Helene Lerner's Blog, page 123

Indiana Jones Meets MythBusters

MythBusters' Kari Byron weighs in on one of her favorite myths and what to expect on the next episode airing tomorrow at 8pm on the Discovery Channel. 

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MythBusters co-host Kari Byron

A past show had Kari diving with sharks. As she set out to learn if sharks were attracted to flashlights, Kari and other members of the crew dove down in the dark, coming into close contact with sea turtles and even dodging a tiger shark.

"I think that was the most scared I have ever been on the show. But it was such an adrenaline rush--so cool," she says.

This week's myths will focus on keeping away animals such as snakes and bears, and more. She says her favorite part of the myth was helping to build the sets. "We got to build an Indiana Jones-like set with special effects, it was so much fun."

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MythBusters co-host Tory Belleci

She liked working with animal trainers as well, saying she picked up a few valuable tips for dealing with bears, like being sure to carry cayenne pepper spray in both pockets in case you cross paths with them. 

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MythBusters co-host Kari Byron

 

What You Wish You'd Known When You Were Younger

Our online community commented on advice they would give to their younger selves. Enjoy their insights, along with the wonderful artwork of Jean Messner.

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

5 Tips to Create a Career You Love, Starting Today

A reader of ours wrote in with concerns about feeling lost and wanting to discover what her passion and skills are in order to build a fulfilling career.

The process of discovering and claiming something you love to do has an amazing impact on your life. Think of it as a tiny, perfect raindrop landing on a previously smooth surface of water. The instant the drop hits the water, beautiful waves of ever-enlarging rings flow across the entire surface, spreading out to affect your mood, your choices, and everything else.

In college, I was feeling lost and panicked about not knowing what I loved and was good at, and I worried that I would get stuck in an unsatisfying profession - one where I wouldn’t find much meaning. When I took a class on interpersonal communications from a very inspiring teacher, I found I had an aptitude and passion for communication and an interest in designing and delivering training. I found my career in that moment.  I felt buoyant and excited about the future – and everything that followed flowed joyously for me – and has for the past 40 years. Here are some steps you can take to make this possible for you.

Make an inventory of your talents and things you enjoy. For what do you have a natural aptitude? Let go of what you’re good at but don’t really like doing. Choose things for which you have a knack that delight or happily occupy you.  I knew a guy who loved taking pictures. He was in a job that his sucked energy and didn’t play to his strengths. But, when he decided to make his photography hobby his career, he could hardly contain his excitement. He took on a few clients and finally gave himself “permission” to embrace more fully the pastime he loves.

Don't be concerned if what you love isn't practical or common. And you don’t have to be good at something for it to qualify as a passion. Also, you don't ever have to earn a penny of income from it. Talent can simply be a clue. When it comes to your passions, the only thing that matters is that you enjoy them.

Think of what you loved to do as a child. This is probably the simplest way to unearth which pursuits hold the potential to light up your days. Before the adults got to us with their ideas, most of us as children knew exactly who we were and what would light us up.

Did you sing at the top of your lungs until people begged you to stop? Were you obsessed with horses? Loved finger painting or drawing? Danced to every song you heard? Collected stamps or coins?

Think of your favorite school subjects – loved science and joined every science fair? Sat for hours doing puzzles? Loved literature or plays?

Notice when you lose track of time, or what you hate to stop doing.  When I spent time with friends, I loved listening to them – fascinated with their point of view, their struggles and concerns. I found myself at work, slowing down to dive into a colleague’s goals, concerns and issues – and spent more time than I had available thinking along with them about alternatives and strategies. It’s no surprise that in addition to training and development, I have an executive coaching practice where I create time with clients to teach, problem solve, encourage and provide support.
What don’t you ever get enough time for that you would love to spend hours doing? That’s a passion for you - and you probably could make more time for it than you are now.

Pay attention to what and who stirs up your jealousy.  Is there someone in your life who you feel annoyed with because it seems they behave frivolously or may not be the most responsible? Take a closer look at that annoyance. Is the truth behind your feeling that you really wish you could live so freely that you didn’t have as many serious responsibilities, and could be as carefree as they?

When I discovered the field of training and development, some people around me thought it wasn’t a “practical” career. When I discovered my joy, even my parents said, “I don’t really get what you will do. And they would pay you for that?”  Thankfully I persisted and ignored everyone who tried to discourage me. I also inspired others around me - those inclined to the same career path - to shift in the same direction.

See your hunt for your passion as a fun and joyful adventure. Part of your difficulty may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to find your passion. While it’s critically important to discover and engage in what you find joy in, when you cultivate a child-like attitude of play, wonder and adventure, you are learning and growing. Life becomes an adventure, rather than a serious matter.
When you deliberately open yourself to noticing things you might enjoy doing, there is no “getting it wrong”. When you are on an adventure, you are in the spirit of experimentation – taking a few classes and seeing what develops. Studies in happiness show that trying new things increases your brain’s dopamine levels. This contributes to sustained levels of contentment. So the more experiments, learning and growing – the better!

In short, notice what you enjoy doing, no matter how “frivolous”. Notice what causes you to feel like you did as a child. Notice what you long to have more time for and what you see other’s doing that you wish for you.  Make time for these things by taking classes or joining a group - whatever you can manage, and watch your life start to change. It will amaze you!

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com

3 Absolutely Crucial Tips for Starting a Business

Two weeks ago, I received a question from one of our readers asking for assistance in dealing with the stress involved with starting a new business.

She wrote,
“I have just started my own business and sometimes I feel like giving up, although I know I’ve got to carry on.  I feel stress about business marketing. I must build a team, contact a lot of people to do so, but I'm finding it hard to find people. I also have a lot going on with health and family.  I really must make this work in order to leave my current employment, which I am desperate to do. Although I have a fabulous sponsor who is great support to me, I know I need a positive outlook and I'm trying really hard. I would love your help in any way.” 

My answer:
I see a few critical issues you are dealing with:

Building your new business while still dedicated to your current position
Balancing health and family concerns
Even with a strong sponsor, you are carrying all the responsibility and workload alone.

When I started my own consulting business, it took a lot of courage to quit my job with a good corporation and strike out boldly to pursue my dreams and follow my plans. However, even with all the planning - which did bring some early success - I never predicted the 24/7 nature of the work, the way it ate me up emotionally, and the persistence involved in getting - and keeping the momentum going.

From where I sit, I believe while you are the CEO of your new business, you are also the “CEO” of your home. In addition, you have a full-time job working for someone else.  No wonder you feel the stress! You have many needs to meet and you are testing your confidence in your ability and “bandwidth” to accomplish it all to your standards. No wonder you are in distress! Your expectations of doing it all yourself are placing you in a bind.

In short – you need help to meet your needs for achievement (feeling frustrated), to avert injury and loss (feeling anxious), and build balance in your life (feeling exhausted)!  Having a strong sponsor is very critical to success and can be helpful. Perhaps this sponsor and some others in your network can assist you in hiring or recruiting others to do the following:

Provide help in your home with cooking, family care, cleaning and errands. As the CEO of your home, your spouse may be able to do some things, but you both need assistance. It doesn’t have to be very expensive, however you will find the load this alleviates so worth it in meeting the health and family needs and most of all the stress it removes from you. I learned this lesson the first year I was on my own with my business. I was a mess with two young children and a working husband willing to help at home – but it simply wasn’t enough. We brought someone in on a daily basis to take care of the house, cooking, and help with the kids, and it changed our lives in a very good way!

Comb and research the network of talent and screen them for you.  Someone with recruiting expertise who can work the network of talent and screen them so you only need to meet with the critical few. Folks like this will work on commission. So, it will cost you a percentage of the first year’s pay for the talent you hire, but you will have someone doing the heavy lifting that has the expertise and the time to dedicate. Putting out an RFT (request for talent) through your network and giving those resumes to someone you pay to screen them for you may help.

In addition to a sponsor, develop a small group of advisors who can surround you with assistance, second opinions and encouragement when your distress is running high. It takes a village to help you achieve this very important and worthy goal.

Recruit the people you need around you right now and pay who you must to see this challenge through. You will benefit in lower stress and more effective achievements and find your happier place.

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com

New Year's Resolutions You Can Stick To

Helene appeared on CNN International's Think Happy series with Zain Verjee this morning. She spoke about how to make New Year's resolutions that you can actually stick to. One of her tips is to say "No" when needed. Check out the video here.

How to Succeed by Helping Your Competition

How can we support each other as women? One way is by working together to create new ground rules for competing with one another. In recent years, I have witnessed the growth of corporate women’s groups across the United States. Some of them have formed around the critical business issues that confront their companies or industries.

Whatever reason brings these women together, they are finding that by sharing strategies, not only do they become important resources to their companies, but they also increase their individual chances for upward mobility.

These women meet to offer each other tips and information without jeopardizing their companies’ respective competitive advantages.

If you are not involved in a women’s group that supports your aspirations, you ought to be. Investigate a few of these groups by attending open meetings. Joining with your female colleagues can be both validating and exhilarating. By clarifying your boundaries and sharing with other women, you will empower each other’s success without risking your own.

Adapted from Our Power as Women. Conari Press, 1996.

Day 1: Giving Yourself Credit Challenge

Yesterday when I asked a question to our facebook community, many women talked about how hard it was to give themselves the credit they deserve. So I issued a challenge about Giving Yourself Credit. 

Today is Day One. Be aware of one thing you've done that you are proud of, take it in, and share it with a friend.

Try it.

How New Experiences Help You Lead Boldly

In my blog series on skills for career success, I share tips on the critical components of building a successful career: Experiencing Doing, Risking Linking, Exhibiting Mastery, Showing Belonging and Using Catapulting. The sixth and final skill in the series is Magnify Accomplishing. When you do this, you aren’t just sharing your expertise–you are adding value and building your strengths–accomplishing more through the varied roles you play, the risks you take, and how you give back! 

You magnify accomplishing by actions such as: taking on an officer role in a trade, non-profit, or other organization, writing/publishing, making presentations, teaching/coaching; letting the broader society know what you’ve done, the value you contribute, and becoming a thought leader, role model, mentor, and/or sponsor to others.

I remember the incredible rush of excitement and satisfaction I felt when I started to share my passions, strengths, and know-how through my first board position in a non-profit for mental health services. While I contributed what I knew in the areas of leadership development, strategic planning and team development, I also got way out of my comfort zone in fundraising – leading a benefit golf outing and raising the bar. We earned more money than ever before. Since then, I’ve joined the board of Dress for Success in Mercer County, NJ and am giving back to the community in another of my areas of passion–women’s success in securing jobs and building careers.

The benefits to blogging, speaking publicly, and joining organizations where you can give back to the community are numerous! Among them, strengthening your network, taking risks to stretch your leadership skills, being known for your contributions outside of the workplace, the satisfaction of making a difference, and building thought-leadership are just a few of the payoffs.

How to go about it? Here are three ways:

Join a non-profit board. This can broaden your resume skills and may help you find your next job, among other payoffs. To do this: 1) Canvas a few people who are on a board and find out how they went about it. You may find an opening on their board. 2) Choose a non-profit whose mission you have some passion for. Determine what’s meaningful to you and try volunteering for that non-profit to see if it is well run. Then: 3) Determine what you have to offer the board – fundraising, financial, planning events, marketing – and what the board can do for you. 4) Apply!

Start blogging. This can benefit you as much as your readers. Besides helping you meet new people through comments and emails, inspiring others through what you share, and having a platform to make recommendations and share your passions, you will become a better writer, hone your focus on what you can contribute, and build your confidence in living an important life. Overall, it helps you get better known by your community and build your reputation as a thought leader.

Become a mentor. There are a few ways to do this: 1) Your employer may have a formal program where you can participate. This builds your leadership within your business. 2) You can create an informal mentoring relationship with a person at work you admire and wish to assist by being a sounding board, offering advice and sponsorship, and challenging them to grow. 3) Join WomenLEAD, a new on-line service for mentoring and sponsoring other women. By signing up, you become part of someone’s “personal advisory board.”

The six career skills I’ve covered in this blog series are research-based. If you follow these tips, you can’t help but achieve your career goals. Please let me know how you are doing – share your successes and challenges. I’m looking forward to being of assistance!

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com

Reflecting on How to be a Strong Woman

We asked our Facebook community, "What makes a strong woman?" Here are some of their insugtful responses. Enjoy!

Video Editor--Alexa Payesko

Why You Need to Decide Based on Strength, Not Fear

Earlier this week we talked about coming from your strength, as opposed to reacting out of fear. Here are a few examples of the differences between reacting from fear and acting from strength:

Reacting from fear

You choose a course of action based upon what others think, going against what you know will be most useful.

You are unclear of how to proceed in a given situation and instead of waiting until you understand what direction you take, you act impulsively.

You cannot separate from the stress of t he moment. Emotions rather than logic guide your actions.

Acting from strength

You are in a position of authority and will not be swayed by what others think.

You are aware that you don’t have sufficient information to make a decision. You let it be known that a decision will be made when that information is received.

You are able to detach from the apparent “crisis,” and analyze the situation before you act.

Adapted from Our Power as Women. Conari Press, 1996.