  Life can be fun – it should be fun. 

Why do you think it is important to encourage young girls and women to take an interest in careers in government and politics? How do we get young girls more excited about these jobs?

These two questions answer each other in a way. The way to get more girls and women interested in running for office is by having more women run for office. It’s hard to be what you can’t see – but, if young girls see more women running for office and in Congress and leading states, they’ll see that it’s not only an interesting and important career path, but one that they can follow. That’s how I got here today. When Nancy Keenan was the Superintendent of Public Instruction in Montana she came to speak at my school, and I thought, "This is a woman who grew up just thirty minutes away from me, and not only did she run for statewide office, she won." She opened my eyes to so many possibilities.

The Sensitive Person's Guide to Facebook and Blogging

We love this post and thought it was worth sharing with women all over the world...

Social media, blogging, Facebook page-running, putting yourself out there in any way, can be deeply rewarding. Your message and what is burning in you can reach and touch many. You create relationships with likeminded people and you give yourself a canvas on which to paint. You learn, grow and find yourself living more deeply because you want to learn more deeply in order to share your truth.

AND. Oh, there's always an AND.

AND it can show you all the places in you that are uncomfortable. When you get a new 'Like' on your page, it feels great. And, when a couple of people 'Unlike' you, you unexpectedly find yourself thinking about it all day, even though 99% of your followers are still resonating with your material and you know they appreciate you. But you find yourself thinking about that 1%.

Because everything has a root in everything. You can't use social media as a sensitive person and not be confronted with your need for approval, your tendency to compare yourself with others, your feelings of inadequacy and your self-doubt. All the stuff we find it hard to talk about.

So, here is my guide to using social media when you are sensitive and take things in deeply. It is dedicated to all the brave people who decide to share themselves but might be put off doing so for fear of facing criticism or who compare themselves and let that put them off altogether. I have a handful of very dear friends who are about to embark on this journey and I wanted to put all my learning in one place to be supportive as they take their first steps.

1. If you only reach one person, your work is done.
Sharing your truth is about sharing your truth. That's it. If only one person connects with or resonates with what you share, it's enough.

2. Comparison only leads to pain.
Even if you reach a million likes or find yourself with 50,000 subscribers to your blog, there will always be someone who has a higher reach, who seems more 'successful'. If your compass is set towards comparison and this measure of success, you will always find evidence that you are not quite enough. And, when you stop comparing yourself, you will find how generous you feel towards others and you will want to champion others and share their work. When you believe in All-Round Abundance, there is space for everyone to express themselves, have their following and we feel genuinely happy for everyone.

3. You are having a conversation with yourself.
When we share our truth, the purpose is to get clearer in ourselves. We share our journey because we feel a tug to do so. But it would be just as valuable to share your insight and understanding in a journal. Once you know this, other people's opinions and whether or not they like what you say will become less important.

4. You cannot please everyone so you might as well be truthful and let go.
If everyone likes everything you say all the time (which is highly unlikely), it probably means you are just saying what you think others want to hear. It is normal, healthy and to be expected for some people to disagree or to think you are talking nonsense. And we are all at different stages of development. Some people may not be ready to hear what you are saying, or they may just need a different angle on the same truth.

5. Do your spiritual work.
For many of us, it is so easy let this slip. But if you want to stay strong and share from a place of love and authority, you have to go inside and tap into your well of wisdom. And to find the truth of who you are beyond what the world presents. If you get lost, fearful or start to overthink, you can ask yourself, 'Whose hand am I holding?' Your answer will either be one of your spiritual super-heroes or your small personality self. They feel completely different.

6. You absolutely must surround yourself with true friends and at least one good mentor.
When you put yourself out there, you absolutely must, must be able to check in with people who love you just the way you are, who trust your soul journey, who understand that a feeling is like a passing cloud. Who champion you but give you honest feedback. Who see you. And it is most useful to have at least one person who has absolutely no idea what Facebook or Blogger is. There's nothing like trying to explain something to someone who has no idea what you're talking about to bring you back to true perspective!

7. Write as if you are writing to one dear person.
You can't possibly address more than one person when you write. It is a deeply personal process. If it helps, imagine you are writing a letter to your child or a beloved friend. This way, you keep your heart in the picture and you get more courageous.

8.Make friends with your inner critic.
You know that part of you that says 'you have nothing worth saying' and 'it's already been done' and 'who wants to read what you have to share?' Well, you can choose to listen to this voice (and hold the hand of your personality) or stand up straight and choose not to buy into the story this part of you is telling. You can even interview it. What credentials does it have, exactly, to be able to give you sound advice? And, also, what does it really want? Often, if you ask deeply, you discover it is trying to protect you. You can thank it, make friends with it and then, in each moment, let it go.

9. Trust in the Divine Plan that is unfolding.
Affirm regularly that whoever will benefit from your message will find you easily. That you invite in all support and help necessary to keep you strong and clear and spiritually connected. Whenever you feel overwhelmed and over responsible for how your message reaches others, sit quietly and imagine an angel quietly-but-confidently handling everything for you. Hand over any of your fears, ambitions and tendencies to push the river. And make yourself a cup of tea, knowing that all is handled and all is well.

10. Define success for your sharing journey.
What is success for you? Really? The answer to this question is enormously important. Use this list to create a picture of what you want to share and why. Then get strong in that and stick it somewhere visible so that you can come back to it whenever your mind tries to suck you into comparison, self-doubt or self-attack.

A long post, I know. I trust it will reach the people who can benefit from it.

Only you can say what you want to say in the way you will say it. And that is needed.

-Hollie Holden
www.hollieholden.blogspot.com.

Tips to Help You Make Your Job Meaningful

I had the pleasure of meeting Marie-Yolaine Eusebe, founder of Community2Community (a non-profit dedicated to rebuilding Haiti) recently and was thoroughly impressed with her drive and commitment to her job. As a career coach, I always enjoy learning more about how people transitioned into the careers they have, and Marie-Yolaine’s story struck me as most interesting. She had worked in corporate America with no non-profit management experience, but when the crisis in Haiti became front-page news, she quit her job and founded C2C. Quite brave and impressive!

I often work with clients who feel stuck in jobs that pay the bills, but that don’t make them “feel good’ about what they are doing. Most of us don’t have the means to leave our jobs and dive into work that would likely be more personally satisfying, but might leave us financially wanting.

Luckily, doing work for a meaningful cause does not have to be an “all or nothing” proposition. Many organizations offer opportunities for interested people to spend their vacation weeks, long weekends or summer holidays volunteering for their cause. Whether it is collecting donations, helping to build homes or providing professional expertise, there is always an organization looking for passionate volunteers—whether they can give one day or one year.

Corporations are becoming more and more conscious of this desire to “give back.” Many are involved in supporting non-profits and encourage their employees to be as well. Some even have paid “Volunteer Days” off, and offer incentives to employees that volunteer. For example, Ernst & Young’s Corporate Responsibility Fellows Program appeals to top performers looking for a way to give back to the world through work, while exploring a new country and culture. The Fellows program sends a highly select group to low-income countries for three months at full pay. They use their skills to work with promising local entrepreneurs at a critical point in their business — typically providing help they couldn’t otherwise afford — and help jump-start growth in these emerging markets.

If your company doesn’t have a formalized volunteer program, suggest one. Research has shown that encouraging employee volunteerism is a winning proposition. According to a United Healthcare Survey released in April 2010, employers who establish formal volunteering programs for their employees benefit in several important and distinct ways. From an employee perspective, current employees who volunteer through their workplace have a more positive feeling toward their employer and report a strengthened bond with co-workers.

For those who are ready to take the plunge into full-time work with “meaning,” check out www.encore.org, a wonderful organization geared to helping those looking for second-act careers that encompass passion and purpose. Though the organization focuses on those near retirement age, it is a valuable resource for career changers of all ages, providing useful information and resources for finding and transitioning into careers that give back.

The bottom line is: everyone has the opportunity to make a difference. Whether you are able to volunteer one hour, one month or one year, it is a proposition guaranteed to add meaning both to your life and to someone else’s. Just do it!

—Pamela Weinberg, Career Coach

Stay true to yourself

It is so easy to say what you think someone wants to hear, but that won't move a project forward if you know what's needed, and aren't voicing it.

You can talk honestly even if you are afraid of the outcome. Pick your issues and speak out when it's important. Step out of your comfort zone courageously.

Imagine if everyone would do the same, there would be lots of innovation.

Observe Good Deeds Day

1. What was the impetus for Good Deeds Day?

I initiated Good Deeds Day out of the simple idea that every person can do a good deed, be it large or small, for the benefit of others and the planet. I believe that we each have a part to play in bringing about positive change, and every person can give of themselves according to their unique skill and talent, to make a difference in the world. I always say that even a smile that brightens someone else's day is a good deed, because this is the energy that spreads.

The simple idea that inspired me to initiate Good Deeds Day has brought together people from all cultures and backgrounds to actively engage in doing good. Good Deeds Day has grown way beyond me, it is now a global tradition taking place in 50 countries across the globe. Just imagine the impact! I always wanted to be a catalyst for positive change, and this is a dream come true.
2. How has it grown?

Starting in Israel in 2007 with 7,000 participants, Good Deeds Day spread beyond geographical and cultural borders worldwide. This year, on its eighth year, there are more than half a million participants in 50 countries across the globe extending together more than two million hours of volunteering. The circles are expanding and growing more and more each year.

The idea of creating a critical mass of goodness in the world is translated in practical terms on Good Deeds Day, so that individuals, businesses, and organizations can take part with concrete action items, such as feeding the homeless, renovating houses, caring for the elderly, helping the disabled, working with children, cleaning parks and beaches, and so much more. There are many people and organizations doing incredible things, and putting our efforts together on Good Deeds Day amplifies all the good that's being done already.

ABC Network partnered with us this second year in a row to showcase Good Deeds Day in its media outlets and in a grand kickoff event in Times Square, collaborating with leading volunteering organizations, and with thousands of projects taking place across the US and all over the world. In 2012 MTV International campaigned Good Deeds Day for six weeks on its online and TV platforms, exposing the message to millions of viewers and encouraging them to share their deeds on a dedicated website. From 1,000 projects in 2010 in Israel alone, Good Deeds Day 2014 runs over 8,000 projects, with two million hours of volunteering extended together on the day. That makes a huge difference in our world. Moreover, Good Deeds Day is a springboard for long-term projects, and people continue to volunteer throughout the year.

3. How do you see it expanding in the next few years?

The circles continue to expand as more people become enthused by the simple idea of doing a good deed to improve the lives of others and positively impacting the planet. More partnerships are created around Good Deeds Day, bringing the message of good to additional sectors and offering more opportunities for people to do good, as their heart desires. The goal is to create a critical mass of good together that reaches the tipping point, bringing about lasting positive change in the world.

 

Celebrate International Women's Day

Today is International Women’s Day! It was first observed in 1908 and is a celebration of respect and appreciation that recognizes the social, economic and political achievements of women.

Each year, the United Nations declares a theme for International Women’s Day. This year, it’s “Equality for women is progress for all.”

In his statement marking the day, U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said, “Countries with more gender equality have better economic growth.  Companies with more women leaders perform better.  Peace agreements that include women are more durable.  Parliaments with more women enact more legislation on key social issues such as health, education, anti-discrimination and child support.”

Take a moment to acknowledge the women in your life today and all that they do—and that includes yourself!

What You Need to do to Succeed and Thrive

Tomorrow is International Women's Day, so we wanted to share this popular video feauturing powerful insights from some notable women. Take a look!