Helene Lerner's Blog, page 124

Networking That Actually Works

In my blog series on skills for career success, I share how Experiencing Doing, Risking Linking, Exhibiting Mastery and Showing Belonging are four of the six critical components of building a successful career. The fifth is Using Catapulting, which means using your network to further your career goals.

If you have done a good job of boldly linking with others to build your network, then you have a broad set of contacts who can help you make progress with your goals. They can behave as sounding boards, sponsors, mentors, and act as connectors to others who can assist you.  While face-to-face contact will always be the most powerful way to develop these kinds of relationships, social media and email have become the next best ways to communicate. Then, follow up with a phone call or in-person meeting.

There are four powerful ways to use catapulting.

Develop your own “board of advisors,” comprised of trusted colleagues who will give you their honest feedback, advice, and make your goals their priority.  Invite them to meet with you periodically to hear your goals, challenges and specific requests for assistance. Be sure to choose a diverse group of four to eight people. See if you can have men and women, different backgrounds, specialties such as marketing, legal, human resources – or industries, such as pharmaceutical, retail, and financial services. You want them to think differently from you and each other, so you can benefit from a broad set of perspectives. Since they are being generous on your behalf, be sure to show appreciation in a manner that is authentic for you.

Use social media, such as LinkedIn, to communicate with your network. My colleague, Marianne Ruggiero of Optima Careers suggests you thoughtfully and pro-actively manage your social media profiles since they can make or impede your goals.

Develop a meaningful summary. Create a compelling overview of your career that describes who you are, who you help, how you do this (your expertise) and the results you’ve achieved. Avoid using trite expressions such as results-oriented and team player since they are over-used and don’t mean much. Let your personality and passions shine through!


Complete as many profile categories as possible using LinkedIn’s “add” button to open sections such as Certifications, Courses, Awards, and Projects. Use the Applications category to include a blog link or creative profile display.


Post an attractive, professional picture. Keep it simple. Avoid busy backgrounds, and be sure to project an image that is suitable for work. If you networked online and then meet, would they readily recognize you from the photo?


Highlight accomplishments. You can do this under employment history. Don’t list responsibilities, since this is not a job description.


Ask for recommendations. To establish credibility, ask current and former colleagues- those with whom you’ve worked directly – for recommendations.

Give to get. Think about what you can offer to others to advance your goals.  While those in your network will feel honored that you’ve turned to them for assistance, thinking about what you may be able to provide that comes from a passion or strength, will reinforce your expertise and attract people to keep returning the favor with help to your goals.  When I use catapulting to achieve my goals, I offer my expertise at no charge in reviewing resumes, coaching, and being a sounding board for other’s ideas.

Ask members of your network who they might put you in touch with to advance your goals. I am always introducing my friends and colleagues to others I know who can help them.

Yes, it’s important to create a network.  And putting the network to use is the reason you created it in the first place! As Brian Tracy, a world-renowned expert and author in Sales said, “Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com

Why You Need to Take Calculated Risks to Succeed

I’ve noticed that one of the qualities successful people have in common is the ability to take calculated risks. Paula Bills started The Women’s Forum at her company several years ago. She knew for a long time that women needed to converse more with each other in order to achieve greater professional and personal success. She decided that there was no “right” time, so she took a calculated risk and launched the group’s first meeting. The group has been meeting successfully ever since.

When it comes to taking risks, we can learn a lot from children who, in general, are natural risk-takers. They are powerful because they believe they have a right to succeed and are unwilling to accept the limitations that grown-up accept as reality. Once, at a playground, I was stopped by three six-year-old girls who were selling their old toys. They had the faith that people would buy them and took the risk to set up “shop” outside the playground. I had the feeling I would be reading about one or all of them in the future.

Taking calculated risks involves analyzing the pros and cons of a given action, and if the pluses outweigh the minuses, then you know it’s an indication to take the next step. It’s also useful to get feedback from others who have been in similar situations. If they’ve succeeded, you have a reasonable chance of succeeding too. Taking risks involves a certain amount of anxiety, so if you feel uneasy about following through on your decision, that’s natural. Don’t allow this uneasiness to deter you from pushing forward. When it comes to risk-taking, you will never get enough information to avoid feeling afraid; that’s why it’s risky. There is always a moment when you have to act, despite your fears, and jump out into the unknown.

Adapted from Our Power as Women. Conari Press, 1996.

Use Your Intuition to Combat Fear

We are always evolving, and as we trust ourselves more, we will act from strength. This is no easy task and involves a process of learning to trust your instincts and logic, rather than reacting from a fearful place.

There is a big difference between reacting to something and acting from strength. Reacting fearfully does double damage. We injure others but more importantly, we injure ourselves. Acting from strength, on the other hand, is empowering.

-Excerpted from Our Power as Women. Conari Press, 1996.

Why You Need to be Excited, Not Afraid

I invite you to shift how you view fear. Did you ever think that when you’re afraid, you are actually excited? Our bodies react to fear and excitement in the same way—a quickened heartbeat, perspiration, cold and clammy hands.

I remember how I worried after I received a promotion at my first job. I was concerned about my new responsibilities and whether I could handle them. My mentor advised me that I wouldn’t have been offered the position if others didn’t think I could do it, and do it well. She also pointed out that it sounded like I was more excited than afraid. Suddenly, my attitude changed. Her guidance and friendship gave me the permission I needed to feel exhilarated about my new job. Consequently, I was looking forward to moving ahead.

-Excerpted from Smart Women Take Risks. McGraw Hill, 2006.

When Being Too Bold Can Hold You Back

In my blog series on skills for career success, I share how Experiencing Doing, Risking Linking, and Exhibiting Mastery are three of the six critical components of building a successful career. The fourth is Showing Belonging. This means demonstrating to others in the organization that you are a group member who will contribute to the common good and/or interests. As a poet and author, Haniel Long wrote, “When I meet a new person, I am on the lookout for signs of what he or she is loyal to. It is a preliminary clue to the sense of belonging, and hence of his or her humanity.”  This describes the spirit of showing belonging. This skill builds relationships, trust, and establishes your interest and contribution to the group goals.

Think about times in your life when you were part of a group or team.  How did you feel when someone in the group offered to do something that advanced the team’s interests? It communicated how this person cared. 

Here are three ways that showing you belong to the group can pay off for your career:

Building a group identity that will strengthen relationship connections and bonds. When someone contacts me to say they are part of a group that I am part of or identify with, I give them special attention. We, as humans, are group-oriented social animals. We begin our lives in family groups, and as we continue to behave as members of groups at school, work and in communities, we see that groups can provide a safe, nurturing, non-judgmental environment where members can feel accepted and emotionally supported. Showing you are part of the group builds these critical connections that will serve you throughout your career.

Gaining “forgiveness points.”  We are all individuals with the choice to conform to the group norms or stand out as distinctive. Both are important in balance. In my life, I have always stood out as very energetic, bold with my ideas and someone who dresses more colorfully than others at work. This was a problem for me early in my career, because groups tend to like conformity – especially in large corporations. The rule here is - you can be as different as you are perceived as credible. You must be aware of and respect this balance. If I have a bold personality, I will demonstrate other ways I conform – through how I dress and my valuable contributions to the group goals – to generate a balance.  This earns “forgiveness points” from members of the group who will say, “She may be different, but she is terrific!” However, here’s a caution: In a situation in which you want to impress and be accepted by others, ask yourself whether an action conflicts with your values, and consider whether you would be willing to compromise your own opinion of yourself just so others would have a higher one of you. Ultimately, you are the only one who has to live with your actions.

Building a reputation as a team player.  You can do this by 1. demonstrating reliability – being counted on as one who gets work done and her fair share to work hard and consistently meet commitments. 2. Communicating constructively – speaking up to express your thoughts and ideas clearly, honestly and respectfully. 3. Listening actively to understand and consider ideas and others’ points of view. 4. Behaving as an active participant – prepared for team meetings and being fully engaged, and taking initiative to make things happen. 5. Openly sharing information, knowledge and experience and keeping others informed. 6. Cooperating and pitching in to help – working with others in partnership to solve problems. 7. Exhibiting flexibility – to deal with changes and adapting to new situations, considering new points of view. 8. Keeping your sense of humor and having fun – of course, not at another’s expense, but in a professional manner.

Overall, showing belonging means looking beyond your own piece of the work and caring about the team's overall work. In the end, it’s about seeing the team succeed and knowing you have contributed to this success, which delivers returns to you as your large fan club.

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com

The Hardest Part of Losing Weight--Keeping it Off!

Here’s an article that I wrote for the Huffington Post. It is relevant today so I decided to share some of my thoughts about how difficult it is not only to change unhealthy eating patterns and lose weight, but how it is equally, if not harder, to keep weight off.

I know about this from firsthand experience -- I've been maintaining a 50-pound weight-loss for over several decades. It's been difficult but not impossible. Here's my story.

For more than a third of my life, I overate and my weight fluctuated dramatically. Overeating numbed my feelings and kept me from experiencing life to the fullest. And that's the way it was as a child, during my teens and for a good part of my young adult life.

When I was in my early 20s, my best friend was killed in a car accident. I was at a very low point then and gaining weight that was harder than ever to shed. I tried a series of fad diets. I knew no limits. Then I decided to visit a diet doctor, paying $40 a week for a "magic potion," that I took before bed and was meant to reduce my appetite. Instead of diminishing my appetite, the drops made me an insomniac.

During a vacation in Puerto Rico -- I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a glass door and realized that my thighs were enormous. That was a turning point for me. I knew I had a problem. When I got home, I joined a support group. I was ready to listen to other people who seemed to have had some success with their food problem. I learned that I wasn't a "weak-willed glutton," but a person who needed help. I couldn't keep the weight off by myself.

With the help of others, I learned how to eat sensibly, explored reasons behind my overeating, and began to understand my obsession with food. I had swallowed my fear, anger and sadness along with all those brownies. Members of the group listened and I began to identify with them. Although my fellow overeaters were from all walks of life, we shared a common bond, and we helped each other as we helped ourselves.

It was scary finding out about my real self. Although I felt better about my looks, I still had a lot of emotional growing to do. When I encountered normal everyday stress, I was able to deal with it without resorting to overeating. I learned to face my fears and get closer to people, develop intimate relationships, and be successful at my job. When the timing was right, I left my sales position and started my own company.

I've learned a way of eating that is right for me. My "food plan," which I developed with someone who had been maintaining her weight loss for a while, gives me a sense of freedom rather than restriction. I wish I could say it's a perfect formula for everyone, but food triggers are personal. I know the foods that stimulate binges for me (ice cream, candy and cake) and, although I love them, I haven't eaten them in years because I love life more.

Whenever I'm tempted to overeat I remind myself of this deep realization: I'm not hungry for food -- I'm hungry to connect with other people. If I'm having a hard time, I call someone who can listen to what it is I'm going through. Overeating is not the answer to my problems anymore. If I were to begin binging again it would destroy my enthusiasm for life.

Today, I can go anywhere and do anything because of the boundaries I have set for myself. Although the names and faces of people who helped me have changed through the years, the guideline of "staying away from the first bite of something that will trigger me," has not. I actively help other overeaters not hurt themselves by sharing my story with them.

Here are some thoughts for overeaters trying to gain back their lives and their self-esteem:
If you've endured the pain of overeating and you're ready to find a different way of coping, try to find new ways of rewarding yourself, ways that DON'T involve food.

Reach out for support. There are many different types of groups that are available. Although you may feel shame for not being able to do it on your own, don't do it alone.

Do something especially nice for yourself each day. Stroke yourself more. Splurge. Take time with a friend; buy yourself something special -- it doesn't have to be expensive.

Make a list at the end of the day of the things you've done right! I'm sure you know what you've done wrong, but did you acknowledge yourself for what you did right?

Dress your best whatever weight you're at. Take pride in yourself. Try to keep a positive outlook. Act as if the weight will fall off, and it will!

Start simplifying your life. Clean out your fridge of unhealthy foods. Simplify your day by avoiding excessive busyness. Remember: what you truly hunger for is love and connection with other people -- not food.

Become aware of the "I will never be able to (fill in the blank). Don't allow yourself to go there. I never thought I could be where I am now!

Fabulous Fun on Broadway

Just saw a preview of Carole King's Beautiful. It was such fun. I didn't realize that she had written songs for The Drifters, Little Eva and others. Jessie Mueller as Carole is wonderful and a terrific singer. If you like Carole's songs including her hits from the album Tapestry, the show is a must-see.

Carole transcends big obstacles in her life. She divorces her "straying" husband and raises two young girls. Some of the scenes are predictable, but all in all, this show works.

I thoroughly enjoyed it and found myself crying in a few spots. I am a single mom of a 23 year-old adult son.

Who is trustworthy?

We asked our Facebook community, "What have you found are the signs you can trust someone?" Here are some of their isnights:

Jodi Goldman: Telling you the truth even when it is hard. Saying sorry. Doing what they say they will do. Looking for mutual solutions, not selfish ones. Keeping confidences even when given opportunities to gossip. Standing up for you, saying good things about you when you are not there to see or hear it yourself.

Sandra Neustifter-Hull: When their words match their actions.

Ashley Polumbo Culbreth: Honesty, even when it makes them look bad. Or coming clean when they don't have to or you wouldn't know otherwise.

Sarah Crook: Someone who won't judge you or walk out if you make a mistake.

Leesa Ladd: Direct eye contact and good old gut instinct.

Joanna Chaachaa: Not gossiping about others and random acts of kindness towards you.

How to Create Your Best Life Starting Today

This video we did a while back has words of wisdom we wanted to share with you. We spoke with young women about the best advice they've ever been given. Take a look!

And for more videos, check out our YouTube channel!

 

How to Show Your Expertise on the Job

In my first blog this month, I described the six essentials for building your career success. After Experience Doing and Risk Linking, Exhibiting Mastery is an important skill for demonstrating that you have a specific talent or strength of service to the organization. This establishes your reputation as a valuable contributor.  Basically, you want to show your stuff in a way that others want to tap you for.

When I started my career, I wanted to be known for a strength I could be tapped for – something that others would want. Since I was new and hadn’t yet built the reputation for having expertise in my role, I let others know that I enjoyed planning and facilitating meetings. This meant I didn’t have to know the topic - just how to help the leader of the meeting design and manage the meeting flow for success. This strength could be applied in a variety of areas. Others began to consult me on all sorts of meetings – outside of my function. Word got out that this was my strength, and it opened all sorts of doors for me and gave me exposure to different areas of the company. I became even better at this strength as I practiced it – increasing my confidence!

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Here are three tips for showing others what you have to offer:

Know your strengths. The starting point has to be your understanding of what the company needs and values and what you can reliably offer. This can be any expertise, from working with a particular technical tool to a personal aptitude such as meeting facilitation, organizing, editing, grant or proposal writing.

Communicate and demonstrate your strengths to others. You want others to buzz about what a great job you do – something that you excel in and the outcome it produces for them.  Ask your trusted colleagues to speak about their experience with you - promote the buzz.

Share your knowledge. Offer to teach others to do what you’ve learned. Answer their questions and give your opinions. Your generosity will earn you some status as a “thought leader” that will benefit your reputation in a very positive way. While professional social networks can be an effective means of sharing your knowledge with various on-line communities, since the nature of the networks means that interesting and helpful insights are often passed on to other contacts, you want to build your reputation within your workplace – and social media may cast too wide a net. A word of caution – avoid becoming pedantic, i.e., seeming arrogant or talking just to hear yourself.

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com