Helene Lerner's Blog, page 128

Qualities of Successful Women: Nancye Sims

Successful women take chances. Like everyone else, they fear failing, but they refuse to let fear control them. They don't give up. When life gets rough, they hang in until the going gets better. They are flexible. They realize there is more than one way and are willing to try others.

Successful women know they are not perfect. They respect their weaknesses while making the most of their strengths. They fall, but they don't stay down. They stubbornly refuse to let a fall keep them from climbing. They don't blame fate for their failures nor luck for their successes.

Successful women accept responsibility for their lives. They are positive thinkers who see good in all things. From the ordinary, they make the extraordinary. They believe in the path they have chosen even when it's hard, even when others can't see where they are going. They are patient. They know a goal is only as worthy as the effort that's required to achieve it.

-Nancye Sims, Writer

Excerpted from The Essence of Success: Words to Encourage Every Woman's Path to Success. SPS Studios, Inc., 2013.

3 Truths About How to Start Conquering Challenges

Here's a popular blog with some important words of wisdom that are relevant now.

We all want to know how to deal with the things we hope will never happen to us – like losing a job, facing a serious healthy crisis, or dealing with the end of a relationship. Or perhaps it’s depression that never seems to go away or anxiety that comes out of the blue. We wish they would just go away, but of course, life has different plans. We have two options: we can let our circumstances crush us, or we can transcend them. If you opt for the second choice, here are three things you need to know. 

You’re not as alone as you think. When you’re knocked down and feel you can’t get up, look around and see the love that surrounds you. You have people who care about you and want to be there for you. Now is the time to let them in and draw on their strength, love, and courage. You might feel like toughing it out – don’t. Instead, take a deep breath and be strong enough to embrace the help that is there. Never let a day go by that you don’t express your gratitude for those important to you – one day, you may really need them. 

What’s happening isn’t as bad as you think. I’m not saying it’s not challenging, I’m saying that we have a tendency to make what is difficult doubly-difficult. Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, often said that in the middle of difficulties, we engage in what he called “Catastrophizing” or “Awfulizing” a bad situation or event. At the risk of sounding insensitive, sometimes we need to be reminded that we’re not the first person to go through what we’re experiencing. Acknowleding that doesn’t take our problems away – but it does give us the perspective we need to transcend them. We can look at those who have risen above the situation and say, “This is bad, but if they got through this, maybe it’s not as bad as I thought.”

You’re stronger than you think. In my former work as a psychotherapist, I have worked with clients going through the worst of life – things I won’t mention here. What I discovered is that we are more powerful and capable than we imagine – and often, we don’t know that until we have to. One of my favorite quotes is from the French Nobel Prize winner, journalist, and philosopher, Albert Camus: “In the depth of winter, I finally realized there was in me an invincible summer.” I have found that to be true in my own life, and I bet you can relate. We are more than we think, stronger than we realize, and we’re more powerful than we can imagine. Not some of us, but all of us. 

–Alan Allard, Career Coach

Why We Need Diverse Points of View to Solve Problems

Ursula Burns, CEO of Xerox, weighs in on the importance of diverse ways of  thinking when solving problems and talks about her early years.

 

-Clip from Make it Happen: Mentors, Dreams, Success

The Essential Qualities You Need to Stay Focused

It’s not always easy to stay focused at work, especially when you have a lot going on. A sense of purpose has the power to fine tune and focus the mind.

Following are the three common elements present in a sense of purpose:   

(1) Clarity of vision
(2) Awareness of unique talents or self-expression
(3) Desire to learn and grow 

If you were to pause for a moment and look back at the various successful projects you have undertaken, you will likely discover that they all incorporated a combination of the above factors.

It is critical to take the time and discover your sense of purpose and more importantly to create weekly actionable items aligned to the purpose for both work and life.

Even a world full of digital distractions, challenges or naysayers cannot take the steam out of a clear sense of purpose.   

What is your sense of purpose?  What actionable items are you willing to commit to that are aligned with your purpose?  

-Neerja Bhatia
Transformational Leadership Coach & Author
Founder, Rhythm of Success
www.rhythmofsuccess.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/neerjaarorabhatia

How to Dress Holiday Chic

It’s that time of the year when holiday parties and after work get-togethers seem never-ending. It may be lots of fun but it can also be very intimidating when you don’t know what to wear. The question of what to wear that is work appropriate and still stylish and sexy for the evening party is always looming.

The key is to keep it simple! There are style bible basics that will carry you right through the New Year with few or no new purchases needed.

You have all heard about wearing a statement necklace to update a regular look but try it outside your top! Wear on top of a crisp fully buttoned button-down shirt for a trendy and polished look.

                                           

Wear  a great pair of button earrings as a brooch! Those large earrings that may have been sitting in the jewelry box waiting for an opportunity to reenact those Dynasty days have a new use. Wear them on your lapels at the same position on both sides of your blazer collar for an instant glam update

                                          

Wear your belt over your blazer; it will give you a better cinch at the waist with this tailored detail and add a little chic to your look.

                                          

Add some bling to your top by wearing decorative cuff bracelets on top of your sleeve.  Show off your special jewelry pieces and make your normally plain sleeves the canvas.

                                           

If you have a small clutch and want to bump up your look with a pop of color or add texture to an otherwise subtle outfit, try cutting a pair of textured tights or panty hose and wrap it on your bag

 The right silhouette can make you a stand-out:

Hourglass Figure:  your best silhouette is in a pencil skirt. It will hug your curves and create a lean line that will make you look respectfully sexy. Add a blazer for daytime and take it off for the evening or add the earrings as brooches to doll it up for the night.

                                       

Tummy Issue: Ruffles along the front or a peplum detail can mask a little pooch. Pair with a silky top and lariat necklace as a great addition and distraction from the problem area.

                                             

Pear -Shaped Figure: one of your best assets is your little waist which is easily highlighted with a tucked in top and an A-line skirt.  The A-line skirt is a great piece that will emphasize the midsection, slightly skim the hips and balance out the lower curves. 

                                          

Petite Physique: a skirt that slightly hits above the knee will show off more leg and give off the appearance of more height. Always wear a heel when possible to give additional height, but if heels aren’t your shoe choice try an updo hairstyle; length is the key so the more skin that shows the better, respectfully of course.  

                                         

With these tried and true basics to jumpstart your holiday wardrobe you won’t go wrong or break a sweat worrying about it.  ‘Tis the season, enjoy it!

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts, and award shows.

 

How to Stay Inspired When Work Feels Routine

We’ve all experienced times when our jobs feel routine or less than inspiring. A great way to stay engaged and inspired is focusing what you most love and enjoy about your work.  The magnetic pull towards what you love will provide the inspiration to keep going.  Find an aspect of your job that gets you excited and put your energy into that.

For instance, my love of learning keeps me going even during the economic downturns that impact my business.  We always have a choice to engage in what we enjoy or worry about what is not working.  When you understand and apply that lesson, it will transform your team, organization, future and mindset.

-Neerja Bhatia
Transformational Leadership Coach & Author
Founder, Rhythm of Success
www.rhythmofsuccess.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/neerjaarorabhatia

CNN Anchor on Family, World Events and Creating Change

We recently spoke with CNN anchor Suzanne Malveaux. She had some fascinating things to say about family, her career, Nelson Mandela and more.

Who early on saw something in you that you might not have seen in yourself?

This is a pretty easy one for me because it really is my mother, Myrna, who taught Head Start and first grade for more than 20 years. Early on as a kid, I had a number of challenges that I had to overcome. There’s a funny story about how when I first started crawling, she and my dad would wave me to come forward and I would crawl backwards, going underneath the table--they’d have to come get me. They accepted me for who I was and encouraged me to be my best.

As a kid who was just starting school, I faced some learning disabilities—I stuttered briefly and was a poor test-taker. I was sent to a speech class and was put into remedial reading. Having been given the support I needed, I got over those challenges. By middle school, I was like a sponge, absorbing everything. I worked hard and got straight A's. My mom gave me the confidence to be myself and overcome my challenges.

You have a twin sister. Is she identical or fraternal?

                                
                                      Suzanne Malveaux (right) and sister Suzette (left).

We look exactly alike but the doctor said we were fraternal. My mom thinks he made a mistake. She’s pretty convinced we’re identical. I was a surprise--my parents were only expecting one child. The doctor never detected two heartbeats. When we were born, my sister Suzette came out first. The doctor made a joke and said, “Oh, you’re doing so well, want to try for a second?”  My mom laughed, then the doctor said, “No, I’m serious. There’s a second baby.” My mom says that my dad at that point started crying. We hope they were tears of joy! I was born six minutes later and it was a total surprise. I think I’ve been surprising my mom ever since.

Are there only two kids in the family?

I have two younger brothers, as well.

Where did you grow up?

We grew up in suburban Maryland, Howard and Montgomery counties. My mom is originally from New Orleans and my dad is from a small town about three hours outside that city. We grew up near Washington, D.C. because my father worked at the Howard University medical school. He was a student there, then he taught, became a practicing physician and eventually was named the dean of the medical school. Now he’s with the Merck Foundation.

How has your successful career evolved?

After college, in my 20’s, I lived with a pager on my hip—remember pagers, back in the day? I was passionate about journalism, covering a good story and educating the viewers. But I covered a lot of crime. I had to knock on the doors of mothers whose children had been brutally killed or were caught in crossfire. It got to the point where I just couldn’t do it another day.

I was very fortunate that in my late 20’s and early 30’s, the late Tim Russert took me under his wing. He and I worked in the same building. He was the bureau chief for NBC News and moderator of Meet the Press. MSNBC was about to launch and I think he could see that I needed more of a challenge. He asked me if I was interested in joining the new network and I said yes. His mentoring enabled me to cover international news, the Pentagon, Capitol Hill and eventually the White House.

The next phase of my career, during my 30’s, was when CNN came knocking at my door and gave me the opportunity to cover the White House. I covered Clinton, most of Bush’s administration and the 2008 election, then the first two years of the Obama administration. And my 40’s have been remarkable because I’ve had a lot more stability. Three years ago I transitioned into anchoring my own international news show and that has offered me a different kind of satisfaction. It has given me greater balance so I can connect with my family and friends more.

What has been your experience of the connective power of women?

In addition to Tim, I also had female mentors like Maureen Bunyan, a local news anchor in Washington, D.C. I was able to sit down with her or call and get guidance about the business. I’m fortunate, too, because my team now is almost all women, which I think is rare. We’re professional but at the same time, we talk about our families. I recently threw a baby shower for two of my team members. We’re all passionate and work hard, but we also support each other beyond the job.

You cover world events every day. Could you talk about the power that one person has to create change?

Watching the recent coverage of Nelson Mandela, you can see what one person can do under tremendous odds. At the start of his memorial service, President Obama and Cuban President Raul Castro shook hands. It’s the first time in more than 50 years that the United States has had that kind of opening with Cuba. The relationship is still very frosty, but that speaks to the power of one person. The recognition of Mandela’s life and accomplishments brought together these world leaders. Even if it’s just a nicety or a polite gesture, it demonstrates how one person can create change.

What is your hope for women around the world in 2014?

My hope is for women to continue the fight to realize their full potential. We cover so many tragic stories about women around the world who are facing tremendous odds, whether it’s women in Afghanistan fighting for an education, or Malala Yousafzai in Pakistan. Self-determination is something that women continue to have to strive for. My hope is that the fight continues and that there are more opportunities for women.

Women often believe they need all their skills in place before they take that next step. What are your thoughts about stepping up, even when your knees are shaking?

I speak at schools and graduations and I always tell young women that there has to be a point in your life when you’re fearless. You don’t have to be that way all the time, but the points at which you’re fearless are usually the breakthroughs.

5 Concrete Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Career

There are a number of factors that can inhibit our career growth, like overwhelm or a company culture that’s not a good match. Sometimes, however, we do or say things--or fail to do or say things--that can have a devastating effect on career progress.

Here are 5 tips to avoid career sabotage.

Know what you want. When I started my own company almost 30 years ago, I tried to consult on just about everything related to business. It was not until I did some serious introspection that I realized my real passion was diversity and inclusion; and my business started to thrive.

Understand  your compatibility. Be aware of the unwritten norms that guide the company’s behavior. Can you thrive in the culture?  I coach a young woman who was convinced that there was something wrong with her. She just did not seem to be able to find her stride at her company. They told her that she was too direct in her communication style. During one difficult session, we realized that the company’s traditional culture did not fit her style. She is now thriving with an organization that is more open to diverse leadership styles. 

Constantly detoxify. Just like we have to keep our bodies healthy, we also have to keep our minds free of toxins. Stay above the fray. Don’t participate in office gossip.  Be supportive of your colleagues by emphasizing their positive attributes. Stay focused on your goals. My daughter once worked for a small organization that seemed to thrive on office gossip.  She got caught up in it, creating a very stressful experience for her. This took her focus away from achieving excellence in her work.

Recognize stereotype threats. A stereotype threat is the experience of anxiety or concern about a situation where a person has the potential to confirm a negative stereotype about their social group.  Career women are subjected to many stereotype threats and we may not even be aware of how they impact our ability to show our best selves.  We cannot control others’ stereotypes about us but we can begin to manage our own internalized, limiting self-stereotypes.

Cultivate collaborative relationships: Develop genuine, supportive, reciprocal relationships with peers and superiors both inside and outside your organization. Cast your net wide. I asked one of my colleagues how he managed to secure a very high profile mentor, a name most people would recognize. He told me that many years ago he met him in an elevator and just asked him—and the man said yes! Moral of the story: Find the courage to ask!

-Mary-Frances Winters
Founder, President and CEO, The Winters Group

Qualities of Successful Women: Maria Bartiromo

Depending on your goals, success can be holding a degree from Harvard or holding a new baby; singing a popular song or building a popular car; feeding your family or feeding a village in a remote corner of the world; winning a prize or winning a battle with cancer; earning a big salary or earning the love of another person.

While you can look outward and be inspired y the examples set by others, you can’t be them. You can only be you. In fact, your individuality is the most important foundation for success. Every successful person I’ve met has a strong sense of his or her unique abilities and aspirations. They’re leaders in their own lives, and they dare to pursue their dreams on their own terms. They’re not trying to be someone else.

-Maria Bartiromo, Journalist

Excerpted from The Essence of Success: Words to Encourage Every Woman's Path to Success. SPS Studios, Inc., 2013.

How to Stop Feeling Bored with Your Job

Have you taken on a new project to combat boredom only to become bored again in a short while?  A conditioned mind cannot provide new ways of seeing and relating to feelings and experiences. Our habits and stories often remain the same even when the situation changes.  In one sense we desire to break free from boredom and yet no one other than ourselves holds us captive in our old ways of thinking.  Without awareness, our chances of getting caught in boredom over and over again are very high.        

Before looking for distractions to overcome boredom, ask yourself how much of your time is spent mindfully or mindlessly?  Mindlessness keeps us stuck in our ways, whereas mindfulness provides new insights, new ways of being effective and glimpses into our hidden talents.

Mindfulness is a choice we make in each moment and every choice begins in the now.  Over time, it will reprogram your brain, helping you to overcome boredom and be more engaged at work.

-Neerja Bhatia
Transformational Leadership Coach & Author
Founder, Rhythm of Success
www.rhythmofsuccess.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/neerjaarorabhatia